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Original poster

Baby kicks - Am I overthinking things?

61 replies

BabyDaddy01 · 17/03/2021 10:25

Hi folks,

Soon to be dad here (due date May 23rd).

I'm feeling a little anxious and I hope all you wonderful people can help.

Until a few days ago my partner (30 weeks +3 pregnant)was a bit slack with the whole kick counting. I tried to encourage her to download an app but she would just brush it off and say that she's pregnant, she knows her body and will know if something changes etc. For me, because I'm not the one carrying the baby, it just helps keep me at ease. Counting kicks is a nice thing for us to do together and what not.

Anyway, yesterday, like I do every day, I asked how the baby was doing. She said good but not as active as she usually is. I asked her again to download an app to keep track and she finally did.

Baby is usually active in the morning and I usually feel a few kicks. This morning I didn't feel any but my partner felt the 10 kicks the app advised within about 40 mins. Usually she would feel 10 kicks in about 10 mins but the last 2 days baby has not been as active.

Even though the baby is moving, the whole 'she's not as active' has sent me into a massive panic. Am I over thinking this or do I need to ask my partner to call the midwife?

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SunnySideUp2020 · 17/03/2021 10:29

Ask her to call. Been there before and there is no harm in calling!

OverTheRainbow88 · 17/03/2021 10:30

I’ve never even heard of a baby kicking app-
You’ve suggested it and she’s said no numerous times, don’t suggest again IMO.

If she says baby is kicking then I would trust baby is kicking. I wouldn’t like my OH policing me and wanting to touch the baby kicking daily-seems excessive.

Saying that; if there’s a major change in baby kicking I personally would call the assessment unit to be checked out.

00100001 · 17/03/2021 10:31

YANBU, in that if there is any doubt - call the hospital and ask for medical advice. your wife will be taken in for monitoring. they'd rather have 40 false alarms, than miss something.

but YABU to use a kick counter and not listen to your eife. Kick counters are a PITA.

Original poster
BabyDaddy01 · 17/03/2021 10:37

I trust her and if she says the baby is kicking the baby is kicking but I'm of the opinion that calling a midwife will do absolutely no harm. I don't want to keep nagging her as it'll frustrate her. Also I don't know what 'less active' means because I'm not carrying a baby. To me, it's a change in pattern but for my partner, it could just mean she's gone from SUPER active to normal active.

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyDaddy01 · 17/03/2021 10:39

@00100001

YANBU, in that if there is any doubt - call the hospital and ask for medical advice. your wife will be taken in for monitoring. they'd rather have 40 false alarms, than miss something.

but YABU to use a kick counter and not listen to your eife. Kick counters are a PITA.

I have no idea what YABU or PITA mean haha
OP posts:
SchmooobyDoo · 17/03/2021 10:39

I found, at 30 weeks, that the kicks could be on and off... But I think I did go in for a movement check, all the same. It’s more worrying, further on.
You sound like a person who does things by the book. My BIL is the same. However, try to trust your wife’s intuition. Especially when the baby arrives.

JumperooSue · 17/03/2021 10:40

I think you need to trust your wife, kick counting apps aren’t advised, midwives advise women to learn their babies pattern and any change from than to seek advice. The advice of ‘10 kick per hour/day etc’ is massively outdated, you wife might just feel totally overwhelmed with you questioning her, being pregnant is stressful and you feel such a responsibility that I’d have found it really hard if my partner had questioned my judgement.

I know you are only coming from a good place but your wife is right that she knows her body, my daughter never ‘kicked’ as such, just rolled and moved her limbs so I’d know I’d felt her even without really thinking about it!

Meomeomeo · 17/03/2021 10:40

After 28 weeks they don’t just rely on whether the babies are kicking anymore. It’s more is it within the patterns, eg, active in the morning but now just a few kick hear and there. Even the strength of the movements, eg, today is stronger or not as strong. It’s worth a call. They may not want her to come in anyway but they might do. Better safe than sorry. I certainly would call. Also, it’s not nagging. I think it’s lovely that you’re also paying attentions to these things.

JustAddCoffee91 · 17/03/2021 10:43

I would call the midwife just to make sure, I think it's lovely that you want to feel baby moving and be involved, but honestly I would find it annoying (sorry) and plus I was REALLY! Irritated by almost anything and anyone around 30 weeks until now and my baby is 2 😂
But I do think a quick pop in to have a little monitoring will ease a lot of anxiety for you and your partner
Congratulations on your little one it's a lovely time

Original poster
BabyDaddy01 · 17/03/2021 10:47

I asked her to call and she said 'I'm not calling, I've felt her move today so what is your problem'.....

