What will make having a newborn easier

[nellly]

Hello all, I'm just coming into the second trimester with my first pregnancy, now that I'm starting to believe this will happen I'm getting nervous about surviving the newborn phase!

What are the lifesavers and what can I do without?
We have a spare chest freezer in the garage and I plan on freezing some easy meals to re heat but not sure where to even begin.

Is there anything that will make it less hellish?

Oh yeah @2021WillBeGreat bath thermometer a great shout, takes the guesswork out. Same for a Groegg and growbags (the newborn ones) as they basically tell you want to dress baby in for bed and take any disagreement/uncertainty away. In time you get used to your baby and your house so tweak things but I found them both really reassuring to begin with. One less thing for tired brains to think about!

A lightweight bouncy chair that can go with you into kitchen/bathroom etc so that you can actually have a shower or make a quick lunch without worrying about the baby. (I mean realistically they can't move and nothing IS going to happen to them, but I know I didn't like not being able to see mine while I showered and he was certainly happier knowing I was there and hearing my voice. )

The newborn phase is not hellish, it's lovely. Just spend your time with your baby and DP admiring and adoring what you made. Lots of rest, walks in the fresh air, good food (from your freezer stash)

   My best tip;    right from the start, encourage DP to be a very hands on dad.   Even if he's never touched a baby before,  and is hopelessly slow and cackhanded,  DONT TAKE OVER.  just let him find his way of   talking, rocking,  bathing,  winding,  dressing, nappies, cuddling and soothing.

Massive water bottle as you will be super thirsty and one handed snacks. Whether you bottle feed or breastfeed snacks are always needed

@Twizbe

Your partner or other support person.

They take over the entire running of the house, they do the nappies, they take baby for a pram walk, they have a cuddle while you sleep/ shower.

If you want to breastfeed they help you find and access support. They do everything they can to allow you to just sit and feed baby (btw offering to feed baby a bottle isn't always helpful)

There are only 4 things a new mum should do every day.

1. eat 3 meals, preferably made by your support person
2. drink a ton of water
3. pee and poo when needed
4. shower

Everything else is a bonus

You basically nailed it there!

@toomanycremeeggs

Be ready to literally do nothing but sit with your baby for the 'fourth trimester'

Dont rush to meet up with people, visiting, shopping , outings etc.

Focus on you and the baby - nothing else.

Ensure you sleep at any opportunity and eat well. Drink loads of water.

Finally. Ensure you've got a partner who is onboard. This bit is critical!

Honestly these things would have made it much easier for both of mine.

I’m not saying this is bad advice but it didn’t work for me.

I read so much about not over stimulating my baby, all he should want or need is milk and cuddles, that he was under stimulated and bored. Getting out is needed for us. As is a rocker with lights and music!

"Chuck out/ donate unused things around your home now before the baby stuff comes along"

This is such good advice, have a massive declutter now, because babies seem to come with so much STUFF and it just keeps accumulating (clothes and toys and books and then more of everything as they grow!)

Also everything BertieBotts said especially the insulated water bottle to keep cool water with you at all times, I've lost count of the number of times I've realised I'm completely parched and have downed a huge glass of water from the fridge (breastfeeding)

It's a very hard time because you are so tired but honestly not hellish (or it wasn't for me)! So many lovely baby cuddles with your brand new human - there's nothing quite like it.

I'd recommend a white noise machine eg Ewan or My hummy

Lots of treat food e.g chocolate.

I found a dummy to be a game changer for my DDs sleep in the early days.

Not having lots of visitors for the first few weeks would have made my life, physical recovery and bonding with baby a hell of a lot easier!! If I was to do it again I'd politely slip in to conversation early on that we were planning to not really see anyone in the early days and just see how we all are after a couple of weeks at home alone.

Having immediate visitors (DH had arranged and refused to cancel) really upset my mental health.

The fourth trimester is hard, and only made harder by having excessive expectations about what can be done. Your own expectations, your partner's, a combination of both.

I have 3 DC and still regret not "getting it" with my first and not just accepting what the 4th trimester is about.

Basically you have a baby that had to be born. Human brains have become so big the baby has to be born at around 9 months or it wouldn't get out. But other than that nothing has changed! You have a very dependent infant. For the next 3 months it's as though you are still pregnant but you don't have your hands free anymore. Baby wants to be with you, be held by you, and if you are breast feeding, wants to feed on demand like it still has the cord attached -small feeds, big feeds, comfort feeds, feeds to fall asleep to....

And that's it really, 3 months of sitting, cuddling, comforting, feeding, sleeping next to your baby. What you need most is to accept this, enjoy it for what it is -it's not a long time in the scheme of things. One day you will miss it, hugely! And you need a partner who accepts this too and isn't thinking "oh wow, paternity leave, I can get all those DIY jobs done, and when I go back to work my wife is at home making me packed lunches and dinner every day!". He needs to know he's going to be stepping it up too -getting laundry on before work, bringing food home at the end of the day etc.

First time round it's a bit mindblowing, even overwhelming, OMG is this forever etc....with subsequent children you'll be watching the weeks tick by knowing all those quiet snuggly days are going to come to an end all too soon.

Discuss in advance with your partner how you both envisage things. Eg if your partner is still working but you are on mat leave, does he expect to sleep in a separate room while you do all night feeds? Will you take turns to have a lie in at the weekend? Do you/ he expect to continue hobbies eg will he still be expecting to head out with cycling club (or whatever) on Sunday mornings?

