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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Who did you tell when in labour?

52 replies

Tilly18101 · 20/06/2021 20:15

DH and I have very different opinions on this, I am very firm that I don’t want people to find out until baby is here other than a friend who is going to look after the pets whilst in the hospital.

I’ve said this because I don’t want anyone worrying, or ringing or texting when there’s nothing they can do, and if they don’t hear for a while I just know they’ll be very worried - id rather keep them from any extra stress and then tell them baby is here and when they can visit etc! DH says it’s my choice but he also thinks our parents/siblings should know, and he’s happy to keep them up to date?

My question is who did you tell, and how did you find it when people knew? Was it nice to have them knowing or did you find it a bit overwhelming? I just know my family are worriers, and I just couldnt bear them stressing and not knowing if it took a while, or there an emergency situation?!

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AdriannaP · 20/06/2021 20:19

Nobody- I don’t understand why you would want to!
I also didn’t know when my SIL was in labour and didn’t want to know.
The birth of a first can easily take 24 hours, you really want your ILs to be calling/texting/worrying while you are in labour.

AdriannaP · 20/06/2021 20:19

Your DH should be busy looking after you not keeping the family whatsapp updated! I would have been fuming if my Dh did that.

theprisonerofazkabitch · 20/06/2021 20:19

Nobody, just my DH. I had a home birth both times, and then about an hour after the DC were born and I was sure everything was all right I called family to let them know. I was the same as you, I didn’t want the pressure of having to answer phone calls if people were worrying/wanting to see what was going on. And I didn’t want people around straight after the birth either.

Toottooot · 20/06/2021 20:20

Nobody. We told a few people a couple of hours after baby arrived then did our social media post a week later.

shivawn · 20/06/2021 20:20

Yeah I'll probably tell my parents, they're pretty chill so I doubt they'd be stressing or thinking about emergency situations. Probably tell a few close friends too depending on time of day etc. I haven't really given it much thought to be honest.

FluffMagnet · 20/06/2021 20:20

It's your medical information, no one is entitled to know. And you need as little stress as possible for a successful labour. Therefore it doesn't matter what other people say or think, it is whatever makes you happiest and calmest. (Personally I'm with you both as the pregnant woman and as the relative - I hate knowing people are in labour, as it stresses me out immensely)

Leftphalange · 20/06/2021 20:21

Just my parents because they were looking after my other children, for same reasons as you that I didn't want people to be worrying or sending messages. Just wanted to be left alone. Though I think my husband did message his mum as I got further along in labour, which I was fine with.

SingingSands · 20/06/2021 20:21

Parents first time and nobody second time (lesson learned after the first time!).

Frazzled2207 · 20/06/2021 20:22

only the people who needed to know which was
dc1 - husband's employer, as he needed to tell them it was the time to start paternity leave.

dc2 - as above plus my parents because I needed them to come over and look after dc1.

nobody else knew until they were here.
I just couldn't bear the thought of everyone thinking of 'what stage I was at' blah blah blah.

Frazzled2207 · 20/06/2021 20:23

@Toottooot

Nobody. We told a few people a couple of hours after baby arrived then did our social media post a week later.

ha yes same here. There was nothing on social media until they had names which on both occasions took about a fortnight to agree on. Important people were however told within a few hours of birth.

Feather12 · 20/06/2021 20:23

We told everyone. I told my mum so she could travel up and see the baby as soon as possible. We also told the in-laws because we were supposed to be at a wedding that day. He arrived very quickly and it was so nice that everyone was there waiting to greet him!

SNKB14 · 20/06/2021 20:24

I was induced, went into hospital Wednesday night and had baby Friday morning. I told 2 close friends purely to speak to before things ramped up, and they respected that when things went quiet, that things were likely happening.
We didn’t tell any family etc as we didn’t want the continuous texts of “hows it going?!” or “any news?!”

It’s much nicer to ring them with “baby is here, we’re both fine” rather than them worrying and essentially mithering you when you’re otherwise occupied lol

Danidandan · 20/06/2021 20:25

I had a planned section but the only people who knew were my parents.

And his boss so his maternity leave could start that day.

The thought of him being on his phone updating everyone is so off putting.

Just send a group chat a photo when baby is here and turn your phones off.

PrimeraVez · 20/06/2021 20:26

DC1 - told my mum which I regret. Afterwards she said how ‘stressful’ it had been for her and she kept badgering DH for updates.

DC2 - only our nanny knew I had gone in to be induced, as she had to come over (at night) to look after DC1

DC3 due in August and again, only intend on our nanny knowing!

