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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When did you first leave your baby with your OH?

72 replies

Strawberryblondee · 03/07/2021 11:14

I'm 23 and this is my first baby and was very much unplanned (but is very much loved). Before I found out I was pregnant I booked tickets for an event with my friends, which is a once in a lifetime thing and won't be happening again. However, it's taking place 3 weeks after my due date.

I already feel awful for considering going, and the guilt will probably only amplify when my baby is actually here. Another of my friends that didn't book a ticket at the time is telling me that they think it will be too soon to leave her with my OH and I'd be selfish to do that so I should just sell them my ticket. But my OH says that it's not as if I'm leaving my baby with just anyone and that he thinks I should go.

Obviously is my baby is overdue it could be that she will only be a week or two old by that point.

So my question is when did you first leave your babies? And Do you think that it would be selfish of me to leave my baby so soon after she is born?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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SinkGirl · 03/07/2021 11:59

About the same stage (4 weeks post due date) although my twins were 9 weeks old by then.

DT2 was readmitted to hospital after 8 weeks in nicu but this time to paeds HDU and I had to stay with him 24/7 for nearly 2 weeks while DH had the other twin at home alone. Think it was actually really good for him although distressing for us all.

We didn’t have anyone babysit until they were nearly 2, and we didn’t often leave the other alone with both twins as it was a lot of work due to health issues.

Hoppinggreen · 03/07/2021 11:59

And the baby has 2 parents, you leaving the baby with your OH is the same as him leaving it with you (unless you are BF which makes it more difficult of course)

LittleRa · 03/07/2021 12:01

@Hoppinggreen

With DD about 5 minutes after she was born to go for surgery With DS about 30 minutes after he was born for a shower.

Presume you weren’t showering for 6 hours so it’s not really the same thing.

Girlmama3 · 03/07/2021 12:02

Not selfish at all! But, I’d wait until the week before the event to see how you feel.

If you feel ok then go and enjoy it! You can always pump there if you are breast feeding x

spookycookies · 03/07/2021 12:04

Me and my husband went out for a meal and left baby with my mum when she was 3weeks. However, I was two weeks overdue and was still in hospital one week after so wouldn't have been able to go to the event you describe.

LittleRa · 03/07/2021 12:05

See how you feel when your baby is here, but at 3 weeks post due date your baby might only be 10 days old and you may still be sore and bleeding, along with breasts engorged and leaking, and really not feel like it. It’s a shame if it’s a one off event that you will not get the chance to do again, because you will eventually feel comfortable leaving your baby but it may take a little more time than 3 weeks. The engorged breasts and post-partum bleeding obviously do not last forever and at 23 you will have plenty of time to get back to fun events with your friends etc. See how you feel but don’t put yourself under any pressure.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 03/07/2021 12:06

as soon as they were born or just a bit after that.

he held almost all of our children first (for various reasons).
when he held DS1 I remember thinking "I could happily die now, I know baby is in the best hands".

so leaving any of them alone with DH at any time wouldn't have been an issue, in theory.

in practice - that's a whole other book.
see how the birth goes, how you & baby are doing. there was no way I would've been ready to go anywhere when they were so small (again, various reason, mainly pain, bleeding and being a sleepwalking leaking zombie rag)

lollypoppi · 03/07/2021 12:08

It might be a welcome break. Realistically though, u probably won't feel like it. You'll be absolutely shattered. You may be recovering from c section your baby cld be late and so on.

I think I left mine at a few weeks old but maybe for an hour to go food shopping. I left her at 6wks to go out for lunch for maybe 2hrs.

My baby was a week overdue and I had an emcs I was in hospital 6 days and 5 nights. There's no way I cld attend a gig I could hardly walk.

If I were u I'd try sell the ticket and go another time.

Lemonlemon88 · 03/07/2021 12:10

I couldn't have gone to an event at three weeks but did go to a late wedding and my mum looked after baby at six weeks.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 03/07/2021 12:13

It's also worth factoring in that baby may be up to two weeks late. You might well be recovering from birth still, and breastfeeding can take a while to establish, if that's your plan. Wait and see, too many factors to decide now.

coffeebean3000 · 03/07/2021 12:14

tbh i wouldn’t go. i had my baby in march and before having her i was so casual, booked festival tickets, said i’d get back to work asap and leave her with my partner happily etc. she was born and honestly the protectiveness you suddenly feel is overwhelming. i know it’s different for everyone but my dd is 3 months now and i haven’t been away from her for more than 5 minutes and don’t feel ready for more than that yet.

also with breastfeeding it’s harder than it sounds to pump for some people. i stopped bothering because baby cluster fed so often that it was painful to pump on top of it.

AltitudeCheck · 03/07/2021 12:16

Why not book a hotel, with breakfast & room service, for you, DH and little one as close as possible to the event? You can avoid the travel time and have a nice morning & breakfast together before heading back?

NoYOUbekind · 03/07/2021 12:17

I think just keep your options open. I had an EMCS and couldn't have sat in the car for an hour - and certainly couldn't have driven myself. But say you go early and have a straightforward birth, you'll probably bounce back quite quickly, so it would just be feeding to think about.

