Ashamed

[tashx]

43 pregnant with 5th baby
My kids are
26, 24, 21 & 15
Scared , ashamed,
Embrassed
I keep hoping I'm dreaming

Scared to keep it
Scared to have abortion
Help

The worse bit is

I want a scan now

I need to know if the baby is healthy or not

Then my decision is easier

But
I know I will have to wait for another couple of weeks

Can you book a private scan? Will cost around £50-70 but you could probably get it tomorrow.

For what it's worth, I'm 41 and pregnant with my 3rd. My daughters are 21 & 22 and are delighted x

Op please stop being so worried what other people will think, it is not relevant. Other than your DH and children still at home it is no one else's business at all!
Sod your mum if she is a pain, you are 42 you don't need her approval.
What you do need to consider is,

In your heart do you want to keep this baby, and are you prepared to raise another child?
Alone if need be?
Can you afford to have this baby?
Will your (under 18) kids be ok with this?

Answer those questions honestly and you have your answer, and can make a plan of action.

Good luck

Your partner will also be reacting to the vibes you're letting off. If he senses you're stressed and anxious about it he will have been more likely to encourage you down the route of termination.

I sense in your words "I give up" etc that it's not what you want deep down so please don't let anyone sway you. Only you know your heart. Even reading through this thread, you'll feel whose suggestions are making you feel comforted and those which internally make you discouraged / resigned. That can help guide you figure out what you really want deep down.

I don't believe in abortions
That is all I will say
I never thought I would get pregnant again
But
I believe there is a reason why

I'm sure your eldest would come round to the idea even if they are shocked at first.

As for your mother, you are a full grown woman. Let yourself go from needing her approval. She's made her choices and you are allowed to make yours.

Forget what other people think. They are irrelevant to you. Those that matter will support your choice.

OP, your DP felt one way yesterday and a different way today. He will quite possibly keep swinging around like a weathervane in a storm, so honestly I wouldn't take anything he says to heart just yet. You're both in shock. If you dashed off to a clinic for a termination, he might just as easily hold it against you in future. People sometimes expect you to be able to read their minds and know what they want in spite of what they say. 🙄 Is he one of those people?

You're the one who will be making the decision, and you simply don't have enough information to do that yet, so be gentle with yourself. Nobody gets to tell you what to do.

He said it will be cruel to keep the baby

As such a big age gap between my youngest

He's getting too old for a baby
And
He doesn't want to see me
Become unwell
Or struggle

He said he is being sensible

How are you doing OP?

I'm ok
Thankyou so much
For asking

Just taking one day at a time
Got a scan in two weeks xx

Do t forget, OP a 12 week scan will not necessarily show if the baby is healthy. (I don’t mean that to scare you I just mean you shouldn’t expect a complete picture at that point). No one wants to be Ill during pregnancy and it can happen at any age. Encourage DH to come to the scan with you. You both might feel differently after seeing baby. I’m 39 and have fears about health etc but trying to keep it in perspective is key xxx

Yes
I know
I'm expecting the worse
So any good news is a bonus
And
Ready to have any tests because of my age

He sounds scared, OP, as well he might be. And of course you're scared, too. Can he get to the scan with you? That will be the moment it gets real for him.

As far as being "cruel" to keep the baby, that's nonsense and he must know it, deep down. And you don't have a termination because your current youngest might not like a baby in the house! Somebody has to think straight and I suspect that will fall to you, on current showing!

Fwiw, MiL had her youngest unexpectedly at 43. Her eldest, my DH, was 22 and already married!

Not so many tests in those days and no scans, and her GP offered her a termination but she went on to have a healthy girl (after 4 boys) who is in her 40s herself now.

MiL had the joy of seeing her youngest child and her first grandchild playing together, as there was only a year between them.

I had a totally amazing pregnancy and healthy ds at 43.2. My other dc were thrilled.. Would you want to stay with a man who can treat you this way?

Can people just remember
That my partner is 63

How are you doing today OP?

I'm ok
Thankyou

Just desperate for a scan now

So seen midwife
Scan next week
All becoming real now 😳

Your boyfriend is an absolute disgrace, he started a relationship with a 15 year old child and he was 36 , you’ve been with him so long you might think this is ok, but it’s not. Would you be happy for your 15yr old child to be with a man that age? I’d plan for a life of being a single mother, if you don’t want to abort your foetus, the boyfriend is jumping ship by the sounds of it, which is great!

Asinine cliches like ‘everything happens for a reason’ are cute on coffee coasters but not applicable to making a person, there are a number of huge factors you will have to consider if you want to have another kid. Sounds awful all round, good luck.

(I mean it’s great that he might be leaving, he’s a terrible person, and your new kid and you will be better without the dirty man in your lives)

@Carbara

Your boyfriend is an absolute disgrace, he started a relationship with a 15 year old child and he was 36 , you’ve been with him so long you might think this is ok, but it’s not. Would you be happy for your 15yr old child to be with a man that age? I’d plan for a life of being a single mother, if you don’t want to abort your foetus, the boyfriend is jumping ship by the sounds of it, which is great!

The OP didn’t come for judgement on her choice of partner who she has been with for nearly 30 years and has several children with. It is not relevant to her current situation, other than the problem of him being an older father, and she has come here for support not judgement.

@tashx how did the midwife meeting go? Have you discussed things any further with your OH?

@Cap89

The midwife was lovely
And put my mind at ease
She said
It's my life my body
And
Don't worry what anyone else thinks
Thankyou for asking

Oh and my partner has come round to the idea
And looking forward to being a dad again

@Carbara

The only person that is a disgrace
Is you