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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I gave birth 3 weeks ago, how soon… **MNHQ adding content note for baby loss**

96 replies

MrsXx4 · 17/08/2021 20:34

….can I try for another baby?

Without going into any of the details can anyone tell me if they got pregnant quickly after giving birth and if so how quick and was their pregnancy healthy?

Is there a risk factor involved in trying too soon after giving birth?

Is it important to wait a year / 18 months after giving birth if you are a relatively healthy person?

I am hopefully seeing my midwife tomorrow so I will also ask her, but I’m looking for any ladies with experience of falling pregnant quickly after giving birth. Thank you.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 17/08/2021 21:59

Ahhh, I'm so sorry for your loss. I usually do, but this time I hadn't read the full thread when I posted. Of course you are craving a baby, you've had an awful loss. Let yourself heal though, both mentally and physically, before you try again Flowers

CarpeDiem83 · 17/08/2021 22:00

Oh, and I have had some counselling through a a charity called Petals. Worth looking them up but I think they may only be in certain areas X

SunshineThroughTheFog · 17/08/2021 22:01

I'm sorry for your loss OP. This isn't meant as a criticism but we had a similar situation in our family and my family member got pregnant straight away. On one hand it was healing and in another it meant she never properly grieved and her and her DH are still very much in deep grief which spills over to their new baby. It's very hard for the new child to be compared to all the time to their angel sibling.

Take care of yourself.

episcomama · 17/08/2021 22:02

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace as you move through this awful time.

RainbowMum11 · 17/08/2021 22:03

*MrsXx4 it is impossible, and although time does help a bit, your precious daughter will always be part of you.
What did you name her?
It really doesn't matter what other people say or suggest, you and your DH need to do what you feel is right for you, I would listen to medical advice though, especially if the hospital are looking into reasons/causes - for eg I had to start taking a low dose aspirin before and during my subsequent pregnancy so perhaps wait until then xxxx

JustHavinABreak · 17/08/2021 22:04

@MrsXx4 I'm so sorry for your loss. There's nothing any of us can say that will make it better except that you're in our thoughts. I'm Irish and of an age where lots of my friends were "Irish Twins". It was quite common to only have a year or a year and a bit between siblings, so mums were pregnant again after only a few months.

Before anyone jumps up and down in indigation, as an Irish woman, I don't find the term "Irish Twins" offensive, insulting or racist in anyway. The sad fact is that for far too long, women's health (including their sexual and reproductive health) was under the thumb of the patriarchal Catholic Church so the term accurately describes the situation.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 17/08/2021 22:05

@CarpeDiem83 sorry to ask you questions and please don’t feel you have to answer. But did you find out why your baby boy died?

They have taken my placenta for testing but they basically told me that most of the time they don’t know why it happens, I am desperate for answers. I am a healthy person, I don’t smoke or drink (while pregnant) and when I’m not pregnant I drink minimally, like 3 glasses of wine a month!

OP posts:
CarpeDiem83 · 17/08/2021 22:11

@MrsXx4 we had a post mortem but didn't get any conclusive answers. Our baby had been diagnosed with a gut blockage at 28 weeks (after a routine growth scan) which was correctable with a routine operation shortly after birth so shouldn't have caused this, but apparently this did make him higher risk for placenta issues/stillbirth (we weren't really told this before he died). Nothing else showed up on the PM. I've been advised to take low dose aspirin in a future pregnancy but more as a precaution than anything else. I do also have a 3 year old daughter and my pregnancy with her was straightforward.

It's just so fucking unfair.

ineedaholidaynow · 17/08/2021 22:14

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

Do they know if there is a reason why this happened?

