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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else giving baby mum's surname?

64 replies

Coffeecake90 · 27/02/2021 08:05

Just curious. Have read articles online about couples who have done it but don't know anyone in real life.

We are very much a happy couple, but I feel it is unfair that essentially because I don't have a penis (nor any brothers/cousins), my surname ends with me. My OH has a huge number of cousins and also half brothers etc with his surname, his surname won't be reaching end of the line any time soon!

There's me already justifying the reasons for using my surname...

Anyone else doing the same?x

OP posts:

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WithMyOldCockLinnet · 27/02/2021 08:12

There is no logical reason why babies get their father’s surname, it is just a patriarchal tradition.

One child in our extended family has her Mum’s surname (parents are married, no one changed their name) and I have never asked why but I assume it s because the mum is one of sisters, no brothers.

My Dc have both our surnames, hyphenated.

Expect resistance though: men seem to see it as a slight or that it implies they are not the father. Though this will change as more and more people make a choice rather than just follow tradition,

You could add his name as an extra middle name.

Nesski · 27/02/2021 08:18

I know someone whose husband has a very awkward surname and also has no attachment to his dad, therefore he took her surname and the baby will also do the same.

Our children will have three surnames as my husband has 2 (tradition in Mediterranean countries), and it sounds better too.

Crosstrainer · 27/02/2021 08:25

There is no logical reason why babies get their father’s surname, it is just a patriarchal tradition.

It isn’t, though - the tradition was that parents were married before any baby - and that the mother changed her surname on marriage. So babies have always had the mother’s surname; babies of unmarried mothers certainly always did (although this was admittedly rarer).

Janek · 27/02/2021 08:25

We have one of each, dd1 has my surname, dd2 has dp's. It's a bit annoying with labels in passed down school uniform, but otherwise works for us.

We decided dd1's surname based on gender - had a girl's name with my surname and a boy's name with dp's. Then dp got the next child, irrespective of gender!!!

Choice4567 · 27/02/2021 08:29

We’re not married, baby has my surname. Father didn’t mind at all. I wanted her to be a part of my family

Ickli · 27/02/2021 08:36

My partner has a double barreled surname. Our baby will be getting the first part of his plus mine. As I'm someone who wouldn't change my name even if I got married (and my partner would never expect me to), it's what works for us.

Timeandtune · 27/02/2021 08:40

We have been married for nearly 30 years. I kept my name and both sons have my name too. They both have names from my DH’s side as middle names. We both simply preferred my surname - it was easier to spell. Never been any issue whatsoever.

whatswithtodaytoday · 27/02/2021 08:43

We gave our child my surname. We're not married but have been together a very long time pre-child, and if we were married I still wouldn't change my or our child's name. My partner didn't mind - I'd said many years ago that any children would have my name.

My name is unusual and has an interesting history.

WithMyOldCockLinnet · 27/02/2021 09:24

the tradition was that parents were married before any baby - and that the mother changed her surname on marriage
Back to the Patriarchy. Women including themselves under the man’s family name.

FabledFoibles · 27/02/2021 09:57

There are lots of options and I think just use whatever works best for you. DC1 was born before we got married but we were engaged so she took her dads surname. Married since and now pregnant with DC2 and obviously now we all have his surname.

However, I have no emotional ties to my maiden name as I have no contact with my father and my mum remarried so doesn’t have that name either. You do have emotional ties to your name so keep it if that’s what suits you.

I have however kept my maiden name at work just for ease and so I’m not ‘googled’ or easily found by people I work with (clients not colleagues) as my maiden name was quite unique. But I have another married colleague who kept her maiden name and her DH kept his as Mr and Mrs.

So many options!

Cafeaulait27 · 27/02/2021 09:57

Hey everyone! I’m married but I haven’t formally taken my husband’s name, although I put it as double barrelled for my work email address, signature and all forms etc.

I’d like my baby to be double barrelled too.

