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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else not bothering with antenatal classes?

93 replies

3Namechange3 · 10/09/2021 13:59

I am 30 weeks and haven't attended any NCT or NHS antenatal classes.

I had no desire to go to NCT as I hate the idea of natural birth, breastfeeding and attachment parenting being rammed down my throat and I don't really have any desire to make friends with people simply because we conceived at the same time.

At my last midwife appointment my midwife was pushing the idea that I should at least attend the NHS ones, but they are online, so I don't see what they will tell me about birth that I can't read about instead. I work full time and am finding it stressful enough to get to all the midwife appointments and scans and can't be bothered with yet another pregnancy related thing that I have to attend.

Feeling like a bit of a minority, but I would be interested to hear if anyone else is opting out.

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Original poster

3Namechange3 · 10/09/2021 18:14

@WingingItEveryDay7 baby groups have zero appeal to me either. If I go to any it will be through gritted teeth, when the baby is older and mobile, to give them chance to play with other babies/toddlers. It definitely won't be for my own socialising.

OP posts:

T0rt0ise · 10/09/2021 19:20

No, you don't have to go and many people don't.

However, I think you are doing NCT a disservice. Mine wasn't preachy, openly discussed all options, covered any topics we wanted and didn't shy away from the gory facts. I also really appreciated my WhatsApp group of new parents who were also awake at 1am/2am/4am and happy to chat/rant - definitely helped me keep my sanity in a way that my parents/parents with older children just wouldn't have been able to.

From the sound of it you've made up your mind though (which is fine, each to there own ) I just felt the other side of NCT was needed for balance.

PS I personally found making 'mum friends' at play groups impossible but then I have a lockdown baby, maybe it's easier if you get to them as newborns...

Ughmaybenot · 10/09/2021 19:24

I’m 32 weeks and haven’t bothered with anything like that, much to my mums disappointment!
To be fair tho, I have a group of five incredibly close friends and besides one who had a baby earlier this year, we’re all due a baby in the next six months! So same same but very different 😂

Amichelle84 · 10/09/2021 19:25

I had my first baby last year in lockdown and all the NCT classes were online and no NHS ones at my hosp.

I don't like the thought of NCT as heard everyone competes with each other and I can't be arsed with that. I probably would have done it to meet people as I don't have any friends with kids near to me. And I must admit mat leave did get a bit lonely at times and some of my friends have been lucky and got really good groups and they do lots together.

It's not really rocket science looking after a baby and there's always google if you're not sure of something.

FTEngineerM · 10/09/2021 19:26

You’ll be fine.

I fucking hate the idea of ANY organised group activity, whether it be ante or post natal and my child is still alive and smiling. About to have another any day now and I’m not starting now.

The only thing I found really annoying was parents/grandparents had clearly forgotten the sleep deprivation (I can’t blame them I have already too) so when we’d complain/say we’re tired/moan about something being tough they all go ‘it’s the best time of your life blah blah.. enjoy it blah blah.. don’t wish it away’ and in those moments I would have loved someone to go ‘yeah this is really hard, this is the hardest part’ that was in a similar situation. Luckily we had one set of friends who had a baby 3 months before so they did that for us 😂.

Twizbe · 10/09/2021 19:29

[quote 3Namechange3]@WingingItEveryDay7 baby groups have zero appeal to me either. If I go to any it will be through gritted teeth, when the baby is older and mobile, to give them chance to play with other babies/toddlers. It definitely won't be for my own socialising.[/quote]
Again, I'd say be careful of judging too early on these.

I didn't think I'd be a baby group person but I was surprised how much I got out of it. I tired baby massage type things once but they were too expensive and I didn't like them.

it was a reason to go out. You might find other friends with kids are busy during the week and you spend a lot of time at home alone. Having a place to go was great
it was cheaper than endless coffees in costa - most are either free or £2-3 a session.
if baby is screaming and you've had enough you can go and no one else cares that you've got a crier. They're more likely to give you some tea and just let you vent a bit.
it was a place to walk too and my babies did love a pram nap.
I had 2 winter babies. So again, somewhere to go with them that was indoors

Newmum29 · 10/09/2021 19:32

You sound a bit overly anti groups and anti other mothers bearing in mind you’ve never been to them or mixed with these people yet. I wouldn’t go if you don’t want to but mainly because you aren’t going to get anything out of it when you have such a closed mind. Some people do want some extra support from other mums at the same stage as them.

Your parents will have their own views but they’ll be pretty dated and friends with older babies tend to have completely forgotten the newborn stage so I would be careful about assuming you have everything you need already.

Justgettingbye · 10/09/2021 19:35

Never did it. No regrets here. Didn't breastfeed and used pain relief 😂

orishan · 10/09/2021 19:36

Might be worth considering that your opinion of things might change once you've had the baby - it's impossible to really say what you will, won't need, how useful baby groups/antenatal friends might be. You obviously can ask people you know but you'll be surprised how much people forget. A whatsapp group where everyone is going through exactly the same thing because your babies are the same weeks old can be much more helpful than friends who are at a different stage of parenthood and mig it not remember exactly how they dealt with things. Parenthood is a pretty bonkers endeavour so it's worth being open minded and considering that how you feel now about things might change dramatically.

