Social services

[Hm1994]

I had my daughter removed back in 2014 i was in a domestic violence relationship and had depression and was really struggling i then had a baby in 2016 witch was removed in 2017 i was put in a mother and baby unit and struggled to cope with my sons medical conditions and they removed him he lives with his grandmother i see him every other week i am now with a new partner who has a little boy who we have weekend and holidays ss now about this me and my partner are wanting to have a baby but I'm scared they will removed the baby if we have another they will remove it form birth any advice would be grateful

Do you still have a social worker you can talk to? I would ask their advice.

Yes they are very likely to be involved. However if you can address your problems and work on the before getting pregnant I’d really encourage this.

Can you remember the reasons for there concerns?

Where is your daughter now?

Your sons medical condition- is this likely to be hereditary?

Why not concentrate on building up relationships with the dc in your life? Show ss you are serious about being responsible.. In the future you would be in a better position to show them you are ready to be a full time dm. Life has obviously dealt you rubbish cards. Don't be in such a hurry to get it right. Be patient op..

My daughter is adopted there was concerns around attachment lack off me not picking up feed hints giving her hungry baby milk lack off attending mother and baby groups me sleep most off the day lack off me engaging with professional where it was concerning my health and my son had 2 holes in his heart witch came from his dad witch is not my current partner I have been with Current partner for 3 years and im wanting to do as much as I can before I get pregnant

And I no longer have a social worker my son is under special gardinship

That is a lot to have happened in 6 years. How is your current relationship? Has he had any previous social services or police involvement? How is your mental health and what support do you have?

I have a friend who has 4 children in the care system she went on to have 1 child she kept that child but had to work extremely hard with social workers for i think she said 2 years

If you can be sure you won't have these issues you've had in the past again then your first route is to work on yourself be sure you can cope amd have addressed all previous involvement you've had with the social workers system

Then I would advise as a lawyer in training myself you seek legal advice on your position for the future

Yes there is a good chance you will have involvement with social services if you become pregnant in this instance you will need to work with them and prove that you will be a good parent

You said that ss know about your current partner and his child so you are in contact with them. Talk to them and discuss your concerns.

Talk to them first, that's a lot in a short space of time.

Because your previous children have been removed doesn’t neccissarily mean that a future child would be removed.

However I suspect social care would want some involvement.

The fact your OH has children he care for without social care involvement is a positive. How long have you and OH been together?

What is the situation with your child born in 2016 in regards to them returning to you? Is there any plan for that?

Is your partner also involved with social services?

My partner had involvement when his son was first born due to his mother and my son is under special guardianship witch I agreed to if I want to get my son back I can take it back to court when I want but with my son been settled and cared for I feel it wouldn't be right to remove him from where he is

Please look at Pause, the charity. There is a list of areas where they work here: www.pause.org.uk/what-we-do/where-we-work/

Pause works with women who for whatever reason are at risk of repeatedly having children taken into care. They can work with you and social services to help you.

Fair enough op, I just asked about your other child to judge what the feeling was with regards to your contact with him.

It must be really hard deciding to have another child when you have gone through having a child removed previously.

I wonder if contacting an agency that specialises in post adoption support for birth families might be helpful. Such as PAC UK?

It's possible to move forwards and keep your next child if your parenting has significantly changed. It sounds as though there were concerns around neglect which makes me wonder what your childhood was like Op? You don't have to answer but sometimes when we've had a difficult experience ourselves it's really hard to know what the norm is in parenting.

When I was a child I was on child protection and I left my mums at the age off 14 to live with my gran

It is very likely that SS will become involved if you get pregnant again but that doesn’t necessarily mean your next baby will be removed. They will need to assess this and of course make an application to the court at birth (or beyond).

It may be worth going through the paperwork for the previous care proceedings to see what the concerns were and to ensure you’ve taken steps to address each of them such as parenting courses, any counselling recommended etc. and get evidence of actually addressing the concerns.

SS should do a pre-birth assessment, factors such as a new partner who is a primary carer of a child without any ongoing concerns may be a protective factor to the concerns previously held by SS.

I'm surprised your daughter was removed due to DV. It seems like SS don't really take that seriously enough.

I think you firstly need to think very hard about do you think you can cope with a baby/child.

How long have you been with your current partner?

No doubt Children’s services would want to be involved. You would have to show before birth and after that you and your partner are safe to look after a child and can provide for their basic needs.

OP I’m going to guess you were young when you had your first children and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this contributed to SS stepping in. I agree with PP that you need to approach the charities/agencies that have been linked and actively work with them to prove you can care for a child.

Yes I was 19 when I had my daughter and I was 22 when I had my son me and my partner have been together 3 years were currently planning are wedding and hopefully getting married in 2022 im currently on the coil but when its due taking out in 4 years I dont want to have another put it i plan on having another child and then hopefully getting my tubes tide

My advice would be to have a think and reflect on why your previous children have been removed? Can you address all those points? Maybe counselling for yourself too to make sure you are in the right place mentally to take on the huge responsibility of having a child. I’d get advice on building attachment too as that is extremely important.

Finally I would think about building a closer relationship with your current child who lives with their grandparents. Can you build a solid bond with them too before taking on another child?