What will make having a newborn easier

[nellly]

Hello all, I'm just coming into the second trimester with my first pregnancy, now that I'm starting to believe this will happen I'm getting nervous about surviving the newborn phase!

What are the lifesavers and what can I do without?
We have a spare chest freezer in the garage and I plan on freezing some easy meals to re heat but not sure where to even begin.

Is there anything that will make it less hellish?

Your partner or other support person.

They take over the entire running of the house, they do the nappies, they take baby for a pram walk, they have a cuddle while you sleep/ shower.

If you want to breastfeed they help you find and access support. They do everything they can to allow you to just sit and feed baby (btw offering to feed baby a bottle isn't always helpful)

There are only 4 things a new mum should do every day.

1. eat 3 meals, preferably made by your support person
2. drink a ton of water
3. pee and poo when needed
4. shower

Everything else is a bonus

This is so easy to say but so hard to do - don't have plans and expectations, and go with the flow.

You need a decent partner and low standards of domestic tidiness plus the ability to say no to too many visitors.

I would get in stock some excellent dvds, nice food, favourite teabags and treat it like you are recuperating from an illness - lots of sitting on the sofa and not much else. I really enjoyed that bit

Amazon Prime

Be ready to literally do nothing but sit with your baby for the 'fourth trimester'

Dont rush to meet up with people, visiting, shopping , outings etc.

Focus on you and the baby - nothing else.

Ensure you sleep at any opportunity and eat well. Drink loads of water.

Finally. Ensure you've got a partner who is onboard. This bit is critical!

Honestly these things would have made it much easier for both of mine.

I find the newborn phase tiring but otherwise not that hard. I'm expecting baby 6 and lat time we had twins (a whole other level of tired lol).

Routines are your friend. The sooner you can establish some the better. Do not be afraid to kick people out when they have overstayed their welcome, the ones that help you out with things other than baby are always welcome though. Lower your standards, a messy house is not a big deal.

A decent sling or carrier. Some babies will not let you put them down. I have an ergo original with the newborn insert for my second and really wish I'd had one for my first. It lets you eat, get housework done etc.

Fantastic advice from @Twizbe, a supportive partner will get you so far.

If you're planning on breastfeeding, read a lot about the first few weeks in advance. It can be very tough going for the first few weeks and knowledge is power.

Yes, very low expectations of achieving anything except caring for baby. If you can chill out enough to have naps when the baby does rather than trying to clean etc it really does help. Make sure you have the easiest meals possible for the early days. Have plenty of snacks for if you’re breastfeeding and need sustenance in the night. Have a flask for hot drinks - one you can drink directly from.

A cleaner.

Freezer meals

A sling

A wrap sling. That way you can just strap baby on and just get on with the things that need doing. This is especially useful for second babies when you can't just babymoon because the toddler keeps trying to do unspeakable things to the dog and wants to go to softplay!

But please make sure it's a proper wrap sling, not a Baby Bjorn or any of those pointless structured carriers.

Yes yes to filling your freezer! Not just dinners though- we had the obligatory family visits early on (pre-covid) and it was great to have buffet party food things, bread, milk, butter, puddings also in the freezer so food wasn't a hassle. It was quite nice working our way through the stuff that was left once the visits died off 😂

But lots of curries, chilli, pasta sauces, meatballs and so on, every frozen veg you can think of 😂

Good stocks of your chosen pain relief (I was so so happy I could have ibuprofen again!) and a donut cushion to sit on were also fabulous. Other than being a bit sore and bewildered it really wasn't as bad as I'd feared but DP was brilliant at sorting food and keeping the house ticking over. Sleep when you can.
I breast-fed and expressed, but we did use an occasional formula bottle, resisted the Perfect Prep machine for a long time but then got an ex-demo one and it really did make bottles a lot easier and that was just one a day a few days a week!

Oh and big comfy pants. They are the best.

Google '4th trimester' and remember that you can't 'spoil' a newborn baby with cuddles.

Be prepared to spend lots of time just sitting on the sofa with the baby, feeding or cuddling and have lots of books/tv available.

When you make a coffee/tea do another one in a flask to put beside you.

If you are breastfeeding the baby may like to cluster feed all evening, this is completely normal and usually starts when you are about to eat your own dinner!

Just go with the flow and don't worry about cleaning/tidying/entertaining people. Hopefully you have a supportive partner who can help with meals/nappy changes.

Routines, organisation.
Have changing areas upstairs and down stairs.
Nappy bag always packed.
You don't need tons of stuff you'll hardly ever use, just buy the basics.
A sling for when baby won't settle but you need to get on with things.
Lightweight prams rather than the latest fashionable one that's hard to fold, lift etc.
Listen to advice but don't take it all on board (pick and choose).
Meals /snacks that are healthy and quick to make.
Sleep when baby sleeps.
Somewhere safe to put baby in the day if you need to answer the door etc.
Reach out for help/support if needed. Have contact details of health visitor /breastfeeding coordinator before birth so there to hand if needed.
Laxatives - constipation is often an issue after childbirth.

