Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Who did you tell when in labour?

52 replies

Tilly18101 · 20/06/2021 20:15

DH and I have very different opinions on this, I am very firm that I don’t want people to find out until baby is here other than a friend who is going to look after the pets whilst in the hospital.

I’ve said this because I don’t want anyone worrying, or ringing or texting when there’s nothing they can do, and if they don’t hear for a while I just know they’ll be very worried - id rather keep them from any extra stress and then tell them baby is here and when they can visit etc! DH says it’s my choice but he also thinks our parents/siblings should know, and he’s happy to keep them up to date?

My question is who did you tell, and how did you find it when people knew? Was it nice to have them knowing or did you find it a bit overwhelming? I just know my family are worriers, and I just couldnt bear them stressing and not knowing if it took a while, or there an emergency situation?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Nat4392 · 20/06/2021 21:06

I was induced and only told a couple of people. I couldn’t be arsed with the whole “any signs yet?” texts!
I just let everyone else know once she was born and people were so elated as it was more “unexpected”

KindChick · 20/06/2021 21:08

We told absolutely no one which was just as well as the labour went on for 2 days. I was really glad I didn’t have the additional pressure of people looking for updates. Husband made contact once baby was safely here and we were all settled and ok. Much better that way.

Original poster

Tilly18101 · 20/06/2021 21:12

@georgarina oh my goodness, I mean my dad would absolutely not step foot in a maternity hospital (very old school!) but I would be very cross if any family member just ‘popped’ in whilst in labour! Not something you want to have to think about On top of getting a baby out!

OP posts:

nellly · 20/06/2021 21:14

Were just planning on telling my brother as he has the spare key and will be coming to take care of the pet he's very discreet and knows not to tell anyone (except his wife)

GoingBackTo505 · 20/06/2021 21:20

My mum knew with our first as it was so long and she came round to plait my hair for me and just for a bit of a chat with me and DP as it was so long.
With our second, my parents knew I'd gone in to be induced as they had to look after our other child, but nobody knew I'd actually gone into labour naturally whist waiting to be induced, it was so quick we didn't get a chance to tell anyone, not that I think we would have anyway.

AliceTheCamelHasFiveHumps · 20/06/2021 21:23

DH messaged the joint family group saying I was going in. And said something along the lines of " if you don't hear from us, don't get in touch, we'll let you know any news"
Seemed to work out!

motogogo · 20/06/2021 21:25

For Dd2 I told my mum but she was on a different continent, mostly because I went into labour in the middle of the night and I could call her and be distracted for a bit due to time difference. We also told a friend because they had dd1.

For dd1 my parents knew because they drove me to the hospital

motogogo · 20/06/2021 21:27

Ps no mobile phone then and no social media so information was easier to control

Landslidelife · 20/06/2021 21:28

My parents because mum was birthing partner and dad was childcare.
The big problem is it might not be always convenient to reply to messages or update dh needs to be concentrating on you not worrying about updating people. With one of my deliveries I unfortunately became very ill, my mum didn't update dad for many hours (because we were in itu where they had a no phones policy) and he was panicking but couldn't get any information. Also its your medical information not dhs at the end of the day so your decision should be final.

Waggily · 20/06/2021 21:30

I told my mum and sisters. I knew they would be excited and wouldn’t bother me. And it have my mum time to pack her bag to come up to visit. For my second child, I text them to say I was going into hospital then half an hour later, sent them a picture if the baby. It was a useful way of keeping track of the timings afterwards!

Bancha · 21/06/2021 06:58

I went back in my whatsapps to see what DH said. Like @Waggily said it actually gave me some idea of timings! He messaged both family chats when I went into active labour, and then when I was fully dilated… 90 minutes later. Just very brief messages, and there were supportive messages in reply from our families but no questions or anything. I didn’t have my phone with me anyway so wasn’t checking, but our families would never have been difficult about any of it.

I really only wanted DH to hold my water bottle up for me during labour though. We did all the hypnobirthing but when it came to it I just went into my own headspace so I think he felt a bit useless!

I do think reading some of the messages though that it was possibly a bit naive of him as something could have gone wrong, and very nearly did. It was such a fast labour no one had time to ask any questions or get worried whereas that may have been different if it had taken longer.

Given me lots to think about for number 2, but I think it’s a ‘know your people’ thing.

yepitsmey · 21/06/2021 07:02

Told my FIL as he would be coming in to feed the cat.

Told my sister as I wanted someone to chat to.

DH told his boss as it's a very small team and he knew he might need to disappear at some point in the day.

24 hours after labour starting I then told my mum and a friend as it was 4am and I was wide awake.

