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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Unwed Teacher in a Catholic School

53 replies

Lw56992 · 26/08/2021 16:05

Hi all,

This is my first time posting and not a particularly happy situation to ask a question about…

I am a teacher in a Catholic school and am currently 5 weeks pregnant. I’m not married but have been with my partner for three years. We were doing all of the things that you’re supposed to do in order to not make a baby, yet here we are!

My partner is really happy and I thought I was happy until I started thinking about work. I’m worried about so many things.

  • Can they find a reason to fire me (blaming it on something other than my pregnancy) and get away with it? In my contract, it says something about supporting the Catholic ethos of the school - is that enough to get rid of me?
  • Will they make my work life unbearable?
  • What am I supposed to do when the priest comes in for Mass and I’ve got a huge pregnant belly?
  • How am I supposed to teach the children sex ed and about no sex before marriage when pregnant?

I’ve got so worked up and upset and I can’t get myself out of this hole. I’ve started to think awful things like how my work would probably be happier if something went wrong and I ended up not having the baby.

Please, has anyone else been in this situation? I think they might expect me to get married before the baby comes but that’s so unfair… I’ll have to have a quick registry office appointment with no dress, party etc.

Please help,
I feel so down and upset and just don’t know what to think.

P.S I’m not religious myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lw56992 · 26/08/2021 17:10

Thanks for all of your kind words... I really really do appreciate them. Some of you have made me heave a giant sigh of relief.

So many of you are saying that no one will bat an eyelid, which I appreciate, but it’s not necessarily the staff in my school. We are part of a larger trust and it’s the people ‘at the top’ that I’m most concerned about. They visit each school fairly regularly and will obviously notice when I’m showing. They’ll without a doubt pass this onto the CEO which I can’t imagine will go down well.

Again, I appreciate that many of you are saying that it’s very old fashioned to judge people in this kind of situation but it is an old fashioned school.

I realise I’m doing that annoying thing where you just discount everyone’s advice but I’m just really worrying. I feel so scared and like I’m going to lose my job, lose my house and then have no money for the baby...

OP posts:
User5827372728 · 26/08/2021 17:11

My friends school changed her to ms from miss once she came back from mat leave!!!!

woohoo54 · 26/08/2021 17:24

You don't need to tell work about a pregnancy until your 16 weeks. If you're worried I would join a teaching union like today. After 2 months if there's any issues they'll represent you and sit in on meetings ect. It may also give you clout if you casually drop in you're in a union.

2mutsandsomebabies · 26/08/2021 17:29

Firing a woman with a new baby for being unmarried is so unCatholic. They won't go down this road because of the law BUT if they do, your first statement before you get your union to go for them should be "How is this a Catholic action?"

Speaking as a Catholic teacher. But really, you'll be fine.

Unicornflakegirl · 26/08/2021 17:31

Well if they are very strict Catholics they won't want you to get married in a registry office anyway as that's not considered a marriage before God, and they don't approve of contraception so no point saying you were trying to avoid it.

I have friends who teach in Catholic schools, some of them have been pregnant before getting married.
In one case the head (primary) wasn't thrilled but the rest didn't say anything except congratulations. My mum teaches in a Catholic school, the staff are various levels of Catholics from actual practising ones to those who do enough to maintain appearances in school but don't believe a word of it all and just work there because it's a job.

First think if you want to continue the pregnancy, take work out of the equation entirely. Are you happy or excited?
Your work can't do anything about an unplanned pregnancy and it would be very un Christian for anyone to wish harm on your baby, and I really don't think anyone would, if they do that's not exactly following the whole 'Love one another' teachings is it.
I went to a convent school and quite a few pupils got pregnant never mind teachers!
Some teachers who were mega Catholic were always on maternity leave.

WhoisRebecca · 26/08/2021 17:33

My school were horrible to me and when I arranged a wedding, had an issue with it not being in a church. However I think my school were extremely unusual and this was 15 years ago. They didn’t do anything though and in retrospect I shouldn’t have bothered getting married! You’ll be fine.

