Career then babies or babies then career? Which way round do you think is best?

[snackmonster]

Based on your experiences what would you say is the best way round in terms of balancing career/having kids? It's a very subjective topic I know, but I'm interested in everyone's opinions! Is it best to establish a career and wait a few years before having babies - or have them early and then try to get your career back on track once they are in school?

For me it had to be career first. We both were in low paid jobs and cldnt have afforded to have a baby. My dh was in a job not a career. I was on a career path and was training and studying while working. Cld have probably afforded it once I had my degree and was part qualified but as I progressed we were able to save a massive deposit for a much bigger house prior to starting a family and had lots of nice luxury holidays and travelling.

Now that I'm qualified and earn a gd wage I can afford to work part time and still earn a decent wage. Meant I didn't have to worry about childcare costs and can still afford the lifestyle we were used to.

Idem PP

Career then babies meant that I was well paid for maternity leave, and another promotion between babies meant that I could drop to a 4 day week without earning any less. We also had already bought our first home.

I had my 2 at 29 and 31. My career has continued to progress but slower. I was at a level that meant I could either continue to invest in work or could nicely plod along at a decent wage, changing posts every so often to avoid getting bored and to keep enriching my CV.

I'm also in a good position for later to increase my work and keep progressing if I want.

People keep mentioning having bought their 1st home having chosen career before babies.
We bought our 1st home when our daughter had just turned 1, we were 20 & 22 so having kids early doesn't mean you'll struggle to get on the property ladder. We also chose to get a dog instead of have annual holidays, priorities will always differ by family.

Career then babies.

I changed career at 28. By 32 I was fairly stable in new career so had a baby.

Personally I did career first. I had been working in the same job for over 9 years when I left to have DC1. I then had a few years as a SAHM, but my qualifications and experience made it possible for me to return to work in a professional role even after several years out of the workplace.

I had a career when I had dc at 28. However when they were 3 I retrained, did a doctorate and my career has progressed massively. I'm also glad I didn't wait as I struggled to conceive at 26 and needed Ivf at 27. If I had waited until I was 35 (after career properly established) I don't reckon I'd have had a child due to my fertility issue.

Career first, definitely. You don't have to wait so long that you risk your fertility but it's good to have a solid decade or so in the workplace. You get better paid during your maternity leave and employers are so much more likely to be flexible for an employee who has already proved their worth. Plus, the more senior you are, the more flexible your role is likely to be anyway.

Personally, I also wouldn't have wanted to have kids when I was very young, because I simply didn't have the life experience or maturity at that age. I was still figuring out who I was and what I wanted from life. Of course, that will be different for everyone, but it was an important factor for me. I just wasn't ready for parenthood in my twenties!

I did babies then career then baby again

It’s fine for me because my career means I step on and off as I need to and it doesn’t affect it much - I’m in a profession that is crying out for staff all the time

@Trinacham

DH and I have chosen careers first. We still haven't had kids yet (age 28 and 30) but plan to very soon, after a decade of full-time working and concentrating on getting our current mortgage down by overpaying as much as we can. I am the youngest of 3 siblings and I think it helped for me to see why I wanted to do it this way, from my siblings. They started their families in their 20s and money is always a worry. I didn't want that. For me, this way round is better! It is so much easier to save money as well, before you have children!

Just adding to my comment above.

We will also be able to afford for me to be a SAHM, if we choose to. We wouldn't have had that financial freedom if we had children soon after we met 11 years ago (we were 17 and 19 when we met!).

I'm not sure there's a single answer to this. It also depends what you mean by "career"- I had by first baby at 29 and always think of myself as having put babies first because, although I was a qualified solicitor with several years' experience, I didn't wait for partnership (which might be late 30s or later). But that obviously doesn't mean I didn't have a career at that point.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here. Some people aren’t bothered about having a career which is fine others is important to.
We choose career then children purely because we weren’t ready in our 20s, we wouldn’t of been able to buy the house we wanted or go on multiple holidays a year. Some people still managed to do this and raise kids but we wanted our time and memories.
I feel so much better now knowing I have a career to go back to and not worry about it. Although I’m still In the middle of exams as I want to keep pushing myself to the next level.
We’re now in our early thirties and at a position in life where we couldn’t be happier to be starting a family. I think if I was in my early twenties I’d be worrying endlessly about how I’d afford a baby & I wouldn’t be able to focus on my career.

Everyone is different though! These are just personal opinions, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. As long as the baby is loved and happy 🥰

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here. Some people aren’t bothered about having a career which is fine others is important to.

This is true, but just because somebody has kids young or first (planned or not) doesn't mean a career isn't possible or not important to them either. Lots of different routes to family and career if they're both aspirations.