Nobranothanks · 21/06/2021 07:05

I text my 2 best friends who had been my rocks throughout that I thought I might be in labour. For reasons known only to my daughter she had arrived within 55 mins of me sending hat text so the next text I sent was telling them she was here 😂 my parents also knew but only because they took me to the birth centre. (a miracle in itself as for the previous 30 years they'd spent no more than 5 mins in a room together lol)

breadbinbaby · 21/06/2021 07:16

Both our families knew (parents and siblings, my nephew knew as he was at my parents’ house too but my SILs kept it from their kids until the baby was here as my niece would have been far too excited at school!) I was overdue and had the most drawn out going-into-labour process ever over several days, and I liked the ‘any news?’ texts rather than being annoyed by them, so lots of friends knew things were in train too. I sometimes reread the chatting texts with my mum back from when I was in the hospital and there’s a bit where I tell her the pain has just got a lot worse and I feel sick - then the next texts are about the new baby. Helps to remind me I’ll get through it again this time!

SunnySideUp2020 · 21/06/2021 08:28

Went into labour just before 1am on Monday.
My DH texted my dad, my mum, my sis and bro. And i texted a friend because she was wondering what contractions felt like... so literally just texted her "it feels like dying" (i was in a lot of pain and prob a bit shocked!) They all only saw the messages in the morning but DD was born at 6am so they also had the arrival with pic text as well 😁😁

SunnySideUp2020 · 21/06/2021 08:46

Tbh it depends on your labor...
I didn't notice the latent phase so immediately went into active labor and my phone was the last thing on my mind. In fact nothing was on my mind apart from trying to get through each contraction and the epidural i was going to get. I only opened my eyes to get downstairs to the car and out of the car to the reception. And even after i got the epidural and was back to being myself i was in a bubble with my husband i honestly completely forgot about the world outside of the delivery room! We were so excited and happy that she was coming.

That being said i think it was wise of him to let my family know as i had some scary complications after the birth so it was good that they knew to be close to the phone at that time! He did say in his text that he will keep posted when he can meaning no need to ask!

roundtwoboy · 21/06/2021 09:57

Everyone.

My partner announced on Facebook that I was in labour.
It wasn't something we had discussed if we would tell anyone or not, but I didn't feel the need to keep it a secret and enjoyed reading the good luck comments etc.

Only thing that ruined it was a couple of uninvited visitors turning up to the hospital, therefore we will be a bit more discreet this time.

Luckyelephant1 · 21/06/2021 10:44

I don't think we'll be letting anyone know, especially if it's likely to be a long labour; I know my parents/in laws will leave us to it at first but eventually start texting/calling for updates and I don't want that disrupting things. We'll let them know as soon as possible after she's been born safely.

Luckyelephant1 · 21/06/2021 10:45

I know what I'm like as well and I feel like if people know I'm in labour I'll be under more pressure somehow. Can't be dealing with that!

wearyofwigan · 21/06/2021 10:51

Having to wade through relatives who turn up when someone is in labour (pre covid) was so bloody annoying. You traipsing up and down the corridor doesn't help anyone and just gets in the way.

I told my best friend as I'd sent my husband to work. She came and sat with me. He came back at lunch to take over and then I went in.

Didn't announce anything about the pregnancy until baby had arrived. Did a post a few days later.

LadyDanburysHat · 21/06/2021 10:52

My Mum had asked me to tell her with DC1, I nodded and smiled with no intention of letting her or anyone else know. As it happened I went into labour at the inlaws so they knew. I had a very quick labour (less than 4 hrs) but my poor fil still found it very stressful waiting to hear.

I think you are right and your DH is naive about what will be happening. He should not be updating people by text or whatever. And for the most part it is stressful for the people at home waiting to find out. Also what info is he intending to pass on. Do parents, ILs and siblings need to know how dilated your cervix is? Not info I would want passed on to anyone.

TurtleBay28 · 21/06/2021 11:00

Well I was being induced so people knew when I was going in for induction.

I was in from the Wednesday and gave birth the Saturday. So had people say 'oh she still hasn't gone into labour' no sorry I can't flick a fucking switch.

Then I had DS and my mum said after a couple of hours 'you need to tell them he has been born really'. That did wind me up!

annlee3817 · 21/06/2021 11:24

My parents knew because we were living with them at that time, and my Mum was my other birthing partner, DH text his parents to make it fair, middle of the night though so knew they wouldn't see it until the morning and wouldn't expect an update until she'd arrived. Didn't tell siblings because my brother asked me not too and he'd worry

Chelyanne · 21/06/2021 11:41

My mum, dad and brothers (as they all live together). 1st was induced and my mum would have been worried sick if she wasn't kept updated about where I was. 2nd onward they have looked after the older ones for us when I've been in hospital, will be the same for this one.

DumpyDonkey · 21/06/2021 11:42

No-one, although by this time I'd been in hospital 4 days being induced so people were expecting it.

Flip

1 2 3