SillyBry · 20/06/2021 20:27

I’ll be honest. When I was in labour, looking at my phone or worrying about other people was so far from my mind.

I was due to go to lunch with friends, so asked hubby to text them and cancel. And my parents were well aware because I spent most of the day in early labour at their house whilst hubby was at work. I think hubby told his parents - but I never thought to ask. I was busy! 🤣🤣
This time round, they’ll be on childcare duty, so they will know. I’m not especially precious about it because I know I’ll be focused on myself not the rest of the world.

Faranth · 20/06/2021 20:28

No one, just me and DP knew.

We have a great relationship with parents and in laws, no worries about anyone bursting into the Labour suite or anything like that, but same as you, I wanted to concentrate on what was happening - not be worried about what everyone else wanted to know!

As it happened I went into labour in the evening and had DD late morning, so no one 'missed' us anyway. But it all went wrong at the end and I nearly had an emergency c section. DP wouldn't have been updating anyone on anything during that! Can you imagine if he'd been doing hourly updates and suddenly stopped? Or if he'd actually told them all that there were problems and then stopped communicating?

DP was helping me. He was holding my water, waving a flannel around as I alternately demanded it and screamed at him to get it off me, helping support my weight as I tried to squat etc. He was paying attention to the midwife and trying to get information through to me - like when they told me I had to stop drinking but I felt like I'd spent a week in the Sahara. He didn't have time to be faffing with his phone, and if he'd tried then I wouldn't have been the only one having something removed with forceps!!

Original poster

Tilly18101 · 20/06/2021 20:31

@SingingSands

Parents first time and nobody second time (lesson learned after the first time!).

Phew, thank you all, this makes me feel SO much better that my thoughts weren’t wild.

That’s absolutely my worry of the ‘how’s it going?’ ‘What’s happening’ etc? The thought of DH glued to his phone too trying to update the family group to stop them worrying would have me stressed too!

@SingingSands That’s good to know! I’ll take your experience and apply to my first - thank you!

OP posts:

ForkedIt · 20/06/2021 20:31

My husband, then the midwife. He told his mum so that she could come and pick the dog up after work. My mum texted me during the day asking if I was up to much that day so sent her a photo of me in hospital for a laff - otherwise she likely wouldn’t have known until the baby arrived.

This time my mum will know for dog / child care reasons and it’s doubtful anyone else will know.

ineedaholidaynow · 20/06/2021 20:32

No-one.

First twinges at midnight. In hospital at 3am (don' think anyone would have appreciated a phone call then!). DC arrived 6am. Then had complications, so only got to the ward by lunchtime. So waited until then to let anyone know

Original poster

Tilly18101 · 20/06/2021 20:33

@Faranth yes exactly I think I’d be using forceps on DH too in that situation! I don’t think he realises that the labour isn’t going to be as the movies make it out to be, and he will be very much needed on demand!

OP posts:

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 20/06/2021 20:34

First time round

PILs as we were supposed to be meeting them for dinner
my parents as my mum was fretting. (She was overdue)
DHs boss as he wouldn't be contactable for a while. Well in theory... He still got work calls...

Second time round

my mum knew as she was staying with me
I think I emailed DH on the off chance he got it
my neighbour who offered to have DD1.
the security guards for the army base as it was a home birth (to allow access for medical staff... It was on the Standing Orders for several weeks)

Unfortunately people are most and you will get constant messages for updates whether you tell people or not or you turn off your phone's... Upon which people presume you are in labour!

bakingdemon · 20/06/2021 20:36

No one. I ended up being in labour for 20 hours with a rather difficult end and would have been rather annoyed if DH had been on his phone. My mum etc would have been really worried if they'd known when I started labour and how long it was going on for.

2bazookas · 20/06/2021 20:47

Midwife and husband. Nobody else.

Wowcherarestalkingme · 20/06/2021 20:51

With DS1 nobody. It was a very quick labour in the middle of the night but I still wouldn’t have wanted anyone to know.
With DS2 we told parents as he was two months premature and I was in hospital for two days as they tried to prevent labour. If it had been straight forward I would have done the same as DS1 though

georgarina · 20/06/2021 20:59

I told people and regretted it! My mum and grandma didn't let me off the phone with all this longwinded stressy advice that slowed down my contractions. My dad and other grandparents showed up at the house in a state and DP had to physically usher them out. Then later my dad appeared in the hospital room when I was in active labour.

A nightmare! I won't be telling anyone this time.

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