September 2021 Babies - Thread 9 The final countdown....

[Mamabearwhere]

Hi ladies. Starting our final thread! How exciting.

@bubbles1st do you have your latest list of due dates to add to here?

Ladies I just can't cope. Alice is forever hungry between feeds atm and if I feed her more, she's sick. I am really struggling. I'm spending most of my days at my parents house so I can sleep as even though I'm getting a decent amount at night I am exhausted. The counselling isn't really helping if I'm being honest at the moment as I can't put my finger on what's causing me so much anxiety as it is so many different things.

I feel lonely, ashamed, frustrated, angry, upset and deeply in love all at the same time.

I find myself yelling at Alice when she's crying and I don't know how to help I feel like such a bad mother.

Congratulations @Hopefulmummie 😍
I really feel like one of the last people pregnant on earth right now 😂

Firstly you are not a bad mother @Kirky658 !!!!
These early days can be absolute torture when we’re trying to figure out what the hell they need and they can’t really tell us. It’s great you can go over your mums, Keep doing that if it gives you extra time.

Secondly, what signs is she giving of being hungry in between feeds? You’re doing absolutely fantastic.

@ftengineerm ❤️ she's rooting, opening her mouth, hands in mouth etc. We've given her a dummy, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Ah that sounds so tough ☹️ I don’t know if you’ve looked into it, ignore it if you have, but could her belly be hurting with silent reflux or something?

Are you able ring the midwife or GP and tell them that counselling isn’t enough at the minute? Or are you due any reviews anytime soon?

@ftengineerm we've got her 6 week gp check this week so I'm definitely going to mention it. They apparently aren't doing 6 week checks for mum's at my surgery unless they've got problems!!!! So I'll have to hijack Alice's appt a little. I'm not sure what other support they can give me at the moment tbh, I don't want to go down the medication route for personal reasons.

Hi @Kirky658 your post sounds like me every 2 or 3 days. You're not a bad mom firstly, you care enough and want to do your best. AJ is the same age as Alice so hopefully we share experiences. AJ too bes sick at night when I've fed him too much. We have a wedge pillow in his crib that we place him on so his head is higher to help with his reflux. We also hold him over our shoulders for an hour post feed at night. The reflux and being sick seems to be mainly in the night. It's tiring and the night does go fast. Less time to pump and I find myself going 6 hours without breast nipple stimulation! This also adds to the stress. Then when you question your milk supply every other day that is also stress. Alice is getting bigger and her appetite and tummy will increase in size meaning she wants more milk. Sometimes I can't satisfy AJ and I have to reach for the bottle of formula. Then you fall into the top up trap! More stress and feeling like a failure that you can't even satisfy your child's hunger. So it's this process that is probably making you write that post. BF for me has been the most stressful. I'm only producing about 5 ounces a day! Websites tell me I should be producing 24 ounces by now and up to a litre of breast milk! More stress. Then you just end up being the worst to yourself.
So how do you soothe your own emotions from here? I've tried to ramp up ebm, pumping and feeding but I only last a couple of days because I'm tired. I feel crap mentally and it makes me more tired. It's all a vicious circle! Like me, mentally you might have to compromise with what you can and can't do. Maybe producing 5 ounces is all your going to be able to do? But also if Alice is feeding often, it means she may be hungrier and you're meant to feed 5 or more times an hour. Maybe she is cluster feeding? Try your best id say. X

@kirky658
I second what others have said. You are a new mum doing the best you can. Try to be kind as possible to yourself and fit in some self care. Also PND/PNA isn't a bad word. It's something that just happens sometimes to some women. Nothing wrong with you but it needs attention and treatment just like anything else so please don't be ashamed to share with a health care professional or midwife.

Finally I think cluster feeding is a very good suggestion. Both my previous babies went through this where you just throw the schedule out the window, don't worry about the last time they fed or how much they have. Just stick them on the boob (if you can), get snacks and an extra long phone charger cable and Netflix and make yourself comfy!

