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Original poster

Social services

58 replies

Hm1994 · 16/12/2020 21:23

I had my daughter removed back in 2014 i was in a domestic violence relationship and had depression and was really struggling i then had a baby in 2016 witch was removed in 2017 i was put in a mother and baby unit and struggled to cope with my sons medical conditions and they removed him he lives with his grandmother i see him every other week i am now with a new partner who has a little boy who we have weekend and holidays ss now about this me and my partner are wanting to have a baby but I'm scared they will removed the baby if we have another they will remove it form birth any advice would be grateful

OP posts:
damnthemanatee · 17/12/2020 20:14

Social care will likely be involved during your pregnancy and will want to assess you and your partner together. There would possibly be a review period after you've had a baby.
Would you do a mother and baby placement again if needed?
Do either of you have any learning difficulty or disability? If so, the assessment would be done slightly differently.
They'd look at your parenting knowledge and practical skills.
They'd talk about your first two children and what happened.
What is different now?
Has there been any DV between you and your partner or has he been a perpetrator in any of his previous relationships?
Have you done a Clare's Law information request on him?
Did you do any domestic abuse work like pattern changing or freedom protect?
Do you really really know why social care were involved with his child? You need to.

Social care will want to know how you're different now?
What changed?
How do you cope with life now?
Have you learnt from your previous experiences?
Do you accept what you did/didn't do that led to your children being removed?

As others have said, you need to be open, honest, cooperate in a meaningful way and show good insight and understanding.

HeyDW96 · 17/12/2020 20:15

Surely children don't just get taken away for having two holes in their heart? Septal defects I'm assuming? I think the issue may be that you didn't care for your babies and social services had to step in and remove them. I may be naive to such situations but I'd think things would have to be pretty bad before children are removed. It's well documented that children who are in the care system can feel the effects of that throughout their lives and it's quite damaging, please don't do that to another life.

HeyDW96 · 17/12/2020 20:16

Posted too soon sorry. I'm not saying people can't change, but please do before you even consider bringing another life into this world!

anotherboyontheway · 17/12/2020 20:22

I fully believe in second chances... but you had yours and still messed it up. Just focus on making yourself a better human rather than dragging more helpless little lives into the world!x

CodenameVillanelle · 17/12/2020 20:31

It's really not good advice to fire up the OP to 'get her son back'
Special guardianship is a permanent situation usually - it's an order that is made with the view of being for the child's entire minority. The child will be settled and will believe that this is his permanent home. It's not likely to be in his interests to disrupt that.

OP I think you're being very sensible. As a social worker I would want to see that you've addressed every issue that led to your neglect of the older children. Have you had therapy to help you deal with your childhood? Have you done a Claire's law application for your new partner? I'd also suggest doing some courses for victims of DA such as the freedom programme.
They won't automatically go to court for any future baby but if things haven't changed much then they probably will.

june2007 · 17/12/2020 20:51

In your favour you are being a step mother to a child at the wkends and holidays so you can proove that you are 9with dad) able to meet a childs needs. You are keeping up a relationship with your son and are sensible enough to recognise that he is settled where he is but you are still able to have a role in his life. Both of these are good points. I would def seek advice and yes you will be assessed.

YouDidWHATNow · 17/12/2020 21:46

I would ring your social worker (or ex social work department if you're no longer in contact) and have this conversation with them before your coil is removed, they are best placed to advise

WomanWithAnX · 17/12/2020 21:56

You've been through a lot op. Thanks

There's lots of good advice in this thread, so please do read it carefully.

Also, social services are there to help you and York children. They are good people and want the best possible outcome. Try to remember that and work with them.

Best of luck with everything. Merry Christmas Xmas Smile

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