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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I gave birth 3 weeks ago, how soon… **MNHQ adding content note for baby loss**

96 replies

MrsXx4 · 17/08/2021 20:34

….can I try for another baby?

Without going into any of the details can anyone tell me if they got pregnant quickly after giving birth and if so how quick and was their pregnancy healthy?

Is there a risk factor involved in trying too soon after giving birth?

Is it important to wait a year / 18 months after giving birth if you are a relatively healthy person?

I am hopefully seeing my midwife tomorrow so I will also ask her, but I’m looking for any ladies with experience of falling pregnant quickly after giving birth. Thank you.

OP posts:
SnipSnipMrBurgess · 17/08/2021 21:32

Thinking of you OP, what a truly sad thing to happen.

Talk to your midwife of course, but I would make sure you were in a good mental place rather than physical before trying again.

SameToo · 17/08/2021 21:35

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 17/08/2021 21:36

Absolutely I know I need to have some counselling and make sure my mental health is in a good place. My head is telling me to wait and get myself strong again and make an informed decision but my heart! My god! I just want my baby back. My body is craving my newborn and I just can’t get my head around that I don’t have one. All the babies nursery was done and ready! It’s so hard!

OP posts:
ginswinger · 17/08/2021 21:39

I am so, so sorry to hear what happened to you. I can't think of many reasons why you shouldn't try to get pregnant again. There's no perfect answer here but sometime joy can console you in such sad times.
Wishing you well xxx

MeadowHay · 17/08/2021 21:39

I'm so, so sorry for your loss OP. I hope there are some good support services in your area who can help you through this.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 17/08/2021 21:40

I'm so, so sorry OP. Fucking hell life can be so cruel. Really hope you have a supportive partner and family taking care of you like you deserve - thinking of you Thanks

CarpeDiem83 · 17/08/2021 21:42

So sorry for the loss of your baby.

Our son was stillborn in April when I was 34 weeks pregnant and like you I have been desperate ever since to be pregnant again although I know it won't bring my son back.

I would speak to your midwife/doctor to clarify but we were told at our follow up appointment that there was no need to wait to try again (we already had been 😳) that was after a a straightforward labour.

I am still longing to be pregnant but I am now glad we didn't conceive straight away because I'm realising grief isn't a straight line process and I think I would have struggled mentally. I've also used the last four months to get a bit of fitness back which will hopefully help if we fall pregnant again.

Are you on the sands forum and any Facebook group? Lots of loss mother's on there to discuss TCC and pregnancy after loss.

Sending love, it's such a hard journey X

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 17/08/2021 21:43

Thank you. Yes it can be so cruel and just feels so unfair that this happened without any warning.

I am lucky that I do have an unbelievably supportive family holding me up and a wonderful husband who has been my rock even through his own devastation.

OP posts:
chocolateoranges33 · 17/08/2021 21:44

I had an EMCS with DC1. Was pregnant again (planned) within 3 months and DC2 was born by ELCS 12 1/2 months after DC1. No problems at all. Apparently you are hyper fertile after having a baby. Good luck

Bellabluea · 17/08/2021 21:44

I’m so sorry OP. I understand that feeling to some degree as I’ve had 5 mc and all I wanted was to be pregnant again.
I have 11 months between my DDs. We weren’t trying to get pregnant and I had one period in between. It was my 5th baby and 9th pregnancy. I absolutely sailed through it - I had SPD but I just had to deal with it. I was 31.

BusySittingDown · 17/08/2021 21:45

I've known a few people with a 10 month gap! Not for me but it's worked out lovely for them and perfectly healthy.

At baby group when I had DD1 (14 years ago now) there was a woman there with a newborn who told us she was already actively trying for another. Apparently it had taken her a while to conceive her DS and as she was late 30s the doctor had advised her to try soon as apparently you are quite fertile after being pregnant. She was pregnant quite soon after with a small gap between her two DC.

chocolateoranges33 · 17/08/2021 21:46

Just seen your update, I'm so sorry for your loss.

MakkaPakkas · 17/08/2021 21:47

So sorry for your loss OP, I can't imagine the pain. I hope you heal well.
In answer to your question about gaps between giving birth my dad and his sister are 10 months apart. No complications so far as I know and they are in their early 70s now.
Sending sympathy x

Moonwatcher1234 · 17/08/2021 21:47

OP, I am so so sorry. In terms of your question, our bodies are resilient and although one year is always quoted as the ideal, lots of people become pregnant quicker. I suppose it depends on your general health and obviously counselling may help you to come to a definite decision. Wishing you and your family all the best x

BusySittingDown · 17/08/2021 21:48

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry OP. I didn't read the thread properly - I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers.

