Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

MIL keep insisting on a "gender neutral" room

76 replies

Unanaganaive · 11/12/2020 12:19

I am going to find out the sex of my baby in a week. DH has 2 kids already. His parents started offering me "color neutral" clothes. Though I already told them I wanted something useful.

I really want a pink or blue themed room for baby , but I started getting bad comebacks from inlaws. Dh told them about our plan for the blue or pink themed room. Mil texted me " Baby may changed gender..." or " pink is so sexist you are going to make your daughter weak"... " DS kids had gender neutral clothes and toys.... " I won't buy anything pink".

It's only the pink or girly items she criticises. She has nothing to say about if it was a boy.

Now I feel worried. What do you think ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DerbyshireMama · 11/12/2020 12:43

I don't see the harm in pink for girls/blue for boys. As long as you don't force it on them when they're old enough to show a preference.

Mumtoalittlegirl · 11/12/2020 12:51

Wow there are some nightmare MIL’s to be on this thread!

I shock horror dressed my baby girl in pink babygrows, painted her room pink and bought her girly clothes. That’s my choice. She is very girly at 2 and loves to play with her dolls but also loves tractors, trains and cars. She has said when we move she wants a pink Minnie Mouse room- if she’d have wanted blue she could have that too!

She’ll grow up to be whoever she wants to be, regardless of the colour of her bedroom as a baby! I actually grew up with a mother who in her own words ‘wanted a tomboy but got a girly girl’.

You need to shut her down ASAP or it will only get worse once the baby is born. Say it’s your decision and you don’t want to hear her opinion.

frogswimming · 11/12/2020 12:51

It's none of her business. Tell your dh not to tell her anything you're planning. He's part of the problem telling her.

Scans are not that unreliable. I'm sure b and q will be able to supply white paint in the event the scan is wrong.

If you like pink go for pink.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 11/12/2020 12:52

It's a colour. It's just as valid choice for a bedroom as any other colour.

As a child, I had a pink and Barbie themed bedroom. As a grown up, I have a Master's in Engineering, was in the Territorial Army for a while (but failed my medical for the regular Army) and now teach outdoor skills to children. Liking pink as a child didn't make me weak or feeble.

Hoppinggreen · 11/12/2020 12:54

Up to you (although I do agree with mil)
Be aware though that occasionally scans are wrong too

bluebluezoo · 11/12/2020 12:57

Babies do not give a shit about colour. Stereotypes are made by people, not clothes

Yes- but dress your baby in gendered clothing and they get stereotyped by people according to gender...

I had a mix of colours for mine. It was interesting that when I dressed them in blue they were treated as more robust, asked if they were “big and strong”. Dressed in pink they were treated as delicate flowers, and told they were pretty.

Watch this if you think colour coding babies makes no difference:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=nWu44AqF0iI

MessAllOver · 11/12/2020 12:59

Hate pink. Always have. So I'm with your MIL in terms of taste.

Having said that, it's your house and your baby. Only polite thing for MIL to do is to keep quiet and cringe silently when she visits you. Or smile brightly and say, "It's certainly girly, isn't it?". Or even "It's so you, I'm glad you've got it how you wanted it".

You do what you want, OP. It would be a boring world if we were all the same.

boymum88 · 11/12/2020 13:48

Do what you want it's ur house and ur baby, I have a boy and painted his room in shades of blue and grey ( so shoot me)
People can do as they please you do as you like.
I personally like to dress boys in boy colours and if I had a girl she would be in girl colours and as soon as people refer to their child as the wrong sex people get pissed off

Cressie2 · 11/12/2020 14:11

Do whatever you want in any colour you want. It’s your baby. Set the boundaries now with your MIL otherwise first she will be providing her unsolicited opinion on your decorating and next she will providing “advice” on how to mother...

AurorayRuben · 11/12/2020 14:17

My MIL was the oppisite...a nightmare actually.
You should have seen her face when my DS got a Barbie and jewellery for Christmas, as he requested.
She actually said ''Oh Dear, Father Christmas got it wrong''.
We let her away wityh nothing and inwardly enjoyed her discomfort as our lack of comformity!!
Don't colour code your baby for their sake!!

BiBabbles · 11/12/2020 14:19

What baby practical items would be needed at this stage of pregnancy? I can't think of any beyond maybe multivitamins if you've not yet an anomaly scan (which might involve an uncooperative baby so you may not find out the sex, and the scans are not always accurate).

