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Original poster

HELP! My MIL just told me that I must NOT bring the cot home before the baby is born

76 replies

AnguaVonUberwald · 17/11/2007 08:24

We haven't had the easiest pregnancy (had a misscarriage at the begining of the year which has made us very paranoid, and then had some bleeding and cramping in this pregnancy). Its all calmed down a bit now, but we do get very scared and paranoid about the pregnancy.

I was on the phone to my MIL last night, telling her that I wanted to get an amby nest www.amby.co.uk/ for the baby to use as a cot and she said:

"You can pay for it and book it before the baby comes but you must NOT collect it until the baby arrives, its bad luck."

AND then she said - "My daughter didn't buy anything before the baby came"

Now I know is ridiculous to listen to this and get all paranoid, but as I said, I haven't had the easiest of pregnancies and I just get really scared.

Plus, we are buying the amby nest on the internet, so how can we possibly arrange to get it after the baby arrives, AND, how on earth can you bring a baby home if you haven't bought anything for it, before it arrives?

Please reassure me that I am just being stupid and that its OK to go shopping in the January sales for my beautiful baby, as I have been looking forward to for months.

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Bluestocking · 17/11/2007 19:37

I think you should ignore her and do what feels right for you. However, I am English through and through and I didn't want anything for the baby in the house before he was born. My sister had the family moses basket and some hand-me-down babygros at her house for me. I'm not kidding, all I had before he was born was one package of popper vests that my best friend couldn't resist buying for me - I had to send DP out to get a carseat on the day we came home from hospital.

SHEENA1 · 17/11/2007 19:48

lol. i have everything else in the house as i have kept it from last year when my daughter was a baby but my mum says its ok to have the stuff i already have in house just not to bring any other stuff in .

Bluestocking · 17/11/2007 19:54

Sounds about right, Sheena, I'm sure I wouldn't worry about stuff from a first baby being in the house for a second baby - it's not really logical, is it?!

deaconblue · 17/11/2007 21:03

what nonsense. If something terrible happens to your baby you will be devastated whether you have bought a cot or not. Go ahead, look forward to it and ignore superstitions.

PippiCalzelunghe · 17/11/2007 21:05

don't believe in this things and do not want even to think about it as you became a slave of casuality and pure chance. I did brign cot and pram and presents. if something goes wrong goes wrong anyway.
just don't think about it otherwise you get paranoid.

tribpot · 17/11/2007 21:07

This was quite normal back in the day - you ordered the stuff but left it all in the shop, anticipating that you would leave hospital during shopping hours I guess

It is hard not to be superstitious during pregnancy, but I think your MIL is conforming to the barking mad MIL stereotype that so many of us get to enjoy This won't be the end, take my word on that!

Wishing you all the best for the coming months.

Original poster
AnguaVonUberwald · 18/11/2007 19:14

Thank you very much everyone for your messages, sorry I haven't been back on to reply but we have been out buyhing a car.

Its been really good to hear that other people have been given the same advice but gone ahead and bought stuff in. Good luck to all of you with your beautiful babies.

OP posts:
LOVEMYMUM · 19/11/2007 19:25

I understand that your MIL has her way of doing things but what does she expect you to do - stop at a shopping centre on the way home to buy everything? You may feel calmer with the essentials in place ready for the first night home. Also, do you really want her to dictate how you will live your life? This may be something for you and your husband to discuss - how the 4 of you (MIL, you and hubbie and baby) can all learn and help each other. She may be trying to protect you from upset after earlier m/c but also trying to protect herself from same upset. I wish you lots of luck and happiness.

PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt · 19/11/2007 21:10

You are the parents now.

Budcat · 23/11/2007 12:55

I have also had a miscarriage and was really quite nervous about things going wrong before DS was born.

However, we did buy everything needed in the last few weeks including the cot and made sure that it was built before DS came home. The last thing you need with a first baby is to be in hospital worrying that your little bundle has nowhere to sleep at home.

To be honest remarks like that are the last thing a new Mum needs. Although well meaning, it is horribly undermining. I studiously ignored such advice from my M-I-L , particularly around her daughters child rearing and the comments did stop.

Really good luck and try not to worry

krang · 23/11/2007 13:58

Load of old rubbish. My MIL told us off for buying the pram before DS was born. Bloody good thing that we did get it in time as he arrived five weeks early! And he is absolutely fine. Enjoy shopping for your baby.

Blu · 23/11/2007 14:07

How cruel and insensitive!

It is VITAL, ime, to have some equipment before the baby arrives, and to have learned how to use it!

We practised the car seat before my due date, clipping one of the soft toys we had brought in and uot until we could do it easily. Not a thing you want tp grapple with in public in the hospital car park when you can barely stand up fr tiredness and desparartion to get home to your own bed!

