Breast or bottle? First time mum

[ChloeR12]

Hey everyone. I'm 22 and currently expecting my first child in June next year. One big question is breast or bottle? I know there is pros and cons to each... but I'm just wondering if anyone could give me some real natural and helpful advice? I know this is a selfish point also but I'm worried about my poor boobies after breastfeeding!!!

I'm leaning towards breast feeding as the baby can get so many more nutrients and bonding time from breastfeeding etc... but do the cons outweigh the pros? If I do decide to breastfeed can anyone tell me what I may need to assist with this? I'm in UK :)

Thanks so much in advance for all your advice!

My boobs look fine after breastfeeding for a total of 5 years. Generally but not entirely my friends’ formula fed tended to sleep better (some exceptions) but when I learnt that frequent waking is normal and protective I accepted it. I did a lot of research as I nearly gave up with number 1and recommend you do the same. Finding out benefits and risks persuaded me

Based on my experience:

POSITIVES

Breastfeeding is more natural (but modern formula is a very good alternative).

If breastfeeding, you can always feed your baby when it's with you. So if you get held up when out / decide to stay out late / have to nip out unexpectedly, you don't need to worry that you've got enough milk and bottles with you.

Breastmilk is full of antibodies meaning you help your baby to fight infections. In a pandemic I see this as a big positive (DD was born during the swine flu epidemic and I wouldn't let her go anywhere without me so I would pass on antibodies for any germs we were both exposed to).

Breastmilk is always ready. No faffing with making up formula / storing it correctly / sterilising bottles etc. Especially useful in the middle of the night.

It's free!! Formula costs a lot (around £10-£12 a tin) and you'll be paying for it for a year. Add on the cost of bottles / teats / sterilisers and other extras such as a perfect prep machine and it's frightening.

NEGATIVES

It can be painful at first (but don't be afraid to ask for help as this can make a big difference)

Your partner can't help with feeds in the middle of the night (or day).

You can't go out for long periods of time without baby in the early days.

Dealing with breastfeeding in public (either you or other people feeling awkward).

FF from day 1, hated the feeling of even trying to BF in that first 24 hours. Like HATED it and midwives didnt help by grabbing at me and shoving dd on without even asking

Pros for FF for me
can share the load with dp, that meant i could regain some of ME
better sleep patterns,
was easy, dd took to a bottle so fast and easy
i felt human not just like a cow or milk bar,
no public BF - the whole idea of it leading up to birth left me feeling sick
no leaking or pain, no mastitis, no change to boobs. A few of my friends have admitted it changed them and once they done having kids its of to the surgeon for them. BF dont change all but its luck of the draw
Still bonded with dd no issues

Cons,
expensive but for me worth the cost of the issues it solved and convenience it provided
I really have no others
cleaning is easy, prep is easy, there even premade stuff for when you out and about if you didnt want to carry water and powder to mix

You've got to carry your boobs around anyway was and they don't take up space in your bag or run out and it's free.

Can really suck (LOL) at first but it gets easier, my poor boobs only suffer mistreatment now DD is a toddler and would like a bendy straw

It’s a very personal choice. I used formula from day one. It made life very easy, other people can give bottles, we shared the night feeds, great bonding time, healthy babies and happy parents.

OP - just remember whether you breast feed or formula, both will give your baby an excellent start in time. Don’t get stressed, gets lots of sleep and enjoy your lovely baby.

Breastfeeding is very hard in the beginning, maybe until 6-8 weeks. After that it's easier but still hard to get a break as unless you're able to pump (it took me about an hour to produce a tiny amount and it was very uncomfortable, both physically and mentally so I gave up on it), you're stuck with being back for baby feeding times.

I had the whole overwhelming love for baby as soon as he was born (not everyone does, perfectly normal either way) so I can't say if breastfeeding made any difference to bonding.

I think where it comes into its own is just how easy it becomes to go anywhere. I was kind of resentful when DS started being hungry for solid food and I had to pack food for car journeys and so on, or even if I was just off to the shops for a few hours or something, because I was so used to just bringing nappies and wipes and a change of clothes. And it was free, which was handy.

It was so easy in the end I kept feeding him till he was over three. At that stage you're not tied down at all, but it's a handy comfort thing. Even before that I remember when he was starting on solids I didn't worry much about nutrients as such as I knew he was getting good stuff from breast milk.

The first few weeks were horrendous though. I've got no idea if bottle feeding would have been easier in those weeks, probably a bit, if only for the break, but I'd imagine the sterilising and all that might have been quite hard work too, and at least I didn't have to bother with any of that (after giving up on the breast pump carry on).

The ideal thing would be if somebody else would take baby any time you're not feeding, so that you can wash, eat and sleep. That person should be responsible for cooking, cleaning and doing laundry too.

I think it's the pressure to get other stuff done makes it so much harder to not feel frustrated with the cluster feeding on the beginning.

