Career then babies or babies then career? Which way round do you think is best?

[snackmonster]

Based on your experiences what would you say is the best way round in terms of balancing career/having kids? It's a very subjective topic I know, but I'm interested in everyone's opinions! Is it best to establish a career and wait a few years before having babies - or have them early and then try to get your career back on track once they are in school?

It’s also much easier to have children when you’re in a good position financially.

That was one of the benefits on having kids before my career though. My career hasn't plateaued because I was in a junior role when I was on my maternity leaves and part time working, if you look at my CV you'd assume I was part time whilst qualifying, so by the time I was qualified when mine were 5 and 2 I was able to go full time (I did have to at that point to progress, if I'd stayed part time I would have stalled, but I was ready to go back full time at the point, I wasn't much of a home-body though glad I was part time for the early years) and it's been full steam ahead ever since. I am the youngest person at my grade in my team by at least 10 years (and now applying for the next grade up, who are men 20 years older than me). Having children hasn't slowed down my career at all, in fact I surpassed all the postgrads on my course by getting into management in our field within 2 years of completion, and now I'm another level up and many are now taking a step back as they start their families (which I'm sure they're very happy about, no judgement, just trying to demonstrate the timing has worked well for my career).

If an education heavy, high pay career (lawyer, doctor, academic, scientist etc) then def career first. You'll have established a reference point to go back to. You'll have more money, more maturity, confidence and different perspectives. After baby without that experience your choice is : to be defined primarily by motherhood (what you're happy and comfortable with) + maybe a job, or mumhood + an exhausting and difficult venture into the unknown. Most people understandably choose the former. Obviously this is a generalisation based on my experience and others within my circle.

@PferdeMerde

It appears to take decades to establish a career. By the time the career is established, the couple are old. Babies are exhausting, why would you want to put yourself through that when you’re 40?

ODFO! I’m a few months off 40 with a newborn. I’m not old and I’m certainly not tired! She’s 14 weeks old and I’m out running 10k most mornings before she’s awake for her breakfast. I’ll be back to half marathon distance by summer. I’m established in my career, have no debts and paid off my mortgage ages ago. I’m in a great position both financially and physically to have a baby.

Very very difficult to answer

I went for the career and ended up experiencing primary and secondary infertility - 5 miscarriages 2 ruptured ectopics and left infertile by age 36....took 5 rounds of IVF.....

But without the career we wouldn't have been able to find the money to pay for IVF

An infertility doctor has recently come out and said that you should start trying to conceive at age 28 if you want one child and age 23 if You want more than one

It's pretty hard to establish a career after you've had kids, because you will be older than your peers, your early salary won't cover the childcare, and little kids means it's hard to match your keen young colleagues' hours. Clearly some people do manage it, but most never catch up.

So I think on balance you do need to spend your 20s building a career. Ideally you'd have kids in your early 30s, take a bit of time out and try and get back by your late 30s to still get on the promotion track. You do miss out on promotions if you take time out in your early 30s, but if you get back before 40 and are determined/don't take too much time out, it can be done. If you think it's just impossible then you have to knock babies back till later, which is risky.

So on balance, early 30s, with at least the basic career building blocks behind you. And keep working PT even in the pre-school years - it keeps your confidence up and makes it easier to return.

I did qualifications, health and family.

My intended career required an undergraduate degree, a year working in industry and then a 4 year postgraduate degree. I have a long term mental health condition which deteriorated during my postgraduate degree. I couldn't have managed both with a child, I often worked 70+h weeks and 20+days in a row.
Whilst I improved my health I started my career and bought our first home then we felt in a good position to start a family at 31.

I did the career thing first then planned to have my first in early 30s. It took 3 years + TTC then 2 MC so now 6 years on in my late 30s I'm finally expecting my 1st which wasn't the plan and may mean we only get 1 DC when we'd always wanted 2. But that's just life. On the plus side we are pretty stable financially. I think for a lot of people your focus just shifts after a baby - you can't and, as importantly, don't want to work until midnight getting that report done for the big presentation when you've got a toddler at home so career naturally plateaus. For me that will plateau at a level where I can be financially independent which I like - me and DH are equal and that's important to me (childhood issues I am sure!). At the end of the day I think I'm OK with how things are turning out even if it wasn't the plan.

I know people who have had children in their teens and very early 20s and those that have waited till they were in their early 30s to 40s

The latter seem to really struggle after children (especially if they have more than one). Most end up giving up the career because of childcare and change to p/t or work that is fitted around the children.
By the time they are out of the fog they end up being too old to return to their career or have to return at a lower level

I have found the ones that had children early on seem to be doing better than those who were older.
Because of age it doesn’t seem to matter if you have a few years unaccounted for in your teens /20s the problem seems to be getting your career going then jumping off and trying to then jump back on to an already running treadmill

I think for an employers POV the ones who can commit to the company long term who have already had their children are an attractive proposition