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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

To know or not to know?

59 replies

mumandcub · 20/11/2020 06:19

20 week scan today, I’m in two minds whether to find out the gender. Either way I am happy as it’s our second baby. We did find out with our first. DH really wants to know so we can ‘prepare’.
Pros and cons?
(I know it’s a decision for us ultimately but no harm in asking opinions - thanks all)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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serialplanner · 20/11/2020 06:37

I haven't had a child yet but pregnant with our first.

I'm a very organised person but I just thought when do we get surprises?

I've bought everything for the baby and the only two things that can't be sorted are 1. Gender specific outfits 2. The name

The outfits have saved me a fortune as I have my babygrows, vests etc and won't really buy anything extra until they arrive (and probably not needed!) The name we simply have a girl and boy option.

Maybe it will be different for you as you can know whether you can use stuff from your first?

It might just be in my head but I'm looking forward to that moment of baby being born and being told whether I have a son or daughter :)

Original poster

mumandcub · 20/11/2020 06:50

Yes that’s what I want, the surprise on the day when they say it to me especially as this could be our last and will I get that moment again.
It’s so hard when DH is desperate to know and I almost feel like, I know I’m the one pregnant with them but it is our baby and it is a joint decision I guess.
I’m in agreement with you though, I’ve pulled out unisex clothes we can reuse to start with and I also said I won’t spend a lot this time round...see how long that lasts!!

OP posts:

HillaryWhitney · 20/11/2020 07:07

Don't find out! Please! Don't find out! I say this to everyone but it is literally the most exciting and wonderful thing to find out at the birth.

I have so many family/friends who find out and even name the baby before it is born. Then when it arrives everyone is like 'meh' because there's nothing to be excited about!

Original poster

mumandcub · 20/11/2020 07:12

Oh there’s always something to be excited about when a baby is born regardless. I found out with my first and I’d be heartbroken if someone said they weren’t excited because they knew he was a boy.
I get it’s the build up and no one knows so are waiting for the message and the news of it all but no baby is not exciting!

OP posts:

RLI1105 · 20/11/2020 07:24

We didn't find out and I'm so so glad! Honestly it is the worlds best surprise!! I managed to convince my friend not to as well and she was so glad she didn't 😊

FolkSongSweet · 20/11/2020 07:29

We didn’t find out with our first and did with our second. Neither is better than the other but both ways are good so if you found out last time then I think you should have a surprise this time so you can experience both. It’s really not that hard to come up with 2 potential names and no need to dress the baby in a gender specific way from birth.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/11/2020 07:37

I've found out with all of mine. It's either one or the other so I don't see what's so surprising if you wait longer to find out. I hate "surprises" that I know about though.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/11/2020 07:40

I have so many family/friends who find out and even name the baby before it is born. Then when it arrives everyone is like 'meh' because there's nothing to be excited about!

Really? You know some chappy people if they can't get a bit excited about the actual baby arriving. How weird. Apart from maybe grandparents or other really one family no kne is that bothered either way.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/11/2020 07:40

Chappy people, not chappy

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 20/11/2020 07:41

Ffs crappy

Disappointedkoala · 20/11/2020 07:49

We found out both times - made it easy so I knew if I could reuse all of DDs baby clothes or not. If it was a boy I thought it might be nice for him to have the odd thing that's not floral. It's a girl. Problem solved.

It's also made it a bit easier to explain to DD that she's getting a sister and use "she" for the baby, though I might be projecting there and she might not understand at all!

Original poster

mumandcub · 20/11/2020 08:10

Shall we flip a coin? It’s a torn household this morning 😂

OP posts:

longtimelurkerfirsttimeposter · 20/11/2020 08:14

Didn't find out with my first, was an amazing feeling finding out after a long labour.
Found out for second just because I wanted to experience both and it was nice to prepare DC1 for their baby 'sister'

Sansa87 · 20/11/2020 08:14

@mumandcub we are going to get them to write it and seal it in an envelope so we can open it whenever and if ever we like

Original poster

mumandcub · 20/11/2020 08:18

I like the idea of an envelope if we did change our mind but not sure the NHS write it down for you but I don’t know

OP posts:

JumperooSue · 20/11/2020 08:30

@HillaryWhitney

Don't find out! Please! Don't find out! I say this to everyone but it is literally the most exciting and wonderful thing to find out at the birth.

I have so many family/friends who find out and even name the baby before it is born. Then when it arrives everyone is like 'meh' because there's nothing to be excited about!

There was nothing to be excited about?!😂

So whether the fact it’s a boy or girl is more exciting for your family and friends than the baby’s actual arrival. That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard, how sad.

Silverstripe · 20/11/2020 08:31

I haven’t found out myself and I LOVE that it’s going to be a surprise! It makes this last little bit of waiting so exciting.

In terms of preparing it makes no difference - girl babies and boy babies need the same things. And not knowing the sex means you can stem the relentless tide of excessively pink / blue gendering of clothing etc, which I personally was very happy about.

Silverstripe · 20/11/2020 08:32

My trust won’t write it down for you, they will only tell you if you ask. But it varies from trust to trust so worth asking in case yours is one that does.

Joeyandpacey · 20/11/2020 08:35

I loved finding out. I find it really helps me bond with baby as they become so much more real in my mind.

3ormorecharacters · 20/11/2020 08:37

I was really unsure. My siblings never found out with their babies and I always thought I'd do the same - the surprise was part of the excitement. I kind of admired people who didn't find out and thought finding out would be like unwrapping your Christmas presents early.

My DH was keen to find out though, and several friends pregnant around the same time did it too which made me rethink. To be honest I had a bit of a preference gender wise and knew there was a chance I'd be disappointed if it wasn't the gender I wanted, and thought it would be better to deal with that before birth than after.

The compromise we made was to find out ourselves but not tell anyone else. Part of my fear in telling people was being given loads of heavily gendered stuff. Plus, this way my parents and siblings still get the surprise that I know they like. It's quite nice having it as a little secret between me and DH!

babblebeee · 20/11/2020 08:48

I didn't find out with my first but my partner wanted to. We agreed not to and was so glad we didn't. He was the one who told me at birth and it was such a lovely moment. We're now having our second and have said we are definitely not finding out again. I think not knowing adds to the excitement

Himawarigirl · 20/11/2020 08:50

We found out with all three. My main reason was that the process of choosing a name is difficult, or was for us, and I didn’t want 50% of our effort and agonising to be wasted. We preferred to know and focus the mind. And for our second and third it was nice to be able to talk about the sibling our existing children were getting and to refer to their brother or sister. I felt that makes it easier for them to imagine. And despite finding out with all three I can confirm that their arrival was anything but ‘meh’.

Terriblecreature · 20/11/2020 08:53

I have found out in both pregnancies and to be honest if I had a third would find out again. Everyone is different though. I like having a name picked and can talk to them while they are still in my belly. I also liked being organised and having appropriate outfits etc. I couldn't imagine going out when they r first born to the shops to pick outfits. Would rather spend the time snuggling with them 😊

Ajahd · 20/11/2020 09:00

We left it a surprise. Throughout the entire pregnancy I wished I had just found out what we were having. We'd made it so far but i told myself any future pregnancies we would just find out.

It was such a special moment hearing my husband tell me he's a boy. I'm so glad we waited. Changed my mind again and if we do have any more babies, I would want to leave it as a surprise

Lelophants · 20/11/2020 09:01

If you haven't already, give a surprise a go! It's so hard but well worth the wait.

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