Ashamed

[tashx]

43 pregnant with 5th baby
My kids are
26, 24, 21 & 15
Scared , ashamed,
Embrassed
I keep hoping I'm dreaming

Scared to keep it
Scared to have abortion
Help

43 here and 35 weeks pregnant with a very much wanted 3rd baby. DCs 1 and 2 (twins) born when I was 41. There is much I can give my kids that I couldn't if I had had them 10-20 years ago. It's been the best time of my life. I can't imagine why you would feel ashamed but I hope you come to the best decision for you and your family. Good luck OP xxx

I understand your worries. My second child was planned at 37. I have an 18 year gap between my two, my first was not planned! My DH is a lot older than me and was 64 when we had dd. She is wonderful. Absolutely no regrets. DH is not as involved with her day to day care (she is 10 now) as he could be but equally many younger men are the same (dd1 has never even met her father!) Luckily dh is very fit and active for his age. You know your own situation but really having a child - and indeed you potentially have a lot of supportive family around you - will be great. Not easy but a child is the most precious thing. And this one is already created not hypothetical.

Thankyou

I am 44 and 10 + 5 weeks pregnant. I will be 45 when the baby is born and my husband will be 52. I felt all the emotions you did when I tested positive at (about) 4 weeks pregnant. I am married and we have the resources to care for a child, but my sons are almost 22 and 24 years old, live halfway around the world and the family dynamic here on this side of the pond is complicated. I haven't told anyone but a very close friend, my mother and my sons. I don't plan to do so until after about 16 weeks, to be honest. I just don't want the hassle and headache yet. My greatest fear is that my age will harm the baby or harm me, but I think I have been googling much too much over the past 6 weeks and I've gotten myself in a huge tizzy!! My only advice would be to give yourself a chance to let everything sink in, no need to tell anyone right now and maybe just get an appointment with a midwife to see where you are at.

Thankyou
I think my main concern
Is people calling me selfish because of my partners age

But I never planned this baby

I'm desperate to tell someone
I'm desperate to talk to someone
But
Cant even get a doctor to call me at mo

Anyone that calls you selfish needs to take a long hard look at themselves. You didn't plan this so how can it be selfish?

I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks about my life or choices, as long as I'm happy that I'm making the right decisions for myself & my family everyone else can get stuffed.

No one is perfect & everyone has an opinion, particularly about pregnancy it seems! I lost years of my life worrying about other peoples opinions of me but I'm at a stage now where I can look inwards instead of outwards & judge what's best for me.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do but don't let other's opinions cloud your judgement x

Take a deep breath. Then a few more! This is something amazing and uncommon, but so exciting, and yes, a bit scary.

Nobody can guarantee their child a healthy father. My DB died suddenly and unexpectedly leaving a widow and toddler. He was barely 30. At 63(?) your DP could well be at this child's graduation. Nothing you can do about his age, so I say park that one.

Look how clever your body has been, though, and what it says about your health! Well done. Just give it time to sink in. I'd say nothing to the other children until you've had the first scan and know you're on track.

What you need is a trusted friend who won't gossip or judge but will listen. Is there someone? If not, there's us.

Thankyou so much ladies
I really mean that ❤️

Wait, you were 15 (underage child) and he was 35? That’s a similar age gap between me and my dad!

I do think that your DH is too old to be a dad to a young child. He’ll be in his mid 80s when your youngest turns 20. You also sound fearful for your health. Did you have complications in previous pregnancies/childbirth? Speak to your GP x

No
4 healthy pregnancies
Thanks
But
I don't need negative comments

So spoke to doctors receptionist
She was very unhelpful
And said doctors not dealing with pregnancies

Had to ring midwife myself
She was lovely
But
Not at one point has anyone asked me if I want this baby

I just want to talk to someone
Midwife just said
Have a scan and then we will talk

I can imagine the shock of finding out your are pregnant just as you were probably preparing to be a grandmother in the next few years if you're not already!
To put this in perspective, there are plenty of women on here going through pregnancy at 43.... for the first time. Some on their own! So don't feel like an "old mum" (just think of Naomi Campbell ;)) just because you had your other children when you were still young. 43 is a perfectly normal age to become a mother.

Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised by your children's reactions and they will end up being a great support network for you as your partner ages. I can imagine that even if they will be shocked at first, they would love the chance to cuddle and help look after the new addition to the family!

Finally, if you do feel that abortion isn't right but it's not realistic for you to be the baby's full-time parent, it is possible for you to ask for the baby to be adopted at birth. I know this option is completely unfairly stigmatised and criticised in this country, but it's not wrong to give life and someone the chance to parent - far from it.

Some people feel abortion is the more ethical option.
But some people believe adoption is the more ethical option. They shouldn't be stigmatised and inflammatory language shouldn't be used against them - or accused of "abandoning" their baby, just like women who choose abortion shouldn't be accused of "killing" their baby. Words matter.

Whatever you choose, it will be ok. Don't feel you should ever take a route because of what others may think of you or say about you.

Thankyou so much ❤️

I keep thinking of poor women
That are desperate for a baby

And there's me moaning!

I terrified of telling my family
Especially my mother!

But
I think I just need a scan now
To see my options

@tashx

Thankyou so much ❤️

I keep thinking of poor women
That are desperate for a baby

And there's me moaning!

I terrified of telling my family
Especially my mother!

But
I think I just need a scan now
To see my options

You're welcome. It's funny how no matter our ages, our mums are always the scariest :) Don't worry though, it's not really any of her business however unpleasant that conversation may be for a few minutes ;)

Trials come in all forms so don't feel bad for feeling scared either. It is a major life upset for sure! But hopefully in the end, it will be a good one.

Look, in an ideal world, maybe it might not have been the best idea to plan to give a baby a 63yo father. But life happens. And this has happened.

I imagine this feels like such a big deal because it's been a long time since your last child, but 43 is and always has been a normal age for a woman to have DC. My mother had me at 42 forty years ago. You know what you're doing, odds are you'll have a perfectly normal pregnancy, the vast majority of people will probably just say "congratulations!" (a late in life "ooops" is actually an extremely common scenario), and anyone who says anything other than that is a dick.

If this is what you want and you're happy, you can do this.

Yes
I never planned any of this
I thought I was going thru the menopause

Thankyou so much for the support

I had my second at 42. I'm a single parent now, he's 10. He also has autism. It's fine and we manage perfectly well. No need to be ashamed and with older kids I'd like to think they'd love and welcome a new baby and be brilliant support.

OP, pregnancy doesn't necessarily means you have to have a baby. It is a choice. Either way nothing to be ashamed of

You really need to speak to a professional for some advice and help. The longer you put if off, the less time you have if you decide not to continue (if that’s what you decide). If it’s 10 weeks since your last period you could be 12 weeks already.

Do you have a good relationship with your children? I’m sure they’ll be happy for you if you are xx

I give up

After having lots of support from
Partner yesterday

Today
He said get rid of it

So that's it then

@tashx

I give up

After having lots of support from
Partner yesterday

Today
He said get rid of it

So that's it then

No OP, that is your choice not his!! Don't be bullied into an abortion you might regret. Please seek some support IRL to help with this. He has no right!!

No that's not it.

It's entirely up to you.

Have you got a friend you trust in real life?

Yes

And she said I got this and I can do this by myself

I'm terrified of losing my kids
I'm terrified of people's reactions

I'm terrified of an abortion
I'm terrified of everything

I just want everything to disappear

I think you need to break up these issues and see if you can just focus on one thing at a time. You are overwhelmed.

Why would you lose your kids?
What sort of relationships do you have with them.

Three of them would be fine I think

My daughter who is 15 would be over the moon

But
I don't have a very good relationship with my eldest who is 26

And
My mum is an evil cow at times
So I know she would tell me to get rid of it

I'm very upset with my partner at the moment
He has changed his mind overnight

He got me pregnant!