Breast or bottle? First time mum

[ChloeR12]

Hey everyone. I'm 22 and currently expecting my first child in June next year. One big question is breast or bottle? I know there is pros and cons to each... but I'm just wondering if anyone could give me some real natural and helpful advice? I know this is a selfish point also but I'm worried about my poor boobies after breastfeeding!!!

I'm leaning towards breast feeding as the baby can get so many more nutrients and bonding time from breastfeeding etc... but do the cons outweigh the pros? If I do decide to breastfeed can anyone tell me what I may need to assist with this? I'm in UK :)

Thanks so much in advance for all your advice!

@NameChange30 totally agree that’s what I did. Doctors can give TERRIBLE advice on this. I was so clueless and DD was stiff as a board and crying all day! After going through all the reflux meds he prescribed formula milk when I was BFing! So glad I didn’t listen and cut out dairy. She became the most content baby after that and still can’t have it now. It makes me angry to think he said it makes no difference when you’re BF, he was an older doctor too and but have had years of experience!

Pardon the pun but as previous posters have said it's a case of suck it and see. Try bf and see how you go. I did long term with first DC and short term with subsequent dc for various reasons. It's a very personal thing and depends on lots of variables.

I attempted to breast feed my first and lasted about 4 or 5 days unfortunately. He had a tongue tie and there were other complications which resulted in me being quite poorly and I just couldn't mentally cope. I then bottle fed him and it worked out really well for a number of reasons.
I'm pregnant again and I'm going to really try and give breastfeeding a go. However, again I have no expectations and if it works out and goes well then great, if not then I will bottle feed again.
If you are undecided then maybe give breastfeeding a go and if you don't get on with it then switch to bottle feeding. Just don't put any pressure on yourself

Me personally... I went in thinking if I could breastfeed then I would, if I couldn't then I'd bottle feed.

There's really no point getting worked up about it, it doesn't always work out for various reasons. Aim to breastfeed, but if it doesn't work out then be prepared to bottle feed.

I thought I wasn’t overly bothered, I wanted to breastfeed but was determined not to beat myself up if it didn’t work. Then I had W traumatic birth and long hospital stay and try as I might I couldn’t produce a drop. I was heartbroken, I kept trying but it just didn’t happen (and the support on offer was - well there wasn’t any really) and 4 months later it still really upsets me to the point of tears sometimes.

So I’d say don’t be surprised if you get a strong feeling about what you want to do once the baby is here.

The advantages of bottle feeding have been that DH has been able to help with feeds, and I guess that I haven’t had to deal with cracked nipples or painful latch or engorgement or baby endlessly feeding or anything like that. I’d still swap it all for being able to breastfeed though. My baby slept through the night from about 10 weeks but no idea if she would have done the same if bf or not.

Cons to bottle are that sterilising is a ballache, cost of formula and equipment, judgement from others (I’ve never come across this in real life but definitely online), and for me a lot of guilt.

Breastfeeding also reduces SIDS risk I think. (Another stick I use to beat myself with!)

I’ve done both.

Breastfeeding pros:

• It’s free and best for baby. While people don’t like to be told this because you don’t want to offend those who formula feed, it’s a massive plus that you’re giving your child the best thing for their health, surely? You really should be able to state this.

• Antibodies. My breastfed child caught less bugs than my son did who was formula fed.

• It’s convenient. You don’t have to sterilise bottles, get out of bed at night, pay for formula (it’s SO expensive!!), bring loads of extra things with you etc.

• The bond between mother and baby is amazing. I honestly didn’t realise how much I would treasure it (once milk was properly established and I knew what I was doing). We still felt like one person. She worshipped me, and I her. What greater gift can you give your child than yourself?

Cons

• Massive con was how unbelievably time consuming it was. It wasn’t just for a feed. My child was constantly screaming for breast. She was hungry, boob. She was tired, comfort boob. She wanted attention, boob. She wanted a pacifier, boob. I was just walking boob to her, 24/7 around the clock. It was excruciatingly exhausting. And no one could help me because she refused bottles all together.

If you truly want the best thing for your baby and you are willing to put her above everything else - including sleep, breastfeed. It’s the best thing for baby, not necessarily for you. It’s not everyone’s experience of breastfeeding, but I’m just saying it could be like that. So you have to truly, truly want it. You asking for pros and cons ... makes me wonder if you truly, truly want it.