OP posts:
MazekeenSmith · 17/03/2021 10:47

YABU - you are being unreasonable
PITA - pain in the arse

You sound anxious - it's not uncommon to be anxious during pregnancy but you need to rein it in.

MiddleParking · 17/03/2021 10:50

You’re being really controlling.

Original poster
BabyDaddy01 · 17/03/2021 10:50

@MazekeenSmith

YABU - you are being unreasonable PITA - pain in the arse

You sound anxious - it's not uncommon to be anxious during pregnancy but you need to rein it in.

I'm SO anxious. The internet doesn't help hahaha. You read a million and one things and just have it all swirling around in your head.
OP posts:
Original poster
BabyDaddy01 · 17/03/2021 10:51

She just sent me a video of her stomach moving through her jumper. I guess that's her way of telling me to button it.

OP posts:
JumperooSue · 17/03/2021 10:53

She’s reassured you and that should be the end of it. You have to trust that your partner will act on anything she feels is wrong, your anxiety is probably stressing her out

Timestablesaretables · 17/03/2021 10:53

@MiddleParking

You’re being really controlling.
Agree. She's a grown woman who can consent to and deny medical procedures. If she doesn't want to call the midwife then back off.
SnooperTrooper12345 · 17/03/2021 10:59

I agree that she knows better. Although I do also think anything less than normal should be looked into.

The kick counting is completely out dated though. She's right when she says she knows

SunnySideUp2020 · 17/03/2021 11:04

Well if she is satisfied with the movements i would let her be then.

I personally don't think you are being controlling. You are very invested in your unborn baby s health, and that's ok. But yes, trust your wife's instinct too!

My husband reads lots of Internet as well and gets worked up about stuff but remember that online you will find horror stories because whoever had a healthy straightforward pregnancy wouldn't write about it - which is most people 🙂

FeistySheep · 17/03/2021 11:05

Definitely call the midwife. Impress on her if you can, that people do lose babies at this stage, and better to be safe than sorry etc.
If she ignores you and she ends up losing it, she will never forgive herself for not listening to you.

Me and my husband see our baby as his baby too, and that means we decide baby-related things jointly. Whether I have a glass of wine at a wedding in the second trimester. Whether we should call the midwife if there may be a problem. I wouldn't dream of not valuing his opinion as highly as mine.

However, it's not clear from your post if this is a constant worrying thing for you. If you're being OTT with the obsessing, such as waking her up eight times a night every time she rolls onto her back etc (!) then maybe she will have to draw a boundary somewhere to protect her sanity Grin

SmidgenofaPigeon · 17/03/2021 11:06

If SHE feels something is wrong, why WOULDN’T she call?

I’d find you pretty patronising if I’m being honest....

Original poster
BabyDaddy01 · 17/03/2021 11:07

@MiddleParking

You’re being really controlling.
I'm not being controlling at all, hence why I'm asking here for advice. If she says no I'm not going to pester her. I'm just an anxious father to be who wants the absolute best for his partner and their baby. This is all new to me. I don't know what it's like to just let your partner roll with it. I don't know what is and isn't normal. All I have to go off is what I read, watch or am told. I don't have the experience as this is our first baby.

I asked her to download an app so we could do it together. A nice fun thing to do but also as a way to monitor things. I didn't force her to do it. She's her own woman who will make her own decisions and I'd never try and push anything on her. I can't help it if I'm worried and so, this is why I'm reaching out to other mums on here who are better placed to give me advice.

OP posts:
FeistySheep · 17/03/2021 11:07

PS you'll get a mix of opinions on here. People who have experienced a late loss / stillbirth will tell you to check out everything, because they now know bad things happen.

emilyfrost · 17/03/2021 11:10

I wouldn’t push her to download a kick counter; they’re useless and there really is no need to count each kick.

Your wife should listen to her body; she’ll know when baby is most active and what feels normal.

If she’s telling you baby is less active, she should contact the midwife and mention she’s had reduced movements. They can check her out, put her on the ACG monitor and check baby’s okay.

They would always much rather someone come in when not necessary then miss something important. She doesn’t need to feel silly if everything is okay, just relieved.

MiddleParking · 17/03/2021 11:10

I think it’s controlling to outsource opinions on someone else’s feelings about their own body and health. Also to describe them as ‘slack’ with kick counting.

ScarfaceCwaw · 17/03/2021 11:16

Maybe she doesn't find having you monitoring her body "a nice fun thing to do".

Your wife loves your baby, no? She wants to protect it and have it be born safely? She's told you she doesn't have concerns and doesn't want to call. Unless you have reason to believe she is neglectful of the pregnancy or not in her right mind, it's time to back off. She has it covered and your hovering is probably stressing and irritating her. It's still her body. Not yours.