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Original poster

MIL keep insisting on a "gender neutral" room

76 replies

Unanaganaive · 11/12/2020 12:19

I am going to find out the sex of my baby in a week. DH has 2 kids already. His parents started offering me "color neutral" clothes. Though I already told them I wanted something useful.

I really want a pink or blue themed room for baby , but I started getting bad comebacks from inlaws. Dh told them about our plan for the blue or pink themed room. Mil texted me " Baby may changed gender..." or " pink is so sexist you are going to make your daughter weak"... " DS kids had gender neutral clothes and toys.... " I won't buy anything pink".

It's only the pink or girly items she criticises. She has nothing to say about if it was a boy.

Now I feel worried. What do you think ?

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NeutralJanet · 11/12/2020 12:21

Ignore her and do what you want. Pink is just a colour, if you're having a daughter it's how you raise her that matters, not the colour of some walls.

DDIJ · 11/12/2020 12:21

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ApolloandDaphne · 11/12/2020 12:22

It is up to you what colour you want to do the room. Lots of people like a neutral room, lots like pink/blue themed rooms. They are just colours. A colour cannot be sexist, only people.

Crocky · 11/12/2020 12:23

I agree with you about you and your do getting to decide how to decorate but I do not understand how colour neutral clothes are not useful?

AurorayRuben · 11/12/2020 12:23

But why pink or blue OP?
There are so many wonderful colours to chose from.

MindThatTree · 11/12/2020 12:25

I can understand her concerns to be honest. Will you only dress the child in gender stereotypes colours/styles. Will you strictly adhere to gender stereotyped toys and activities? Would you dress your girl child in frills and bows that are wildly impractical just because she’s a girl?

bluebluezoo · 11/12/2020 12:25

Tbh do you really want to go down gender stereotypes so early?

Personally I wouldn’t buy anything pink or blue for a baby either as I don’t agree with the indoctrination into pink and sparkly vs blue and football from such an early age. Plus There are so many other lovely colours out there.

Having said that, it is entirely up to you what colour theme you choose for your house. However you cannot dictate what colour gifts your il’s buy.

If they want to buy clothes that aren’t pink, then you can’t tell them not to. And you wbu to reject gifts because they don’t fit your gender colour themes.

tyrannosaurustrip · 11/12/2020 12:25

I think the idea of 'neutral' colour clothes is bizarre. Would you really only want pink clothes if its a girl? All colours should be acceptable for babies, I appreciate pink may be seen as making a statement for a baby boy but in reality my husband wears pink shirts, I wear a lot of blue, I find it v strange the way babies are colour coded these days.

In my experience of having a girl, I consciously didn't want her to only wear pink and bought a range of clothes but 90% of what she was given was pink. By not buying her any myself I reduced the proportion of pink she was wearing to a reasonable amount.

I would be worried about a stereotypical 'boy/girl' room for a child that age - when they're 5, 6, 7 they'll tell you what they want, and it will probably be a bit sparkly unicorn because that's what they're exposed to in school, but for the early years nice bright rainbow colours, animals, etc etc is lovely. When they're babies they won't notice, when they're toddlers they'll prefer colours. Also, they'll be sleeping with you for at least the first six months, we only decorated my daughter's room when she was 18 months and at that age we knew what animals she loved so they went on the wall.

That being said, think its a bit odd you're going into that much detail about everything with your in-laws. Surely you mention in passing 'oh we decorated the nursery' not give them a blow by blow of how it will be blue trains if its a boy and pink ballet dancers if its a girl.

HolyBuckets · 11/12/2020 12:26

Do what you want, it's your baby.

I agree with her though, I can't stand gender stereotypical pink and blue.

MillieEpple · 11/12/2020 12:27

You might not be able to spot your baby if he is dressed in blue and is on blue bedding with blue walls and blue toys.

It would be like camoflage.

Crocky · 11/12/2020 12:28

@MillieEpple

You might not be able to spot your baby if he is dressed in blue and is on blue bedding with blue walls and blue toys.

It would be like camoflage.

