How did you decide whether to know gender

[chickychicchic]

Hey everyone

Going to be TTC this month.
dh already has DC and he assumed we would find out the gender
This will be our only DC due to my age etc so I'm unsure if I want the surprise element or not. Also like the idea of being able to plan for the gender as I like sewing so could make things but also think would I have the energy when pregnant and working full time??

How did you decide?

There are so many differing opinions on this, personally I am always surprised at how in the minority we seem to be that we didn't want to find out - seems much more common to know in advance these days.

I don't really get the "I need to prepare" thing as I don't know what I'd have done differently if I did know. I wouldn't have gone down the "pink or blue" route anyway for clothes/decor, and we have just discussed names we like for both. Naming babies before they're here has never quite sat right with me - but each to their own obviously, it's all personal opinion.

Obviously it will be a fantastic thing to announce that our child is here to family and friends regardless, but also feels special to be able to do the "it's a boy/girl" thing as well at the same time. The speculation and predictions have been fun as well :)

I'm a bit impatient and like knowing as much as possible as soon as possible. I'm quite a visual person so like being able to visualise stuff in the future.

The moment we found out the gender was the moment the fact I was having a baby truly felt real and I somehow could imagine the future, whereas before I feel like it was a bit of an abstract concept? Also I was completely bowled over in surprise as my gut instinct of the gender was wrong! I didn't have a preference at all and either way would have cried happy tears.

Having said that I think if we have a 2nd we might try and keep it a surprise or at least not find out until as close as possible to due date, just for a bit of a different experience.

We haven't found out. Had to do 20w scan alone due to Covid rules but we'd already decided to keep it a surprise until birth irrespective of that. Double the fun of name conversations, no sea of pink/blue gifts and no shock when the 'girl' you were told you were having happens to be very good at hiding something between his legs (as happened to someone I know recently, had prepared for a girl and nope, came out boy!)

Waited til birth, had a short list of names for either sex, and in any event my dc only wore white babygros for the first few weeks (useful also as I ended up with one of each).

I think I was also a bit superstitious and didn’t want to attach too much in the way of “personhood” to the baby during my pregnancies, just in case.

First surprise, loved it. Gender scan tomorrow for number 2 - only because they're very close in age and I feel like I need to get myself sorted. If it had been a bigger gap we would've gone surprise. Midwives loved the surprise element too.

DD1 was a surprise at birth.
DD2 we found out at 20 week scan. Due to complications with DD1, we were having extra scans and I didn’t think we’d be able to get through them all without seeing the sex!
Whether you find out at birth or at the scan, it’s still a very special moment. Just bear in mind, they can get it wrong at the scan! A friend of mine was told she was having a girl. Definitely wasn’t a girl!

I didn't find out with either and loved it. Near the end it was so fun guessing. It also stopped us and others buying tons of pink or blue.

I think it's nice for others too. I've got more than one friend where by 6 months we already know the sex, name and sometimes likely date of birth.

Just wanted to add about finding out with number 2 to help prepare.

My DS was only just 2 when his sister was born, he had no idea about boy vs girl at that point. He knew he was getting a baby sibling but saying a girl or boy would have had no meaning for him.

Because we didn't find out with him all our newborn clothes were neutral. Our nursery, pram, baby kit was all neutral too. I made a conscious effort to buy my son as much neutral stuff as possible and all pjs and underwear etc was white / grey.

Before daughter was born I sorted out all the clothes and put into piles of neutral (including some boy stuff I felt a girl could wear) and proper boy. The neutral stuff was washed and put away for baby. The boy was bagged up ready for the charity shop or washing depending what came out.

All that finding out would have done is meant the boy stuff could have gone to the charity shop before she was born rather than a few weeks after she was born.

We had to have way too much intervention in the 10 years leading up to DS's birth, endless tests and procedures and knowing too much about everything, all the time.

For that reason we decided we didn't want to know who the baby was until it was born...it was the one piece of unscripted magic that we could enjoy, and I'd thoroughly recommend it, allow yourself as much as the wonder as possible.

I didn’t find out there sex fist time round. DH was happy enough but I didn’t actually enjoying “saving” the surprise at all in the end.

Birth was such an overwhelming experience it rather overshadowed finding out. I was convinced she was a boy leading up to the birth which was obviously wrong. And it took us three days to name her because we just couldn’t narrow the list down beforehand - every time we got close to making a tough choice we told ourselves “oh but what if it’s a boy/girl?!”

With the rest of our children, we thought it helped them bond with their coming sibling to know if it was a boy or a girl. One in particular was desperate for another sister and it was much better for her to get over that months before, than grapple with it with the actual baby in the house.

The NIPT is so wonderful obviously on a medical level but it’s just lovely to know so early too.

sex fist 🤦‍♀️ oh dear

It was never a question of if for us. It has always been if baby plays ball we find out, I've had so many now that I can tell the gender on the scans before the sonographer tells us anyway. I did think of having number 3 as a surprise as we already had one of each, but just couldn't do it and found out.
I know a few people who had their 1st as a surprise but found out with younger ones.

I didn't find out with butch of mine and I'm glad.

The first time I decided I didn't want to know. I assumed it would be a girl (my whole family have girls, loads of them) and it was.

