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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Unwed Teacher in a Catholic School

53 replies

Lw56992 · 26/08/2021 16:05

Hi all,

This is my first time posting and not a particularly happy situation to ask a question about…

I am a teacher in a Catholic school and am currently 5 weeks pregnant. I’m not married but have been with my partner for three years. We were doing all of the things that you’re supposed to do in order to not make a baby, yet here we are!

My partner is really happy and I thought I was happy until I started thinking about work. I’m worried about so many things.

  • Can they find a reason to fire me (blaming it on something other than my pregnancy) and get away with it? In my contract, it says something about supporting the Catholic ethos of the school - is that enough to get rid of me?
  • Will they make my work life unbearable?
  • What am I supposed to do when the priest comes in for Mass and I’ve got a huge pregnant belly?
  • How am I supposed to teach the children sex ed and about no sex before marriage when pregnant?

I’ve got so worked up and upset and I can’t get myself out of this hole. I’ve started to think awful things like how my work would probably be happier if something went wrong and I ended up not having the baby.

Please, has anyone else been in this situation? I think they might expect me to get married before the baby comes but that’s so unfair… I’ll have to have a quick registry office appointment with no dress, party etc.

Please help,
I feel so down and upset and just don’t know what to think.

P.S I’m not religious myself.

OP posts:
grafittiartist · 26/08/2021 16:08

I am sorry- I don't know anything about the legalities, although I am quite sure that they cannot do anything about it.
But- I am sad that you are not able to feel happy about your pregnancy.
Please don't let work cloud what is an exciting time!
Congratulations

HappyWipings · 26/08/2021 16:09

I think you'll be fine. I worked in a catholic school as an unmarried mother and many other members of staff did also. No problems at all.

notenoughcoffeeee · 26/08/2021 16:09

Could you speak to the head or a member of SLT discreetly? Congratulations on your news Star

Mushtullo · 26/08/2021 16:10

Unless your school has teleported from the 1950s, I can’t imagine it will cause the slightest issue.

MissM2912 · 26/08/2021 16:11

You are over thinking it. You have full legal protection and won’t be the first teacher to be in this position.

yacketyyak · 26/08/2021 16:12

I'd like to think that in 2021 you'd have protection under legislation. But I don't know the legalities.

I went to a catholic grammar and remember a particular science teacher (this was probably 25 years ago) was pregnant outside of wedlock.
She disappeared for what felt like a couple of years and came back married. Not sure what happened there but honestly I'd be shocked, saddened and angered if you were treated any differently to a married woman or an unmarried man!

Congratulations

DoubleShotEspresso · 26/08/2021 16:13

Congratulations OP!

You are most certainly not the first teacher in a Catholic school to be either unreligious or indeed pregnant and unmarried.
The priest I would be sure will be one of the first to congratulate you...
Please do be happy at your wonderful news and enjoy your time, you're overthinking this seriously x

Aethelthryth · 26/08/2021 16:13

I'm a Governor of a Catholic school. It will be fine

Summerbubbles · 26/08/2021 16:16

The long and short of it is: no they will not sack you, they will be happy for you. This is 2021 and even Catholic schools have moved on since the 1950's.

OneEpisode · 26/08/2021 16:19

Of course you don’t have full protection! Women are fired for pregnancy all the blinking time, whatever the law.
I would protect myself. That could include a private marriage. The dress can wait. A church wedding can be cheaper than a registry office wedding if that suits you.

OneEpisode · 26/08/2021 16:24

“Maternity Action” and “pregnant then screwed” are two organisations trying to protect women. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Namechangedzzz · 26/08/2021 16:32

Where I live (South of England) the head teacher 'must live in the Catholic ethos in all ways' because the bishop says they must set an example but any other member of staff is fine

ClemDanFango · 26/08/2021 16:36

Your personal life is really none of their business.

woohoo54 · 26/08/2021 16:37

There are plenty of unwed catholic mothers and always have been. pregnancy is a protected status (you cannot be sacked by law for being pregnant) and for all they know you could be engaged. It's immaterial you won't be sacked

Mazblue86 · 26/08/2021 16:40

I've worked in Catholic schools for years and never has an unmarried woman ever been anything other than supported when she's fallen pregnant! No one will comment and probably no one will even think about it. Even in Catholic schools people's private (sex lives) are private!

waitingpatientlyforspring · 26/08/2021 16:40

@Lw56992

Hi all,

This is my first time posting and not a particularly happy situation to ask a question about…

I am a teacher in a Catholic school and am currently 5 weeks pregnant. I’m not married but have been with my partner for three years. We were doing all of the things that you’re supposed to do in order to not make a baby, yet here we are!