Ditto the sling! We would ahve throttled DS if we had made the mistakes we made with a Wilkinet on him instead of a stuffy dog!

Enjoy choosing things for your baby and enjoy the rest of your pg.

spackcat · 23/11/2007 17:07

Absolutely blu! Superstition is so unhelpful and just attracts negativity. All the most successful people and occurances in the world eminate from postive thinking and a honest belief that everything will be ok.
Ignore your MIL, disregard all superstitious nonsense and get shopping!x

AnAngelWithin · 23/11/2007 17:11

i thought it was just the pram you weren't supposed to bring into the house before the baby?

ggglimpopo · 23/11/2007 17:18

I am, I suppose understandably, very vulnerable to about 'good and bad omens' etc and this baby - but we now have a room ready and I feel much better for having done so. The only thing we don't have is a pram, which is in a neighbours house till the baby is born and we know all is well.

However, the day we finally cleared out Maude's toys, the big stuff like the dolls house and the kitchen, I felt awful, very weepy and terrible - and that evening received a roundabout text that went something like:

"today is the day of the kiss; send a big kiss to at least ten people - one of which is me, the sender - if you do, you will be rewarded tenfold by wonderful things; if you don't something terrible will happen to you.

It was the day we had finally plucked up the courage to start getting stuff ready for the baby. Teh text crippled me - had me in floods of tears. Dh rang the woman who said her neice had been playing with her phone and no harm was meant, it was just teenagers having fun . People should really think before they say stuff to others. The power of suggestion and superstition is insidious and pg women are particularly vulnerable.

Your mil meant well but you should absolutely bloody ignore her. grrrr on your behalf.

becklebigbump · 23/11/2007 17:18

Ignore your MIL, it is impractical to not get anything before your LO arrives. Plus it all helps with bonding too!

With DS1 I bought the pram when I was 6 months and kept it at my SIL's until I had baby but everything else was kept at mine, I even set up the cot and made it up ready. It's lovely to go and look at the little space which is ready for your baby, makes it all feel much closer and real!

I am a little superstitious about prams but this time I am keeping mine in the shed until LO is here.

Happy shopping!

Kerri28 · 23/11/2007 21:12

i am so sorry you are feeling like this. i had no reason to worry, but was/am very superstitious esp when it came to the safety of my baby, i had a dread that something would go wrong - no reason to feel it, just one of those worries

after 20 week scan i really really wanted to buy something but wouldnt let myself, instead i visited nurserys which i planned on putting baby in when he/she was born!!

lots of people told me not to buy a cot until baby was born - ame with pram. MIL offered to buy cot for me after i showed her one we liked, and we had it delivered when i was about 6 months pg. we bought ram off internet shortly after. i went on to have a very healthy, very happy little girl - just proving that despite all of my deepest darkest fears and superstitious worries, there really was nothing to worry about.

go ahead and enjoy the sales, i am very !! for me the shopping was the best bit of being pg.

kentDee · 25/11/2007 20:41

Im new to Mumsnet and puzzled about the use of abbreviations. What does mil, DH, Ds mean? Any more codes I should know about, until I get the hang of it!

cheers.

LOVEMYMUM · 25/11/2007 20:45

Hi kentDee.

MIL is mother-in-law.
DH is dear husband (or darling husband, delicious husband etc .
DS is dear son (I think)
DD is dear daughter
AF is Aunt Flo (period)
m/c is miscarriage.

Hope this helps (and my computer doesn't crash again!)

Princesspowersparkle · 25/11/2007 20:45

My mum said the same thing. We hadn't heard of this wives tale and ignored her. We even put the cot up about 5 weeks before LO was born and all was fine!!. I really wish people wouldn't say things like this. Its an emotional and worrying enough time as it is without them getting you a bit more panicy!

PS: Sorry if I've repeated anything or gone totally away from the thread...

spackcat · 25/11/2007 20:46

Hi KentDee, mil means mother in law, dh means dear/darling husband and ds means dear/darling son. All the abbreviations are under useful stuff at the top of the page under accronym list - there was so many I had to print them out!

kentDee · 25/11/2007 20:48

Thanks very much!

Peachy · 25/11/2007 20:50

Well lets see LOL

Our cot ahs done DH, BIL, and my three and will do this one as well

Can't see thats its a problem somehow.....

ninedragons · 26/11/2007 04:20

Is your MIL Jewish or does she have a lot of Jewish friends? Some Jewish sects discourage getting baby stuff before the birth. You go into the shop, choose it all and pay for it, and then ring them when you have the baby and they deliver it to you then.

But it's all superstition, however well-meaning, and if you want to buy everything ahead of time you must of course go right ahead. Ignoring your MIL now is probably good practice for the next 20 years.

Gill79 · 26/11/2007 14:52

FFS how insensitive. You should buy what you want if you feel happy doing so, and enjoy it!!