Missed miscarriage help/advice

[Cafeaulait27]

Hi everyone, as some of you know I had what I suppose is a missed miscarriage on Thursday at 9 weeks, but baby only measuring 6 weeks/5.5mm. I had brown discharge for about a week then some red when I wiped and some clots. It’s been the worst time of my life so far.

I’ve been told to come back for a rescan on the 19th because of the small size, they can’t confirm it when it’s under 7mm without a rescan even though they told me at the scan it basically is all over.

I’m waiting to pass the baby, they gave me a leaflet saying it will be very painful and lots of blood gushing out. So far since Thursday I’ve just had dark brown with small lumps On a tissue and a bit on a pad, and sometimes a bit of red.

I was just wondering if anyone can help me - is it likely that if I carry on like this I will pass the foetus? Is it possible to miscarry without all the pain and gushing blood if they foetus is really small?

Ideally I want to pass it before Monday, as I don’t really want to have tablets or d&c, but I think really it’s seems likely that I will have to have some kind of management.

Any help or stories would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Oh and just to clarify - I mean Monday 19th not tomorrow x

Sorry you're going through this! I had similar earlier this year, scan at 9 weeks showed only a tiny fetal pole and it took another 2-3 weeks before I actually miscarried, with some bleeding/ clots before that. It was like a really bad period for me but with more gunk (clots, sack etc).

I had bleeding for a day or so, then a few hours of periodic contraction pain throughout the afternoon one day, followed by intense pressure (imagine the worst period cramp you can stand, I nearly threw up) that lasted a couple of minutes and ended in a bit of a "gush", but it was again just a bigger version of when you pass a sudden clump during your period. I bled for a couple of weeks after, like a heavy period. It wasn't too bad for me, but pretty messy so make sure you're stocked up on pads! You may find it doesn't hurt at all, or you'll bleed for a few days then done. I hope it's not too traumatic for you.

@Thirdlifecrisis thanks so much for your reply, this is really helpful. I’m really scared of it happening but would really rather it happened naturally... I’m really not keen on the idea of an operation because of the risks (even though I know it’s really routine) I don’t want anything to affect my fertility for next time.

I guess if I have to I will go for tablets next. Did you take painkillers to help?

I really just want it to be all over now ☹️

@Cafeaulait27 I took a couple paracetamol and paced around the kitchen. A hot water bottle really helped as well! I'd got booked in to have the pill as I was fed up waiting (that was after the second scan 2 weeks later) but it all kicked off 2 days before I was booked in for the pill. The risks of any procedure is really low if you do end up with the pill/ d&c so it's really up to you if you want to wait it out (depending on medical advice). I'd wait for the next scan then think about what you want to do. The wait is awful at the time but honestly the wait seems minimal once it's all over.

Hi @Cafeaulait27 no experience, just a hand hold. I remember you from the May 2021 board. We both had scans where our dates were measuring behind with window the womb. I've had brown/pink spotting for 3 weeks now. I'm in complete limbo and don't know what's going on. I hope everything is as smooth as can be and happens quickly for you. I'm sorry things haven't ended the way you wanted

Ah, I am so sorry OP.

9 years ago I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks - I started bleeding in the evening, and early that morning before going to scanning place, I miscarried on the toilet. From what I could see/ describe to doctor, she said it was probably around 6 weeks.

It was like bad period pains: and I bled for a couple days, and that was it. Everything had come away, so I didn’t need any further interventions.

I was in such shock and just silently cried from the waiting room, through the appointment. From tact, I think, no other staff said a thing, but the consultant who came in to supervise the student doctor dealing with me stopped to look at me, and say kindly ‘it’s nothing you did, please put that out of your mind, as you know miscarriage is sadly very common’.

I can remember her 9 years later. And it was a little beacon of kindness I really needed at a difficult time, and I will always think of her and call down blessings on her...

I hope you meet similarly kind professionals during this difficult time x

@Thirdlifecrisis thank you so much. With the pill are you allowed to go home or do you have to stay in?

I’m also finding all these appointments tricky with work, I’m working from home which is so helpful in case it does start. But I haven’t told my manager as redundancies are looming and I don’t want them to know I’m trying - the company I work for has been known to unofficially discriminate against pregnant women / Women who are trying / mothers in the past as they see it as an inconvenience... I don’t really want to end up having to look for another job as well as all this so hoping to keep hush hush. Other than that it’s quite a nice job!

@Moandy I remember you too ❤️ Thank you for the hand hold. I made a memory box today (a friends suggestion, who was also kind enough to draw me a little illustration to go in it) with my pregnancy file, the early scan picture and all my positive pregnancy tests. It felt really nice to not just chuck it all in the bin (which I nearly did out of anger and pain after the scan).

Definitely get the spotting checked out. Have you asked for a scan?

For lots of people it’s fine, but now I know what happened to me I would always push for a scan at the first sign of bleeding. I’ve also been looking into baby aspirin, progesterone and have switched to folate instead of folic acid... I just want to try to prevent this happening again. Xxx

@sydenhamhiller thank you for sharing your story and your support, it really means a lot, everyone who gives me a well wish xx

Have you managed to have a baby since then if you don’t mind me asking?

