Midwifes - what do you honestly think about people trying for a baby during Covid?

[VinoMerino]

I went to reach out of my precious midwife to ask what she knew about ttc and the vaccine, as I'm getting so much conflicted info but I'm worried she'll judge me for even thinking of deliberately getting pregnant right now. Am I being stupid? Midwives, what are your thoughts on people actively trying to get pregnant during all of this?

10+3wk with number 6 all being well. Do I feel bad for ttc in a pandemic? No. I'm getting closer to 40, if we get a healthy baby at the end of this it WILL be our last. I am looking at sterilisation at time of cesarean as an option for us as hubby refuses to get a vasectomy. I love having babies/kids but I would not like to go through anymore mc's, 5 is more than my fair share.

I don't want the age gap between my children determined for the rest of their lives by a pandemic that will be over in a year or two, just because I happen to be at the age I'd always planned to have children in the middle of a pandemic. I think it's easy to judge if you have already completed your family. Added to that, I've had to work throughout with no social distancing and no PPE (primary teacher), I'm risking my health to look after other people's children, so I don't consider myself selfish (cf sonographer's post) for now needing to access scans etc - face to face care has been minimal this pregnancy anyway.

You know as well as I do that is not the same. I don’t know why am bothering explaining. If you are mentally unwell you are mentally unwell and don’t choose that

Drug induced psychosis??
I still don't judge my patients.

In fact I might give mumsnet a break too as people love to ask for opinions at the moment and then attack people and call them a bad person when they have one they may differ to theirs just a tiny bit instead.

Not once attacked, not called you a "bad person". Just pointed out that as a pregnant NHS professional myself, working through a pandemic to provide a service for patients despite the risks to myself and my unborn baby, your comments came across as judgemental.

Who cares what a midwife thinks? Shes there to provide a service.

@JulieJJ

Who cares what a midwife thinks? Shes there to provide a service.

My sentiments exactly.

@Wherethereshope

I think it's a difficult one as whose to say when the end of the pandemic will be.

And who is to say when the end of your life will be? Life goes on. It can't be on hold forever.

@olivehater

Well that is your opinion. I disagree as I think you should consider the staff that will be there for you when you make your choices. I will be there for patients as I have been throughout this. Clearly you don’t think nhs staff matter when it comes to what is going on in your own life. That is a very selfish place to come from.

I just completely inherently disagree with this. I would never wonder why my patients with drug induced psychosis, or those experiencing a mental health relapse due to excessive alcohol use and not taking their psychiatric meds at home (preventing them from staying well in the community), didn't consider me and my staff inpatient MH team before they chose to act in this way. I'd simply approach them with the same compassion and understanding I approach all my patients, pandemic or not, as per the ethos of the caring profession I am in.

I went for a scan this week for my own pregnancy, taking time away from my own NHS job to do this. And to think that the sonographer might have been wondering why I didn't "consider their staff" before falling pregnant, especially when I have just come to that appointment from a job in the caring profession, where I provide a service with compassion and empathy for my patients irrespective of their reasons for being there...... it just makes me uncomfortable, angry, and sad to think, deep down, i may not have been approached with the same non judgmental empathy and compassion I offer to my own patients, day in and out, despite exhaustion due to the pandemic and pregnancy on top.

I lost my son at 21 weeks in the middle of first lockdown. He was my third loss in 3 years. Now I’m ttc again but with a treatment plan that means ill be vulnerable to covid, have to shield and not be able to work for most of the pregnancy. Oh and it’s really bloody expensive!

Definitely not ideal and maybe not very responsible, but after the heartbreak of the last 3 years we can’t put it off any longer.

I do think if I was in a more ‘normal’ situation, ie. young and ttc a first baby with no anticipated problems, then I would wait a few months to see how things pan out. Unfortunately I don’t have that option anymore!

I got into an argument with several senior maternity staff who said that any women getting pregnant now know what they are in for. I was pretty shocked by the attitude but I’ve heard the same views from some senior maternity staff across the country. Usually someone will counter it though.

I have a midwife family member who, along with her colleagues, think TTC just for the fun of it during lockdown is ridiculous

A judgemental midwife, who would have ever thought it. I feel sorry for the women in her care, judging them and trivialising them TTC to doing it for fun.

I conceived in December 2019 and had DD2 in September. If I had known there was a pandemic around the corner, would I have stopped TTC? No. It took over a year to conceive her despite DH and I both being in our 20s and having DD1 who was conceived whilst I was on the pill.

We would like a third (and final!) baby with a smaller age gap than we have between DD1 and DD2 but still around 2-3 years. I really hope this is all over by then!