I personally did not want any baby purchases at that stage, but at least baby clothes can be stuck in a drawer out of sight, but more clothes tend to be useful or easy to pass on. It's a lot harder if you end up with a cot in a box bought too early and ends up never used or a pram that ends up entirely unsuitable, or various other 'practical' gifts that can backfire. What's needed is largely subjective and nothing is really needed yet.

Does MIL have daughters/nieces/possible experience with people overloading a girl with pink that might be the root of her annoyance? Either way, it looks like it's best to find a way to quickly change from that topic if she brings it up further.

MoreLikeThis · 11/12/2020 14:27

I think someone's being teased here - it's all sounds too silly to be true. OP are you sure you DH and your MIL are having a laugh at your expense ?

Also, I can't understand why you would be 'worried' about this. All sounds very ridiculous.

PurpleMustang · 11/12/2020 14:27

Who's baby is this? You need to tell your partner to stop telling him Mum everything before it lands him in trouble. (Would he tell her personal/private stuff about the birth you don't want her to now, tell him now!) And what you decide to decorate is up to you as the parents. If you want to answer say 'we' have decided that 'we' would like. She seems to think it was either your idea or she can influence you. Boundaries and quick

PurpleMustang · 11/12/2020 14:28

And its personal preference, we found out but preferred a cream/beige room. It's your choice

bluebluezoo · 11/12/2020 15:04

I’m sure I read somewhere too the trend for single colours, soft pastels, beiges and greys aren’t great for babies. Bright primaries and other vivid colours help them focus and give their eyes something to get used to. As pp said they see in greys to start with so it’s difficult to discern pale or uniform colours.

It was a problem for middle class babies for quite a while I think 😂😂😂. So much so there were some studies done on the slower development of vision when not exposed to a range of colours...

Ohalrightthen · 11/12/2020 15:06

@MillieEpple

You might not be able to spot your baby if he is dressed in blue and is on blue bedding with blue walls and blue toys.

It would be like camoflage.

Gold star Millie :)

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/12/2020 15:09

The wall colours of the nursery are for you. So it you like pink, go for it. I wouldn't paint my living room pink and the baby can't see it but whatever floats your boat.

I personally like yellow, rainbow stripes, dinosaurs and stuff for clothes. Fun, colourful things that you can't wear as an adult! And crawling in dresses is shit so don't do that to the poor kid.

wimhoffbreather · 11/12/2020 15:12

Tell you DH to deal with his mum you are pregnant! I prefer neutral stuff but you should do what you want to it’s your baby.

And don’t paint until the baby is born, I have a friend who set up the most gorgeous blue nursery...and you guessed it, she had a girl!

Kaliorphic · 11/12/2020 15:14

I think you should paint it how you want. The child will make their own decisions as they get older. But whilst they're a baby it's your decision. Do what makes you happy.

bluebluezoo · 11/12/2020 15:25

And don’t paint until the baby is born, I have a friend who set up the most gorgeous blue nursery...and you guessed it, she had a girl!

Was the reason she painted it blue because she was gender colour coding though? Was she expecting a boy?

I don’t really see an issue, if the nursery was that gorgeous maybe she just liked it that way, regardless of whether it matched society’s stereotype of gender?

Smallsteps88 · 11/12/2020 15:29

Weird. Both of you.

timetest · 11/12/2020 15:30

It’s your house and your baby, mil doesn’t get a say.

LemonBreeland · 11/12/2020 15:33

You do need to consider what you will do fi the scan is wrong. It does still happen.

Fwiw I agree with your MIL and there is nothing wrong with gender neutral clothes. I also hate to see blue or pink on babies, but that's just me.

wimhoffbreather · 11/12/2020 15:52

@bluebluezoo

And don’t paint until the baby is born, I have a friend who set up the most gorgeous blue nursery...and you guessed it, she had a girl!

Was the reason she painted it blue because she was gender colour coding though? Was she expecting a boy?

I don’t really see an issue, if the nursery was that gorgeous maybe she just liked it that way, regardless of whether it matched society’s stereotype of gender?

She wanted blue for a boy and pink for a girl. Didn’t think I needed to spell that out in the context of this thread

but ok! I need to be clearer.

I had neutral stuff for mine btw - and I did suggest she just keep it that way, but my friend and I have very different ideas about this kind of stuff. I wasn’t about to argue with her about the ridiculousness of gender norms as soon as she gave birth!

Witchlight · 11/12/2020 15:57

You could say (if you want a pink room) that the room is gender neutral and there is no rule re colour. In fact in Georgian times pink was for boys. If you look at family portraits of those times, the child with long curly hair, in a pink frilly dress, sitting on the parent’s knee is often the son and heir, not the daughter of the house.

Flip

1 2 3 4