NamiSwan · 10/09/2021 19:42

I think tbh it sounds like you will have a bit of a shock when baby arrives 😆😆😆 as a pp has said you seem really anti groups and anti other mums and that might come back to bite you in the arse in the newborn stage.

The newborn stage is boring AF (I have three kids BTW, I love them to bits but the newborn stage is really not my jam), being stuck inside by yourself is just crap. Your whole life is going to be nappies, sleep, feeding , crying, possibly colic, baby being sick. Its relentless. I had easy babies but I still found my first so hard going. You will be begging for mum friends of the same age just to have someone who understands, I tell you 😆

To be fair maybe I'm completely wrong and you'll breeze through it, but I don't think you're doing yourself any favours just immediately dismissing other mums.

BobbleWobble1 · 10/09/2021 19:47

I did NCT. Regretted it. I wouldn't say it was preachy but it was very biased towards what they wanted you to hear. The limited things they did cover I could have read on Google. The only useful thing is the potential social aspect but that's a gamble. The people in my group were nice enough but everyone lived pretty far from each other so regular meet ups were never going to happen. Quite a few of them took a fairly short maternity leave so the group really didn't have a hope of forming the support network that you hear about. If you're not interested in the social aspect, I would save your money.

110APiccadilly · 10/09/2021 19:53

I didn't do the NHS ones (they were all online and I felt the same way you do about that). I did an online (recorded) hypnobirthing course but that was it. In the event I don't think the hypnobirthing course was much help tbh but it might have been had I had a more straightforward birth.

I don't feel I've particularly lost out and I wouldn't bother doing any courses if I have another.

AcceptYourself · 10/09/2021 20:16

I did the online NCT during lockdown and didn't really enjoy it - wish I'd just read a book or looked stuff up on the internet.

However I have found baby groups eg sensory etc to be great as the day feels long and boring without something planned.

Also it is really useful having a friend with a baby of the same age because they fully understand what you're going through at the exact time; babies change so quickly and it's hard to remember what they were like or the issues you were having even just a couple of months ago. It's not easy at times and just hearing that someone is going through the same thing helps massively in my experience x

FindingMeno · 10/09/2021 20:19

I don't know why I bothered with ante- natal classes.
It was all birth plans, and next to nothing on c-sections.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 10/09/2021 20:27

Sorry, can I butt in and ask about antenatal classes? I'm 14 weeks with my first so know nothing about them! How far on are you when you start them? And what do they cover? Any other info?

Caspianberg · 10/09/2021 20:28

I didn’t do any. Lockdown started 6 weeks before Ds was due, so the ‘urgent’ courses they told us to go on were suddenly not necessary. Nothing online offered here.

Baby groups haven’t re-opened here yet either so we haven’t been to any of those either.

Ds is now 16 months. He seems fine.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/09/2021 20:28

Never did. Two great kids, 26 and 18 years on.

Original poster

3Namechange3 · 10/09/2021 20:45

To the pps who said I seem anti groups and anti mothers, that's probably fair and accurate. I was on the fence about kids for a very long time as absolutely nothing about the baby stage appealed to me. (I am 37 so doing this reasonably late).

In the end, I decided that if I was only going to do it once, then could just suck up the baby stage, as DH wanted kids and I like the idea of an older kid.

OP posts:

firstimemamma · 10/09/2021 20:50

I'd definitely recommend doing a baby / Children’s first aid course as top priority.

Original poster

3Namechange3 · 10/09/2021 20:58

@firstimemamma that actually makes sense as something that needs to be done as a practical, face-to-face course.

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/09/2021 21:01

firstimemamma

I'd definitely recommend doing a baby / Children’s first aid course as top priority.“

Yes, very good point. Didn’t do pre/anti-natal but did do a baby resuscitation/first aid course.

yellowgecko · 10/09/2021 21:01

I didn't get the chance to do any groups, as I went into labour at 30 weeks. I do remember thinking that I wish I'd had some practice of the breathing exercises, as the midwife had to keep telling me to breathe.

Having a baby can be lonely. Being able to share that with other people in the same position shouldn't be underestimated.

But having said all of that, absolutely nothing anyone ever told me about having a baby prepared me for actually having one myself. You literally have no idea until you're stuck with it

Ducksurprise · 10/09/2021 21:06

At antenatal I met the most amazing group of mums who gave no fucks, who kept me sane and still are the people i care most about in the world. The kids are only vaguely friendly but they saved me and still do. Don't rule it out.

Ionlydomassiveones · 10/09/2021 21:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Daisy4569 · 10/09/2021 21:14

I had my baby earlier this year (older ftm too at 36) hated the idea of antenatal classes but felt like I should give them a go. Signed up to a block of eight, attended one and then spent the next 7 weeks dreading them or thinking of creative excuses not to go. When he arrived I again signed up to a block thinking I should for his benefit, it ended up being the most stressful part of my week trying to be somewhere for a certain time etc. I haven’t signed up for the follow up groups.

I’m pretty laid back and have plenty of friends with kids. I’m not a baby group person and won’t attend any if we are lucky enough to have another!

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