• If you want a break, you have to express. Expressing milk was hell on Earth to me. It was unnatural, horrendous and I loathed every minute of it.

• Mastitis. I say no more. Oh. Em. Gee. Even just the worry of mastitis meant I was constantly at it.

• Leaking, painful boobs. Lumps and sore nipples. It isn’t glamorous. See con #1. If you don’t burn for breastfeeding, chances are you won’t end up doing it.

• Establishing breastfeeding. I found the support in hospital and afterwards extremely lacking. I just felt like absolute shit all of the time and all people kept saying was ‘Breast it best’. It caused me to run completely dry with my firstborn, because I had a complete breakdown. It wasn’t working, no one would help me properly and I felt like an utter, complete failure.

Bottle feeding

Pros

• It’s definitely easier than breastfeeding. In so many ways, it’s the easy option. You get a break, you can take turns, you can step away for longer. So if you want an easy life- bottle feeding is for you.

• Baby stays full for longer in my opinion.

Cons

• Expanse!!! Formula, bottles, steriliser etc.

• Cleaning and preparing bottles.

• Constipation in baby. Seriously.

• Needing to burp your baby. Reflux. Again this is based on my experiences. I never had to burp my breastfed baby, she didn’t swallow air and she only drank exactly what she wanted. Spitting up milk - My bottle fed baby was sick on milk way way more often. Possibly our fault, but everyone commented on how my breastfed baby never threw up milk.

**

I’ve tried to be as diplomatic as I can here. It’s a very touchy subject. But I can honestly say I felt more judged for breastfeeding than I ever did bottle feeding. I was judged by every mother who had ever formula fed! Everyone had a story to share as to why it was impossible to breastfeed, even though I never even asked!! So I do understand why you’d ask on a forum. You might find there are people like me who have done both and truly couldn’t give a toss what you feed your kid, as long as you do feed him or her. ;)

Good luck and put your helmet on .... first time parenting is so ridiculously hard because everyone always knows best. Just keep telling yourself ‘I’m doing the best job I can’. Because you will be.

Good luck ❤️

@Glamflimfloogety

Me personally... I went in thinking if I could breastfeed then I would, if I couldn't then I'd bottle feed.

There's really no point getting worked up about it, it doesn't always work out for various reasons. Aim to breastfeed, but if it doesn't work out then be prepared to bottle feed.

I agree with this. I would advise everyone to give breastfeeding a try (barring medical reasons) because if you can do it, it is great. But if you can't for whatever reason, at least you can say you tried and there is always a good and safe back up in formula.

Try breastfeeding. You need to drink lots.
May need a pump, milk bags and bottles if you want someone else to do some of the feeds. Main thing is to drink lots and lots, and sit comfy.
If it does not work because recurrent infections or baby not latching properly, or similar, then formula feed.
Breastfeeding was great when it was going well. I managed 3 weeks, but I had mastitis and sometimes milk would not flow (and I also had one night where I ran a really high high fever). She cried quite a bit, and became a bit adverse to the breast sometimes. I had to take antibiotics from the very day I gave birth and she had candidiasis due to this, and the medicine for this is vile! She had to take it at each feed. I gave up when she got the candidiasis as it was turning into a problem instead of bonding. But if it had not been for that, I would have carried on till the 12 months, or at least 6.

I would say if you'd like to try breastfeeding make sure you do some reading about it, eg La Leche League's The womanly art of breastfeeding is a fantastic book with lots of useful advice (don't mind the title - its really good). It really helped me as you just don't know what to expect, and also if there are any issues at the start you know what to do with them, so the whole thing goes much smoother and you'll be more likely to breastfeed longer. I found NHS lactation help severely lacking.

Yes its hard but it also has huge benefits like no sterilisation, you can just whip your boob out if your away from home and baby is hungry. Very convenient.
Good luck.

The bond between mother and baby is amazing. I honestly didn’t realise how much I would treasure it (once milk was properly established and I knew what I was doing). We still felt like one person. She worshipped me, and I her.

Aww I totally agree and remember those days, and can’t wait to do it again. I remember DD holding my hand while she fed and looking up at me, when I’d feed her to sleep and milk would roll down her chin. I’d just look down at her and cry sometimes because I couldn’t believe she was mine. She’d always stop crying as soon as she latched on.