@folloyourarro of course. I’m just saying that some people aren’t bothered at all. I wasn’t bothered about children in my younger days it was just about my career. Other people do it the other way round. Children first then focus on career.
I think both can be achieved no matter what your age or circumstances. We all have different paths in life 😊

@NW2021 or they do what I did and do both at the same time I've always been impatient!

@folloyourarro now that’s just madness 😂 women are made are something else 💪🏻 We can do it all!
I say it’s madness, I’ve just signed up to do an exam a month before my due date 🙈

@NW2021 it's amazing what we are capable of when we put our minds to something, I found having a young family very motivating, I wasn't just doing it for me, I was doing it for us all. Good luck, I'm sure you'll smash it :)

I don’t think it’s remotely subjective. Women need a contingency plan to support any children they have. Without education or training and work experience, if the unexpected happens, women find themselves with no real prospects to earn enough money to provide for their families.

@PferdeMerde

It appears to take decades to establish a career. By the time the career is established, the couple are old. Babies are exhausting, why would you want to put yourself through that when you’re 40?

I’m fitter at 40 with two young kids than I ever was in my 20s or 30s.

My senior position at work gives me much more flexibly.

I don’t have to worry financially about how to support my family.

I also don’t have to worry so much about progressing my career as I’m already there.

For me career first has been a win-win. So far. Well aware I may feel different as I get older.

I got myself into a decent profession and made myself desirable (I’m a solicitor in an area that has a bit of a shortage of expertise). That’s allowed me to dictate a little in terms of working hours. I’m really lucky in that I can work 3 days, keep my skills relevant and also earn a decent enough salary to have my DC in nursery and it still be worthwhile. I love the balance. I don’t think it would be particularly easy to qualify etc with kids. But I’m not top of my professional game and know I’ve stalled my career to a degree. But I’m in a place where I’m happy to pause/slow progress.

i don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here. Some people aren’t bothered about having a career which is fine others is important to.
We choose career then children purely because we weren’t ready in our 20s, we wouldn’t of been able to buy the house we wanted or go on multiple holidays a year. Some people still managed to do this and raise kids but we wanted our time and memories.

This, like most things it largely depends what your end goal and expectations from life are.

I had babies first and then career, but most of my friends did it the other way round and now have ' better ' careers than me. The plus side though is my dc are now grown up and left home so my time to shine is now, whereas my friends have children at school. I'm happy I did it the way I did though, no regrets.

@snackmonster

Based on your experiences what would you say is the best way round in terms of balancing career/having kids? It's a very subjective topic I know, but I'm interested in everyone's opinions! Is it best to establish a career and wait a few years before having babies - or have them early and then try to get your career back on track once they are in school?

Bit of both. Get to manager level, take time off stay there for a while on return, go for senior manager and above when at school. It’s not an either or really. I left to have my baby as a senior manager and returned to same position when she was 1

@DinoHat yes completely agree, as I mentioned in another comment we’re all on different paths in life and each have different goals. I still don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. Whatever is best for your situation and your life.

This is difficult isn't it. I think really before but I don't have a career.
At 18 I fell pregnant and lost the baby, after that I felt like I really wanted a baby, I had really good a level grades and could of gone to uni, but after that excitement of what pregnancy felt like I decided to I just wanted a baby. So me and my now hubby moved out, rented a 2 bed (although was a struggle) so we had room for a baby. I worked in retail. Took 5 years to fall pregnant and needs fertility treatment.
Luckily all went well, a year later fell pregnant with number 2. 3 years later had number 3, just before I was pregnant with number 3 decided to do a open uni course however 3 months of terrible morning sickness I couldn't ever see past it and gave up.
All 3 ended up having autism which had made finding child care difficult to go back to work.
Youngest started school last year I was 34. I wanted to try and work as at ta in a sen school or do some work in a preschool (voluntary) for a year. The. Covid hit. So I decided it wasn't great time incase I had to be off with the kids. So decided I would look in the summer for after September instead (although not particular a carer). However at 35 I have just accidentally fell pregnant again 🤦🏼‍♀️. So I'm going to be at least 40 before going back to work, seem to old to start a uni course. However I love my kids and I'm sure I will be more grateful for being able to have 4 lovely children than a career.
However I would say before as in most career you can jump back in part time etc. It's a lot harder to train part time.

Well statistically speaking, womens career progression typically plateaus after having children, so I think it makes sense to get to a good level before you have kids, and then it’s not such an issue if your progression slows down a bit for a few years afterwards.

It’s also much easier to put the work into studying and ‘climbing the ladder’ when you have the time and energy to fully commit to it.

It’s not to say that your progression has to completely stop after having children, but it’s nice to have the option to take your foot off the gas a bit whilst they’re young, if you want to.