Career then babies or babies then career? Which way round do you think is best?

[snackmonster]

Based on your experiences what would you say is the best way round in terms of balancing career/having kids? It's a very subjective topic I know, but I'm interested in everyone's opinions! Is it best to establish a career and wait a few years before having babies - or have them early and then try to get your career back on track once they are in school?

I think either tbh. I was happy with either but found my career first. I didn't plan it that way and would be happy what ever came first. I fell into my career luckily. Actually have taken time out since having DS but the sort of career it is I can go back into it almost instantly whenever I choose. So I do like that aspect of my career.

It appears to take decades to establish a career. By the time the career is established, the couple are old. Babies are exhausting, why would you want to put yourself through that when you’re 40?

I chose career and more importantly (for me) life experience first. Definitely wasn’t ready to have kids at 22 like my friend did and has had a really tough time- is very happy now but is struggling with going full time/progressing,

I have achieved what I wanted to and financially stable if I had to be a single mom, which is important to me.

Took me 8 years to her to where I wanted to. Actually a lot further than I wanted to- doesn’t have to take decades if you’re lucky/focussed & know what you want. I admit a lot of it is luck as well

I found it easier to establish my career then have babies as I’m now paid enough to still bring in a decent part time wage and at a point to be able to plateau my career for a little while. I’m early 30s though and lucky to have been able to establish my career relatively early on

Not sure it works that way. I had my DC starting when I was 30, I had 3 promotions before them and had 1 since, expecting more

There is never an “amazing time” to have DC, but on the other hand why assume ahead of time it will significantly impact your career?

Babies then career for me. Had my first at 17 while I was still at college training, then second at 21. Then I started building the career and at 28 now my life is really good, and I predict the next decade (30s) is only going to be better 🙂 I wouldn't go back to the baby years for all the money in the world!

I'm expecting my first aged 33, and only really in the last couple of years have I been at a career point where having kids won't impact on my progression beyond actual time out for maternity leave. When I was in earlier roles, I would likely have got stuck because of not enough experience/unwillingness to take on a part time staff member when they could have a full time staff member/competing candidates were a dime a dozen. It also gave me the opportunity to travel, buy a family home, get myself sorted to the point where I don't feel I'll miss out having kids now.

It does depend on your career path and career goals though. I'm at a comfortable place to be until I'm done with the baby years then I plan on moving up the ladder a little further. As a lot of domestic split weighs more on women I wouldn't have been able to do the extra mile stuff while also doing the school runs, which are the things which helped me progress quickly. I wish I had the fitness and energy of 25 year old me for dealing with sleepless nights etc though!

It’s very helpful if your job pays enough to comfortably pay for childcare, but we don’t all have that luxury. I got my career into a decent position before children but I wouldn’t have waited any longer even if career wasn’t there (had first baby at 32)

Either way, there's probably going to be disruption. There's no "ideal" time.

I was in a low paid job (though in the correct field) when I had my child, so I didn't feel like I was leaving too much behind when I decided to take some time out to be SAHM. Managed to rejoin the workforce and 2yrs after doing so, I'm in a good role earning significantly more than I had been pre-kids.

Lots of people do it the other way round. There's no perfect route.

I picked career then baby. I had DS at 32. Paying my dues for my career involved a lot of last minute travel and long hours which would not have been compatible with a baby. By the time I clawed my way to Director level I could be much more desk based and had the negotiating power to have more flexible hours.

I can also afford really, really good childcare, which takes a load off my mind.

Babies first is how it happened for me. Now 30, finished my family and well on my way in my studies to qualifying in my dream profession. I'm glad I've done it this way and will have both of my children at school by the time I qualify. Will have a flexible job and I can't wait for the rest of my 30's. Wouldn't change a thing.

The problem with baby then career is how you pay the bills during the baby bit? Realistically it would normally mean either choosing a considerably older man who established his career first and being financially reliant on him - which isn't a dynamic that I think is usually a good one - or being supported by someone else - parents/state. I wouldn't actively choose any of those options. And in general I think the big disadvantage of having children very young - which does have a lot of advantages - is that you end up tied to the man you picked at, say, 20, and statistically you're much more likely to end up as a single parent. None of that is the end of the world, and sometimes it works out brilliantly, but again I wouldn't actively choose it.

I gave up my career as we had our 1st child unplanned when I was 21 and I couldn't afford to continue my studies. Hubby is military so he focused on working his way up the ranks and I worked part time when we had one but became as sahm after being made redundant when pregnant with our 2nd. I don't regret it and I could easily retrain in the future when dh retires from the forces, for now though I'm happy to just be mum.

