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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Should I give up breast feeding?

67 replies

toni2890 · 27/05/2021 20:49

My little one is 10 days old. I have been exclusively breastfeeding but feel like this is causing me to miss out on time with my 2 year old daughter.
I can’t play with her as often as I’m the only one that can feed baby.

OP posts:

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HideousKinky · 27/05/2021 20:53

Can she cuddle up next to you and have a story while you are feeding the baby?

georgarina · 27/05/2021 20:53

Can you express and your dh can do some bottles?

If your supply is already good that's lucky - you can try mixed feeding but might not be able to go back to ebf then if you change your mind

DinoHat · 27/05/2021 20:57

I don’t think you’ll find you have more time FF. If anything there’s more faff involved in prepping bottles, cleaning and sterling.

Do you have a sling? Might it help to feed baby in the sling whilst with your daughter.

UpSlyDown · 27/05/2021 20:58

@toni2890 only you can decide that and you don’t need permission from anyone. Things change with the second- decisions are made for your family not for the baby alone. Bear in mind when DP goes back to work (assuming a 2 parent household set up) most feeds will fall to you anyway and bf can be more convenient than bottles. I mixed fed my second for 12 weeks then FF for the same reason (we were in lockdown with my 3 year old then though so it was hard as we were together 24/7!). It worked well for us, it depends if you’re the type to feel guilty etc for stopping. You’re doing great though! Congrats on the baby.

FTEngineerM · 27/05/2021 21:01

Your titties so do what you want❤️

It’s quite intense at first, it does taper off as the stomach grows I found.

DaisyChainsForever · 27/05/2021 21:01

i've recently been in the same position. DD is 6 months now and there were times i didn't think breast feeding would get to this stage. I found that as DD got bigger/older she fed less & not for as long. She also was happier to be put down more over time. DS (hes 3) has got used to the feeding and i make sure he has a drink/snacks to hand when i sit down to feed as well as something to keep him occupied.

Undersnatch · 27/05/2021 21:02

I think this is part of a strange grieving that comes with your second child. There is a loss of relationship with the first, at least for a while, and a transition that needs to happen. You are starting a process of learning how to split yourself between two and it is hard. Even if you FF, you won’t be able to be fully available to your older as you were before. Up to you what you do about BF, but I’d suspect it wouldn’t solve all your problems here. Can you take short periods which are just for you and the older one, between feeds etc?

3WildOnes · 27/05/2021 21:02

If you want to FF then that is a completely valid choice. It doesn’t need to be all or nothing though, I have mix fed all of my children to different extents. All of mine had some formula by two weeks old. I personally found mix feeding the nest of both worlds.

YukoandHiro · 27/05/2021 21:06

This bit only lasts a short amount of time, by three months the baby will be feeding less for shorter periods of time. Do you have any childcare help for your toddler? How is feeding going? Is it otherwise successful? If you bf, the first three months will be hard but after that it makes it quicker and easier to give time to your eldest as you can just whack out a boob rather than all the faff of kettles and bottles and sterilisation

GintyMcGinty · 27/05/2021 21:09

This is the hard bit - the newborn stage. In a few weeks bf will start to get much easier.

And you will have the convenience of not having to sterilise bottles, make them up, heat them etc.

All of which will give you more time for both children.

The first weeks are hard but it gets so much easier.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/05/2021 21:12

Totally your body your choice but equally don’t feel guilted to stop, a few intense wks will make zero difference to your eldest or your bond with them.
We had too much CBeebies for sure in the beginning with my second, I played puzzles on the floor whilst breastfeeding and her father had to do more playing too. But we survived and now I mix feed at 7 months- x

Twizbe · 27/05/2021 21:31

I had 2 years between mine and I remember the all consuming new baby stage when you've got a toddler too. It's hard work, but in a few weeks it will get easier and you'll see the reward of keeping going.

Not having to make up bottles or faff around with sterilisers. It will give you more time to have fun with both kids

Muststopeating · 27/05/2021 21:36

My first was 16 months when my second was born. It is a tricky balance! I was asked to stop exclusively breastfeeding at 4 months because DC2 wasn't putting on enough weight. I jumped at the 'excuse' to start ff because I thought it meant someone else could help. The reality is that I still had to do the vast majority and I found it much much more hassle to boil kettle, wait, mix formula, wait, clean bottles, steralise bottles etc. From that point on it was a constant battle to get him to take formula or breast and was really really hard work. Actually resulted in much less time for DC1.

This time round I will be doing everything I can to maintain BFing. But that is entirely because I personally find it easier to have the milk on tap.