I wasn’t even bothered about BF before I had her but after she was born it was just something I naturally needed to do. See how you feel OP and just do what you think is best.

"the 12 months" - what 12 months?
WHO recommend breastfeeding until 2 but that's the only one I know of?

I would try it but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work. The bond you will have with your baby will be the same regardless of which method you choose.

I would always say give breast feeding a go if that’s what you want to do however if it does have a negative effect on your mental health don’t beat yourself up about switching to formula.
I managed 3 days of breast feeding before switching to formula. I found the cluster feeding truly terrible and in no way felt it was helping me to bond with DS - similar to what a previous poster said it actually had the opposite effect and made me feel resentful. The stress of breast feeding was a massive factor in my post natal depression and if I was to have another baby I think I would formula feed from day one.

I know they say breast is best but in my experience a happy mum is more important

Honestly for me I always knew 100% that I never ever wanted to even try breastfeeding or expressing, not even once. So I didn't.
Most people on here will tell you you should at least try, I disagree and think that no one should feel forced to try if they don't want to and it's no one's business but yours.
Also most professionals will try and suggest you try, but if it's not for you just say no firmly and stick to it. I did and it worked.

I got a mix of reactions from medical professionals. The midwife and student midwife who were in the birth centre and delivered my baby were extremely supportive of my decision and never once tried to make me or judged me for it. The 3 community midwifes who came to the house never judged me. The nurses who done his jabs were nice about it. And my first health visitor was brilliant and never judged me at all.

However the midwife and student midwife at a prenatal appointment did. In fact the student tried to lie in my notes and put that I was happy to try, which I wasn't. The midwives on the postnatal ward judged me. My son was in hospital for 12 days. The staff in the NICU and then the SCBU treated me appallingly over that and other things, so much so I complained about the way we were treated by them. The doctor at the 6 week check was as bad, awfully judgemental about it. And we moved just before he was 1. The second midwife was horrible and judged. We then got a different one, she was just as bad.

So it really just depends tbh. But either way do what you want, always.

If you can and want breastfeed. Honestly do whatever feels right for you. Has so many benefits for you too. You'll lose weight, your uterus gets back to normal sooner, it's completely free and no need to warm milk.
If I had another baby I'll breastfeed again. It did hurt at times and you are a slave for a time but all worth it.

@NameChange30 your talking about children with milk intolerance rather than a severe allergy I couldn’t of waited two weeks to make sure the milk was out of my system, to carry on breastfeeding, my son wasn’t breathing properly he was struggling for every breath his skin was one massive blister and needed to be rushed to hospital. Prescription formula saved his life.

Whatever works for you, just dont see your decision as concrete. You may decide you want to breastfeed, but then baby wont latch and have to formula feed, if you set yourself expectations that's where you can get extremely stressed and feel like you're failing.

I formula fed from day 1, I had breast implants years ago and my nipples have been sensitive since and tbh I didnt fancy a baby sucking on them.
Barely anyone asked me how I was going to feed the baby, and those who did didnt question it at all. I remember being scared to tell my midwife and going over the conversation in my head so many times and it went
'So are you breast feeding or formula feeding'
'Formula feeding...I..'
'Okay great.'
That was it 😂

I did a bit of both - bf til ten weeks then introduced formula and mix fed. Both were fine. I didn’t have cracked nipples or mastitis but I did get nipple thrush. Otoh they say if you don’t bf then you can risk mastitis because your milk comes in and has nowhere to go!

I’m pregnant again now and planning to mix feed again. Fwiw my boobs deflated at first but then they filled out again and by about 18m they were quite similar to before, a bit saggier but also a bit bigger. I’ve heard it’s pregnancy that affects your boobs more than bf, anyway.

[quote GameSetMatch]@NameChange30 your talking about children with milk intolerance rather than a severe allergy I couldn’t of waited two weeks to make sure the milk was out of my system, to carry on breastfeeding, my son wasn’t breathing properly he was struggling for every breath his skin was one massive blister and needed to be rushed to hospital. Prescription formula saved his life.[/quote]
Just to reiterate, in case it wasn't clear enough in my first post, I wasn't criticising you in any way shape or form. Just wanted to point out that in most cases it is possible to continue breastfeeding even with allergies. But not in your case obviously and I'm sorry your baby's allergy was so severe and he was so unwell, must have been a stressful time Thank goodness for hypoallergenic formula eh!

