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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When did you first leave your baby with your OH?

72 replies

Strawberryblondee · 03/07/2021 11:14

I'm 23 and this is my first baby and was very much unplanned (but is very much loved). Before I found out I was pregnant I booked tickets for an event with my friends, which is a once in a lifetime thing and won't be happening again. However, it's taking place 3 weeks after my due date.

I already feel awful for considering going, and the guilt will probably only amplify when my baby is actually here. Another of my friends that didn't book a ticket at the time is telling me that they think it will be too soon to leave her with my OH and I'd be selfish to do that so I should just sell them my ticket. But my OH says that it's not as if I'm leaving my baby with just anyone and that he thinks I should go.

Obviously is my baby is overdue it could be that she will only be a week or two old by that point.

So my question is when did you first leave your babies? And Do you think that it would be selfish of me to leave my baby so soon after she is born?

OP posts:

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Brown76 · 03/07/2021 13:10

I think 6 hours is a long time for you if you’re breastfeeding and bleeding from a recent birth. I couldn’t have sat or stood (or stayed awake) for that long, but I think your baby will be fine! See how you feel nearer the time, and be prepared to sell your ticket if you can’t manage it.

HopeValley · 03/07/2021 13:14

I couldn't have left either of mine at that age. Even though they'd take a bottle, they needed the comfort of breastfeeding so wouldn't be comforted by anyone else.

DPotter · 03/07/2021 13:14

I left DD with DP after 2 weeks - went back to my evening class. Was out of the house for 3 hrs approx. DD happy. DP happy and me happy.

You don't have to decide now about the ticket - leave it until a few days before hand. Your friend just wants the ticket which is why she's pushing you for a decision now. If she wants it now she'll want it 2 days before hand

ElderMillennial · 03/07/2021 13:16

I think leaving baby with his father is fine if you are both comfortable with it.

ElderMillennial · 03/07/2021 13:16

Im sure no one would think dad was awful for going out for a few hours!

Cosybelles · 03/07/2021 13:20

The day we brought DD hone from hospital, DH took her to meet our next door neighbours. Two weeks later I went out for a couple of drinks with friends. You can always plan to go but cancel at the rind if you are not up to it.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 03/07/2021 13:20

As others have said it will very much depend on when baby arrives and how you feel after the birth. If you have to have a c section then you are unlikely to be fit enough to go however after a "normal" birth with no stitches or few then you will probably be fine.

If you plan to breast feed you will need to pump and store (you cam buy bags for the freezer in boots) and continue to pump whilst you are away to prevent becoming engorged but there is no reason it can't be managed. And absolutely no reason dad can't cope.

Your friend is more concerned over her not having a ticket than your best interests I suspect, especially by calling you selfish.

Find a new friend!

DPotter · 03/07/2021 13:29

I was out and about 2 weeks after EMCS!

olderthanyouthink · 03/07/2021 13:30

The only real problem with the baby is feeding it, I know a baby that laughed in the face of the nanobebe bottles and my DD went off the natural avent ones after 12 ish weeks. It's not advisable to try pumping and giving bottles that early but it works for some. Formula might cause issues too.

For you though, you'll have may have heavy bleeding, bruising, tearing, stitches, baby blues, engorged breasts and just not wanting to leave the baby.

I didn't leave DD for a loooong time because she wanted BFing hourly forever and wouldn't take a bottle

Candlecandlesss · 03/07/2021 13:33

I don't think it's selfish to leave a baby with their own father at whatever age however I think you won't be ab to make a decision until baby's here. You may feel completely different about leaving baby once they're here. It will also depend on a number of factors- I had an emergency c section and would not have been able to go to an event that 1-2 weeks after (some may be fine!) Also I breastfed and no way could I leave her for 6 hours at a couple of weekend old - most I managed was an hour food shop and even then often got a phonecall saying was I nearly home! Ultimately, you may just not want to leave baby once they're here.

WimpoleHat · 03/07/2021 13:33

It’s not selfish…but, as others have outlined upthread, it may not be practical (feeding baby, discomfort for you etc). Can you wait and see on the night/nearer the time?

