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Original poster

Too honest at booking appointment

62 replies

Anonomous · 04/03/2021 08:50

Anyone else worried they were too honest at their booking appointment? I told the MW that I used cannabis before I knew I was pg and stopped as soon as I found out. She asked about partner and I said he still does but only about 2 a night and not around me. He is worried she will pass this information further resulting in people knowing and potential loss of job. Does this happen? I have the maternity notes app, there is nothing on there about drug use and under the smoking section she has put No and No to any smokers in the house. Is the drug use on my notes on the computer but not on my app? Will I have to speak about this with every health professional that I come across? She didn't seem too bothered about it and said he should stop, to which I told her he would before baby gets here. I'm so worried, it's made me disconnect from the pregnancy, as it's taking over everything I think about. I feel stupid for even admitting it.
Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
WhenTwoBecomeThree · 04/03/2021 09:09

Don't worry OP, they just want to make sure there's no risk to the baby which there isn't. Your partner doesn't smoke it around you and you stopped as soon as you found out. Your notes will be the same as what you see in your app as there's nothing else to report - you don't smoke, your partner doesn't smoke in the house

Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 09:18

Thank you so much! Just need that bit of reassurance from someone else. I hope your right about the notes as I don't want to be treat as a 'druggy' I used it recreationally and have stopped with no complications so I think she was happy with that. She hasn't refered me as of yet so hoping it won't go that far. Thanks again!!

OP posts:
thosetalesofunexpected · 04/03/2021 09:45

@Anonomous

Hi

I do not think your midwife will pass on this infor about your husbands cannibas use any further.

All your midwife wanted to know as a professional that you were not putting yourself or your unborn baby at any potential risk, for health reasons.

You reassured her that you gave up smoking cannibas
which showed the midwife you care enough about your unborn baby health/well being.

And also you have the right kind of attitude about looking after your own health/well being.!

Also your Husband attitude/behaviour shows he too cares enough as a father to be about his unborn baby health/well being.

As he does not smoke around you as you obviously pregnant .

Also your husband has been very supportive of you, when you gave up smoking cannibas.

This is even more reassuring to this midwife
And shows that he is a caring/Good enough father to be he will be .

Midwife knows as professional that nobody is perfect.
That we are doing trying to our best in life.

All her concern is making sure she looks out for your welfare as a professional.

She is not a social worker ,who has been informed by someone who has nasty intentions to create drama in your life.

She is there for you to help you in this transition period in your new adventure as parents to be.

thosetalesofunexpected · 04/03/2021 09:49

@Anonomous

Congtatulations both of you on your pregnancy.

Best wishes
Hope all goes well for you both
Take careDaffodilCakeBrew x

WinterRobin · 04/03/2021 09:50

I don’t think you should worry about being honest with the midwife and well done on giving up. However your partner is still using on a daily basis and doesn’t want people to know about it. Can he not give up ? I know long term cannabis smokers and the ones I know have been smoking it for years and are paranoid and volatile.

Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 09:50

Thank you so much! Hearing this is putting my mind at ease that bit more. My biggest worry was because it's an illegal substance that they have to contact relevant outside agencies. But from what you are saying that will not be the case. Thank you again. You don't know how much it is helping me ease the thoughts I have been having!

OP posts:
Queenbee95 · 04/03/2021 09:54

I saw a post on here not too long ago, a lady saying she told her MW at booking appointment that she had taken drugs recreationally before getting pregnant (think it said something like 2 years prior) and the Mw informed her that she would be contacted by social services about the whole situation.

That said - I had a trip to triage at 20 weeks after a collapse/fall, and I noticed it said in my notes that there was a smell of cannabis in the room (my partner used to smoke it, he gave up then as it scared him seeing it written in our notes) and nothing has ever been said about it. No one has ever mentioned it at all. I’m now 32 weeks

Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 10:01

Ah that's good to know it wasn't mentioned. That's my worry that ss will be involved, but she never mentioned anything at the time, so hoping nothing will come of that. She seemed more bothered about if I had ever injected drugs (which I never have) I can't find anything on the notes app about drug use so wondered if it is logged down else where? She seemed happy with the fact that I have stopped, offered me help to stay stopped which I declined as I'm doing fine and she seemed happy with that also. She seems a pretty chill MW so hopefully she is happy with what I have told her. The only thing she said was about my OH stopping which I said he will be doing, nothing else was said after that.
Thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 10:08

Thosetalesofunexpected

Thank you!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 10:21

Winter Robin-
Thank you for your reply. No paranoia or volatile situations in the house. He plans on giving up and will in his own time, he has already cut down so that's a start. It is an illegal drug so that's why he doesn't want people to know, just as I didn't when I smoked it. He could lose his job and most people see it as a gateway drug when in reality he has a spliff or two after a looong day at work to wind down, just as people do with a beer or a glass of wine. Imo drinking is sometimes worse. He doesn't do it in front of me so has already made that change to benefit me and baby. His plans to stop are down to him and I know he will do it before baby arrives.

