Anyone else giving baby mum's surname?

[Coffeecake90]

Just curious. Have read articles online about couples who have done it but don't know anyone in real life.

We are very much a happy couple, but I feel it is unfair that essentially because I don't have a penis (nor any brothers/cousins), my surname ends with me. My OH has a huge number of cousins and also half brothers etc with his surname, his surname won't be reaching end of the line any time soon!

There's me already justifying the reasons for using my surname...

Anyone else doing the same?x

My two children have my last name. Not married to their dad and now we're separating, so really glad I made that decision! They have his name as a middle name but really it's never used so I'm glad we did it this way round.

@Cafeaulait27

Hey everyone! I’m married but I haven’t formally taken my husband’s name, although I put it as double barrelled for my work email address, signature and all forms etc.

I’d like my baby to be double barrelled too.

Does anyone know how I formally change my name to double barrelled? I feel like an idiot but everything I read online seems really confusing so I just give up and still haven’t done it 3 years into marriage! Xxx

You can pay online through the government to change your name. Think its around £35. If you're in the UK that is.

I'm with @tofuschnitzel on this... only I use my own surname in my personal life and have my husband's surname professionally because I will be doing a job where it's not safe for people to be able to find me online.
It does make me sad sometimes that my professional achievements will be under a different family's name. I'm the first in my family to go to uni and have a good job - hopefully an even better job soon. I just won a scholarship and it was in my married name, my professional membership is under that name :*( ah well.

DH's parents keep calling me Mrs XXXXX and it makes me cringe. Nothing wrong with the name, just my feelings on the assumption I've taken his name. I just remind myself it's a different generation and they're sweethearts.

This is our first child so I'm a bit torn on what to do with their surname. Am thinking that my maiden name will be the middle name...

OP - this is a great thread for understanding what other people do and thinking it out! :)

You're not married. Give the baby your surname.

Yes, I did this. Gave her father's surname as a middle name (because we all know that's a meaningless sop).

A few years and another child later, we got married, and at that point we gave the kids both names, double-barrelled. It seemed fair as now-DH had proved his commitment at that point.

Any woman who gives the kids her husband or partner's name and not hers is in a lose-lose situation.

Yes. My name rather than my DH’s.

To match my older DC who were originally double barrelled but abbreviated to just my name after their father dropped out of contact for years.

Delighted with my choice. DH also perfectly happy.

@Cafeaulait27 Hey everyone! I’m married but I haven’t formally taken my husband’s name, although I put it as double barrelled for my work email address, signature and all forms etc. I’d like my baby to be double barrelled too. Does anyone know how I formally change my name to double barrelled? I feel like an idiot but everything I read online seems really confusing so I just give up and still haven’t done it 3 years into marriage!

Just ask your husband what he did to change his, and you do the same.

Yes, I did this. Gave her father's surname as a middle name (because we all know that's a meaningless sop).

😆 🤭 👏🏼

@ILoveBountys I'm with @tofuschnitzel on this... only I use my own surname in my personal life and have my husband's surname professionally because I will be doing a job where it's not safe for people to be able to find me online. It does make me sad sometimes that my professional achievements will be under a different family's name. I'm the first in my family to go to uni and have a good job - hopefully an even better job soon. I just won a scholarship and it was in my married name, my professional membership is under that name :( ah well. DH's parents keep calling me Mrs XXXXX and it makes me cringe. Nothing wrong with the name, just my feelings on the assumption I've taken his name. I just remind myself it's a different generation and they're sweethearts.*

But you have effectively taken his name. No one knows what your 'personal' name is. It's your professional name that people will use and know.

This is our first child so I'm a bit torn on what to do with their surname. Am thinking that my maiden name will be the middle name...

Sure, that's the default option that means women think they've kept their name in some way but men are perfectly well aware that it means nothing at all.

What are your colleagues' middle names?

@Cafeaulait27

Hey everyone! I’m married but I haven’t formally taken my husband’s name, although I put it as double barrelled for my work email address, signature and all forms etc.

I’d like my baby to be double barrelled too.

Does anyone know how I formally change my name to double barrelled? I feel like an idiot but everything I read online seems really confusing so I just give up and still haven’t done it 3 years into marriage! Xxx

If you are in the UK, government guidance now says that a marriage certificate is sufficient proof to double barrel. For your, your DH or both.

www.ealing.gov.uk/info/201037/marriages_and_civil_partnerships/747/changing_your_name_at_marriage/1

www.norfolk.gov.uk/births-ceremonies-and-deaths/marriages-and-civil-partnerships/changing-your-name

I can’t find the central government’s guidance just now but it is out there.

Also this @Cafeaulait27

Don’t be conned into doing a deed poll simply to double barrel.

My DD has my surname. She's 23 and I'm not with her father. I'm incredibly relieved that we have always had the same name - I've never married (although have been close to it) but wouldn't have changed my name if I had.

[quote SomersetHamlyn]**@ILoveBountys* I'm with @tofuschnitzel on this... only I use my own surname in my personal life and have my husband's surname professionally because I will be doing a job where it's not safe for people to be able to find me online. It does make me sad sometimes that my professional achievements will be under a different family's name. I'm the first in my family to go to uni and have a good job - hopefully an even better job soon. I just won a scholarship and it was in my married name, my professional membership is under that name :( ah well. DH's parents keep calling me Mrs XXXXX and it makes me cringe. Nothing wrong with the name, just my feelings on the assumption I've taken his name. I just remind myself it's a different generation and they're sweethearts.

