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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

anyone found out the sex of baby and kept it a secret

80 replies

rdk · 28/11/2007 22:50

im going to hopefully find out on monday the sex of our baby but we was going to keep it a secret. sis in law says "you cant do that to us is teasing". anyone done this

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Original poster

rdk · 29/11/2007 11:45

i dont want to tell sil because shes got a big mouth and within 30 mins the whole world would know, me and dp really liked a name and we told sil and she said keep it to urselfs because someone else might take a fancy to it and name there baby .... the next thing i knew people was asking me if we had any names in mind i said no and sil friend pipes up ur sil said you like...... i was well pissed off , shes the one that said make sure u dont tell everyone. so she loves telling everyone other peoples news thats not hers to tell . if u understand what i mean. this is our baby not hers

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bohemianbint · 29/11/2007 11:49

We did this. We were adamant we didn't want to know, but then we changed our minds at the last minute. (I thought I really wanted a girl so thought should find out, although I wasn't at all upset to get a boy!)

We wanted to know for ourselves but we didn't want everyone else to know because we felt it would take away some of the surprise on the day for everyone else. I just think that if you tell everyone you're having a girl called Maud or whatever, the only thing that's going to be a nice surprise for everyone is the actual date. 'Cos then it's just "oh, Maud's here."

I know that sounds a bit daft but that was our reasoning. It was hard though, and we did crack and tell my parents about a week before, but no one else and I'm really glad we did it like that.

Won't be finding out next time though! (or at least, I don't think we will...)

SoupDragon · 29/11/2007 11:50

"I still wonder why you'd find out if you had no intention of sharing the news" Err,because you want to know but don't want to tell anyone else?? It isn't anyone else's business is it? I find it really odd how the first question people ask is "do you know the sex".

I think what sealed it for me was when a friend had a baby. We all knew the sex, we all knew the baby's name, we all knew when the baby would be born as it was an elective c-section. It was just wrong! So I found out about BabyDragon and didn't tell anyone.

macaco · 29/11/2007 12:23

I'm sorry but I'm totally failing to understand why you want to know but don't want others to know? What's the big deal with keeping it a secret? What does it matter if everyone knows? I don't get it.

bohemianbint · 29/11/2007 12:42

Macaco - some people just don't want everyone knowing everything. It's nice to keep some things quiet - the baby feels like public property from the minute it's born, so the longer you can keep some of it private, the better. That's how we felt anyway.

bohemianbint · 29/11/2007 12:43

Likewise, if/when I get pregnant again, I don't think I'll tell everyone quite so early on as last time.

msappropriate · 29/11/2007 12:56

I knew both times, both elective cs, told everyone and told them the names too. I didn't feel anything "wrong" about it. Frankly other people are not usually so excited about names and genders as the parents and some grandparents are.

I'm like a couple of others on here and can imagine not wanting to find out but could not imagine finding out, telling people you found out but not telling them. Its just seems odd. Also I could tell a few friends were lying about not knowing and it was really strange.

Piffle · 29/11/2007 12:57

yes I kept it a secret....

until I rung dp to tell him scan was ok and mentioed HE was sucking his thumb...

ernest · 29/11/2007 13:01

1st was a surprise, 2nd & 3rd, only I knew, dh didn't want to find out, but I did, so I found out but kept it secret from him & everyone else. This time I'm going to find out and tell everyone the minute I find out to get all the stupid comments out of the way and hopefully not spoil the arrival like last tim. Oh, I'm also going to have an elective, so will also know the birthday in advance. when I was a 1st timer with ds1 I thought that sounded so bad, how things change

NAB3littlemonkeys · 29/11/2007 13:03

First mistake was telling people you were finding out the sex! You need to say you have changed your mind and are wiating until the birth.

We found out with number 3 and only told my Nan who was dying.

SoupDragon · 29/11/2007 13:06

macaco, because I wanted to know, not because I wanted to tell the world. What's difficult to understand about that??

gingeme · 29/11/2007 13:08

Yes we have kept this one a secret as we have 4 boys and want to keep everyone guessing
Oh by the way its another boy

Boogalooblue · 29/11/2007 13:13

I am totally with you BB, my reasons exactly .

