How did you decide whether to know gender

[chickychicchic]

Hey everyone

Going to be TTC this month.
dh already has DC and he assumed we would find out the gender
This will be our only DC due to my age etc so I'm unsure if I want the surprise element or not. Also like the idea of being able to plan for the gender as I like sewing so could make things but also think would I have the energy when pregnant and working full time??

How did you decide?

We found out at the birth and honestly it was so exciting and special. If I have a second I’d also have a surprise.

We decided not to find out the sex of the baby. I wasn't bothered about decoration or clothing being gendered, and it was nice not to know and just to wonder.

Well, I just couldn't wait to find out. Was swept away by the excitement of it all and I found out at 20 weeks.
I really wish I had waited though as pregnancy is long and nearing the end it would have been great to have that surprise iyswim.
Ty here's only so much you can prepare for and once it's done it's done.
I'd have loved that ultimate surprise after the birth.

I found out as I detest pregnancy and need something to get me through, plus in my mind it's not much of a surprise as there's only 2 options

I wanted to find out because I don’t like surprises!

Also I just couldn’t get my head around the fact I was actually pregnant and there’s actually a baby in there (even after seeing scans etc), it felt very surreal.

Knowing the gender made it feel a lot more real and exciting for me

I didn't find out with dc1 as I personally wanted that surprise to come at the birth. It was in my birthplan that dh would look and tell me (seeing as I got all the other firsts and full pregnancy experience and he was just my pit crew )

We found out with dc2 but only because everyone was hounding dc1 with questions about what they would prefer - it put a stop to that.

I'm not planning a dc3, but if I found myself in that situation, I'd leave the surprise til the birth as I personally enjoyed that more.

We decided we wanted to know because we needed to think about names (I'm from country A, DH from country B, we live in country C! So it'd have to work in many languages).

We had an orange pram, I made purple blankets, orange and green bunting to liven up the baby's room. We went down a rather 1970s route with regards to clothes: green, purple, rainbows, bright yellow, jolly stripes; not just pink/blue.

It was also nice to be able to say/think 'he's got hiccups', 'he's woken up very wriggly today', 'he hasn't stopped kneeing me in the bladder all day' type thing, rather than a neutral 'baby is kicking' type thing.

My sister didn't find out the sex for either of her DC until they popped out. My whole pregnancy was a surprise, I had no wish for more surprises!

It's up to you!

we wanted the surprise at birth and it was so wonderful. we were convinced we were having a boy but she turned out to be a girl all along! Currently expecting #2 and will be doing the same this time around.

Its a surprise whenever you learn about the gender.

Personally I liked knowing for practical reasons, mainly choosing a name and if people are buying gifts its good for them to know. I also felt I could envisage myself as a Mum easier once I knew the sex, it just felt a bit more real for me.

Finally, I also think its nice to be able to have a good chat about it with people, where as you are pretty knackered after giving birth so it tends to be a brief conversation! Horses for courses though, no right or wrong.

I just didn’t want to know. I had no desire to have a complete stranger tell me from a scan what was cooking in there. My husband told me each time with our children and it was wonderful.

I can’t explain why. It just felt right to wait.

It's lovely to keep as a surprise imo. You can make gorgeous clothes in any colours, stripes etc. It's so exciting to wait.

First child we didn't because it's "the biggest surprise" blah blah blah. He was, unexpectedly, v poorly at birth and him being a boy was more of a side note.

We found out with the second as eldest was desperate for sisters so o wanted him to know before they got there

Re making stuff, are you going to do solidly either pink or blue for girl or boy? There's so many pretty colours. Rainbows, greens, yellow, orange, red, cream. There's plenty you could make without knowing

We had thankfully already agreed to find out but just a small warning sometimes you don't get a choice. If we had wanted to keep it a surprise he would have totally foiled our plans when he casually rolled over mid scan legs wide open.

We had NIPT at 10 weeks and sex is an option, DH wanted to know and I was ambivalent but happy to find out for him.
As everything was happening to me I wanted to help DH feel part of it, and the only thing I could do at that point was find out sex.
I’m really glad I knew so early though. Made life so easy and buying was enjoyable.

We found out.
DH had a preference for a girl so wanted to know early so he wouldn't be disappointed if it was a boy. I didn't really want to know, but did think that picking a name would be really hard, and knowing the sex would mean only finding one name!
So the compromise was that we found out but didn't tell anyone else.
what I would say is - if you do this, don't tell anyone that you know! We didn't think of this and our families have been a bit annoying trying to get it out of us!

I am impatient...couldn't bear to wait.

It's a surprise whether they tell you at the scan or at the birth

Well its either one or the other and really doesn't make it more surprising when you find out at the birth or find out in a scan was my thinking on it.

I wanted to know when I was pregnant with my DTs, DH didn’t. I hate surprises, he loves them. I also felt quite weird that there were two babies inside me and I didn’t know what sex they were, and therefore couldn’t name them.

We went shopping one day, and had a look at baby clothes whilst we were out. He got really quite in to looking at all the cute baby outfits, then turned to me and said that he thinks we should find out if we can what we’re having so that we can get ready!

I didn’t find out with first and haven’t this time either. I prefer dad to tell me once baby is born. He doesn’t get many jobs throughout pregnancy and birth so it’s a really nice thing for him. Also gives you something to push for, by that time you just really want to know. 😂 I don’t want the risk of the sonographer getting the sex wrong, which does happen.

I also don't like waiting for anything.

I had my 20 week scan alone. There’s no way me telling my husband in the car park after would have been the same surprise as us finding out together at the birth.

There’s no right answer to this OP! It’s entirely what you prefer.

My older sister didn’t find out, she’s always liked a bit of mystery in life, liked the idea of keeping it unknown for as long as possible. I hate surprises and uncertainty, and I want to know what I’m having as I think it makes it a bit more real. It’s entirely down to what you want!

I found out with both of mine.

It helped me to bond with them while I was pregnant. It helped us settle on names which I then called them before they were born. I was one of them talking to baby in the womb etc and it did help with that.

I think I would have really struggled to have that same bond without knowing. I would definitely experienced gender disappointment with my youngest if we had waited to find out. DH and I were both convinced he was a girl. I think it would have broken DHs heart to spend nine months thinking he was going to have a girl and then didn't.

@JustAnotherUserinParadise

We found out. DH had a preference for a girl so wanted to know early so he wouldn't be disappointed if it was a boy. I didn't really want to know, but did think that picking a name would be really hard, and knowing the sex would mean only finding one name! So the compromise was that we found out but didn't tell anyone else. what I would say is - if you do this, don't tell anyone that you know! We didn't think of this and our families have been a bit annoying trying to get it out of us!

Why not just tell them?