That being said, I know it doesn't feel easier when you have a very young baby attached to you permanently. I used to weep at how much time I was missing with my daughter (DH generally looked after her and me the baby in the early days).

You need to do what feels right for you! But I promise you there really is no right or wrong for the baby or DC1 here. Both will adapt perfectly well.

partyatthepalace · 27/05/2021 21:38

It is entirely up to you. Some people find bottles much easier, some don’t. Don’t be guilted or bullied either way.

OneEpisode · 27/05/2021 21:39

When dc1 wants to be out and about you and dc2 will be more mobile if you are still able to bf. As pp said, it’s natural to be sad that dc1 has to share… but there will be benefits for dc1 later.
DS used to “bf” his Winnie the Pooh when I bf’d dc2. He also pushed Winnie in a bright orange pram thing for a while.

Sideofnoreturn · 27/05/2021 21:40

I think other posters have nailed it. It’s easy to “blame” breastfeeding for a lack of time with your older child but even if FF you won’t have as much time with them as you did before the baby arrived. Breastfeeding is going to get much quicker and more convenient as your baby grows, whereas FF will stay the same. You will likely do the vast majority of the feeds however you feed (unless your partner doesn’t work?) so the switch may not make as much difference as you think.

I’ve got a 3 year old and a 6 month old and am breastfeeding the baby. I find it easy now to just feed her while I’m down on the floor building a train track, or on a park bench. It would actually be more disruptive to my older child if I had to break off and make up a bottle I think.

It’s a really tough transition going from
1-2 children but it does all get easier.

Heathrug · 27/05/2021 21:42

With my first child I stopped at the 10 days it was too much.

I had my second child and continued longer but struggled massively. I wished I stopped as she wouldn’t let me after about 3 months. She refused a bottle and I didn’t stop with her until close to 12 months but my mental health was poor due to the constant need to feed from me and me alone.

My next child would be FF From 10 days.

Definately · 27/05/2021 23:14

How long are PP imagining it takes to wash and sterilise a few bottles takes like 5 minutes. Give up if you want OP it is entirely your choice.

OneEpisode · 27/05/2021 23:40

Good point that ff is a valid choice but I never had to head home because I’d run out of pre-prepared milk for dc. If I was offered older dc an invite to play, the bf would be fine for dc2.

Twizbe · 28/05/2021 06:53

@Definately

How long are PP imagining it takes to wash and sterilise a few bottles

takes like 5 minutes. Give up if you want OP it is entirely your choice.

I combi fed my first. It takes longer to prepare a bottle than to pick up baby and put on the boob.

Neither is better and OP should do what she likes, but making a bottle of formula does take longer.

DinoHat · 28/05/2021 07:14

@Definately

How long are PP imagining it takes to wash and sterilise a few bottles

takes like 5 minutes. Give up if you want OP it is entirely your choice.

If Op is on her own - which I’m assuming she will be the vast majority of the time, it’s still 5 mins more than whipping a boob out. So if time alone is the main motivator then, no, it won’t solve OP’s issue.

Combi feeding might help when OP does have help?

Of course it’s OP’s choice.

lavenderandwisteria · 28/05/2021 07:17

@Definately

How long are PP imagining it takes to wash and sterilise a few bottles

takes like 5 minutes. Give up if you want OP it is entirely your choice.

But that’s five minutes several times a day.

And ensuring that you have bottles and feeds for going out and for night.

And the cost isn’t insignificant.

I think little babies are just very hard work! But it gets better.

someonesomewhere1 · 28/05/2021 07:22

Seems a silly reason to stop breastfeeding?

Just stick the TV on for your 2 yr old, or bring out a "special box" of toys she can play with whilst you're feeding, or let her run around the park/play in the sandpit while you sit on a bench and feed?

Baby will be in a regular feeding pattern soon and you can go 3 hours between feeds and work your daily schedule around those times.

BUT, your body your choice. You don't want to breastfeed? Then don't!

GingerScallop · 28/05/2021 08:13

@Undersnatch @someonesomewhere1 have said it. Your choice really but ff takes more time than bf. And the feeding frequency will decrease. But even if you didn't feed your second one at all you will still cut time with the first. My second is 7 months and what @undersnatch said should be told to every second time mum. There is a loss that happens that needs to be acknowledged. The guilt can be intense. There is also an amazing gain

Sideofnoreturn · 28/05/2021 08:20

@Definately

How long are PP imagining it takes to wash and sterilise a few bottles

takes like 5 minutes. Give up if you want OP it is entirely your choice.

No one is saying it isn’t the OP’s choice

, or that it takes a long time. But it does take longer than breastfeeding so unless the OP is planning to get someone else to do all the formula feeds, it isn’t going to get her more time with her 2 year old.

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