I did career first, no regrets. Have gone part time at my career “peak” and it’s lovely that it’s no longer my priority.

I think it’s important to have financial stability before having kids but I don’t think you necessarily have to pick between career and kids, it is possible to do both. I guess it depends on what area your career is in. Hours/travel/flexibility.

I’ve managed to climb the ladder significantly since I’ve had my kids but I did go back full time both times. Many women don’t want to do that. I also have a husband who understands that he needs to do his fair share of pickups/drop offs, domestic chores and that his job is not more important than mine. Many people don’t have that either.

@Hardbackwriter

The problem with baby then career is how you pay the bills during the baby bit? Realistically it would normally mean either choosing a considerably older man who established his career first and being financially reliant on him - which isn't a dynamic that I think is usually a good one - or being supported by someone else - parents/state. I wouldn't actively choose any of those options. And in general I think the big disadvantage of having children very young - which does have a lot of advantages - is that you end up tied to the man you picked at, say, 20, and statistically you're much more likely to end up as a single parent. None of that is the end of the world, and sometimes it works out brilliantly, but again I wouldn't actively choose it.

Living cheaply in a small flat. That's how we afforded it after I gave up work for a while when DS was a toddler. I had a few thousand in savings and DH was earning less than £30k. Even managed a couple holidays! Not impoverished at all.

I established career first, had DS at 33 after 5 yrs ttc. It was easier to go back in to a role I knew and maintain my earning potential. If you have kids first then you are trying to potentially negotiate part time hours on a lower wage and reduce opportunities for promotion because they want full time people at the higher level. But once in those higher level roles, you can better negotiate the hours you want to fit in with your family.

I depends on a few things. How many babies are you planning on having, how long does it take to be established in your career?

I was at university for 5 years, had a couple related jobs and found out that I no longer wanted to go ahead with my original career plan which had meant another 3 years at university (although paid degree). I was in a long term relationship and was really broody for children so I went with babies first while trying to figure out what career to choose.

I had my DD at 27, I'm now 29 in my same job but studying in the side. I will be applying for new career related jobs when I've finished my current exam. I'm also going to just have one child which does help as I wont need any further maternity leaves and can progress.

I think in an ideal world the best approach is go to university, get a job, meet husband, work hard, get married, buy a home, have some fun and travel and then have babies between approx age 28-34 then work part time for 5-8 years while raising children then get back to your career once your kids are in school full time. At least this is what I did. I wouldn't risk waiting until my mid 30's to start having kids when my fertility would be on a steep decline. But of course life doesn't always go to plan..

I think we are a bit unusual and it isn't perhaps what I'd recommend for other people, but we (accidentally) did kids then career and it actually worked out really well for us for various reasons. We accidentally fell pregnant early 20s, post Uni but start of careers. We were minimum wage pretty much, but that did mean we got nearly all our childcare paid for by tax credits. I worked part time and did the postgrad qualification I needed alongside that.

I was qualified and working full time when mine were 5 and 2, 5 years later I've moved up 2 levels and DH has also been promoted, we earn vastly more than we did back then, from below average to well above.

We were able to buy a house by the time youngest was 3 so childcare was less of a hindrance to mortgage. And by the time they were in school I was senior enough to have a much more flexible role able to leave early etc, that would have been harder in my junior roles but nursery provision was better than school so wasn't an issue.

I'm now applying for my next promotion, we live in a large home (owned with mortgage) holidays, outside school activities and lots of flexibility in our jobs. The toddler years were a bit of a balancing act and busy, but we are very comfortable now and do feel quietly smug that we are passed the difficult baby/toddler days, career kick off, trying to get on the ladder etc in one fell swoop and feel like we have lots ahead of us to look forward to, and only early 30s.

That said lots of potential pitfalls so as I say not sure id recommend it but very pleased with how it's turned out for us!

I've never had a career but if I had, I'd prefer career then babies.
As you'd be at a higher level you could likely obtain flexible hours or pt working if you wanted (I know some want or need f. T).
When you're a newbie you've still got to earn your stripes so less bargaining power.
There are disadvantages as always but this seems good to me.

DH and I have chosen careers first. We still haven't had kids yet (age 28 and 30) but plan to very soon, after a decade of full-time working and concentrating on getting our current mortgage down by overpaying as much as we can. I am the youngest of 3 siblings and I think it helped for me to see why I wanted to do it this way, from my siblings. They started their families in their 20s and money is always a worry. I didn't want that. For me, this way round is better! It is so much easier to save money as well, before you have children!

Career then baby. Established career meant I could drop to part time and still earn well.