I planned to and am combination feeding my first baby. I feel like this offers the best of both worlds - my baby and I get the benefits of breastfeeding and independence of bottle feeding.

DH has been giving a bottle of formula at night since DD was 3 days old. This means I get a decent break from breastfeeding every day and as DD has been used to bottle from the beginning I am able to leave her with DH (and, when not in lockdown, with grandparents) for longer periods of time as she can take a bottle of formula if needed in the day. This has been brilliant for my sense of self and allowed my DH to take a more equal role in parenting.

Breastfeeding is convenient if it goes well, but it is always going to be hard work as your body is producing the milk and you have to be available when your baby is hungry. I think it can also become more difficult (exhausting and overwhelming) when you introduce the idea of feeding for comfort etc as well. Personally, I prefer to differentiate my baby’s cues and comfort her by a variety of means rather than always offer the breast, but I know many mothers find it extremely bonding to do so.

Ultimately, you need to find what works for you and try not to let other people’s opinions and judgements put you off. Don’t worry about getting it perfectly right from the start- try breastfeeding (if you want to) and know you can bottle feed if you need or want to.

Enjoy your baby OP and good luck!

breastfeeding also has short and long term health benefits for the mother too. I cant remember exactly what they are but worth looking that up.

I think breastfeeding is so hard to establish, but once you cracked it, it makes life so much easier and cheaper. not that womens time is free, but mums typically end up doing most of the feeding anyway, and it takes more time to bottle feed if you include all of the prep etc. We co sleep, feed to sleep (look up hormones in breastmilk for helping baby and mum sleep), feed for any bumps or falls etc. My baby is 11m now and looking back, the times where it felt all on me was very short. Yes in the beginning you can't really leave them, but it doesn't last long. I could easily leave mine for several hours at 4 or 5 months without a bottle.

To prepare for breastfeeding, I think the best advice I can think of is to do plenty of reading around the subject from good books and websites. Some good books are the positive breastfeeding book, the womanly art of breastfeeding, dr jack Newmans guide to breastfeeding, breastfeeding made easy. especially read up on normal breastfed baby behaviour (it is different to what society expects), and be ready for people to try and tell you it isn't working. its an odd world, before birth breastfeeding is pushed at all costs, then after baby is born the slightest issue with feeding means everyone is saying to give a bottle! another thing I found helpful was trying to separate feeding from everything else, not every problem is a feeding problem (again people will try to tell you that the problem is because you are bf, and if you gave a bottle it wouldn't happen!)

but ultimately if you are well informed, you are in the best place to make your decision.

another good source of general baby info (mostly feeding and maternal health related) is Amy Brown. she has several books, has a website and Facebook page. her books breastfeeding uncovered and informed is best are fab.

hope this helps!

It’s actually irrelevant to me what anyone else decides to do but I’m heartily fed up with reading posts that say breastfeeding aids bonding with your baby . As someone who was medically unable to breastfeed ( because I don’t produce any milk) I would like to say that it’s perfectly possible to bond with your baby without breastfeeding . Rant over .

@Luckyelephant1 everyone’s hard thing will be different depending on their experience I suppose. The things I find difficult about breastfeeding are the physical and mental sensations of being drained! I haven’t experienced much pain, but I don’t always enjoy the feeling of it. There’s also occasional resentment of having to share my body and doing physical labour. Having said that it can also be very sweet, funny and relaxing, and I like the feeling of closeness with my baby.

Breast. But not long term, individual choice not for any other reason. I stopped at 4 months-ish with both DC.

I've only breastfed so can't give a balanced view but my experience has been:

Pros

• cheaper
• easier in terms of no need to sterilise, warm anything etc and always available (even when out and about)
• lovely bonding experience (I know not everyone experiences this but I haven't had any pain, mastitis, supply issues etc)
• pregnancy weight has dropped off with no effort and despite eating loads

Cons

• Needed support in first few days to get the hang of things (haven't needed any support since although I think that's unusual)
• boobs (already big pre pregnancy) are saggier

Top tips if you want to give breastfeeding a go would be:

• Look into harvesting colostrum at the end of your pregnancy
• Make sure you have support in the early days from someone who knows what they're doing
• Don't have lots of visitors at the start - you want to focus on lots of feeding and skin to skin
• get a hakka pump