Mushtullo · 26/08/2021 17:34

@Lw56992

Thanks for all of your kind words... I really really do appreciate them. Some of you have made me heave a giant sigh of relief.

So many of you are saying that no one will bat an eyelid, which I appreciate, but it’s not necessarily the staff in my school. We are part of a larger trust and it’s the people ‘at the top’ that I’m most concerned about. They visit each school fairly regularly and will obviously notice when I’m showing. They’ll without a doubt pass this onto the CEO which I can’t imagine will go down well.

Again, I appreciate that many of you are saying that it’s very old fashioned to judge people in this kind of situation but it is an old fashioned school.

I realise I’m doing that annoying thing where you just discount everyone’s advice but I’m just really worrying. I feel so scared and like I’m going to lose my job, lose my house and then have no money for the baby...

‘Go down well’ in what terms? You are fully protected by law.
MadameMinimes · 26/08/2021 17:40

Honestly, I’ve worked in a Catholic school for well over a decade and there had never been an issue with unmarried women having children here. Likewise, staff who are gay or divorced. People are sometimes worried about that kind of thing when they first start but it has never been an issue. There really is no need to have a shotgun wedding, or to start wearing a wedding ring, change your name etc. I really think you will have built this up to a bigger thing in your head than it is. This really does happen all the time in Catholic schools. Our school has a staff of over 100 and there are plenty of unmarried mothers among them. It would be odd if there weren’t.

Justgettingbye · 26/08/2021 17:41

I worked in a Catholic school for 6 years and had a baby unmarried no one to be blunt gave a shit that I wasn't married

hocusspocuss · 26/08/2021 17:42

Unless you work for a large catholic trust in North/Central London you will be fine. If you do work for them I completely understand why you're freaking out.

Genuinely 95% of catholic schools won't give a monkeys. So breathe easy.

Unless you work for that trust. Even then they can't fire you.

riromay · 26/08/2021 17:48

I don't think that they would fire you but just in case I would email them after you tell them saying something about you being afraid you'd be unfairly dismissed bc of your pregnancy. Hopefully that will deter them enough .

Congratulations though!

TSSDNCOP · 26/08/2021 18:04

They cannot fire you, in fact the further up the chain of command the better this will be understood.

You are protected by law by both the Equality Act 2010 and the (Employment Rights Act 1996 s99 and Maternity and Parental Leave etc Regulations 1999 reg. 19).

Have you seen colleagues experiencing discrimination in your Trust, is that the root of you concern?

My advice is to book a meeting with your LM or HR manager as soon as possible as they will put your mind at rest.

User9088 · 26/08/2021 18:36

Hi,

I'm part of the deputy of a Catholic school federation. I really don't think you should worry at all. As other posters have said your job is secure and this is not something that is unusual. The priest won't think anything of it. Thinking of teaching sex Ed, this has to be done carefully anyway as many of the children will come from blended families, single parent families etc. The curriculum should already be constructed in a way that ensures chn aren't uncomfortable and this should support you too.

In terms of the CEO knowing, it shouldn't make any difference at all and they might surprise you and be completely fine. Any school's focus should be on your teaching and not your home life providing this has no impact on your work. Have you any reason to feel they will be unfair based on previous incidents? Unless something strange is happening in the school leadership I honestly believe you'll be pleasantly surprised.

dapsnotplimsolls · 26/08/2021 19:00

Contact your union for advice. If you're not a member of one, join one immediately!

LunaDreams · 26/08/2021 20:46

Marriage status and also pregnancy are 2 protected characteristics under the Human Rights Act.