It's your choice but personally I can't imagine not bf'ing. For me the pros outweigh the cons +++.
Then again, I'm a hippy homebirther and bed sharer who breastfeeds until my baby self-weans. It was 18 months with the first, 3 years with the second, and as long as it is with my six-month old.
Wouldn't change a thing

I tried breastfeeding my first and really struggled, I struggled with the latch I struggled with exhaustion being the only one feeding him, I felt quite uncomfortable doing it so I left the room to feed him if anyone else was about. My son began to lose more weight than expected after birth while I was breast feeding so I then pumped and used formula this way I could see physically see what he was having, it made me feel happier knowing how much he had consumed.. I'm due to be induced on Monday with twins.. I have some pre-made bottles in my hospital bag and have got out the steriliser and bought formula etc, however at least while in the hospital should babies be ok I will attempt to breast feed. I have some nipple shields this time. We ended up getting some with first as it helped to elongate my nipple so it was 'hitting the spot' for baby to realise what to do. Wasn't expecting more babies so threw them away but got some new ones in my hospital bag also just incase.. I'm not going to think the breastfeeding will be a long term thing this time either with having twins so I may try combifeeding so they both get a bit of breast milk even if it's for the first few weeks to get the colostrum and then a bit of breast milk before moving to formula, I don't envision breast feeding twins with a 21 month old running round like a loony to be something that is much possible!!

@Willow4987 I'm sure you know this, but on the off-chance that you don't, look into D-MER.

I think wait and see what works once your baby is here.

With my first, I was dead set on breastfeeding. The reality was that my nipples nearly fell off after 2 days. It was so fucking painful & I was crying trying to breastfeed. I gave up pretty quickly and went to the bottle. It filled her up quickly, and my partner could help feed her in the nights.

2nd time round, I breastfed for 3 months. Again nipples nearly came off and I had to use nipple shields. Either way it was just the best bonding experience I've ever had in my life. We went on to the bottle at 3 months as it was hard to look after 2nd child while I was sat on the sofa feeding for hours on end.

I have friends who would argue both ways. One friend has breastfed for over a year, and she's so tired as she can't get any help, and she told me she wishes she had got her on the bottle instead.

I think just go with the flow and don't feel guilty either way. You will know what's right for you when it happens.

Just remembered about the boob thing.

Mine are definitely worse after breastfeeding! I am a bit gutted, but every time I look down at them I feel proud at the job they've done 😂.

@Floralnomad breastfeeding (that’s going well) does aid bonding with your baby - it is biologically designed to do so. Your body produces oxytocin (aka the love hormone) with every feed.

However, this does NOT mean that if you formula feed you don’t bond with your baby, or that your bond is less strong than if you breastfed. The experiences of breastfeeding and formula feeding are different though (pros and cons to both) and it’s important to acknowledge this without getting emotional about it.

OP it’s just a try it and see thing and everyone is different. I bf my first for 13 months and am now bf my second. Unlike many posters I didn’t leak at all, not even once, and have never had mastitis. On the other hand both of my babies have had a tongue tie which made feeding in the early days painful until it was sorted (a very quick procedure - babies didn’t even cry).

I think the key to making bf work is good one on one support from someone who can watch the baby feed and check your latch and help you with positioning etc. Check out local bf groups in your area before the birth in case this support isn’t available in hospital (sadly often isn’t). Also read up on what is normal for bf - it can seem like the baby is starving when they’re just acting normally. It’s easy to lose confidence when you can’t see exactly how much they’re getting.

OP, I only have one DC who's just turned 1. My experience of breastfeeding (in no particular order) has been:
• It's bloody hard. It took a good 6-8 weeks to stop being painful. And the pain was intense.
• Good support is essential. At one point, on my MW's advice, I took a 48-hour break from breastfeeding and just pumped, to let my nipples heal. Then DH fed the baby from a combination of bottles, cups, and syringes. He researched what sort of bottle was least likely to interfere with breastfeeding, and even how to hack a sports bra to turn it into a pumping bra so i didnt have to sit there holding the pump all the time! He also spent hours in the early days sitting awake and holding the baby during the night while I slept.
• Once you get it established, it's sooo convenient. No sterilizing bottles, lugging them around etc - unless you want to! Because of course you can always pump and have someone else give a bottle. Also, we bedshare, so whenever he wakes up at night he helps himself to milk and I can stay half asleep.
It doesn't necessarily guarantee bonding. I think in part because it was so hard at the start (but also for other reasons that aren't relevant here), I didn't bond with DS straight away. It probably took 3 or 4 months for me to really feel the love, but now I adore him 😍
• It's helpful to have a little stash of colostrum built up beforehand. I got some 1 and 2ml syringes off my midwife at around 36 weeks (I had to ask for these) and expressed some colostrum for the freezer. It took some of the pressure off, just during the first 3 days until my proper milk came in.
• What everyone else said about antibodies etc. The makeup of human milk is so unique, it's impossible to create an equivalent formula. If the baby has a cold, your body receives that information through the breast, searches through your antibody 'library' for the specific antibodies for that strain of the virus, and puts them into your milk. It also responds to the weather, so if it's hot it creates more watery, hydrating milk and if it's cold it makes it more fatty. AND it changes during the day so that the milk you produce in the evening contains hormones to help both you and the baby sleep. (Which doesn't necessarily mean breastfed babies sleep better - as a PP said, it's normal and protective for them to wake overnight.)