Does anyone know how I formally change my name to double barrelled? I feel like an idiot but everything I read online seems really confusing so I just give up and still haven’t done it 3 years into marriage! Xxx

Pandemicpregnancy · 27/02/2021 10:01

Our daughter has both our surnames double barreled. I couldn't decide what to do with her surname for ages because everyone I know just immediately goes for the man's surname, but so glad we went double barreled.

IeatPotNoodles · 27/02/2021 10:14

Our baby is having my surname

Chelyanne · 27/02/2021 10:17

It's just a name.
My children all have my married name, my husband has had 3 surnames since birth (fathers, mothers maiden, mothers married). Neither of my siblings have children and are older than me but my dad comes from a large family so plenty of children with that surname.

OnceUponAThread · 27/02/2021 10:19

We're deciding on this at the moment. I've said baby will either have my name - or double barrelled, but not his. We plan to marry but I won't be changing my surname and I want baby to have the same name as me.

At one point we were looking at merging our names into a brand new one but as he has two girls from a previous relationship I don't think he'll want to change his when it comes down to it. So that's out.

I think double-barrelled is most likely where we'll end up. But then - how do you decide whose name goes first and which is last? Is one dropped more often?

Quolla · 27/02/2021 10:30

My boyfriend will change his surname to mine when we get married next year - we discussed and we both prefer my surname and its a bit more unusual than his. As a result our baby will get my name and he will change either then or after marriage

wonderstuff · 27/02/2021 10:33

My children have dh surname, but my surname as a middle name. Passing on maternal surname as a middle name seems to go back many generations in my family and seemed a nice compromise.

theresaplaceforus · 27/02/2021 10:41

I had a baby 4 months ago, she has my surname

WithMyOldCockLinnet · 27/02/2021 10:50

we were engaged so she took her dads surname. Married since and now pregnant with DC2 and obviously now we all have his surname.

Is it 'obvious'?

It's a choice you made for your own reasons, but why is it 'obvious' that a woman will adopt a man's name on marriage?

tofuschnitzel · 27/02/2021 11:00

I kept my surname when I got married. I am currently pregnant with twins, and our children will have both my surname and my husband's. I used to think that I'd be happy with any future children having my surname as a middle name, but it now feels very important to me that they have my name too. I kept my surname because I don't agree with taking my husband's name upon marriage. It frustrates me when I see people arguing that their surname is their father's name. Men own their name from the moment they are born, but women apparently just have their father's name and then their husband's name, never owning their actual surname. My surname is my own. My undergrad and postgrad qualifications are in my name, and my identity doesn't vanish just because I chose to get married.

Sorry for going off on a tangent, it is an issue close to my heart. Stick to your guns, OP. If you want your children to have your surname then they should have your surname.

FabledFoibles · 27/02/2021 11:32

@WithMyOldCockLinnet

I meant ‘obviously’ because we’d already given DC1 his surname. Obviously.

(C’mon bit picky no?)

BabyElephant2 · 27/02/2021 11:34

My first has my surname, we were split up before he was born.

My second I would like the same although partner is offended, so this one will have both of our surnames.

Crosstrainer · 27/02/2021 12:54

@WithMyOldCockLinnet I wasn’t arguing that women taking their husband’s surname wasn’t a patriarchal tradition - it obviously is! The point is that it actually isn’t “traditional” (as so many men - including many of those averse to marriage - seem to claim) that a baby has its father’s surname.

Nia18 · 27/02/2021 15:10

My first has my surname. Shes 12 now.

My 2nd has both mine and my partners surname and I'm currently pregnant with my 3rd who will have both surnames.

If I ever marry my partner I wont be changing my name so I dont see why my children shouldn't have my name too :)

MonkeyPuddle · 27/02/2021 15:20

My children have mine and their dads surnames, they’ve got different dads so slightly different names.
Was I fuck growing, birthing, doing most of the work and taking a career hit and not giving them my name.

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