They cannot fire you, or discriminate against you for either of those factors.

happytoday73 · 26/08/2021 21:01

Is this a real post?
People don't care...
You work in a Catholic school therefore you must surely already know that it won't be a real issue... Its not the 1950s...
Have you actually seen anyone being discriminated against for this? Have they made derogatory comments about your partner being a partner and not a husband?
What had the priest actually said that makes you feel this way?
You are a non Catholic teacher in a Catholic school... If they were that strict they wouldn't have employed you and only chosen Catholic teachers ...
I really feel pregnancy hormones are getting the better of you... And you are worrying about nothing..

idril · 26/08/2021 21:11

@KingdomScrolls

Just start wearing a ring on your left hand , if anyone asks it was a small private ceremony due to Covid. No legally they can't do anything but I have Catholic heritage and some of the decisions around and treatment of unwed mothers within the congregation has been awful and from people who are seen as good upstanding members of the church
I agree with this.

You really shouldn't have to but in a Catholic school, it really wouldn't surprise me. In the one local to me, they hired a gay teacher but told her they wouldn't support her if there was any kind of reaction to it and then made her life so miserable that she left.

SunShinesBrightly · 26/08/2021 21:24

You’re overthinking this. Nobody will care.
Unless of course you work at St Bruno of Cologne Carthusian Catholic High School...

Lucy882206 · 27/08/2021 14:47

I don't know if this helps at all but I am Catholic, working in a Catholic school as a Catholic RE teacher and pregnant whilst unmarried! Oops! At first, I worried too about the reaction. I thought that they could try to fire me or make my life difficult but no one has said a word since they found out. I have worked in quite a few different Catholic schools and plenty of other Catholics I have worked with/work with today are unmarried and have children and are treated no differently. I had to postpone my wedding due to Covid and had fertility issues to deal with so I made a decision to try for a baby early this year. My school have treated me no differently since I told them. In fact, the only comments I received were from some of my Year 10 students who made a joke about me being unmarried and having sex after me telling them that the Church considers it a sin. I just quoted a Bible reference and said 'those who are without sin should cast the first stone' and changed the subject. Nothing else has been said. The staff and the pupils have been brilliant throughout my pregnancy. I understand what you mean though. I find that only some Catholic schools can behave in a very uncatholic way which is really disappointing. Some care far too much about appearing Catholic. Get your union involved if you feel that you are being treated unfairly. Hope that helps! Good luck x

LaurieFairyCake · 27/08/2021 15:19

Unless you're pregnant by a student or a married teacher no one will even raise an eyebrow Smile

Lucy882206 · 27/08/2021 15:25

Forgot to add that it is the sacramental part of a Catholic marriage that the Church would consider more important than the legal part. So a registry office really isn't necessary. Supporting the Catholic ethos of a school doesn't require getting married in a church with a priest. It usually involves being prepared to lead or organise acts of worship and getting involved in charity etc, not forcing you into doing something that goes against your beliefs. Plenty of atheists, Muslims etc who apply for jobs in Catholics schools are asked in interview if they would be prepared to support the Catholic ethos of the school. I really don't think your school will do anything because you are not Catholic and pregnant. It would be against the law if they did.

Whiskyinajar · 27/08/2021 15:28

One of my best friends is a Catholic priest and he'd be the first to say Congratulations to you. He goes into a number of Catholic schools and I doubt he knows who is and isn't married .

MissL85 · 27/08/2021 15:30

Congratulations, OP.

I can understand your worries, but I do think they are unfounded. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant, unmarried and I work in a Catholic school. I'm also not the only person in the school that has become pregnant in the last few years who isn't married. From a union point of view, we are extremely protected as pregnant women. Since I have told my SLT about my pregnancy, they have been nothing but supportive of my pregnancy and my mental health. I do think you have nothing to worry about.

inmyslippers · 27/08/2021 15:32

Congratulations 🎉

Shouldbedoingsomework · 27/08/2021 15:33

Congratulations! This happened to me when I worked in a Catholic school. The local priest was the first person to congratulate me, followed by the Chair of Governors! They were over the moon for me.