RainbowMum11 · 17/08/2021 21:48

I am so so sorry for your loss xxx
After my daughter died I was desperate to be pregnant again as soon as possible but because I'd had an EMCS my GP advised me to wait at least 6 months.
As soon as that was up, I used ovulation strips and very luckily became pregnant again the first month.
Can you get some bereavement counselling as well (a lot of hospitals now have trained bereavement midwives)
Love and strength to you, it's such a hard hard thing to live with

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 17/08/2021 21:50

@CarpeDiem83

Thank you for your post and I am so so sorry you also went through this. Did you know beforehand that you had lost your baby boy?

I had a baby girl, she was born at 39 weeks. It was a shock as I wasn’t contracting or having any pains. My labour with my DS went on for 3 days so I was preparing for another long labour.

Yes, this is true, I am deep in grief at the moment so I do know deep down the time isn’t right but I’ve read about waiting a year to 18 months and I just don’t think I can wait that long! I want my baby now, I should have my baby in my arms now!

I am not yet on the sands forum but I have joined my hospital support group on fb although I haven’t yet been strong enough to look on there.

Are you having any counselling at all? X

OP posts:
confusedlots · 17/08/2021 21:53

I'm really sorry to hear this OP. You are generally super fertile just after giving birth, I don't know if this is the same in your situation but I wouldn't see why not. I fell pregnant again 3 months after giving birth. I had one period, then the next one was late which I didn't think much about as I thought it would take a while for things to settle down, it was only a couple of weeks later I suddenly thought maybe I was pregnant again, and I was

Lumpwoody · 17/08/2021 21:53

I’m sorry for your loss

DramaAlpaca · 17/08/2021 21:56

@sunshineandshowers40

I have a 14 month age gap between 1 and 2. It was fine but don't really remember my pregnancy with dc2 or their first year.
Similar here, only I had a 16 month gap. I wasn't expecting to conceive so fast as it took ages to conceive DC1, but was literally once! I was just turning 30, btw.
Queenoftheashes · 17/08/2021 21:57

So sorry OP. Similar thing happened to my mum a year before I was born - so she was pregnant again after three months and all was fine. She also had three more after me so I think managed to stay healthy enough.

Original poster
MrsXx4 · 17/08/2021 21:57

@RainbowMum11 I’m so sorry about your daughter.

I do have a bereavement midwife and she is referring me for counselling but said it is best to start counselling in around 3 months time.

OP posts:
MsHedgehog · 17/08/2021 21:58

I am so so sorry for your loss OP. I can’t imagine how devastated you must be and I am actually tearful for you. Wishing you the very best.

Plumtree391 · 17/08/2021 21:58

@MrsXx4

I didn’t want to go into the details as I don’t want to upset anyone and I really didn’t want to drip feed Sonora we don’t think that’s what I’ve done here, but I’m worried this thread may take a turn and I want people to know my reasons for asking.

My baby was stillborn 3 weeks ago. My pregnancy was low risk and complication free. No one saw this coming and we have no answers as to why it happened. My pregnancy ended in 6 minutes! I wasn’t in labour with my baby, the baby just delivered and it was traumatic. I know a lot of this is hormone driven but I am craving my newborn and my pregnancy back! I know nothing will replace my baby but I don’t feel complete and I’m totally broken.

I just want a baby so much.

Oh bless you, Mrs x. That's an awful thing to happen. Wait a few months for your body to recover, cycle get back to normal and give yourself time to grieve, then just proceed as normal without contraception and see what happens. Flowers
CarpeDiem83 · 17/08/2021 21:58

@MrsXx4 Yes we had found out a couple of days earlier that our little boy had died and I was then induced.

Our follow up appointment was about 10 weeks later and the consultant cleared us to try again. I know it is different if someone has had a C section or complications though. I guess ideally it may be best to wait longer but clearly we are both in a very less than ideal situation, to put it mildly!

I'm glad you have supportive people around you. I also found it a bit overwhelming to connect with others at first (joined some Facebook support groups then instantly muted them!) but when I was ready it was comforting to see I was not alone.

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