I have been TTC for a very long time (years) and now too old for NHS fertility treatment so in the unlikely event I got pregnant even in a pandemic I’d be ecstatic. I reckon some are accidental due to lack of access to contraception.

It’s also been in the news about the difficulty a lot of women have had accessing contraception in the pandemic.

I’m not a midwife but I would have thought that midwives and reasonable people recognise that lots of couples don’t feel they have time to waste? If you’re healthy and in your thirties you probably aren’t going to get the vaccine until autumn, then if you wait the recommended three months afterwards you’ve lost a year.

I have a midwife family member who, along with her colleagues, think TTC just for the fun of it during lockdown is ridiculous. Those who have fertility issues should absolutely be TTC regardless but they're seeing more and more people who've decided to get up the duff because there's nothing else to do.

But no one tries to conceive for the fun of it. They try to conceive because they want a baby.

@Chelyanne

10+3wk with number 6 all being well. Do I feel bad for ttc in a pandemic? No. I'm getting closer to 40, if we get a healthy baby at the end of this it WILL be our last. I am looking at sterilisation at time of cesarean as an option for us as hubby refuses to get a vasectomy. I love having babies/kids but I would not like to go through anymore mc's, 5 is more than my fair share.

Sorry, completely irrelevant to the thread but you will have gone through pregnancy and childbirth, including c section SIX times, and 5 mcs and your DH won’t have a vasectomy?! That is staggeringly selfish. What possible reason can he have?!

Hubby works labour ward/maternity.

He came home the other night totally exhausted saying the covid baby boom (from March) was in full swing. No issue on the whole as mat units and midwives are separate to the war against covid. No point them sitting empty, but the rest of the hospital is under such pressure that anything midwives can’t do is being impacted.

Chances of getting an epidural or elective section are reduced. If theatres are full and the allocated Dr is already busy they can’t just ask for extra as easily now. So I mean go ahead and have babies (I’m pregnant too btw) but you’re accepting that you might lose a few choices in the process.

@HarrietM87 DH has flimsy reasons, he's read horror stories online about permanent pain etc etc.... even though we know several men who have had one and been perfectly fine. What can you do... he can be such a big baby lol
They asked me if I wanted to have sterilisation with my cesarean last time (1st for me, twin turned breech), 9 days before surgery. That was not enough time to research and decide so I declined. Hormonal contraception causes havoc with me and I conceived the twins despite a copper coil.

@Windchangeface that’s interesting but I heard the opposite at my local hospital. When I was waiting for my scan a doctor walked past me and was talking to a colleague. He said they had a lot more availability for c sections at the moment because so many elective surgeries had been cancelled.

Sorry separate question for you but do you know if they are spacing women out more in the wards now? Sorry to derail but I’m very curious! Thank you

Interested what magical maternity ward he works in, covid is impacting maternity services and maternity units. As a PP has said, actually C sections are not as much of a strain as a lot of surgeries have been cancelled, especially those that rely on the availability of an ICU bed afterwards. But maternity wards are also affected by covid, those who test positive are seperated out, and as birthing partners cannot stay more support is needed for women and their new borns ie lifting and changing baby.

Hasnt even occurred to me to think about it and dont know a single colleague who has! We expected a lockdown baby boom, which is now here, but Christmas was so quiet it was wierd and unsettling so it feels quite reassuring to be crazy busy. Long shifts are very very long with no patients! I feel for women and their families because we cant provide the same service in terms of birth partners present on wards etc. The only thing that really gets to me is when I have to ask the partner in the room to put their mask back on/over their nose every 5 minutes.

@jemimapuddlequack I can see why asking birth partners to wear a mask properly would get annoying! Is that something all birth partners are required to do at your trust? And is that all of the time they are in the hospital or just when walking around outside of the birthing room/when the midwife is present?

Curious as I'm pregnant and haven't heard of birthing partners having to wear masks, but I'm only 24 weeks so maybe it just hasn't come up yet.

Its trust policy for all visitors to wear masks at all times inside and birth partners are visitors so included. I dont mind what they do when I'm not in the room and obviously when they need to eat and drink it's ok...they need to eat! Those who are exempt from wearing masks also not included....but I havent come across anyone yet. It's just all part of us trying to protect each other. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Makes total sense @jemimapuddlequack. Thanks for coming back to me and for all you and your colleagues do

@Teakind

Tbh I think it’s probably dependant on hospital too. A friend of mine gave birth as hubbys hospital on sat, wanted an epidural but couldn’t get one as the two allocated anaesthetists were tied up and no one else to call. Probs just luck of the draw though.

No apparently not spacing out more on post natal as simply not room to do it. Beds are about 2m apart anyway but obvs not the whole cubicle.