The next time I had my 20 week scan and no-one asked me if I wanted to know. My friend had just had devastating news at her 20 weeks scan and I was just relieved. The sex of the baby honestly didn't occur to me.

Turns out it was a boy - the first boy born in our family for 40 years!! The birth announcement was brilliant.

I'm not much of a planner anyway. My dd had worn very neutral clothes and I managed to re-use most clothes and toys for ds.

It really is horses for courses though. Not finding out was right for me, but there's no 'right' way. Maybe decide when you're there? Spontaneous decision? Either way will be fine.

Butch? *Both.

I found out the sex at the post mortems.

It wasn’t special.

Grab the nice moments while you can.

We both just knew we wanted to find out at the anomaly scan if it was possible. My partner was unable to come to the scan when I got back to the car I said "she is healthy" it was a special moment just the two of us. It didn't matter that I had found out 10 minutes earlier. Calling her it in the womb was a hard habit to break but when we did it made her feel a lot more real which helped in lockdown when the whole pregnancy went very unreal as it was happening in isolation

My dad is seriously out numbered in our house and would love a grandson. The 4 weeks between him knowing I was expecting and us finding out we were having a girl he asked how his grandson was doing another 20 weeks of that would have driven me mad. He was over the moon to hear it was another girl!

I was strongly vocal about not wanting every thing being pink and unicorns, I personally bought everything from the boys section and she got mispronouned a lot in the hospital and every one assumed we hadn't found out what we were having. Immediate family were good at following our wishes and we got neutral or feminine cloths and very little pink. We still ended up with a lot of pink from family friends and distant relatives.

Knowing in advance meant that when she was born we focused on her and whose eyes she had, what coloured hair she had and her tiny toes. Her gentiles are the least interesting thing about her! I would find out again if we have any more

Other people kept going on about the sex and making guesses based on stupid (and sometimes insulting!) old wives' tale, so it was lovely that once we'd found that that all stopped, probably the best thing about finding out. Personally I found out because it didn't matter all that much to me and because it seems weird to deliberately turn down information to keep it a 'surprise' to me - surely life would be full of surprises if we all just asked not to know basic facts available to us?!

I hate surprises so I asked at the scan for DC1. Second time around DH wanted a surprise so the sonographer(?) told me and not him, it wasn't a problem for me to keep it quiet.

We found out the sex of our first DC as I was apprehensive about having a girl due to existing family dynamics. I knew that either way I would have had time to prepare mentally.

We couldn’t find out with our second ad it was hospital policy not to tell you the sex. Looking back the sonographer did hint, but nothing I would have hung my hat on.

I much preferred knowing. It was also sad to think about the reason the hospital wouldn’t tell us the sex.

Didn't find out with DS1 - didn't want family/others sticking oar in too much with names, pink/blue etc. Quite funny that I was in hospital about to be induced and casually referred to bump as "they" (unknown single baby) and the midwife stopped partway between my legs with a panicked look on her face thinking I meant "they" as in multiple babies!

We have found out with this pregnancy as I wanted to give DH a bit of time to adjust to the sex if it wasn't his preference, which it wasn't, and in case it might help prep our 2yo, but he doesn't really have much awareness of baby, let alone the difference between 'brother' and 'sister'. But we've specifically told everyone we didn't find out again - people who find out and then tell everyone they found out, but won't say, are asking for trouble (or intentionally trying to make it!)

We were the same, I wanted a surprise and dh wanted to know. In the end I decided that we'd find out because elderly fil (dh and his dad are both older dads) declared that he wanted a grandson. I didn't want dc to be born and fil rung and the reaction be disappointment. I wanted him to have the opportunity to get over it and not say something stupid when I'd just had the baby. He was firmly put in his place that a girl wasn't a disappointment by the way.

Dc1 was a ds so we kept it a surprise from everyone else. I'm glad I did find out because I had a growth scan at 26 weeks and it was obvious so I'd of know and been disappointed that I'd accidentally found out. They did quickly move away and then 20 seconds late casually ask if I knew.

I’ve got 3 kids and have never found out. After a 3 day labour with my first finding out the sex at the end did feel like an extra reward. I’m pregnant with my 4th and final baby this time abs I have been tempted - mainly because I have 3 girls and my house is overflowing with outgrown skirts and dresses. My husband stood strong though so we’ve agreed to wait and if it’s a boy I will have plenty time for a big clear out during mat leave. I suppose not finding out prolongs two realities as well - I simultaneously have four girls and a boy after 3 girls - it’s hard to explain but I’m not eager to close off either of those realities.

Couldn't help but find out, it has helped me with bonding. As a few pp have said, too many old wives tales flying around to which I just don't want to hear, namely if you have a daughter you get heffa, so clearly if it was a girl they'd all be making comments like 'you're so big (fat) but that's what happens when you have a girl'

I've got the 20-week scan next week and the plan is not to ask though it is tempting. Our reasoning is that we will be likely moving place in the next year so we're not decorating a room for the baby. Plus I think there's something special about having a surprise. We already have a boy and girl name picked out so no issues there.

I’m impatient but it was also nice to know who we were expecting. We had chosen a name so she became very real to us before the birth. I’m pregnant with my second now and debating whether to find out again.