HELP! My MIL just told me that I must NOT bring the cot home before the baby is born

[AnguaVonUberwald]

We haven't had the easiest pregnancy (had a misscarriage at the begining of the year which has made us very paranoid, and then had some bleeding and cramping in this pregnancy). Its all calmed down a bit now, but we do get very scared and paranoid about the pregnancy.

I was on the phone to my MIL last night, telling her that I wanted to get an amby nest www.amby.co.uk/ for the baby to use as a cot and she said:

"You can pay for it and book it before the baby comes but you must NOT collect it until the baby arrives, its bad luck."

AND then she said - "My daughter didn't buy anything before the baby came"

Now I know is ridiculous to listen to this and get all paranoid, but as I said, I haven't had the easiest of pregnancies and I just get really scared.

Plus, we are buying the amby nest on the internet, so how can we possibly arrange to get it after the baby arrives, AND, how on earth can you bring a baby home if you haven't bought anything for it, before it arrives?

Please reassure me that I am just being stupid and that its OK to go shopping in the January sales for my beautiful baby, as I have been looking forward to for months.

Hope you and baby are both okay anyway, Ang. No more silliness from me.

lol godzilla

I kept all the baby stuff in my tiny bedroom, and ds2 was transferred into a pushchair we never even bothered putting away!

What, precisely, does she think is going to happen to you that doesn't happen to anyone else in the world?

Godzilla, you say that, but i dreamt last night that i gave birth to a cat!!! It was very pretty but a little disapointing.

Colditz, really not sure, I didn't want to ask too much in case she started telling me more superstitions to get stresses about!

Better a cat than a giant maggot. Shuggerlumps...i said no more silliness....dammit now i will have to go and get the punishment stick.

Angua, I dreamt that too! A beautiful WHITE cat!

I had my DS1 in Germany and they are quite superstitious about buying stuff for baby before the arrival as well. They don't do baby showers or anything. But this probably isn't the first time your MIL has given you her thoughts and it certainly won't be the last, so you probably need to get the hang of going ' oh that is interesting ' and then ignoring her.

I had an Amby Hammock for DS2 as DS1 was premmie and I thought I would be prepared. DS2 was a whopper and I didn't keep him in it that long, but I will use it again for DC3.

Mine was a ginger cat with bright blue markings around the eyes!! Absoutly lovely, but not quite what I was hoping for.

Though indeed, as Godzillas pointed out, better than a giant maggot!

well, quite, lol!

With DS I was told I was very likely to miscarry/not get to full term so I wouldn't buy anything. Six weeks before the due date DH stood me outside Mothercare and said either I went in and bought the basics or he would buy them. Buying the basics myself seemed the lesser of two evils at that point! DS was absolutely fine and I ended up being induced as I went a week overdue. For DD I allowed myself to get the stuff out to be cleaned a few weeks before she was due. Do what you feel comfortable with - and I am sure your LO will be fine.

DH and I bought the first thing for our LO two days after we had found out I was pg, I would have been approx 5 weeks gone.

We had everything (and I mean everything) bought and done, such as the babys room, by 20 weeks.

The only thing we dont have here at our house is the pram, as my parents bought it for us and mum is kinda superstious (SP?), so the pram is at ther house.

I am now 5 days overdue with this LO, so dont worry.

Dont listen to your MIL, she should have thought before she spoke. Get you DH to have a quite word with her, to let her know how paranoid you are after your MC and difficult pg.

Hope all goes well for you.

Knew she would be Irish!

Well as she is there and you are now you can safely ignore her.

Go with what feels right for you.

Hi,
I've not read all the responses.
I'm in a similar situation but annoyed for ddifferent reasons.
My MIL is buying the cot and she had 3 miscarriages last year, so she's said that we can't have the cot until the baby has been born. I want my cot so that I can put the moses basket inside the cot next to the bed. Then move the moses basket to the stand in the front room through the day. As if we're going to want to start assembling cots when we've just brought a new baby home.

If anything bad is going to happen, it's going to happen. Cot or no cot. I don't want to be ruled by all that stuff. I love my unborn baby to bits and want to buy it everything in sight!!! My mum's already put money down on the pram and I can't wait to get it.

I just don't have a say in it when it comes to the cot as it's not my mum!! Have I just got to grin and bear it?

I too had m/c two years ago then bleeding and cramps at beginning of my last pregnancy (which resulted in a perfect baby boy).

