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Original poster

Gender Disappointment

68 replies

bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:02

Hate the term because I know I wouldn’t be disappointed at all.. a baby is a baby and a little miracle either way.

But I have a little boy and can not stop thinking about #2 being another boy. We have had the name picked out for ages, every time I think about having 2 babies they are both boys.

If it turned out I was having a girl.. I would be so so so surprised and I don’t know why as there’s 50/50 chance.. it’s the unknown I suppose? But if it was a boy I feel I’d be equally nervous that this is our last baby and I’ll never have a daughter..

It doesn’t help my dear Nan has always told me..
‘A daughter is a friend for life, a sons a friend till he finds a wife’

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ShowOfHands · 08/01/2021 11:09

That is true. All sons immediately cease contact with their mothers when they get married Grin

My DH and his brothers all live within an hour of MIL and we see her (in normal times) at least once a week and speak to her several times a week. We go on holiday with them regularly too. SIL on the other hand, lives 300 miles away. It's a load of old hogwash.

You're just trying to attach an identity to your baby as it's so unknown atm. And what you know is baby = little boy as that's your experience. You won't be disappointed either way. You will worry about it because introducing a new baby makes you feel all sorts of strange anxiety and guilt because you're carrying the weight of inevitable change but you'll be just fine.

Congratulations and don't put pressure on yourself to feel or not feel anything. Remind yourself of how much you loved your first and have faith that you'll feel that all over again. Because you will.

ColdCottage · 08/01/2021 11:10

Once the baby has arrived you won't care at all.

My friend was a little worried as she would have liked a different sex the second time if she could choose so found out at 20 weeks. She was having another of the same sex. She was able to move on from any emotions around this well before the baby arrived and was very happy.

Starlight86 · 08/01/2021 11:12

I get it, i think alot of people feel like this and then it mostly disappears when said baby arrives.

I have 3 girls, never had a desire to have one or another throughout any of my pregnancies and we never found out, but i know i would have felt slightly disappointed if i didnt have a girl at all.

As it stands if we were to have a 4th and if it was possible to choose the sex i would want another girl, dont know why.

murbblurb · 08/01/2021 11:17

your nan is talking primitive nonsense.

you do not have children to produce 'friends'. That is an unhealthy ambition. You are responsible for your own social life.

if my mum had wanted a shopping/nail painting/coffee outing buddy then I would have been a grave disappointment. Happily that was never the suggestion.

Glenorma · 08/01/2021 11:19

100% of these gender disappointment threads are about women who want girls but are having boys. It’s shocking.

ShowOfHands · 08/01/2021 11:21

@Glenorma

100% of these gender disappointment threads are about women who want girls but are having boys. It’s shocking.
Have you even read the op @Glenorma?
NoPointInWednesdays · 08/01/2021 11:22

@Glenorma that’s not what this is about at all Hmm maybe read the op original post properly???????

ShowOfHands · 08/01/2021 11:24

The op is actually picturing it both ways and feeling strange about both.

It's not shocking that there's a prevalence for women feeling they should want a girl. It's a societal issue of fetishising perceived gender relationships and pigeon holing babies according to sex.

There ARE threads about people wanting boys over girls and if you had a MN in other countries, you'd see it the other way far more often where baby boys are worshipped.

Societal expectation has a lot to answer for. No gain to be had in berating individual woman for the insidious creep of that pressure.

BrumBoo · 08/01/2021 11:30

@bumptobean, there's no such thing as gender and the only sociological effects on your children (like girls for life, boys until a wife) are only horrible stereotypes that perpetuate the idea that boys and girls are inherently wired differently in the brain. Don't fall for the bull.

blueangel19 · 08/01/2021 11:32

Have you posted this before? I think you have. Anyway, count your blessings and you will be very happy.

Original poster
bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:39

No this is actually my first time posting! :)

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Original poster
bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:40

This is correct. I feel odd about having either gender strangely! I guess that tells me all I need to know, whichever I have is what I will have!

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bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:41

I think it’s most definitely an old view hence why it come from my Nan!

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MadameBlobby · 08/01/2021 11:42

Your Nan is talking shit if that helps.

Pumpertrumper · 08/01/2021 11:43

I felt like this a bit when I first got pregnant I was obsessed with getting ‘one of each’ Grin

Then did a total 180 and got completely attached to the idea of two boys!

By the time we had the gender scan last week I’d really resigned myself to ‘fate will give us whoever we are supposed to have’ and as long as baby was healthy I was thrilled.

Found out we are having a girl.

Original poster
bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:44

This is the opposite. Can only imagine myself with boys, probably because my first is a boy and is all I know. My post, in short, was that I was wondering what I will feel if I have a girl as it’s far from what I have been imagining i.e I have a boys name picked out, always imagine having 2 boys for some reason. Not necessarily because I WANT that, it’s just what comes to my mind every time I think of it. Not really sure what I would ‘want’ if I could pick!

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Original poster
bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:47

Congratulations!! When you found out you was having a girl did the idea of 2 boys just go? Firmly believe once you find out which sex you are having you wouldn’t want it any other way! That’s your little baby. Smile

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Sheleg · 08/01/2021 11:49

My advice as always on threads like this:

  1. imagine your future son knowing that you were disappointed by ANY aspect of him
  2. spend some time on the infertility boards here and then think again about being disappointed
Original poster
bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:49

Most definitely! I do often think far in the future and the only thing I think I’d ‘miss’ out on would be having a daughter have a baby etc.. I’d love to be a hands on grandma so would hope to be close to my sons partner (if it turns out to be a woman or if he wants children anyway! Getting way ahead of myself!)

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notinthiseconomy · 08/01/2021 11:49

People aren't even skimming the OP, are they?

Original poster
bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:49

Oh agreed. In no way do I think I’ll be disappointed by either sex. Just not sure how I feel about having either!

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bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:51

I should of expected it when I posted! First time posting and probably the last Wink

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MandosHatHair · 08/01/2021 11:51

A daughter is a friend for life, a sons a friend till he finds a wife

This awful saying is probably the route cause of gender disappointment over boys. It is perfectly acceptable for mums and daughters to be close, but if a son is close to his mum, he is a mummy's boy and the mum is seen as an interfering MIL who is to be kept at arms length.

SnuggyBuggy · 08/01/2021 11:52

I prefer the expression having a penis and testicles doesn't prevent you from keeping in touch with your parents. Wish I could word it to rhyme though.

Original poster
bumptobean · 08/01/2021 11:53

Interesting view, for some reason I keep thinking it stems back to women years ago wanting daughters to raise to be mums, cleaners, cooks etc

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