OP posts:
NigellaSeed · 04/03/2021 11:00

What about second hand smoke from you OH clothes??

BlackSabbath · 04/03/2021 11:06

Imo drinking is sometimes worse

Yeah, it is.

SlovenlyUnwedMother · 04/03/2021 11:08

A similar thing happened to me. I used cannabis until I got pregnant, then stopped. I told my midwife at the booking appointment and was referred to social services (who immediately closed the case). I also have to have toxicology tests at every appointment and a home inspection before the baby is due. It seems like a massive overreaction and I wish I hadn't said anything because I have no plans to smoke again but it is what it is. I've been quite stressed about it but I know they won't have any reason to take it further so I'm just trying to take it in my stride.

It sounds like your midwife has taken a less stringent approach and if she hasn't referred you to the toxicology midwife/social services etc then I wouldn't worry. I also don't think they can pass information onto employers due to confidentiality - there's certainly been no mention of involving my employer. Their duty of care is to you and the baby and any concerns they have will be centred around that.

Obviously second hand smoke is a risk to your baby but it sounds like your partner is being sensible and not smoking around you. It's a shame that cannabis is so demonised, especially as it's being legalised in more places globally now.

LittleTiger007 · 04/03/2021 11:10

It sounds like you and your OH have been very sensible about it all so you really shouldn’t worry.
As others have said, midwives and social workers have to keep an eye for concerns regarding potential child abuse, as do teachers. But if things have clearly stopped then the worry goes away. Everyone wants to support families. As a teacher, I have taught a few children in care and their parents were extreme cases. They didn’t take any notice of warnings and smoked and drank throughout their pregnancies. This isn’t you. What you are describing is very common and won’t raise any alarm bells. Congratulations on your pregnancy Flowers

ivfbeenbusy · 04/03/2021 11:19

There was a thread on here not so long ago where a poster admitted to MW at the booking in that she and partner used to take drugs years ago including cannabis - not even active usage and they were referred to SW.

Don't want to scare you but it does happen

ohwaitthatwasme · 04/03/2021 11:21

@ivfbeenbusy

There was a thread on here not so long ago where a poster admitted to MW at the booking in that she and partner used to take drugs years ago including cannabis - not even active usage and they were referred to SW.

Don't want to scare you but it does happen

Unless you can provide a link or at least a conclusion to this then your post is really unhelpful. Being referred to SS in itself is not an issue when it pertains to past drug use. It's all good and well dating it happens it the key information, what happened next, is missing.

ohwaitthatwasme · 04/03/2021 11:22

Saying it happens

Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 11:25

NovellaSeed-
He changes his clothes

OP posts:
Sittinbythetree · 04/03/2021 11:26

Give how worried you clearly are, I think your partner should stop immediately, I’m surprised that isn’t the priority. If sw do get back to you I’d have thought it would be better to be able to say that he has already stopped rather than he is going to.

Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 11:29

Slovenlyunwedmother-
Could I ask did she refer you on the spot at your booking appointment? Or did this happen at a later stage? Did your MW tell you that she had refered you?
Thank you for your reply!!

OP posts:
MrsBotibolsCruise · 04/03/2021 11:35

No she won’t pass this information on to any third parties unless there are serious concerns about yours or baby’s welfare.

There is no such thing as too honest when it comes to your health. If you feel judged it’s a pretty poor reflection on your HCP and you have the right to ask to see someone else.

Kitkat151 · 04/03/2021 11:35

@Anonomous

Slovenlyunwedmother- Could I ask did she refer you on the spot at your booking appointment? Or did this happen at a later stage? Did your MW tell you that she had refered you? Thank you for your reply!!
You will not be referred to social services.....it will be recorded on your records and the information passed over the Health Visitor.....who will likely ask about your cannabis use when the baby is born ( but then Health Visitors ask all new parents about any drug use )
Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 11:41

Ivfbeenbusy
My MW asked if I had ever injected drugs (which I have never) so I'm guessing if you answer yes to that or even cocaine then that would warrant a referral, saying I used to smoke cannabis but have stopped surely won't?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonomous · 04/03/2021 11:42

Kitkat151-
Thank you, that is my biggest worry!! Don't want to be tarnished for enjoying the odd spliff! I really hope you are right!

OP posts:
AllGonnaLaughAtYou · 04/03/2021 11:42

I said something in my first MW appointment about historical drug use (10 years ago!) and she said I would have to take drug tests regularly and speak to the team about it. I actually had a miscarriage in the end, and with my second pregnancy, I didn't mention it - though I also wasn't asked this time about historical use.

With the first though, it WAS written inside the maternity notes app, so hopefully, if it isn't in there, it won't be an issue going forward.