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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When did you first leave your baby with your OH?

72 replies

Strawberryblondee · 03/07/2021 11:14

I'm 23 and this is my first baby and was very much unplanned (but is very much loved). Before I found out I was pregnant I booked tickets for an event with my friends, which is a once in a lifetime thing and won't be happening again. However, it's taking place 3 weeks after my due date.

I already feel awful for considering going, and the guilt will probably only amplify when my baby is actually here. Another of my friends that didn't book a ticket at the time is telling me that they think it will be too soon to leave her with my OH and I'd be selfish to do that so I should just sell them my ticket. But my OH says that it's not as if I'm leaving my baby with just anyone and that he thinks I should go.

Obviously is my baby is overdue it could be that she will only be a week or two old by that point.

So my question is when did you first leave your babies? And Do you think that it would be selfish of me to leave my baby so soon after she is born?

OP posts:

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MotionActivatedDog · 03/07/2021 11:17

Not at all selfish to leave your baby with it’s parent. How could it be? Unless your OH is likely to neglect or harm the child? Which I’m sure isn’t the case at all or you wouldn’t be with him. Right? So go, enjoy your event. Your friend just wants your ticket.

20viona · 03/07/2021 11:19

We went to Asda when she was a week old For half an hour and then to a party for a few hours a week
Later. She was with my mum and dad and it was fine.

Keepitonthedownlow · 03/07/2021 11:20

If you're breastfeeding it might be tricky

saraclara · 03/07/2021 11:21

He's the baby's parent. Assuming that from the off he's involved in her care and picks it up quickly, he should be fine.

How long will you be away from home?

museumum · 03/07/2021 11:22

After three weeks I regularly left my dc with their dad but only for 1-2hrs at a time between feeds and carefully timed for just after a big feed. I couldn’t have gone to an event with a specific start time or for longer.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 03/07/2021 11:22

With my second I had to leave her with my mum for about an hour at three days old to take her sister to the doctors. (DH was away with the army, my mum couldn't drive, and frankly my 1yo needed me more on that day).

I breastfed so couldn't leave them for more than that for a few months.

saraclara · 03/07/2021 11:23

Also be prepared for feeling somewhat different when it happens though. Bonding and your hormones might have something else to say about leaving her. But there's absolutely nothing wrong in doing so.

Annoy · 03/07/2021 11:23

Yeah, as above... the purely depends on whether you will be breastfeeding or not. It’ll be too early for baby to take to boob and bottle. Plus feeding will be at least every hour with bf... moreso of an evening from what I remember

MotionActivatedDog · 03/07/2021 11:26

The event you’re going to- Any change you could bring baby in a sling and feed her as and when she needs to?

xyzandabc · 03/07/2021 11:26

I'd hold off until baby is here to commit either way. Baby will be fine left with your OH. It's more whether you are physically able to go.

You might be 5 weeks post an easy birth and fit as a fiddle. You might be 1 week post emergency section with an infected wound, unable to do much for yourself at all, leaking blood and milk. More likely somewhere between these two but you're not going to know until you're there.

I'd say to your friend you fully intend on using the ticket yourself but if it turns out you can't, then it's great to know that she would like it.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 03/07/2021 11:26

I went to see Take That after both when they were 8/9 weeks old. It was hard, especially as breastfeeding. My youngest refused to use a bottle so cried for the 6 hours I was away.

If I were you I would wait and see. You might have them 2 weeks early and have a five week old which is different to a 1 week old.

Years ago I had tickets to an event but ended up having a minor ish surgery brought forward so it would be 3 days before the show. I asked my friend who I was going with if she could see if a friend of hers would be ok standby in case I wasn't well enough to go. She didn't think this was fair (I was happy to give the ticket if this was the case) so she guilted me into selling my ticket. When the time came I did feel well enough to go and have always regretted selling my ticket.

