Anyone else not bothering with antenatal classes?

[3Namechange3]

I am 30 weeks and haven't attended any NCT or NHS antenatal classes.

I had no desire to go to NCT as I hate the idea of natural birth, breastfeeding and attachment parenting being rammed down my throat and I don't really have any desire to make friends with people simply because we conceived at the same time.

At my last midwife appointment my midwife was pushing the idea that I should at least attend the NHS ones, but they are online, so I don't see what they will tell me about birth that I can't read about instead. I work full time and am finding it stressful enough to get to all the midwife appointments and scans and can't be bothered with yet another pregnancy related thing that I have to attend.

Feeling like a bit of a minority, but I would be interested to hear if anyone else is opting out.

Didn't do any at all and haven't done any baby classes either. I have zero desire to socialise with other people in general, let alone because the only thing we have in common is a baby.

I did join a Facebook group which originated from a MN due date thread which I have grown to love! I like the slight anonymity and as it is all on FB it's not too in your face. We've since met up and are planning another meet soon. I wouldn't say I'm a close friend with anyone, but it has been nice to share baby pics and weaning discussions etc, and it was something to scroll through during the night feeds and have a moan on too.

@freshFortunes "I have zero desire to socialise with other people in general, let alone because the only thing we have in common is a baby."

You might be even more of a introvert than I am! However, I am relieved that I will be going on maternity leave just as people at my workplace are expected to return to the office two days a week. WFH and no office chit chat has been my idea of heaven, and even returning to the office for a few days a week fills me with dread.

I realised I may have sounded a bit harsh but honestly it’s because I was just like you pre baby. I swore I’d never be a mum who only talked about her baby and I’d still be myself just with a baby in tow.

My friendships wouldn’t change. My relationship would be the same. She’d just fit in. It really doesn’t work like that.

I did formula feeding from 3 months, gentle sleep training at 4 months and am going back to work at 6 months. I was as resistant as you to attachment parenting and swore I wouldn’t co sleep or anything else.

I still found that a baby just completely takes over your life. I still read and do yoga and chat to friends on the phone but everything else changes.

Make sure your partner helps because the first 3 months are a total whirlwind and having a few other mums who I could ask “is this normal?” Was a lifeline.

I also found that the women I thought I was too cool for and much cooler than me because they’re content enough with themselves to accept that things change dramatically but it won’t be forever.

@freshFortunes "I have zero desire to socialise with other people in general, let alone because the only thing we have in common is a baby." grin
....
You're not alone there. I always felt like that too, would have found such gatherings quite intimidating.

There are some things we have to do whether or not we like them and most of us will make an effort if there is benefit for our children; other than that, we can please ourselves who we mix with. There's no right or wrong about it.

Do wherever you want, doesn't matter either way

You aren't missing much. I went to the NHS classes with my first (back in the days when they were face to face) and found them a bit pointless as all the same information was online.

Second time round I didn't bother at all!

You will meet more like minded people going to baby groups afterwards.

I'm glad I did NCT but for two reasons- we had a tutor that covered all the NCTish stuff but also spent plenty of time on the other side of things as that's what we had asked for, she was very open to discussion. That's pot luck though I guess. And secondly we landed in a group of people who were mostly very sceptical and cynical so our group had survived two years by us all being self-deprecating and the only competition we've had is who has had the worst poo disaster and things like that! Again, luck of the draw and it's a lot of money to take the risk I guess. We do still meet up in a causal way of one of us is going to a particular place we will let the others know we'll be around for and hoc play date type of things.

We did the NHS ones face to face as well and they were next to useless and told us even less about the NHS processes than the NCT did, which was a bit worrying.

With baby groups I didn't want to do then but I found one that appealed and went to that, it was a structured one (never have been to a drop in one) and it helped break up the day with a non-mobile but alert baby that needs constant entertaining. Much easier to fill the days with a toddler, that 6-12 months phase is HARD if you're not going out and doing 'stuff' in my opinion but there's a limited range of ''stuff' they can do at that age if you automatically exclude any group activities.