But you have effectively taken his name. No one knows what your 'personal' name is. It's your professional name that people will use and know.

This is our first child so I'm a bit torn on what to do with their surname. Am thinking that my maiden name will be the middle name...

Sure, that's the default option that means women think they've kept their name in some way but men are perfectly well aware that it means nothing at all.

What are your colleagues' middle names?[/quote]
I haven't taken his name so I really don't get your point?
None of my documents/ passport/ bank cards/ etc. are in his name. All of my friends, family, etc know me by my personal name, which I use in my personal (main - most important) life. To the people I care most about I'm the same name.
I have to have 2 names for my job; if I use my personal name then I am traceable. My married name is less known so safer - hardly going to make a name up am I?

'men are perfectly well aware that it means nothing at all'
My DH is not a mysogynist, I doubt he gives a 2nd thought to it, thank you.

Why are you so judge-y?
This is Mumsnet a place for support, not a place for you to come on here and respond to open discussion with your derisory scorn - get on Facebook if you want to troll people.

Having a different opinion to you is not 'trolling'.

Mumsnet has more feminists on it than Facebook. Sorry.

Am married, didn't change my name. Nor did my husband. Children have my surname.

@SomersetHamlyn

Having a different opinion to you is not 'trolling'.

Mumsnet has more feminists on it than Facebook. Sorry.

You're welcome to your opinion but you're not giving it, you're patronising and talking down to me when I'm simply - as a woman - finding MY way. Feminism is about equality, support, lifting up. Not men Vs women and certainly not women undermining and belittling other women.

You told me I'd done something I haven't done; as if I was too stupid to realise. You assumed I was the silly victim of male superiority and manipulation and that I'm effectively too weak, stupid, or both to understand the 'reality' of my situation.

Does that sound like opinion, or judgement? Does it sound like feminism, or trolling? Support or tearing down?
I'm telling you it feels like reductive, judgmental trolling and you don't get to tell me my experience is wrong.

Just keep your brand of 'feminism' away from me from here on.

DS has my name, DP and I aren't married and even if we were I wouldn't be changing my name. Like PP said, was I bollocks growing, birthing and feeding a child for him to not to have my name. DP's surname is a second middle name.

I/we chose not to double barrel as it was lengthly and didn't sound right together.

Mine has dads as a middle name and mine for last name , thank god I'll never have to write his in everyday life I'm so glad I thought ahead it became more and more obvious through pregnancy we wouldn't be staying together

My baby will have mine and my partners surnames double barrelled (we are not married)

@Crosstrainer

There is no logical reason why babies get their father’s surname, it is just a patriarchal tradition.

It isn’t, though - the tradition was that parents were married before any baby - and that the mother changed her surname on marriage. So babies have always had the mother’s surname; babies of unmarried mothers certainly always did (although this was admittedly rarer).

Changing your name on marriage is part of the same patriarchal tradition though isn’t it?

What I find amazing is couples who give their children the fathers name even when it is clearly a much less appealing name to have - I knew a woman whose name was McKenzie, which she kept, husband’s surname was Pickle - they gave the children Pickle... 🤔 I’d be livid if I were those kids

@partyatthepalace

What I find amazing is couples who give their children the fathers name even when it is clearly a much less appealing name to have - I knew a woman whose name was McKenzie, which she kept, husband’s surname was Pickle - they gave the children Pickle... 🤔 I’d be livid if I were those kids

Men’s names are always easier to spell, to pronounce and are just generally “nicer” than women’s. It’s just a rule Rule of the patriarchy 🙄

I'm 16w, first baby. I did not take my husband's name when we married. We are planning to give my surname as a second middle name. Any other children we have will get the same. We considered double barrelling but have decided to go another route. I think whatever anyone wants to do is completely fine.

We're not married and the baby will have DP's surname, with mine as a middle name. I'll do the same when we get married. My surname is long and difficult to spell. I've had a lifetime of frustration spelling it out and people getting it wrong and I don't really want to inflict that on my kids.

Mumsnet has some very militant views on surnames (and having children out of wedlock in general) but ultimately it's a personal choice and as long as you are aware of and happy with any potential complications it's not really anyone else's business.

@SlovenlyUnwedMother

We're not married and the baby will have DP's surname, with mine as a middle name. I'll do the same when we get married. My surname is long and difficult to spell. I've had a lifetime of frustration spelling it out and people getting it wrong and I don't really want to inflict that on my kids.

Mumsnet has some very militant views on surnames (and having children out of wedlock in general) but ultimately it's a personal choice and as long as you are aware of and happy with any potential complications it's not really anyone else's business.

I understand that it can be frustrating having a difficult surname to spell. My surname is eastern european, with 9 consonants and 1 vowel. I'm used to spelling it out, and I'm used to people not knowing how to pronounce it. If we stop using difficult surnames, then we'll just end up in a sea of Smith's and Jones', and I think we would lose something by doing that. My heritage is also important to me and I don't want to lose that link because my surname is hard to spell. I'm not attacking your decision. It has been a consideration for me too with my children on the way, but my siblings and I managed with a difficult surname. We learnt to spell our name by singing a song, and it still pops in to my head when I spell it now.