Try and get as as organised as possible beforehand

As many prepared meals in the freezer as possible.
Chuck out/ donate unused things around your home now before the baby stuff comes along
Have all the baby stuff ready for those first 8 weeks - clothes nappies etc
Have a partner/ support system up and running - my MIL cooked for us every weekend that was really nice, if you have these support systems ask! People do want to help
Decide now how many visitors and when - do not allow people to come into your home after as they please
Deep clean beforehand - I had a cleaning company do a deep clean when I was in hospital - made a massive difference coming out into a clean tidy home.
Stock cupboards up now - healthy snacks are good
Get a few comfortable things to wear after the birth
If there are other things you are responsible for - pets etc try and get that covered by someone for 8 weeks after
Organise a friend/ parent to help if your partner only has a short leave from work

After the birth

Amazon prime saved me a few times - the next day delivery is really great if you need something last minute
Shopping delivered
Fill a large bottle of water each morning and make sure you drink it
Try not to feel too pressured into getting back to normal quickly - take your time
Your house won't be perfect - I bought cleaning wipes and kept on top of it a tiny bit everyday

Good luck OP it can really be survival mode

A sidecar/co-sleeping cot and the safe guidelines for co-sleeping in case you get exhausted. You don't need to co-sleep full time if it makes you anxious but knowing how to set yourself up just in case you fall asleep could save your baby's life.

A really good computer game you can play one-handed (in a comfy chair while feeding!) or a subscription to a new streaming service with lots of things you haven't watched yet on it, or a kindle Paperwhite with loads of books you want to read. Or all three!

A supportive partner (unfortunately you can't buy this one!)

Female friends who have or are going through the baby thing as well to talk to - if you haven't signed up to antenatal classes, consider it just for this! And/or join your MN bump thread - check in Pregnancy and Birth Clubs, there is usually one on there and often they have a FB group or whatsapp group for even more chatting!

Lots of ready made food - batch cooking to reheat, nice ready meals (I like the Aldi steam fresh ones), credit/money set aside for takeaways. If you have a partner and they currently don't cook, buy them a basic cookery book now (Jamie's Ministry of Food is great) and get them practising! Also, easy, quick, calorific but non crumby snacks.

Phone numbers of the breastfeeding helplines.

Feeding pillow - useful for pregnancy sleeping as well.

A portable charger for your phone and the longest charging cable you can find (take this to hospital!!)

As you're due in summer, an insulated water bottle (Like Chilly's or unbranded equivalent) to keep water cool and at hand.

Waterproof mattress protector for your bed, and the baby's cot. Double layers of sheets on the baby's cot so if they puke in the night you can just rip the top layer off. Towels near your bed so if they puke/nappy leaks in your bed you can just cover it up and not have to change the whole bed. That's where the mattress protector needs to be good.

When you're exhausted, try to nap when you can. A messy house doesn't matter.

If your partner is on leave, enjoy that special time the three of you without too many visitors, it can be overwhelming.

3-4 meals per week, cooked and frozen that you can stick in the oven for a months supply. It's a struggle to feed yourself!

If all you do for 2 weeks is watch tv in bed, enjoy it!

If for any reason you have a section, take it very easy and don't lift anything other than a cup of tea or your baby for 6 weeks.

Placemarking

I loooove the newborn bit, it's not always an ordeal.

Get a cleaner if you can.
Have somewhere you can safely put the baby down in the main rooms you use - one of those cushions, a baby Bjorn rocker, a vibrating rocker.
Have a changing station downstairs as well as upstairs - you don't want to have to trek upstairs every time baby needs changing. We just had a changing mat and a box of nappies etc on the floor in one corner.
If you BF, get bamboo breast pads. Feel much nicer than the disposable ones and better for the planet too.
Do the Scandi thing of leaving the baby outside to sleep in the pram, wrapped up warm. The fresh air is good for them.
Proper winding after feeding is essential - I feel like no one told us this and it took us a while to figure out.
Get/ask someone to give you some pretty flat studs with no sharp edges to wear.
H&M soft sleep bras are great for sleeping in and keeping breast pads tucked in tight.

Just thought of another one: limit visitors, it's fine to do this, and the pandemic may make it easier. They don't stay for meals they don't bring, they make their own cups of tea and they stay no longer than 45 mins, hour absolute tops

Be firm on visitors (once covid allows). Ask people to text ahead (a few days ahead!). People would just turn up at my house after I had dc1. It fucked me right off.

I’m pregnant with my first so can’t comment first hand but I’ve read kimberly ann johnson the fourth trimester. A lot of it is a very wool and a bit out there but some parts are so helpful.

The main thing I picked up was making a proper plan with the people around and you also not just relying on your partner because he’ll be knackered too!!

Being able to accept help from others I think is so important.

To give you an example, my mum is helping us for the first few weeks with food and washing etc, my inlaws are coming down about a month after the due date to do a shift of helping out and my brother is going to help out with our pets and keeping on top of the garden.

I trust all these people to give us space when we need it but it feels really good to have a bit of a plan in place so that I only need to feed/wash myself and feed/cuddle baby.

Another top tip was to do all the research of the different specialists you may need in babies first few weeks. Lactation consultants etc. So you don’t have to worry about it at the time

For the meals start with whatever you love the most. I'd also add snack items like sausage rolls, pastries, puddings so you can defrost something if you don't fancy a full meal.

Product wise if you are formula feeding I'd recommend a perfect prep for making bottles. Other things I find useful are a bath thermometer (otherwise the temperature checking makes me anxious), mattress protectors for both bed/cot, zip onesies and a nice fabric wrap sling.

I was 21 when I had my baby and knew nothing. He was a really easy baby and so I didn't spend much time sitting about the house at all.
I used to go to town on the bus with him in a sling, go out and walk for miles with him in his pram and anyway he would just sleep between 4hourly or thereabouts feeds. He was born in May and it was nice and sunny that year so we spent a lot of time together in my aunts garden.
Mind you we didn't have netflicks then, or computers or daytime tv just books and there is only so much reading a 21 year old woman wants to do.