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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Social services

58 replies

Hm1994 · 16/12/2020 21:23

I had my daughter removed back in 2014 i was in a domestic violence relationship and had depression and was really struggling i then had a baby in 2016 witch was removed in 2017 i was put in a mother and baby unit and struggled to cope with my sons medical conditions and they removed him he lives with his grandmother i see him every other week i am now with a new partner who has a little boy who we have weekend and holidays ss now about this me and my partner are wanting to have a baby but I'm scared they will removed the baby if we have another they will remove it form birth any advice would be grateful

OP posts:
Original poster
Hm1994 · 17/12/2020 10:11

I now 4 years is a long time but I want to plan and get everything right

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 17/12/2020 10:18

OP you sound like you are being sensible and planning ahead instead of jumping straight into a pregnancy.
I would definitely speak to the charity that was linked on here, see what advice they offer. Social services will be involved but show them how much you have prepared and ensured you can meet a child’s needs and keep them safe.

Mookie81 · 17/12/2020 15:49

@Thesearmsofmine

OP you sound like you are being sensible and planning ahead instead of jumping straight into a pregnancy. I would definitely speak to the charity that was linked on here, see what advice they offer. Social services will be involved but show them how much you have prepared and ensured you can meet a child’s needs and keep them safe.
Sensible? Christ Hmm. She says she can get her son back but instead she's leaving him so she can try for a THIRD time with some new loser. I hope SS do get involved.
Original poster
Hm1994 · 17/12/2020 16:18

I'm leaving him where he is because he is settled i dont want to disturb him taking him from his currently placement could really hurt him hes happy settled and in school if I was to take him back id have to move him areas move him school where he would no nobody its took him 2 year to settle in at his current school

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 17/12/2020 16:35

If you had him on 2016 he's only 4 so that is young enough to adapt. He cannot have been in school for 2 years. I think you need to work on your relationship with your son and get him back living with you.

luxxlisbon · 17/12/2020 16:44

OP how did it take your son 2 years to settle into school if he has only turned 4?
It sounds like it would be beneficial for you to build a relationship with your son before jumping into a new child.

The relationship with your son might help you address the problems that led to your two children being removed and this needs to be properly tackled before even thinking about having another.

Nore · 17/12/2020 16:51

@Hm1994

I'm leaving him where he is because he is settled i dont want to disturb him taking him from his currently placement could really hurt him hes happy settled and in school if I was to take him back id have to move him areas move him school where he would no nobody its took him 2 year to settle in at his current school
But isn't he still too young for school?
ApolloandDaphne · 17/12/2020 16:55

I am a retired SW. I have worked with people who had children removed but then were able to keep a subsequent child as their situation had changed. We were heavily involved though and they really had to evidence they could care for their child. If you do get pregnant please be open with the midwife straight away so the assessment can get underway.

zenasfuck · 17/12/2020 16:58

I think you should concentrate on the child you have rather than planning for more

I just don't understand how you can leave a small child with someone else and then have a new baby rather than making getting your son back your sole focus in life. I would be spending every second of my days trying to get my son back, not planning weddings and more children

ApolloandDaphne · 17/12/2020 17:16

@zenasfuck

I think you should concentrate on the child you have rather than planning for more

I just don't understand how you can leave a small child with someone else and then have a new baby rather than making getting your son back your sole focus in life. I would be spending every second of my days trying to get my son back, not planning weddings and more children

It's not always in the best interests of a child to remove them from a stable, secure home and the people they have made firm attachments with. She is still able to be part of his life and prt of his history. She doesn't have to fight to get him back at all. In fact it is probably braver and a credit to her that she is able to leave him where he is.
Twinkle1989 · 17/12/2020 17:24

I know it probably feels like it, but 4 years is not a long time and therefore you need to evidence change. When there has been concerns about your emotional warmth and neglect - that's not something that simply goes away - they will want to see that you're actively engaging with psychology to address any emotional issues.
They will do a prebirth assessment of you and your partner.

You need to show full understanding of your failings and be able to prevent this happening again.

Perhaps concentrate on this before getting pregnant

Original poster
Hm1994 · 17/12/2020 17:29

He started at his school when he was 2 under year funding and then moved into nursery in the same school with the same kids hes only just started interacting with the other kids the health visitor and the nursery have said that we need to watch out for autism and other things with him as he gets older as alot off his behaviour is pointing towards autism other problems

OP posts:
Chocolate1992 · 17/12/2020 17:34

I’d focus on having and being able to care for my existing children before popping more out

NerrSnerr · 17/12/2020 17:38

Even if he doesn't come and live with you every other week isn't much. Would it be possible to see him more? Would he feel pushed out in the future when he realises you chose to have more children and not have him back?

Do you have professionals involved for yourself? Any mental health services for example you could talk this through with? If not I would try and speak to your son's health visitor.

Before even consider children I would make sure things are stable. Do you and your partner work? Is your accommodation stable? How is your mental health?

Kittykat93 · 17/12/2020 17:42

Stop having children ffs

morekidsthanhands · 17/12/2020 17:45

I just wanted to offer something else to consider when making your decisions.

I have two children under an sgo aged 6 and 4. Their mother has had 7 children removed and has been given a chance with each. As your son is still in your life please consider his feelings about you having another child you want to keep. I know from experience the pain this can cause a child - particularly when mum doesn't bother with them after baby is born.

I'm not saying you will be the same, its just something to consider.

boredinthouse · 17/12/2020 17:48

OP this sounds like you've had so much to deal with. I don't think anyone can give you advice on here as you have such a complicated experience. Someone linked to a support group further up. Please engage with those and also any social workers that you may still have. Good luck.

ApolloandDaphne · 17/12/2020 17:51

It is positive that OP is asking for advice and considering what might happen before making the decision to try and become pregnant. It is a big step and she needs to be well prepared should she go ahead.

blackcat86 · 17/12/2020 17:53

I think you would need a really honest look at what led to DC being removed. Contrary to popular belief it is incredibly difficult for children to be removed and you would have had significant input (especially the first time) which you failed to adhere to. Sleeping most of the day when you have baby to attend to is not OK.not adhering to your child's medical needs is not OK - and I say that as both someone who has worked in Ss and as a mother of a complex special care baby. People can absolutely move forward in their lives and become good parents but it takes a lot of inward reflection and change. Please don't become one of those mothers who continues to have children who are taken into care . Its a cruelty to yourself as much as the baby's.

IndecentFeminist · 17/12/2020 18:12

Your child is still young enough to be a consideration for you. Of you are stable enough to parent why not try and parent him?

RebeccaRaspberry · 17/12/2020 18:23

Just don't have any more children is the only decent advice.

Jellibeats · 17/12/2020 18:47

Why don’t you work hard to get your son back instead? Be honest - is it because he’s not your partner and you want a baby with your partner? 4 years is a long time for you to work really hard to get him back and you know what that will work in your favour with SS for any new baby you have. Think hard.

Jellibeats · 17/12/2020 18:48

What’s your life circumstances now?

Miseryl · 17/12/2020 19:04

Maybe consider how it will make your current children feel that you want another baby and are able to keep it? It would likely make them feel very rejected, especially as they grow up.

You've had two babies already, surely it would be healthier for everyone to move past this phase in your life. Work on yourself, your career, being a good mother and stepmother. Leave the baby making phase of your life behind.

You are potentially bringing another life into this world to end up in care. It's irresponsible.

thefishthatcouldwish · 17/12/2020 19:59

I agree with @blackcat86.