Baby kicks - Am I overthinking things?

[BabyDaddy01]

Hi folks,

Soon to be dad here (due date May 23rd).

I'm feeling a little anxious and I hope all you wonderful people can help.

Until a few days ago my partner (30 weeks +3 pregnant)was a bit slack with the whole kick counting. I tried to encourage her to download an app but she would just brush it off and say that she's pregnant, she knows her body and will know if something changes etc. For me, because I'm not the one carrying the baby, it just helps keep me at ease. Counting kicks is a nice thing for us to do together and what not.

Anyway, yesterday, like I do every day, I asked how the baby was doing. She said good but not as active as she usually is. I asked her again to download an app to keep track and she finally did.

Baby is usually active in the morning and I usually feel a few kicks. This morning I didn't feel any but my partner felt the 10 kicks the app advised within about 40 mins. Usually she would feel 10 kicks in about 10 mins but the last 2 days baby has not been as active.

Even though the baby is moving, the whole 'she's not as active' has sent me into a massive panic. Am I over thinking this or do I need to ask my partner to call the midwife?

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and finding monitoring movements really stressful if I don't feel anything for a while I start worrying and get anxious and my partner is so calm and laid back he tends to just brush it off. It's frustrating but I also know I'm 100% over thinking everything

It's nice that you are taking a proper interest but it will be difficult for your partner to make you feel included as a lot of it is done on instinct

My midwife doesn't advise using apps and says that the 10 movements every hour is outdated

As far as I can tell the only pattern I've found so far is he gets fidgety around meal times until I eat and also wants to have a full on party whenever I'm trying to get to sleep

If I were you I'd stop googling stuff there is a thing as too much knowledge and I'm sure if your partner is ever really concerned she would contact the right people

Congratulations and good luck

@emilyfrost

Like I said, what I interpret as 'not as active' and what she interprets it as could be very different. not very active to a marathon runner and not very active to a sedentary person are two very different things - this is why I'm coming on here to try and get advice and to LEARN.

Why so rude? If she is complaining baby is less active it doesn’t matter what that means to you, it means she needs to contact a midwife as she has reduced movements.

She's not complaining, she mentioned it when I asked how the baby was doing. She said the baby wasn't as active today. For all I know, not very active to her could mean the baby is just kicking and punching in the same position instead of moving around and rolling. I don't know how to interpret it because I can't feel what 'active' is.

Well why don’t you ask her

@BabyDaddy01 also I wouldn't worry about any of the keyboard warriors there's always some that are over opinionated for the sake of it - it's nice to hear things from a males perspective don't get that very often on here

@emilyfrost

Like I said, what I interpret as 'not as active' and what she interprets it as could be very different. not very active to a marathon runner and not very active to a sedentary person are two very different things - this is why I'm coming on here to try and get advice and to LEARN.

Why so rude? If she is complaining baby is less active it doesn’t matter what that means to you, it means she needs to contact a midwife as she has reduced movements.

Ok. suggesting once is ok but suggesting twice is controlling. I'll remember that for when she goes into labour.

I don't know how to interpret it because I can't feel what 'active' is.

So why not ask her? I’ve also never accused you of being controlling.

@emilyfrost

I don't know how to interpret it because I can't feel what 'active' is.

So why not ask her? I’ve also never accused you of being controlling.

Sorry, I quoted the wrong message.

@FeistySheep

It doesn't sound as if you're being controlling OP (though obviously impossible to tell on an internet forum). It sounds as if you've made suggestions and she has taken them on. It sounds as if you are discussing the health of your child together.

Please please ask her again to check it out. My cousin lost her baby (not due to kicks) but there were signs that she noticed but didn't think were serious enough to bother the midwife with. Her DH asked her to contact the midwife (just once) and she ignored him. You can imagine her regret that she did not listen. I don't know if he also regrets not trying to do his best to persuade her to go to the midwife, but maybe he does. She knew 'best' and her decision killed their baby.
She has since told me that midwives spent the whole of her second pregnancy telling her to call them about every little thing. They love to be called and then everything turns out okay. They hate to be called a day later when it's too late to save the child.

Advocate for your child, OP. Do your best to persuade her, gently. If you do your best there is nothing else you can do.

Wow, I can't believe you're saying that!

I think it's very damaging to say that "her decision killed their baby", she couldn't know. Pregnant women already have to go through enough, to now be blamed for their baby dying.

Unless she knowlingly did something damaging to her baby, I don't think you can say she killed her/him.

Of course one needs to be aware of the risks and try to be mindful, but many things are outside our reach.

I too was aghast at the ‘her decision killed their baby’ comment.

What an awful thing for her to have to live with, let alone family members outright saying she killed her own baby through negligence. That is a shameful thing to say.

I've had injuries where I've not wanted to go to a doctor because I don't want to make a fuss

THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT TO CARRYING A BABY, if a mother was worried they would contact a doctor whether they thought they was making a 'fuss' or not!

Trust your partner!

This is Mumsnet...any time a man suggests that his partner does something, he is immediately controlled and the woman must LTB (leave the bastard). Ignore the unhelpful comments.

You are clearly worried, but your partner will know the baby's movements more than you, so trust her. One thing to be aware of is that there will come a point where the baby stops kicking because there isn't enough space and so movement changes. So rather than the more traditional kicks that you are both used to, it changes to wriggling and moving around. That happened to me around week 30 and I went in as I was concerned something wasn't right and it was simply a case of not enough room to kick freely.

If there is any concern at all, she should call the midwife - they really do insist on checking you over if you're worried. They would so much rather have 50 patients who are completely fine than not see the one who isn't.