Midwifes - what do you honestly think about people trying for a baby during Covid?

[VinoMerino]

I went to reach out of my precious midwife to ask what she knew about ttc and the vaccine, as I'm getting so much conflicted info but I'm worried she'll judge me for even thinking of deliberately getting pregnant right now. Am I being stupid? Midwives, what are your thoughts on people actively trying to get pregnant during all of this?

It IS hard to believe isn’t it. Very.

Life goes on. Women got pregnant during world wars, during times of political strife, during previous pandemics. As much as some people want to believe this will go on forever, the pandemic will soon be over and all be a distant memory but those babies will still exist and be loved.

@Lucieintheskye

I have a midwife family member who, along with her colleagues, think TTC just for the fun of it during lockdown is ridiculous. Those who have fertility issues should absolutely be TTC regardless but they're seeing more and more people who've decided to get up the duff because there's nothing else to do. Financial stability is another risk factor and she's seen a lot of patients who've lost their job, their relationship is failing or they're struggling to feed their kids due to covid who've planned a pregnancy to give them something to look forward to.

I don't believe you.

A post on this just got banned last night, why do people keep reposting them? How many of these do we need?

It’s bizarre how some women like to make up stories isn’t it!

I think if any midwife (or anyone else) judged me for being pregnant now they should take a long hard look at them self. I’ve already had the comments in the hospital of lockdown baby or being part of the covid baby boom... I wish it was a ‘mummy and daddy didn't social distance’ baby but no it’s over 3 years of trying and fertility treatment that has finally got us here! There would and could be no way I could put trying for a baby on hold because of covid given how long of a road it has been to get here already

The midwives and nurses (when admitted early in pregnancy) I have seen have been lovely.

I’ve seen plenty of pregnant hospital workers on my visits. If women stopped having babies, midwives wouldn’t have a job.

Not a midwife but just a comment.
The moaning has to stop now, women (and fathers of the baby) are going into this with their eyes wide open, they know the services are not what they were pre Covid (rightly or wrongly), your family/friends may not meet baby, there may not be baby groups/ health visitors etc etc.
So then complaining that all of that happened when they conceived purposefully to me is just wasted breath.

@chalkdinosaur I think your post is really lovely thank you. As a pregnant women I'm struggling with these threads, never started by pregnant people as far as I've seen. It's really putting me off coming here for advice and support.

Midwife here.
I haven't heard any colleague say women shouldn't be conceiving at the moment.
I do, however, really worry about how safe we can keep women right now. Firstly, our staffing levels are shocking and unpredictable and we're regularly having to close the unit and send women elsewhere or in the case of just before Christmas, we can't send them elsewhere because they're all closed too, so we've had to take them but don't have enough staff to safely care for them.
I do also worry that we'll miss things with the lack of physical visits postnatally. Women come into the unit now (unless a home visit is absolutely necessary) and we only generally see them twice then discharge them.
There's also the lack of relationship building that may lead to a woman making disclosures re domestic abuse, drug misuse etc that's very hard to build on the end of the phone.

Fefifoefum - I don’t see anybody moaning, it’s a discussion forum after all for pregnant women who are entitled to write whatever they want! Just do a Google and see how many news stories you can find about breaking point in maternity over the past decade...so I guess using the same logic, nobody should have got pregnant over the past 10 years as they knew the state of maternity services?

Also - many pregnancies are unplanned...between a sixth and half depending on what you read.

@Fefifoefum

Not a midwife but just a comment. The moaning has to stop now, women (and fathers of the baby) are going into this with their eyes wide open, they know the services are not what they were pre Covid (rightly or wrongly), your family/friends may not meet baby, there may not be baby groups/ health visitors etc etc. So then complaining that all of that happened when they conceived purposefully to me is just wasted breath.

Not a midwife but just a comment - wind your neck in.

I meant to say previous midwife not precious

I do know it's not an easy time to have a baby. My DC was only tiny when the first lockdown hit and it's been a long, difficult road. I know I'd like two close in age, and I think in the long run it would be worth another difficult time with babies in lockdown for how close (I hope) they could be. Financially it makes sense too as I get all the paid childcare and school half days out the way in a few years and can then go back full time. We have stable jobs and own our home. It feels like the right time but I just think I must be mad as there are so many risks, but my mind is just desperate to go for it.

I am not a midwife but work as a sonographer.

If you want my real honest opinion. I think unless you don’t have a lot of time left biologically holding off trying right now is the better thing to do.

Every hospital interaction have is a risk to you and a risk to all the staff that you come into contact with. If you can delay to the summer I would.
People are getting their cancer treatments and operations delayed right now. It seems stupid to be inviting the need to go to hospitals when you don’t have to. Every day I go to work I put myself at risk. And I am happy to. But I do think some people don’t even consider that side of things.

