HELP! My MIL just told me that I must NOT bring the cot home before the baby is born

[AnguaVonUberwald]

We haven't had the easiest pregnancy (had a misscarriage at the begining of the year which has made us very paranoid, and then had some bleeding and cramping in this pregnancy). Its all calmed down a bit now, but we do get very scared and paranoid about the pregnancy.

I was on the phone to my MIL last night, telling her that I wanted to get an amby nest www.amby.co.uk/ for the baby to use as a cot and she said:

"You can pay for it and book it before the baby comes but you must NOT collect it until the baby arrives, its bad luck."

AND then she said - "My daughter didn't buy anything before the baby came"

Now I know is ridiculous to listen to this and get all paranoid, but as I said, I haven't had the easiest of pregnancies and I just get really scared.

Plus, we are buying the amby nest on the internet, so how can we possibly arrange to get it after the baby arrives, AND, how on earth can you bring a baby home if you haven't bought anything for it, before it arrives?

Please reassure me that I am just being stupid and that its OK to go shopping in the January sales for my beautiful baby, as I have been looking forward to for months.

I felt very superstitious too about buying things before the baby was born but like you I relaised it had to be done.
When is your baby due? My 1st was due in April so we did all our shopping in the Jan sales. We left some stuff in the wrapper it came in- like the pushchair, but we had to put the cot togther eventually.
Don't worry ignoing MILs is part and parcel of having kids ime!! And tell dh to have a word with her - he should tell her that you're already worried and her creating panic isn't helping !!

Thanks Dooley1 - our baby is due on the 18th of March, so the January sales are perfect timing, and I have been really looking forward to it, now I just feel like if anything goes wrong, it will be all my fault, and that everytime I see something in the house that is baby related, I will worry.

BUT, I just don't see how on earth you can buy nothing before the baby arrives.

I have this image of DH running round all the shops, after 3 days of labour, buying all the wrong things, it just wouldn't work.

can you buy it and ask a friend or family member to keep it for you?

I really don't go in for all that suspicious stuff. I bought a pram and car seat when I was just 10 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Everything was fine. Even if it hadn't have been fine, I certainly wouldn't have blamed it on the fact that I bought the pram far too early.

I had the amby nest, it was lovely, dd loved it. I had it by my bed for months before dd arrived. She came after a perfect labour 40+2, and was a very healthy and contented baby.

Your MIL needs to think before she speaks. You should enjoy the sales as you won't be getting out to the shops again for years.

I bought everything months before - I think I got the first thing after my 20 week scan. I loved getting the Nursery ready and never thought for one minute that it was bad luck - it helped me get to grips with the fact I was having a baby! There's no way either of you will have the energy or time to go shopping after the birth.

Ignore her!!!

Belgo, we are moving house this week (great plan when 5 months pregnant, but we have to get out of our flat, which is 4 floors up and doesn't have a lift). So we don't really know anyone local to the new house.

I also feel like I am being a bit stupid and shouldn't give in to it, I just wanted to hear that other people have done it and been fine. Thankyou

i wouldnt worry, ive always had baby stuff in tnhe house and nothings gone wrong. with dd2 her pushchair was here when i was 24 weeks and everything was set up and ready by 35. my sister, mam and gran dont think you should have your pram in the house before but thats it. i have everything plus im trying to spread stuff out over the next few months though its so tempting to keep buying stuff

Thank you very much Pigleto, also really good to hear that your dd loved the amby nest.

Thats what I thought about shopping, I somehow can't imagine doing it with a newborn.

Strawberrymartini, Thanks for that, I have been really looking forward to it, and just can't imagine how you buy it all after the birth!

Is your MIL Irish by any chance? Us Irish (esp older generation) are very superstitious about buying for a baby too early.

I had totally forgotten as while living in Asia I was used to going to baby showers and in fact a friend had a baby shower for me and I had bought in advance too. But I then gave an Irish friend in Bulgaria a present just as she was leaving to go home to have her baby and she felt very weird about it.

I thinks it's a generation thing tbh.