We found out with number 3 and told people we hadn't found out. When we went for 20 week scan we found out, everyone knew we knew but weren't telling.

I think that it is so dull to know what where when etc, if nothing else it gave us a reason to phone lots of people up .

And it is your business who you do/don't tell

Boogalooblue · 29/11/2007 13:14

oh bugger when we went for 20 scan with dc4 everyone knew we knew , hope that makes sense

Jackaroo · 29/11/2007 13:18

This subject bugs me, I suppose because I don't really care what the gender is of anyone else's baby, but them knowing and telling me they know and won't tell me sounds entirely like a control issue, and a "we know something you don't", which is just joyless and takes all the pleasure out of celebrating the imminent arrival and being pleased for the parents. I know, that's a horrible thing to say, but has always been my immediate reaction. and then I go back to not caring again. Probably set up to react like this becuase the first time it happened it was SIL who interfered and knows best in absolutely everyone else's business, and definitely was doing it for reasons mentioned above (imvho)...

Knowing for your own curiosity, or whatever, and not telling anyone because you want your own private secret is fine, and lovely and conspiratorial...but telling everyone you're not telling them is just....? Well I'm sure it's entirely rational to others, and I'm just not a very nice person

We found out in the last weeks, didn't tell anyone, but didn't tell anyone we knew.

bohemianbint · 29/11/2007 14:33

Jackaroo - I don't think its a control issue. It certainly wasn't for us. We didn't tell anyone we knew because we didn't want all the pressure of being asked all the time. I don't think anyone knows that we knew all along. (except my parents!)

Some people are just a it more private, what's wrong with that?

Jackaroo · 29/11/2007 14:52

But that is the whole point. I'm obviously being too waffly.

Not telling anyone anything at all (that you know, that you don't know etc etc) is fine by me.

It's knowing the sex of your baby, telling people you know the sex of your baby, but saying they can't know because it's a secret. That's not the same thing...

ManchesterMummy · 29/11/2007 15:04

We didn't find out (DD was crossing her legs at the time) but my MIL was convinced that we did know but were not telling anyone. Because she thought we were being awkward. She pressed for weeks to find out what colour we were painting the nursery in case that gave the game away and was suitably chastened when we painted it yellow. She also said that we were making people's lives difficult by not finding out...

Jackaroo · 29/11/2007 15:07

lol MM - same here... I remember being v.pg. in IKEA with my mum on the phone from Spain saying "now, are you positive you don't nkow because they have beautiful clothes here but they're all blue or pink..."

fryalot · 29/11/2007 15:07

haven't read all the posts, but I find out the sex and kept it completely secret.

The only slight hitch was when a work colleague saw me in a baby shop buying pink and he blabbed, but I told everyone the pink things were for a friend who had just had a little girl (which happened to be true actually)

Didn't even tell dd1 what dd2 and ds were till they were born.

And if people asked, I just said that they had told us, but they weren't 100% sure so I wasn't going to tell everyone in case it was wrong. (which I think they always say anyway just to cover themselves)

ManchesterMummy · 29/11/2007 15:19

Oh Jackaroo - how familiar that sounds!!

poppysocks · 29/11/2007 15:20

We found out and kept schtum for the remainder of the pregnancy. This was because we know they're not 100% right all the time and we didn't want the first thing that people knew about our child once he/she was born was that he/she was the opposite gender to what everyone was expecting. I was also convinced she was a boy so didn't quite believe the sonographer.

I was actually surprisingly easy to keep the secret actually, although we both slipped once by assigning gender in talking about 'the baby'.

In retrospect I think we were a bit mean in saying 'we know but we're not telling you'. I would however do this again, but just pretend that we don't know.

Boogalooblue · 29/11/2007 18:10

I don't think that it is mean or controlling.

I think that it is part of the excitement of someone else giving birth for them or their dp to inform people after event of sex name etc.

How fucking dull is it to be informed that baby has arrived when you already know the sex and name? IMHO it is incredibly dull and I don't want to know

ggglimpopo · 29/11/2007 18:20

We currently know the sex of forthcoming baby - and have not told a soul. It is a very hard secret to keep!

PaulaYatesbiggestfan · 29/11/2007 18:28

omg ggglimpopo you minx you - i did not know that!
did you find out with the others?

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