Also if Alice is wanting more milk, it's a good sign, she's getting bigger and stronger. So you're doing it right. But it's just that you might need some top up formula. A thriving baby is better than one where you can say you fed breast milk exclusively but made yourself ill or your child was never satisfied and may have unhealthy attachments to food down the line. So don't be scared of formula if you're also thinking of this. I think I was as I really wanted to BF exclusively. But AJ was Prem, I didn't see him for 2 days I couldn't feel legs for 36 hours after c section. So when I read you're meant to express an hour after birth, I felt like I'd missed the boat. My plan now is to keep BF as much as possible. But when he's really hungry I'll throw in a couple bottles of formula. I can't keep being bad to myself because I want to enjoy my new baby. I hope all of this helps. Be good to hear other people's views too x

@sillysocks998 @mamamalt thank you both ❤️

It is a challenge for me to not have a schedule. My whole life revolves around knowing what's happening when. I like knowing at night when I need to get up to feed her. Don't mind so much in the day. I'm trying to feed her snacks when she wants inbetween feeds then feeding her at the right time as much as she wants.

And @sillysocks998 you're right on the expressing and mental health. I think I need to go down the formula route as I want to make sure that I'm well too. But then I'll worry about preparing all the bottles properly lol its a minefield

@Kirky658 just relax. Schedules have gone out the window. Try live in the present now, not what needs to be done next. Re bottles just make sure bottles are Steralised and ready to put together. In a flask add boiled water and use when you need to make a bottle. Takes 2 mins. If Alice was Prem, you might be able to get nutriprem 2 from gp for free for 6 months. It's got the same or similar fats as breast milk so it tries to be similar than sma etc.
Alice will also go a bit longer in feeds when you might need that 4 hour sleep window. You'll be happier and hopefully once you see them thrive and more than 6 months old and onto solids you'll forget you were a bad mom.

Not that you are, but forget those thoughts

I'd say maybe throw a bottle of formula in at some point in the day. But do keep pumping and feeding on breast but mentally be kinder to yourself. Someone else may suggest something too. What do the 2nd or 3rd time mom's think? Can they advise?

@Kirky658 it really is difficult with a newborn for most people and a lot of people don't really talk about it which I find is the worst thing to do.

We are all going to go through it and a lot of nights will be tough. I'm 39 + 4 and this is my second.

My daughter (now 23 months) was 6lb 10oz when she was born which was late but she just felt so small so it must be harder with a prem.

I love routine and having her completely through me off my plans and honestly until she was around 8 months could I start to implement some sort of routine. I basically ended up feeding her n demand and did a bit of formula and BF at the start because it just hurt and she had reflux but ended up exclusively breastfeeding till she was 1 and I really enjoyed it from 8m to a year.

If you can stick to it BF really is worthwhile and when they get older it really does become some lovely bonding time for you. Forget any structure to your day and just let them feed as much as they want, they will be sick but they will get over that phase. Use formula to get someone to help out so you can get some sleep as sleep deprivation is the hardest thing.

Just don't forgot that it's not just you and reaching out on here and to your healthcare visitors will be an important part of getting through this tough time - I promise you it's worth it 👼

@mamamalt thank you. Yes I'm from Belfast. Hopefully it won't be long coming in. I was 3 days over and felt like 3 weeks lol.

I kmow I'm only on day 1 but really struggled with breast feeding today. She's cluster feeding but I just feel like I was constantly feeding her all day. The midwives have had to help me with the latch I can't seem to manage it myself and worry what will happen when we get home.
Does it get easier?

@Kirky658 your post sounds very much like how I felt after I had my second DD. My anxiety was through the roof pretty much instantly after birth. I didn’t know if what I was doing was right or wrong (despite it being my second) and I generally didn’t feel great and in the moment. In the end it turned out I had postpartum anxiety and I had many therapy sessions to help me so please don’t feel like you can’t reach out for help. Talking therapy can be so helpful.

In terms of the here and now don’t feel guilty if you need to top up your baby. With my third now, my milk supply is awful and he’s cluster feeding on me all day long. By 8/9pm im completely dried up and he’s super hungry and upset so I give him a little formula top up. Had my midwife round yesterday and explained to her and she said that’s absolutely fine. He’s satisfied and happy and it means im happy and well rested. No point of feeling guilty. You’re an amazing mum and doing the very best you can and whether that exclusively breastfeeding, exclusively formula feeding or a combo you’re amazing and nothing takes away the bond you have with your baby.