I was anxious and paranoid throughout my pg. I started buying stuff after 24 weeks. We bought the pram but didn't keep it at our house until after DS was born. The nursery was decorated and complete when I was 28 weeks.

DON'T listen to your MIL. You have had a rough time of it and now should be the enjoyment as you start nesting ready to welcome your precious baby into your house.

She's being ridiculous. Maybe don't tell her in future about what you are buying.

PMSL - just read about your cat birth story! I had exactly the same dream whn I was pg, gave birth to a kitten and was then breastfeeding it!!!!!

Hayleyandbaby feel free to ignore as I imagine I am much more of a beetch than you but what I would do now is explain politely to your MIL why you want the cot BEFORE LO arrives and if she still refuses, sigh and then say, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to buy a cot myself because it's just too inconvenient to wait until after the baby's born. You are entitled to do this because she is being unreasonable.

This is your baby,it might be the only one you have and you have to start letting MIL know now that things will be done your way NOT hers. Hopefully your dh will back you up (or even better tell her himself) but if not IME it is far better that she thinks you're a cow than a walkover. However difficult it is to set the boundaries now it will be even harder to do when you're recovering from childbirth. I learnt this the hard way.

Also delivering the cot the day your baby comes home sounds to me like a hell of an excuse for MIL being in your house a lot that day. Is that what you want or do you want to have that day just to you, your DH and your LO?

I know superstitions are frightening when you're pregnant but as far as I know there is no mechanism by which a child can be caused harm because a pram, cot or anything else is brought into the house before it is born.

I'm now 34 weeks and too knackered to trawl around the shops. So I'm having to do everything over the internet, which is far less exciting. Wish I had ignored my (Irish Catholic- what do you know!) mother and got stuff sorted before. I know that they mean well, but when really at some point we have to officially stop worrying and start preparing!!

i had bleeding up to 20weeks as soon as i had 3rd scan at 20weeks and dd was fine we got bit each week and it all was kept in our house 5tbh i could only just walk to bus stop after 30weeks due to back ache being tired so glad we had it all as i would of panicked if it had been left down to dp to get everything he not very practical iyswim!
got cot after as hoped she would go in moses basket, she co slept till 3mo now 18mo in cotbed with side down

it's really your choice and not your MILs. if getting things ready for the baby is what you personally feel is the best thing to do, then you should go ahead. i was quite superstitious for a while when i was pregnant. and then at about 7 or 8 months i just went 'oh sod it, i may as well enjoy this while i can' and went out and bought everything anyway. glad i did becuase it would have been a nightmare if we'd waited till after she was born.

I brought a double buggy when I was about 6 weeks pregnant in '99 but miscarriaged 2 weeks later, never thought it was because I had brought the pram.

And in january I brought a crib for the baby that I miscarriaged a few days later, again I never thought it was down to the crib. Callum is now sleeping peacefully in it (I had it in the house the whol;e time I was pregnant with him, along with the cot, pram, tons of baby clothes etcetc)

I was too superstitious to get the nursery ready in advance - ds is 14 months now and is STILL sleeping in what's basically my old study with a cot shoved in the corner! I feel so guilty when people come round and see it, ds isn't bothered but it doesn't look very good - but it's really hard to get round to sorting stuff like that out with a baby to look after. Oh and the stress of putting that cot together when we needed it, I would never relive that evening..... Oh and having to change him on the floor because we hadn't got a changing unit in advance, after SPD and forceps delivery had left me very immobilised - the first night we had him home I was sobbing in the bathroom, unable to pick this baby up again after changing him!! Ridiculous behaviour, and I am normally a rational person who plans and organises things.

So I say have a LOVELY time getting everything ready, it's part of taking care of your baby and if something happens it will in no way be because you bought stuff in advance.

LOL I thought like OP's MIL but have just realised that I have DS's pram and carrier in the loft....lol

My MIL said the same sort of thing but I think is building it and putting it in the room! we have bought loads and have it in the boxes that seems to be ok for my MIL! it is stupid not to buy anything as you need a car seat to take the little one home!

Talktothebees-thank you. I thought i was just being irritable, but clearly I am in the right!! I told DP and he rang me ten mins later to say that his mum would be delivering the cot to our house two weeks before the baby's due. Result! I guess she's not mean after all!

Hope everyone decides to spend their 9 months buying millions of baby things and loving every minute

I am very supersticious i have my moses basket in my hut but thinkin with this weather i should bring it in my gran says it will do no harm but my mum is like just leave it where it is

what should i do oh i am 25 weeks pregnant