But of course I understand if you are running out out time to have children it would be a difficult choice to make.

Olive as a sonographer, I would hope you would recognise the fear that with each month that passes you are potentially missing another chance. I had two consecutive miscarriages in my 20s when I started TTC. On paper I had loads of time but I was utterly convinced that it wasn't going to happen for us so no, I wouldn't have been prepared to wait months; even years to try again, pandemic or no pandemic. People would always question whether they could have had a healthy pregnancy in that window that they didn't try. Once you've decided you're ready for a baby, TTC is all consuming once it starts, and I would have thought that you would understand that.

Pre corona I gave birth during a period where my hospital was too busy to give me safe care. It was hell. A friend had to have a d&c due to an incomplete miscarriage, alone, delayed due to the pandemic. Both experiences mean I will not be having another child whilst the NHS is on its knees. I don’t feel as sorry for new mums now because they had a baby despite knowing the situation.

Who on Earth would let the opinions of random medical staff (actually, posters on the internet who may or may not be medical staff for all anyone reading knows) influence their thoughts on whether to try to conceive? A sonographer, ffs. Inappropriate beyond belief.

Of course I recognize it. That’s why I understand. I understand the need to try for a baby. But plenty of people do have time on their side and don’t give the fact they are putting staff at risk a second thought. I just think that ought to be involved in people’s decision making process. Even if it is considered for a second and discarded.

We have a lot of sonographers close to retirement in my department and there is a lot of low morale. One has already gone off with stress. We have no screens and no ppe beyond surgical masks. I can see their being a staffing crisis shortly. It is one of the highest risk jobs in term of covid because of the extended amount of time we are face to face with a patient. We also have partners in all our scans now.

Beyond belief the op asked medical professionals who are going to work every day and putting themselves in the firing line what their opinion was and that is mine. I am sorry if you do not agree with it. But I am allowed to have a personal opinion even if don’t divulge it to patients. I am extremely professional. Thanks very much. I don’t understand the sonographer ffs comment. Do you think my profession is not worthy of and opinion? I do have my own family to go home to every day.

let's not forget there's a 9-month delay between conception and actually having the baby!
We conceived in May, thinking this would probably be over by the time the baby came! It's now due in Feb, and looking like we're still going to be in lockdown!
Not that if we had known it would have changed anything - due to my work we had a limited time interval in which to conceive and still be eligible for maternity leave and pay!

@MiddleParking

Who on Earth would let the opinions of random medical staff (actually, posters on the internet who may or may not be medical staff for all anyone reading knows) influence their thoughts on whether to try to conceive? A sonographer, ffs. Inappropriate beyond belief.

It was more that if there was that level of judgement towards people deliberately conceiving at this time that I wouldn't mention that I'm trying and would just act like it was an accident. Still silly but not making reproductive decisions based on it.

I have been trying for a baby for a long time. I’m not going to stop because of covid.

I am not a midwife and respect the opinions of those who are (everyone is entitled to their view on this whatever it is). For me at 37 with 3+ years TTC followed by 2MC (one in lockdown last year which was a horrid and lonely experience) waiting didn't feel like an option. Also we don't know how long this is going to go on for. COVID is never going to be eradicated - it seems likely that even if we manage to improve things we're still going to end up with "COVID season" on top of "flu season". Add in the economic damage done by lockdowns + Brexit this year and funding for the NHS is not about to increase. I hope I am wrong but it seems likely that we are going to see the NHS really struggling through the next few winters at a minimum. Personally I didn't see waiting as a sensible choice.

Having said that I am very aware of the risk that midwives and sonographers are putting themselves in and am being extra vigilant throughout my pregnancy to protect myself and to reduce the risk to them. I am pretty much isolating, haven't been to the supermarket since I found out I was PG (last June) and have rigidly followed all of the rules. When my baby is born I won't be letting people come and meet them unless that is actually allowed by then. If the people caring for me are showing up through the pandemic I should do my bit as well. Obviously I am lucky I can work at home and I don't judge anyone who is unable to do that. But I am pretty disappointed when I see people meeting up with friends and family socially while PG/with a newborn because "it's not fair I didn't get the experience I wanted". No. It's not fair. Get over it. Obviously you don't have to agree with me on this!

Thank you to all of the medical staff who do show up for us every day - it's really appreciated.

Blueberry I totally understand your situation. And wish you so much luck in conceiving. Thankyou for considering staff that will be their in your journey.

I love my job and love being a part of people’s pregnancy journey. I just ask that people take a moment to consider the staff that will be there for them. I do not think that is inappropriate.

I thought there had been a rise in still birth due to prenatal covid infections. My niece works on a small unit and has seen a rise. She is not angry with those who chose to conceive but is a bit perplexed by the anger she faces about restrictions on visiting and birth partners.