See how you go but if antenatal classes aren't for you then I wouldn't worry just use your midwife appointments to ask any questions specific to your hospital.

My first I went to an NCT group.
That child is 20 this year and we Mums still meet up every Christmas. Some of the group who live near each other have formed close friendships.

NCT was horrendous, though I did make one lifelong friend - we were the ones who went to the pub for a glass of red wine after the class (drinking was allowed then).

The NHS ones were very useful - I intended to bottle feed and they showed us how to make a feed and more practical stuff that NCT weren't allowed to promote.

But I'm sure you can get it all from a book. I hated the joined in thing which is why I hated NCT

@3Namechange3
However, meetups where the focal point is to discuss and compare baby milestones are my idea of hell.

It is hell!! 😂

[quote HereIfYouNeedMe]@3Namechange3
However, meetups where the focal point is to discuss and compare baby milestones are my idea of hell.

It is hell!! 😂[/quote]
I agree.

There's nothing you can't learn from books, articles and, nowadays, Youtube (some of which are rubbish but worth looking at and using a sieve). What I am saying is you don't have to get up close and personal with other mothers to glean information.

@actiongirl1978

NCT was horrendous, though I did make one lifelong friend - we were the ones who went to the pub for a glass of red wine after the class (drinking was allowed then).

The NHS ones were very useful - I intended to bottle feed and they showed us how to make a feed and more practical stuff that NCT weren't allowed to promote.

But I'm sure you can get it all from a book. I hated the joined in thing which is why I hated NCT

I agree.

Surely it says on the packet how to make up a feed. Nobody told me how to do it so I must have just read the instructions (long time ago).

Currently pregnant with my first and classes havebt even been mentioned by the midwife yet.
All NHS classes are online at the moment in my area and if Im honest, I do not fancy NCT ones at all.
Im quite a private person and the thought of being in a large NCT group which is basically designed to get you to make friends does not appeal.
I will do the online NHS ones because this is our first child and I csn class it as a box ticking exercise.

I didn't opt out but really regret doing NCT-this was just before the pandemic so it was in-person. Both DH and I agree on this. Could have spent the money on so many other things and on reflection the stuff we covered wasn't particularly useful. Go with your gut on this one.

Yanbu re antenatal classes tho I think you need to read a book or two so you have a vague idea what actually goes on, understanding pain relief a bit etc.

Re baby groups, they're not mandatory but being home alone with a baby is super lonely and sometimes stressful. You often lose friends when you have a baby as your lifestyles become incompatible, even if they have older kids and you have a baby it's hard to hang out. Plus everyone's working in the day. I wouldn't discount baby groups as somewhere to be that isn't your house, tbh.

You can't really suck up the baby years as in pretend they're not happening, you don't put your life on hold and come back to it. You'll get depressed if you don't find a way to see people and get out and about. Doesn't have to be baby groups but you'll need something.

No antenatal classes but I did go to a free online session (not NHS or nct) that went through how to bathe a baby/change a nappy/what to dress them in/safe sleeping which I found useful as I was 34 and the most interaction with a baby I had until giving birth was holding 2 of them so I was feeling worried I wouldn't know how to actually do the basics of looking after them!

Absolutely do not want to go along to baby groups and make "mum friends" with nothing in common other than babies. I find the small talk strangers engage you in when they see you have a baby bad enough to deal with (yeah I'm introverted and grumpy )

I didn't attend any because my kids were born prematurely and before the classes started! I'm sure you can learn all you would by attending on YouTube videos. The only bit you will miss is the other peculiar parents to be.

Just don’t go? You’re obviously completely closed minded to the idea of it and made up your mind. You’re happy that you’ve read all you need to know and you don’t want a support network of people with same age kids so just don’t do any of it.

@CheekyAFAIK
”You can't really suck up the baby years as in pretend they're not happening, you don't put your life on hold and come back to it. You'll get depressed if you don't find a way to see people and get out and about. Doesn't have to be baby groups but you'll need something.”