Echo pretty much everything others have said.
Groegg and grosnug was invaluable. Hormones all over the place after the birth so I was often sweating while the room was freezing. So I couldnt reliably trust my own temp to gauge what the baby needed.
Plenty of snacks. I just grazed for the first couple of weeks.
Remember you are the babys mother. Many people will give you advice, well meaning or otherwise, but always listen to your gut. You might not think you have any instincts over the first few weeks but trust me, it's there and its just needs a little bit of confidence and others to quite down in order for it to be heard

You need people to help out. With making you and your partner food, tidying up etc. That's the main thing in my opinion.

If you are planning to breastfeed seek help asap if you think you need to. Make sure to feed baby every two hours. I let my baby sleep and he ended up with too much weight loss and jaundice. And also if you do breastfeed you will be so thirsty so always have huge drinks of water around the place!!

To help with the unwelcome visitor thing, try not to look too competent. With my first I thought I had to shower and dress and tidy up for the health visitors daily visiT, and other family visitors. By my second I realised that if I was still in pj’s and dressing gown and I wasn’t rushing to make a sandwich for everyone they got the message that I’d just had a baby.

A breastfeeding pillow allows you to prop up the baby to breastfeed and be hands free for your mug of Tea and the remote control.

Healthy, easy grab snacks for when you sit down to feed might stop you reaching for the biccies and crisps all the time. High fibre cereal bars with dried fruit and nuts might help the old constipation too!

As others have said, read up about the pitfalls with breastfeeding so it doesn’t surprise or derail you-look up cluster feeding/growth spurts etc

I found a small night light in my bedroom useful-you don’t want to put a big light on as it would be too harsh for you and baby and would wake your partner unnecessarily, but in the early days I needed to be able to see to latch baby on . The light on your mobile might be sufficient

Order ‘toastabags’ (Amazon) and add an extra loaf and block of cheese to your next shop. Make a load of sandwiches (bread/cheese/bread-no butter) and place each one in a toastabag and put in a suitable freezer bag or container. It’s easier to freeze in the Toastabags but not essential-you can put them in the bags before cooking. This way you can just take straight from the freezer and put in toaster and you’ll only be minutes away from a cheese toastie for breakfast, lunch or emergency comforting snack that you can make one handed!

I was so fed up of moving nappies/wipes/powder/changing mat etc from one room to another that I've recently been gifted a nappy caddy for downstairs. Could not have thanked my friend enough. Also got a cheap changing mat for downstairs too. The thought of having this is already making me feel better.

Another vote for Amazon prime and if you can afford it a cleaner.
Also a kindle with a back light - life saver for me as it stopped me fiddling on my phone whilst doing the night feeds. NOTHING good comes of googling late at night when tired and emotional...
Also if you can a separate bed for OH: it’s good to be able to be in different room to the person doing the night feeds so at least one of you gets some sleep and can be more help/ take over in the morning...

Oh also quite a few cot sheets with Muslims between layers. I used to put a few layers on the mattress so if baby possetted at night I could just take the top layer off and go back to sleep - no full sheet change at 3am

A good sling or carrier. Not all babies like them but my second loves it which means I really can just get on with stuff as normal, housework etc.

I agree to have low expectations, because you may have a baby you can't put down (like both of mine, but luckily the second accepts carrier!) but equally if you want to and find you can do more then don't feel like you shouldn't do housework and cooking etc because you have a newborn. I found I could second time round and it was calming to have a tidy house and proper food

Also when you feel ready I did find it helpful to get out of the house lots, hampered this time round by lockdown but still done lots of walks etc

Having something to wear! It’s a real mood booster to have easy comfortable clothing that suits you. This is not a time you’ll feel like going round shops even if you could!
I had nothing to wear when my first was born and it was a bit rubbish. We went from cold spring to heatwave the week she was born, the dresses i had lived in while pregnant didn’t work for breastfeeding, and I didn’t fit by a long way my usual summer clothes! I wish I had thought of that beforehand in all the planning I did.

@Cupoftchaiagain

Having something to wear! It’s a real mood booster to have easy comfortable clothing that suits you. This is not a time you’ll feel like going round shops even if you could! I had nothing to wear when my first was born and it was a bit rubbish. We went from cold spring to heatwave the week she was born, the dresses i had lived in while pregnant didn’t work for breastfeeding, and I didn’t fit by a long way my usual summer clothes! I wish I had thought of that beforehand in all the planning I did.

I second this. I found wearing some.forgiving leggings and a long top with comfortable non wired bra to bed was great for my head as some mornings turned into lunchtime and I still didnt get a chance to get dressed. I felt I was half dressed at least.

Do some research now, so if you are planning on breastfeeding are there nearby breastfeeding clinics, on what days are they held, what times? Could you pay for breastfeeding support, if so have a look online or through recommendations for contact details, how much would it cost?

Could you get a cleaner in for those early weeks or outsource laundry? Are there any family members or friends that you could rely on to help you with this for the first few weeks?

Meal wise, cook what you like to eat and I second having money set aside for takeaways. I would ask guests to call ahead of coming. Ask for help if needed, maybe after your partner is back at work so you are not all alone with baby at once.

It isn't always awful after having a baby, I wouldn't go into the mindset that it will be hellish, just take each day as it comes. X

Start a few box sets. I wanted gripping TV, but didn't have the brain power to concentrate on new characters etc.

If formula feeding a prep machine

White noise (i used ollie the owl its been our savior)

Putting your baby down to sleep from the start (cuddles are cute, but not 8 months down the line when you need to get shit done and baby screams whenever you put them down)

Bouncer / rocking chair / glider so you can put them in there whilst you go make meals etc

Get loads of stuff in that you can eat with one hand.