Congratulations to all whose little ones have arrived the past few days. Our little girl Orlaith arrived yesterday 😍 home today and slowly recovering from c-section

I’m with everyone else at being totally overwhelmed with a newborn sometimes. I love her so so so much but it is SO hard. Billie never seems full up and today she has been really fussy, I’m hoping she’s just having a bit of a growth spurt but I am feeling EXHAUSTED, even though she’s sleeping okay at night (ish). I think it’s so normal though right? I don’t know but I do know I’m doing my best with her and even if I’m not getting it right she’s a very loved little baby and that’s what I’m trying to hang on to

@unicornpower I'm feeling overwhelmed today. Majorly. I've had a million emotions in one day. Plus my cat got attacked and I'm trying to be there for her. I can tell she is upset about it and it frightened her. So I'm torn. Plus snapping at my mum! Who earlier said, he's never full on your milk!
Literally the worst thing she could have said. 😢.

@Kirky658 I remember when my first was 5/6 weeks old, I went out with hubby, baby and his parents. I spent all day being tearful and stressing that she wouldn’t feed properly. I went to the loo and cried to myself feeling so rubbish. Then when I got back, hubby was chatting quietly to his mum and in my head, I was like “they are talking about me. They think I’ve got PND… well, maybe I have. Why am I crying over nothing?!”
Then it occurred to me that actually, I’d had about 3 hours broken sleep every night for the last week… and I wasn’t depressed, just exhausted! Actually, I felt massively liberated and reassured that I was exhausted and that was ok!
After she was jaundice i gave myself such a hard time about feeding her, weight gain etc. Even up to 6 months, I was timing her feeds and telling myself that if she fed less, she wouldn’t sleep as well etc. Second time around, I feel SO much more chilled out… but honestly, you are not alone! 😘

@Sillysocks998 that’s such a rubbish thing to say to someone, I’m sorry are you feeling any better? My mum said something similar and I think it was a nudge for me to try formula. Nothing wrong with that but I don’t think we need it at the moment, we are just in a cluster feeding nightmare. I’m sorry about your cat! I hope she’s okay? That must’ve been awful x

Congratulations @MrsTD88

Hi ladies,

I'm with you all on the feeling overwhelmed front. Oliver is 6 days old today, but we made the decision before he arrived to formula feed him which going well. I have so much respect for you ladies who are BF'ing and sorry to hear some are struggling I don't know how you are doing it, I just knew for my own mental health I wouldn't be able to cope with it.
My worries though are I'm not taking to having a little one as easy as my other half, he seems to just get it and do all the right things in all the right ways- like manage to settle him, get a good feed, know if he's too hot or cold etc. Oliver cries most when having his nappy changed or when we are dressing him he wriggles and really doesn't like it but OH stays calm and just does it whereas I feel like I don't have the confidence and can't get him changed quick enough it takes me ages, then by the time it's done and he's fed he doesn't want to go back down for me. I then feel bad as my OH is up most feeds with us & he's super tired (plus we are moving house tomorrow so he's also trying to sort all that) I hope it passes & it's just taking me a bit longer but I can't help feeling bad, useless and that I'm being a rubbish mummy 😞 I adore Oliver so much, he's amazing and I'm in awe he's here but I just want to be able to do more. Not helping that my stitches are still sore, my iron is still quite low and I've had a bad cough and throat (not Covid) since giving birth which the midwife thinks is from gas&air. All in all just feeling a bit rubbishy and overwhelmed. Sorry for the rant ladies..

So sorry to hear you ladies struggling like that but it’s so good to read people talking about it at the same time ☹️ I felt so alone after DS1 was born wondering why I was the only person on earth finding it tough when in reality we all do ❤️.

Just had second sweep, induction booked for Friday 🤷🏽‍♀️ still no baby.

My heart goes out to you all struggling with your new little ones. Ftm here so no experience of my own yet but I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be in the early days. I'd just say please be kind to yourselves and take each day as it comes. You're all stronger than you realise, you're doing your absolute best and this is enough for your little ones. Remember, this too shall pass 💜

How’re you feeling @Taybz ?