😂😂 that cheered me up this morning.
SnuggyBuggy · 11/12/2020 12:28

How you decorate the room is nothing to do with her so I'd just ignore. I don't see what's wrong with the clothes though, it's nice to have some different colours.

peakotter · 11/12/2020 12:29

Scans aren’t 100% reliable.

And I don’t understand why neutral clothes aren’t useful? Just accept the stuff and get some pink bows to go with it if that’s what you’re into.

I’m in the opposite position, I prefer less pink for my daughter but we have been given loads of pink frilly dresses. We just use a mixture, it really isn’t that big a deal. If your MIL keeps on at you then point out that it is role models, not colour, that will define her values.

Original poster
Unanaganaive · 11/12/2020 12:29

Let me precise. When I mean "useful" I meant baby practical items. I don't see the needs of getting clothes so early in my pregnancy.

If it's a girl I don't have the intention of dressing her as a princess. I want my baby to be comfy. I WANT PINK walls though , and blue for a boy.

OP posts:
KihoBebiluPute · 11/12/2020 12:30

Your MIL has no obligation to buy your baby stuff that she doesn't like.

You have no obligation to use/keep anything she buys that you don't like.

Your baby may have different tastes than either or both of you and the time during which they passively wear what you put them in is very short. By the time you've lived through the days of 7 outfit changes a day due to vomit and poo explosions, neither of you will care.

I certainly wouldn't spend any money on pink sparkly stuff for any future granddaughter I may have, but that's my choice - I wouldn't expect to make the DIL in question agree with me (thankfully this dilemma is a couple of decades off, if it ever happens for me)

Original poster
Unanaganaive · 11/12/2020 12:30

My DH told his family everything we talked about. Not me.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 11/12/2020 12:32

What will happen if the scan is wrong? They are not 100%.

What useful things are you wanting? Grandparents don’t have to provide anything

user1493413286 · 11/12/2020 12:32

Ignore her and don’t mention the nursery again; do it how you like. She can buy what she likes and it’s up to you if you use it.

Micah · 11/12/2020 12:33

I prefer less pink for my daughter but we have been given loads of pink frilly dresses. We just use a mixture, it really isn’t that big a deal

Every gift we were bought was pink. Blankets, shoes, clothes, everything. I’d have been over the moon with something green or purple!! Plus so much was “girly”, skirts, dressed, tights etc are a nightmare on babies/toddlers

It is actually very difficult to track down non-pink clothes for babies and toddlers.

Morred · 11/12/2020 12:34

Paint it whatever colour you want (once you know the sex) and then tell her it is gender neutral and make her explain. "But I believe girls can like blue as well? It's just a colour?" "Oh that's so sad that you think pink is only for girls. What a shame you think boys' worlds should be so narrow." "It's a bit silly to have girls and boys colours, isn't it?"

Trisolaris · 11/12/2020 12:36

If you want a pink or blue nursery then do that and just let them know the topic is not up for discussion.

Remind them that at present you would only like practical items but that WHEN you are ready for baby clothes they are welcome to get all the gender neutral clothes they want.

CoalCraft · 11/12/2020 12:36

Personally I agree with your ILs in principle but it's your baby and your house. It's up to them if they only gift you gender neutral items but you can paint your walls whatever colour you want.

Do be aware though that sex predictions from scans aren't always correct. If it would really bother you to have a boy in a pink room, for example, maybe wait till baby is here.

missperegrinespeculiar · 11/12/2020 12:36

well it's your baby, so clearly you do what you want

But I agree with your MIL

randomsabreuse · 11/12/2020 12:43

My DD had a blue room - hint of blue paint and a blue heather carpet. Looked great with the hot pink bedding and Kallax boxes that I bought when it became clear she loved pink. Blue is a good neutral colour, pink is fussier.

thisismycodename · 11/12/2020 12:43

Well as babies can't actually see in colour when they're first born I really don't think wearing a pink onesie is going to make her weak or whatever. Babies do not give a shit about colour. Stereotypes are made by people, not clothes.

But it's your house and in your shoes I would tell you MIL to mind her own business. She can buy what she wants of course, but you don't have to use it!