This sounds a bit like you're assuming everything will fall to me during the baby stage. I have a DH who will genuinely do 50/50, as he already does more housework than me. We've already agreed on reciprocal leisure time, so if he goes for a run once the baby is here, then he'll take the baby for an equivalent amount of time so that I can also get a cycle or run in.
I don't plan to breastfeed (not something I want to get into a debate on, but it's another reason that antenatal classes don't appeal). However, that should make sharing the load with DH easier.

[quote 3Namechange3]@CheekyAFAIK
”You can't really suck up the baby years as in pretend they're not happening, you don't put your life on hold and come back to it. You'll get depressed if you don't find a way to see people and get out and about. Doesn't have to be baby groups but you'll need something.”

This sounds a bit like you're assuming everything will fall to me during the baby stage. I have a DH who will genuinely do 50/50, as he already does more housework than me. We've already agreed on reciprocal leisure time, so if he goes for a run once the baby is here, then he'll take the baby for an equivalent amount of time so that I can also get a cycle or run in.
I don't plan to breastfeed (not something I want to get into a debate on, but it's another reason that antenatal classes don't appeal). However, that should make sharing the load with DH easier.[/quote]
Even with a 50/50 split (and just on that, it doesn't mean both doing half of each job, but half the work over all and this will shift and change over time)

You'll be the one off work with baby to start with. Those early days are long and depending on your birth going for a run or cycle might not be possible for a good 6-8 weeks.

It doesn't have to be a baby group as such, perhaps a baby yoga class or post natal exercise class might suit you better, but having somewhere to go and something to do with the baby can be a sanity saver.

If it helps. My two are now 4 and 2 and we are at a stage where it's so much easier to properly give each other reciprocal leisure time. I went to spin this morning, hubby is cleaning the car right now (seriously his idea of fun 🤷🏼‍♀️) it is possible but doesn't always happen from day 1.

Do also just be careful of judging books by the covers here. Not every baby group or antenatal class (or NCT branch for that matter) is full of cloth nappy using, breastfeeding, co sleeping earth mothers. Not that there's anything wrong with being like that either. The NCT has moved on recently and is more focused on parents needs rather than natural birth and breastfeeding is a must.

I never went and didn't miss it, you can read up on everything from books and internet. To be honest I hardly read anything new in my research, most of it is common knowledge at this point. Like the types of pain relief available, the stages of labour. Does anyone not know at this point that you poop during labour? And if you've spent time here on MN you probably already know more than you want to know!

OP, if you don't fancy it then don't go! You do you. There's plenty of amazing books out there to read if you want to know about specific topics, and if you've got a support network you're happy with then all good.

Surely it says on the packet how to make up a feed. Nobody told me how to do it so I must have just read the instructions (long time ago).

You’re assuming a lot about people. Not everyone can read, or read English or have a basic level of understanding. I remember one Mum at the hospital I worked at who was making up feeds with tap water.

I'm pregnant with baby number 2 and have no intention of going to anything. Last time I went to the NHS antenatal classes and they were awful. They pretty much said that we would have a straightforward natural birth, briefly covered pain relief and didn't even discuss the possibility of a c section. Then in the breastfeeding class we were told that if we gave our babies formula made from cow's milk they would end up with small brains and big bodies just like a cow.That's a direct quote from an NHS midwife. I wish I was kidding. Never again.

I should at least attend the NHS ones, but they are online, so I don't see what they will tell me about birth that I can't read about instead.

No NCT for me and I only went to the two NHS ones - the breastfeeding one was completing pointless and didn’t prepare me at all for all the difficulties we faced with feeding. But the birth one was fantastic - as you say you can read online but it is kind of information overload, the class was much more concise and I felt really informed without being overwhelmed. Lots of the information and advice came in really handy during the birth and preparing for birth. That’s just my personal experience - I’m sure you’d manage without (you’d kind of have to) but I do think they’re worth a try, especially with your first.