You could, for example, have DH drive you to the place early with baby, have lunch and a wee walk about and feed just before you go into the event. But that all depends how baby is in the car and how confident you feel about feeding.

I would hold onto your ticket and do nothing till the week before the event. You know your friend is willing to take the ticket on, so tell her you'll let her know nearer the time.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/07/2021 12:20

I wouldn't have been able to go because I was breastfeeding, but with my first it would also have been because I had a complicated delivery with loads of stitches and wouldn't have been healed up by then and with my last because he was late and also had a tongue tie we were waiting to have corrected and wouldn't have been able to go that long without a feed (I also couldn't pump for shit).

hauntedvagina · 03/07/2021 12:29

Leaving a baby with their father would not be an issue for me in the slightest. However spending six hours at an "event" 1-3 weeks post delivery sounds awful. Nothing can prepare for the hormonal shift you will feel following the birth of your first child, I would cancel and sell your ticket while you have the opportunity to.

HotPotatoHotPotato21 · 03/07/2021 12:38

I couldn't have done it and really wouldn't have wanted to. I don't think it's selfish at all, but my son was 15 days over then we spent three nights in hospital so we would have only been home a few days. We also had lots of difficulties establishing breastfeeding so I was told not to add a bottle too early until baby was happily breastfeeding so he didn't have a bottle preference. He would then cluster feed a good 20 hours a day in the early days although this was partly down to undiagnosed tongue tie. There's just no way he could have been left that early. When he was a month or so old, I tried walking the dog without him and had a call from my husband to come home within 20 minutes as he was inconsolable and we weren't prepared to leave him to cry when he was so little.
I was also heavily bleeding, stitches were sore and extremely tired for about six weeks after birth.
I think you need to see once baby is here and how you are feeling.

Rosesareyellow · 03/07/2021 12:39

However, it's taking place 3 weeks after my due date.

I missed that. That’s potentially a week after giving birth - my aching vagina could not have coped with that (tmi sorry) and I only had a tiny episiotomy.

MsSquiz · 03/07/2021 12:44

Thanks to lockdown, I didn't leave DD with DH for more than 2hrs until she was 17 months (and that was for 7 hours) she's 17 months now and I've never left her over night (again, due to circumstances, rather than choice)

DH did an overnight work trip to London when she was 6 weeks old.

Please don't feel guilty about going. Your baby needs a happy mum, and if that means the odd day or few hours to yourself, then that's what you need to do. You might find if you don't do those things for yourself, you could become resentful of the situation

ChocOrange1 · 03/07/2021 12:55

Its not really selfish, but you probably won't want to. 6 hours is quite a long time - baby will probably still be feeding every 2 hours or cluster feeding in the evening. Its not recommended to start pumping before 6 weeks as it can mess with your milk supply and your baby might only be a week or 2 old, so in that cluster feeding stage which is really important for building milk supply. If you want to breastfeed, I don't think it would be a good idea.

amylou8 · 03/07/2021 13:02

Not selfish at all, as long as you can manage the practical side of if. As people have said you could only be a week pp and really not feeling up to it, or you could be 5 weeks and feeling great. I was out shopping with DS2 when he was 2 days old and 2 weeks early I'd had such an easy birth. With DS1 I wouldn't walk properly for weeks.

Mummyof2andapig · 03/07/2021 13:05

Try not to overthink it or worry about what other people do/have done! See what you feel like the day before or on the day and go with your feelings closer to the time. Just don’t let it worry you, it’s really not worth it

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 03/07/2021 13:07

Not at all selfish. You might feel up for it, you might feel like you dont want to leave your baby. Both fine.

DC1 was day 4. Admittedly I didn't really want to but wanted to go to a relative's funeral. Was out for around 3 hours. Everything was fine. DC2 around a week later I went to the cafe local to us with a friend.

sparklyblue81 · 03/07/2021 13:07

I went to a wedding 4 weeks post Partum with my first and a christening 1 week after my daughter was born. Both were about an hour away & totally uncomfortable & exhausting. I kind of had to go as close family but wished I hadn’t. I left both early as shattered & I did have baby with me both times due to feeding. Even after a few months I had to pump if I was away from baby fir more than about 4 hours as my boobs hurt & felt like they were going to explode 😬 It also took a while to get the hang of pumping & the first few times I left DS2 & DD they screamed & refused bottle 🙈

So in the first 6 weeks I’d only really feel comfortable leaving baby for 1-2 hours (even though I know my DH is a great dad).

careerchangeperhaps · 03/07/2021 13:09

I think that expecting to be away from a breastfed neonate for a social event for 6 hours is ridiculous (emergencies aside, obviously).
That baby will be needing to be fed at least 2 hourly and you can't just expect to give it a bottle when it's not used to having one (nor used to the formula milk).
And even if the baby is ok, you won't be. Your boobs will be beyond painful, not to mention you'll most likely still be v sore down below / on your tummy, depending on how the baby is born.

Chelyanne · 03/07/2021 13:10

Baby would be perfectly fine left but I wouldn't. I only left our twins with dh at 2wk old for an hour because I had to go to hospital because my cs scar was infected and hated every second of it.
I had to leave 1st at 6.5mth when I went back to work but became a sahm after 2nd and it got later and later the more children we had.

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