To know or not to know?

[mumandcub]

20 week scan today, I’m in two minds whether to find out the gender. Either way I am happy as it’s our second baby. We did find out with our first. DH really wants to know so we can ‘prepare’.
Pros and cons?
(I know it’s a decision for us ultimately but no harm in asking opinions - thanks all)

I think everyone's being a bit unfair to @HillaryWhitney , I don't think she quite meant it like it sounds. 😂 Nobody is feeling "meh" about the birth of their child, a child in their immediate family, or that of a very close friend, no matter how much info is known beforehand (I hope not anyway).

That said, I don't really want to know everything (sex, name, even intended nickname!) of my friends' babies before they're here. It does take away some of the joy/excitement of a birth announcement, imo. Leaving some unknowns is part of what makes the arrival of a baby exciting!

I'm currently pregnant with my first, and always knew I'd leave it as a surprise, though I did have to convince DH it was the way to go. I haven't found it tricky to bond, and tbh I'd probably dress this kid the same regardless of sex anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've found out both times - I've had multiple losses though and I find knowing helps me bond with the pregnancy and baby a lot more. Also I don't like calling the baby "it"

Should also say I was having weekly/fortnightly scans for first pregnancy (high risk) and same for this one (twins) so it works have been too hard NOT to know when I seek them so often abs it's pretty obvious on the screen when one is a boy! 🤣

I think if i had a "normal" pregnancy with only one scan the entire time from 20 weeks there would have been less temptation to know

@mumandcub Don’t find out! Lol. We were in the same position - I didn’t want to know and DH did. I talked him into a compromise lol. Make it DHs job when baby is born to announce to you if you have a boy or a girl 😊 had my first little one a couple of weeks ago and that’s what we did and it was such a lovely moment 😊❤️ The midwives were more than happy to get Dad involved and have him do the big announcement 😊

I didn't find out with any of mine.

You've got your whole life to know their sex, but just a small window of wondering and anticipating a surprise.

NHS will not write it down for fear of being sued if baby is not the sex they said it is.
I actually had a sexing scan last week at a private clinic and the sonographer didn’t even write the sex down, just verbally told us.

If I have any more I would defo love to have a surprise (although I highly doubt I will)

I was considering this question myself and we've decided to leave it as a surprise. A part of me is really curious but I'm hopefully going to be able to resist asking at the second scan.

I don't feel like there's much more to prepare for a surprise than when you know apart from two names.

I LOVED knowing.

Gave me a real boost in the 20 week slump. It was so thrilling to find out! And you suddenly visualise it all so much clearer. And it's a lot easier for names!

Personally I had hard and exhausting births. I passed out with both upon delivery and it was quite a fuss. And then when I was revived, I vomited. So it would not have been the beautiful "Suprise" moment anyway.

@ivfbeenbusy same here, I was in disbelief about actually being pregnant with my first after 5 rounds of ivf, I found out at 23 weeks and it definitely helped it feel more real

I think you get to decide OP. If you want a surprise go for it!
I didn't find out the first time but did the second.

I found out with both but I am the most impatient person ever lol! I regret finding out what my first baby would be as either way we wouldn't of minded but so glad we've found out this time as my DS has been able to start bonding with his little brother already! Congratulations on your pregnancy xxx

I didn't want to find out but DH. Our compromise was to find out but not tell anyone else! Although I wish we had told them we didn't know, as some people (my sister) have been a bit annoying asking/guessing/trying to catch us out!

Did you find out OP?!

I just wrote a big note but lost it basically saying I have experience of both and I will never ever ever forgot the elation at finding out at birth with DC2.
But I was also elated (especially just recently with DC4) at finding out mid pregnancy with the others.

Pregnant with my first and we're not finding out for the reason @serialplanner gave - I just want one surprise as an adult. I doubt we'll have that many from here on in

I get so excited talking about the baby and what it will be with DP. Personal choice though I know

I’m so disappointed to hear sonographer won’t write it down 😥

With my partner being unable to come to any scans, we were hoping they could write it down, put it in an envelope in my notes and me and partner could open it together to find out. Don’t really like the idea of me knowing first and just telling him.

This may have swayed me to wanting to wait until the actual birth to find out.

Did you find out OP? I always thought, I’d be happy either way which also means I’ll be disappointed either way. So I’d rather have that little ‘huh!’ moment before we meet the baby. We weren’t going to find out with the first but the sonography slipped up anyway! Second time around wanted to prepare big bro.

Ok so we flipped a coin on the car park of the hospital and both times it landed on do not find out so we didn’t 😃

Hi OP,
It’s not a perspective many share - but I was so glad I found out. My LG is now healthy and happy, but birth didn’t go as hoped and after a long labor and EMCS, she was rushed to NICU. I didn’t get to hold or see her for a day.

Having a baby is a surprise. Meeting them is a surprise. For me, the way it all happened on the day, finding out sex would have been completely missed in all chaos.

I know it’s exceptional circumstances, but happens more often than we think, and all of the wonderful stories, never seem to include thoughts about what you would like if things are harder or busier on the day. Perhaps it would still be the surprise that helps you keep going, but perhaps not. Everyone is different. But is worth thinking about when making a decision.

Xx

Ahh I’m so sorry I missed your update!! Exciting. Hope all goes well for you xxx

I'm a little torn by this question. We want to do a fun gender reveal video for family and friends, but keep the name of the child a secret till they are born. However, I feel like everyone in the family pressuring us to get the gender of the baby ASAP is making me want to make them wait till it's born.

@HappyDaze90 you can always ask - some trusts will, it just depends on the policy at yours.

The other alternative is to book a private scan, as they will often write it down where an NHS sonographer won’t. You could check in advance of booking if this is something they will do. Then you could choose not to find out at your 12 week scan, and have it written down at the private scan instead.

I found out with my first two - both boys. With my third I thought I will go for the surprise. It was the most stressful pregnancy and delivery ever as I so wanted it to be a girl.

If you genuinely don't mind you can go fir a surprise. But majority of people do have a preference even if they don't admit it

DH wants to find out. I don't. I figure there's very little he has a say in or can experience so we will probably find out.

I'm a very organised person but I just thought when do we get surprises?

You've obviously had a very different 2020 to me!

I'm 36w with my first and we don't know the sex. We never even considered it. I'm so excited to meet my baby and find out, and for it to be my DP that tells me. He has been so great throughout the pregnancy, it's nice that he'll have something to do that's his