@Floralnomad

It’s actually irrelevant to me what anyone else decides to do but I’m heartily fed up with reading posts that say breastfeeding aids bonding with your baby . As someone who was medically unable to breastfeed ( because I don’t produce any milk) I would like to say that it’s perfectly possible to bond with your baby without breastfeeding . Rant over .

breastfeeding does help bonding with baby, but like you've said so does many other things, including bottle feeding. but everyone is different and mums who find bf helped bonding are allowed to say that it helped for them. for me I think I would have not had much to do with my baby after birth if I didn't bf, we had a traumatic birth and I didnt feel anything much for him, which makes me feel terrible.

OP - if you decide to use formula, I’d recommend getting a perfect prep. I give them to friends as presents when they become new parents and they rave about how easy it makes feeding. I wish they had been around when mine were babies.

I didn't have any leaking or mastitis either. The initial feeling was more discomfort but that didn't last long at all.

One thing that was really strange was seeing DS grow and thinking his food source for all that growth was what my body produced!

I'm pretty sure feeding him had a calming/relaxing effect on me at night.

Gut bacteria/flora doesn't get mentioned much but it's a growing area of study and seems to have many links to health. Breastfeeding helps establish baby's own gut bacteria.

When he was getting his baby vaccinations I was encouraged to put him on the breast for distraction/comfort - I don't know if people do this with a formula fed baby.

I think after the awful part in the beginning it was just so easy and stress free. But I think a newborn is hard work anyway.

The mental difficulty with pumping for me is that I felt like a cow or something. But maybe if it hadn't been painful and slow I would have got past this.

One disadvantage is that you just don't know how much food the baby has had, and that's really stressful when you're a new mother and if the baby is crying you don't know if the baby is hungry, in pain, has wind, is overtired or some other mysterious thing. With bottles you know exactly how much they've had so you can eliminate hunger at least. Though I suppose they might still be hungry even if they've had what seems to be a good amount. Babies refuse bottles as well as breasts when they're mysteriously crying!

You really must look into both methods to decide what is best for you as an individual. Both have benefits in their own ways. If you do choose to breastfeed, don't put pressure on yourself if it isn't working!

I was adamant I was going to bf, didn't even look into formula or bring any into hospital as a back up - I then had an emcs and lost 2.5L of blood which stopped me having milk come in at all so I had no choice but to ff. It is totally fine for my dd - she is thriving and my dh lightens the load with supporting with feeding.

@MaryMashedThem thanks! It certainly resonates with me so maybe that’s what happened

I didn't formula feed ds, so can't really comment on that. I breastfed my son for nearly 4 years. Which when I think about it was quite amazing as I can remember sitting on the sofa willing to get myself to 4 months 😂. It is tough, it is exhausting (co sleeping was my saviour, night feeds barely woke either of us). I never suffered from cracked nipples, mastitis, leaking etc. Didn't really have any problems aside from blanching nipples occasionally when ds would get lazy with his latch. I had an awesome midwife who showed me how to get ds on the breast literally minutes after she delivered him and ds literally camped out there for the next year. One thing I couldn't do though was express, so all feeds were down to me. Not leaving ds with anyone else for any period of time wasn't an issue for me as I didn't want to leave him anyway.

It is a nice way to bond, but its not the only way. Obviously, dh never fed ds but they have a great bond, always have had.

Breastfeeding was amazing for getting my stomach/uterus back to into shape though, and my boobs don't look any different now to before I was pregnant.

I've also never encountered any problems when bfing in public - I never covered up, just wore convenient clothing. H&M nursing vests are amazing!

Give it a go. You'll never know unless you try! And if its not working, then there is always formula, which certainly isn't poison. Good luck

@harrietm1987 I’m not saying breast feeding doesn’t aid bonding what I’m saying is that it’s perfectly possible to be as bonded with your baby without breastfeeding , it’s not an essential . There are people who choose to bottle feed and there are people like myself who have no choice , you can still do plenty of skin to skin with your baby etc .

I never did skin to skin when feeding formula. Had never heard of it and bonding was great from the minute they were born. Sounds like the latest fad. I’m sure my parents didn’t do skin to skin.

@Parker231

I never did skin to skin when feeding formula. Had never heard of it and bonding was great from the minute they were born. Sounds like the latest fad. I’m sure my parents didn’t do skin to skin.

Hahaha... yes the latest fad or actually the oldest way of feeding there is. Our ancestors would have fed skin to skin. All animals feed whilst touching.

There's a lot of research to back it up. Couldn't imagine not having that physical closeness with my baby.