I always thought they recommend you wait a year to let your body recover, although I understand why you would not want to wait that long

Sugarplum06 · 17/08/2021 22:15

I had two baby’s in one year . Second pregnancy was an accident , my dd2 was born exactly 53 to the day after my first dd.

pinkteapots · 17/08/2021 22:17

[quote HiScore]@VodselForDinner

Care to explain why you think the phrase ‘Irish Twins’ is racist?[/quote]
Haha! Is that what was said?? I'm Irish. Its not racist. People will look for offence anywhere sometimes!

georgiams · 17/08/2021 22:19

I had 11 months between 2 and 3, sorry for your loss xxxx

Lumpwoody · 17/08/2021 22:20

It is racist. It feeds to a trope of uneducated poor Irish who can’t use contraception.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.irishcentral.com/opinion/others/irish-twins.amp

NoYOUbekind · 17/08/2021 22:23

Jeezo, can we read the thread and not derail please?

OP, I am so sorry this is happening to you and I wish you peace. I think you need to listen carefully to what the midwife says. If they still want to do tests then I think it might be sensible to wait until you get those results. But of course you are craving a baby, every cell in your body is telling you that your baby should be here in your arms. Thanks

ShingleBeach · 17/08/2021 22:24

MrsXx, I knew as soon as I read the first line of your OP why you feel your need to be pregnant again, and I am so sorry,
My 2 dear friends who lost their babies at birth and at 9 months had exactly the same need and compulsion.
They both had babies very quickly.

A woman in my NCT group was pregnant 8 weeks after giving birth.

The baby you gave birth to 3 weeks ago will always be your second child, but you have empty arms where you were ready for your darling baby.

Sending love.

Babyroobs · 17/08/2021 22:24

We had problems conceiving our first so didn't want to wait too long for the second. However I conceived literally the first time we had unprotected sex. Then ds2 was born six weeks prem ,so there is an eighteen month gap. To be honest it was too soon, I had a C-section with ds1 then a premature birth. I had only just stopped breastfeeding ds1 when Ds2 was born. It was all too much. I would have a decent gap.

nc8765 · 17/08/2021 22:30

OP I am heartbroken for you. My first child, my son, was stillborn. That was 6 years ago.

It took me 6 months to get pregnant again, but you might have better luck.

I met a mum yesterday who had an 11 month age gap. So I think she was 8ish weeks post-birth before falling pregnant again.

Babyroobs · 17/08/2021 22:30

Sorry op, I hadn't red the whole thread before replying. I'm so sorry that you have lost your baby.

housewifeathome · 17/08/2021 22:31

Oh no, so sorry to hear this OP. So tough to read as I'm pregnant atm.

I fell pregnant with DD2 three months after giving birth to DD1. I was early 30s. It is possible as you should be fertile after birth but please make sure you are mentally prepared to go through TTC and another pregnancy so soon after your recent loss. Sending you a virtual hug xx

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 17/08/2021 22:32

I'm so sorry. My 2nd child was born premature (29 weeks) by c-section (my 2nd c-section) and only lived 8 hours. All I wanted to do was have another baby as soon as I could. My dd who passed was born mid Aug 1990. My son was born almost exactly 13 months later in Sept 1991 (by c-section).

KitKatKong · 17/08/2021 22:32

I'm so so sorry. Please get support so you can be mentally and physically ready to try for a baby. You are still grieving and my heart goes out to you. Sending you a hug.

Coniger · 17/08/2021 22:34

I had 7 weeks in one year where I wasn’t pregnant - DS 2 and 3 are exactly 11 months apart to the exact date

professionalcockney · 17/08/2021 22:34

I am so sorry to read this.

Piecrust32 · 17/08/2021 22:35

Op I'm so sorry Flowers

I can relate , my daughter was still born last year , and I was consumed with so many emotions and I know that need all too well

I had great support from the midwife and sands , gave myself time to heal physically and emotionally and my other half needed time to heal too and now I'm glad I waited a few months before trying again but that's just my experience.

Take care op , sending you much love xx

nc8765 · 17/08/2021 22:36

[quote MrsXx4]@RainbowMum11 I’m so sorry about your daughter.

I do have a bereavement midwife and she is referring me for counselling but said it is best to start counselling in around 3 months time.[/quote]

What was the reason to start counselling in 3 months time?? I was given 10 sessions on the NHS, the first session started the week after I delivered my boy.