Echobelly · 03/07/2021 13:35

It's not selfish at all but you (and baby) may or may not be up to it. My two were both 'easy' babies, only one breast-fed, but I don't think it would have been possible to leave them for an evening that early on. Six weeks+ would be more realistic.

MistyFrequencies · 03/07/2021 13:36

With my first it was 8 weeks or so before I felt physically healed and she was in a good routine of breastfeeding (she refused all bottles) so I could predict windows of a few hours to leave her. It wouldn't have been possible at 3 weeks.

Original poster

Strawberryblondee · 03/07/2021 14:07

Everything you have all highlighted are things that I have definitely considered. Like I said before it is entirely dependent on the circumstances and whether or not I even feel comfortable leaving at all when the time comes. I'm certainly not naive enough to think that I'm going to just pop her out and then be able to get on with life as normal🤣.

I have said since I found out that I obviously can't 100% commit but then didn't want to give up my ticket either and live to regret it as like I said it isn't likely to happen again and the 6 hour statement was literally just a worst case scenario and not a definitive time frame, it would likely be less time than that.

OP posts:

NoYOUbekind · 03/07/2021 15:11

Honestly, just wait and see and ignore your 'friend' who quite clearly wants to get her grubby mitts on your ticket. I'd rather waste the seat than let her have it after she called you selfish!

RunnerGirl123 · 03/07/2021 15:30

I'm in a similar situation, due mid August and have a rescheduled event (due to covid) approx 4 weeks later. I really want to go, but understand I need to see how I'm feeling at the time / how well feeding and expressing has been established. I don't think it's selfish at all to want to still do fun things with friends even once you're a mother - I guarantee your partner will go to the pub / on days out with friends, so why can't you? I think the best advice is, only you will know how you feel nearer the time, and it's fine to wait until last minute to make that decision.

I have no concerns about leaving baby with my OH. He's the father, and will be involved in looking after baby once she arrives. I also want to be able to spend a few hours away from baby every now and then, and I imagine starting this within the first few months will help ease the anxieties that come with this - whether that is for socialising, exercise etc.

IdblowJonSnow · 03/07/2021 15:35

If breast feeding then 6 hours is quite long. I'd get your partner to take u there, feed before you go in and maybe then baby will just sleep until you come out. That is pretty much all teeny babies do!

Verbena87 · 03/07/2021 15:42

Not selfish, but you will need to pump while you’re there if you’re breastfeeding otherwise you’ll risk engorgement/mastitis.

Also on a personal level my baby was 2 weeks late and so 3 weeks post due date I still had a partially open wound and couldn’t stand for long because of blood loss (weak and dizzy). I wouldn’t have felt ready to be away from baby yet either, but this might well be down to being separated straight after birth due to medical issues for both of us and feeling so anxious waiting to hear he was ok.

My feeling is keep your ticket and see how you feel near the time. It might be fine and if so you’ll be gutted to miss it. It might not feel right for your little family and in that case, you can just not go and may well be able to sell your ticket on.

SLT90 · 03/07/2021 15:46

Definitely keep your options open. I couldn't have left my DS as he was bf and would accept a bottle. Plus at that age was attached to me constantly and cluster fed all evening every day! Lots of time of the sofa with my nursing pillow watching TV! But then we were in lockdown #1 at that time and so didn't even have the option of leaving him to consider! I think I first left him for a few hours when he was 7 or 8 months old!! But that isn't typical I suppose!

SLT90 · 03/07/2021 15:47

@SLT90

Meant to say 'wouldn't accept a bottle!' (And he never did!)

riotlady · 03/07/2021 16:07

About a week I think, I went for a coffee and a very slow potter round the shops with my mum

Heartofglass12345 · 03/07/2021 16:31

Leaving the baby with their other parent shouldn't really be an issue, they are their parent too. You may not feel ready to leave the baby at all but that would be due to your feelings/ hormones.

I'd be more worried about being sore/ bleeding/ possibly having a c section.

I was fine after both my deliveries but I don't know if I could have done 6 hours out today the house though.

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