Original poster

Strawberryblondee · 03/07/2021 11:26

I do plan on breastfeeding atm, but I have bought the nanobebe bottles that are highly recommended to breast feeding parents and a pump. But then it all comes down to the circumstances at the time I suppose

OP posts:

Keepitonthedownlow · 03/07/2021 11:27

How long would you be away for? If you breastfeed you can probably use a bottle if you're away for max 4 hours, I'd say. Although it is a few years since I've had a newborn.

Original poster

Strawberryblondee · 03/07/2021 11:31

Thank you everybody for your comments😊.
Obviously I know it will all depend on my circumstances at the time, and this thread is written with the scenario that all is well in mind haha, it could be that I don't feel up to it all when the time comes which is fine, but then I don't feel like giving up my ticket or being pressured into doing so before the time comes.

I think I just needed to hear other peoples views that didn't have an alterior motive (and isn't my male partner😂) and whether or not I was being selfish or not.

OP posts:

Original poster

Strawberryblondee · 03/07/2021 11:34

The event is about an hours drive from my where I live, and the event doesn't have an exact time frame but I reckon it will be about 2/3 hours long. So it would be a maximum of about 6 hours with travel that she would be left.

OP posts:

Bananarice · 03/07/2021 11:34

It is not selfish to leave a baby somewhere safe, with someone you trust.

However, be aware you might end up feeling guilty.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 03/07/2021 11:35

Will you be able to pump while there?

Elune · 03/07/2021 11:40

It absolutely depends. Personally, even though I was sure I would be fine to leave her when I was pregnant, when she was born it was a different thing entirely and I wouldn't have been able to leave her for six hours. I was also breastfeeding and we were having some issues getting established so I wouldn't have wanted to be away from her for that long or have to pump somewhere. So I think hold on to the ticket for now but be aware that you might be surprised how strong that bond is in the early weeks and how difficult you'll find it to be apart. I'm a very pragmatic person and was very much not expecting to feel like I couldn't leave her for any length of time.

Bananarice · 03/07/2021 11:45

I forgot to add, you might not have healed properly yet. Every baby is different, if your baby is similar to my ds1 you could go no problem. All he needed was to be feed every three hours and nappy to be changed every other waking. He self soothed and loved his sleep.

If your baby is similar to my ds2, I would suggest you shower and attempt to sleep instead. Even though my physical healing was much fast with ds2. He cried only for me and suffered with terrible reflux. He still cried when I held him, but it was less intense somehow.

BillyIsMyBunny · 03/07/2021 11:46

Most fathers go back to work after just 2 weeks paternity leave and nobody would consider them selfish for leaving their baby with their partner. It’s not like you’re leaving your baby with a stranger. If at the time you feel happy to leave your baby with her father then that’s not selfish at all, it’s completely normal for a baby to be at hone with only one parent for a few hours.

Rosesareyellow · 03/07/2021 11:53

About three weeks or so to have my hair done, I was out for about 3 hours. I wouldn’t feel guilty but I couldn’t have gone much longer as I would get sore breasts.

ikeepseeingit · 03/07/2021 11:54

I think it’s really down to how you feel at the time OP! There could be all manner of outcomes to the birth and you could benefit from leaving your baby for a few hours or you could feel very stressed at the thought. It’s not selfish or terrible to do it though, I wouldn’t be selling your ticket to them if you decide not to go, they don’t sound very nice. If you want your partner could pick up and drop off maybe? Then you can feed on drop off and pick up. Completely up to you though.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/07/2021 11:57

I left our baby twins with DH when they were 6 weeks ... didn’t go far but had a lovely dinner out with friends.

nicknamehelp · 03/07/2021 11:58

Leaving baby fine. But depending on delivery you may not feel physically up to it and if breastfeeding will need to perhaps factor in pumping at event as after 6 hours you may be rather full and looking like a page 3 model!

Hoppinggreen · 03/07/2021 11:58

With DD about 5 minutes after she was born to go for surgery
With DS about 30 minutes after he was born for a shower.

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