My partner is really happy and I thought I was happy until I started thinking about work. I’m worried about so many things.

  • Can they find a reason to fire me (blaming it on something other than my pregnancy) and get away with it? In my contract, it says something about supporting the Catholic ethos of the school - is that enough to get rid of me?
  • Will they make my work life unbearable?
  • What am I supposed to do when the priest comes in for Mass and I’ve got a huge pregnant belly?
  • How am I supposed to teach the children sex ed and about no sex before marriage when pregnant?

I’ve got so worked up and upset and I can’t get myself out of this hole. I’ve started to think awful things like how my work would probably be happier if something went wrong and I ended up not having the baby.

Please, has anyone else been in this situation? I think they might expect me to get married before the baby comes but that’s so unfair… I’ll have to have a quick registry office appointment with no dress, party etc.

Please help,
I feel so down and upset and just don’t know what to think.

P.S I’m not religious myself.

Legally no. You are protected. The rules of the Catholic Church is mainly for head and deputy head. There are things connected to the church and your employment that could lead to employment issues but this isn't one of them (I work in HR and never had any issues in our schools but have heard examples).

Try not to worry. I work in a Multi Academy Trust of Catholic schools and plenty of unmarried women have had babies and they are all celebrated and supported.

Your may find the odd pocket of people who look down on you but you will find that in life anywhere.

torchh · 26/08/2021 16:42

They'd be mental to fire a pregnant woman. I would tell them as soon as you can so you're covered by maternity law. I'm no expert though

KingdomScrolls · 26/08/2021 16:44

Just start wearing a ring on your left hand , if anyone asks it was a small private ceremony due to Covid. No legally they can't do anything but I have Catholic heritage and some of the decisions around and treatment of unwed mothers within the congregation has been awful and from people who are seen as good upstanding members of the church

Danikm151 · 26/08/2021 16:49

I went to a Catholic school and there were plenty of teachers who weren't catholic. My RE teacher was and she hid packs of smokes between books and during the whole no sex before marriage she couldn't answer when we said have you serious never had sex (she wasn't married)
Our other RE teacher was an ex priest who left the church to get married.
2 other teachers were having it off then got married a few years later.

If you are questioned- your marital status has no weighting on your ability to do your job. You can still support the Catholic ethos- doesn't mean you have to follow it.

The Catholic schools have some of the naughtiest teachers- your situation is probably quite tame.

best of luck

Farwest · 26/08/2021 16:52

OP, you sound conflicted about the pregnancy and then catastrophising the situation at work. It can be a real shocker having a contraceptive failure and can take some weeks or months to get your head round it. Give your poor self a break! You do not need to be happy if you are not. You can be worried. You can be uncertain.

But the very last thing you should worry about is your job.

If you are teaching in the UK, you are likely part of a union. If not, join if you like. You can ring them up and talk this through, and they will be on your side. But union or not, I think it highly unlikely you will hear anything but 'congratulations' at work.

Maybe make a list of all your concerns. It might be quite a long list. Keep it next to your bed so that you can add to it if worry wakes you up, then tell yourself you will deal with that in the morning. Start going through the list with your partner.

Really, you have had a massive shock. Give yourself time. Flowers

TheMoth · 26/08/2021 16:59

The school won't care about you being unmarried. They will be grateful that you're due towards the end of the year, as they can get cover for a few weeks, not pay over the summer, then find more cover.

2mutsandsomebabies · 26/08/2021 17:02

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Your post is weird - have you not interacted with any of the Catholic people in your school? Either staff or the students? We have plenty of unmarried Catholics. Catholics are Catholics NOT saints. How did you not notice?

You will be fine at work. Nobody will bat an eyelid.

MissyB1 · 26/08/2021 17:05

Congratulations. But you are overreacting about the work situation. In the 1970s we had a single mum teaching us at my Catholic high school - she had never been married. No one gave two hoots.

Kikako · 26/08/2021 17:06

Can you start wearing a ring and become Mrs at work?

RobinPenguins · 26/08/2021 17:09

My friend’s mum was the head at a Catholic school and she was an unmarried mother who was never in a relationship with the father, and that was 25 odd years ago! I’m sure it’ll be fine.

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