Thanks spugs, I guess everyone has their little superstitions about pregnancy, and if you listened to all of them, you wouldn't be able to move for fear you would do something wrong.

Buda, spot on, irish catholic - born and raised in the old country, and now retired back there.

Its good to know its an irish thing, I presume that means that as a Norwegian/English person I can ignore it completely.

You definitely need to get everything ready in advance, I have no idea how people manage if they don't! We kept our pram in the garage I think, but that was to appease a superstitious grandma!
Can you imagine the midwife coming round on day 2 to find you out shopping for nappies and a cot with the baby wrapped in a blanket!

the only thing you shouldn't have in the house is the pram- apparently. Everything else is ok

Angua - I m/cd at 7 weeks earlier this year. I actually feel sad that I never bought anything for that baby, it's almost like denying it ever existed.

Enjoy the January sales, choose everything that you want and need for your baby

Stealthpolarbear, thats exactly the image I have in my head, can't see it working somehow. Or even trying to take the baby home from the hospital just wrapped in a blanket, I don't think they would approve somehow.

Ironically pixiefish, the only thing we have so far, is a pram, because someone gave it to us!!!

Someone told me I mustn't have anything in the house for a baby before it's born ... presumably second children are somehow immune to this then? Or does all the baby stuff get sent round to someone else's house for the duration of the second pregnancy?

Belgo, so sorry for your loss, I also miscarried in January, and it just doesn't leave you.

I should remember what I said to DH when it was all difficult, I told him if we carried on having problems with the pregnancy I wanted to find out the sex of the baby and name it.

He said, won't that make it harder, and I pointed out that at this stage, nothing would make it harder, it would just be unimaginably hard it in itself.

In otherwords, if the worst happens, I don't think the really difficult thing will be having a COT!

Colditz, good point, I love the idea of you going to someone elses house every time you need a nappy!!!

Does MIL also believe in black cats crossing her path being bad luck? Those poor people down the road who own dear little Fluffy must be in dire straights!
Please don't listen to her! If it makes you feel better, just get the bare minimum of things in, and get someone to shop for you after baby is born.

i was very paranoid about buying anything for ds, our first baby, even though i had a very straightforward pregnancy. he was due at the beginning of feb & we just about managed to buy a buggy after xmas.... john lewis used to a kind of storage thing where you could go & choose & pay for all your stuff & they'd deliver it after the birth. seems like a good plan. but they probably aren't the cheapest place to shop.

oh, it's so exciting having your first baby. don't let you mil upset you.

choosing baby stuff is all part of the fun of having a baby. Angua, do you know what you are having?

Angua, please dont listen to your MIL, I am sure she has your best interests at heart, she is just abit clumsy in her wording.

You have to have everything ready for the baby.

My first was due in April, I bought everything in the January sales. I had this idea that I should not buy anything till 30 weeks, and I didnt, simply because I had a sister in panic mode, with similar attitudes as your mil. It was very tiresome to listen to her, and I tried to not let her panick be contageous.

I am also from Norway. It means I did not have many friends (or any relatives nearby, we live in London) so I joined NCT classes, and that was a lifeline to me. Even though my baby was born in 2002, we still meet up regularly. Can you find any antenatal classes near your new house? Or ante natal yoga, or see if even the NHS run classes if there is no NCT group? You can find out HERE if there is a group local to you. Sorry for going off on a tangent about ante natal, it is just it really helps to have a group of friends to rant down the phone about cracked nipples who know exactly what you are talking about....

i kept dd1's pram at my mother's house and dd2's in the caravan
Ask mil if you can keep stuff at hers- that'll shut her up

Thank you all so much.

Belgo, don't know what we are having as the symptoms all calmed down, so we are waiting to see, but if the pregnancy gets complicated again, we are going to find out.

Quintessentialshowadow, thats why we are also waiting until the January sales, (plus things should be cheaper) but really looking forward to shopping.

Have booked NCT classes in new area, for just that reaso, to meet people who are going through exactly what I am.

belgo...can i say it for her, please, please?

A baby.

I always wanted to sat that.