The nurse said that to me after I asked her if there is any hope. She sort of said ‘we aren’t allowed to call it a miscarriage yet, but I think you know what’s going on. But remember it’s nothing you did, don’t worry about what you ate or drank, it’s not your fault’. We definitely all need those words from a medical professional when miscarriages happen. It does take a weight off your shoulders to an extent. Xxx

@Cafeaulait27 I didn't need the pill in the end, but at the time they were sending you home after the pill to miscarry at home. This was just before lockdown for reference. If it's any help to hear something a bit more positive... I got pregnant the next cycle after I finished bleeding and this pregnancy has been textbook no-issues, currently getting kicked hard and frequently by a very healthy fetus 🙄. You're more likely to have a healthy pregnancy within 6 months of a miscarriage!

@Cafeaulait27 also try not to worry about work, if you're working from home you can probably get away with keeping quiet re appointments more than if you were visibly in the office. Do what you need to do to get through this patch, fingers crossed it all works out for you!

@Thirdlifecrisis oh yes sorry I misread that you didn’t need the pills in the end ☺️ Thank you, I know o really shouldn’t worry about work, this is obviously so much more important... And working from home is the best thing ever about coronavirus for me. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to be bleeding in the office, and to not know when the miscarriage is going to properly kick in. I’d probably end up having to tell them and go off sick, probably everyone would find out. I don’t know how women cope with all this around work usually. It’s so tough and all I have to put up with is a few video calls.

I’m so pleased to hear that you’re current pregnancy is going so well. How far along are you?

OP - I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you a handhold. I have had miscarriages but had a D + C each time, so it was slightly different. I was in complete shock too. I just could not believe it was happening. In case you are concerned that a D + C would affect future conception, I do have two healthy children.

@Thirdlifecrisis - please don't think about work, your health and wellbeing comes first.

@Chottie thank you, that is reassuring to hear. Were you scared going into the d&c? Was it over quite quick?

Thanks

@Cafeaulait27 No, I wasn't scared, it was fine and was done under general anaesthetic. Afterwards, I did have some bleeding and slight periodic like pains, but it was manageable. The actual op is very quick.

[quote Cafeaulait27]@sydenhamhiller thank you for sharing your story and your support, it really means a lot, everyone who gives me a well wish xx

Have you managed to have a baby since then if you don’t mind me asking?

The nurse said that to me after I asked her if there is any hope. She sort of said ‘we aren’t allowed to call it a miscarriage yet, but I think you know what’s going on. But remember it’s nothing you did, don’t worry about what you ate or drank, it’s not your fault’. We definitely all need those words from a medical professional when miscarriages happen. It does take a weight off your shoulders to an extent. Xxx[/quote]
This was my 3rd pregnancy (after 2 healthy babies, now teens). Various well meaning people said things like ‘well, you have 2 already’... which I know was meant to be comforting, but a loss is a loss, isn’t it?
Baby was due September 2011 - dc3 was born July 2012.

Big hugs to you x

So sorry for your loss OP. It's such an awful thing. When I had mine, no sign of natural mc so had the pill. You take it there and then. That night I had spotting and severe cramps, but that was it. I'm not sure if it worked or not. 3 days later it started again and although the cramps were bad, it was all over in a few hours. No gushing or anything, just heavy bleeding and then a couple of periods of passing clots. One largeish one at the end and it was over.
I found the pill to be fine and for me I think it helped get it over and done with in a shorter time (I didn't want surgery).
My cycles were back to normal straight away and I'm now pregnant again (with 2 chemicals inbetween).
Best wishes.

Hi OP. I'm very sorry you're going through this. It's utterly shit.

I had a MC a couple years ago. It started with light spotting after sex. I had a scan, which showed the foetus as 5 weeks, when I suspected I was 8 weeks. As I had zero idea of my dates (no period to date from due to PCOS), I had to wait 2 weeks to get confirmation. Deep down I knew it was over though.

Two weeks rolled on. Symptoms lessened, but I was still only spotting until the evening before of the second scan. I had strong period cramps, that I needed paracetamol and a hot water bottle for. The next morning, the bleeding started. It was like a sudden, very heavy period. I also passed the sac at the same time. The scan confirmed this. I bled for about a week or so, and got a negative pregnancy test soon after, so it was complete. Other than the cramps I had the evening before I passed everything, I had no pain.

Wishing you all the best. ❤️

@Ellovera2 thanks for sharing. I think I will go for the pill, too scared of surgery... and kind of just want it to come out as naturally as possible. Congrats on your pregnancy ☺️ How far along are you? Xx

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. I was in a very similar position at the beginning of lockdown, first scan showed an early pregnancy but no fetal pole, follow up 2 weeks later showed a 4mm fetus but no heartbeat, and they couldn't officially call it a miscarriage as it was too small (despite it clearly not growing properly from the first scan). Again another two week wait where I know what the outcome would be, and at this scan everything was confirmed, by then I was '11' weeks but baby (or babies they thought it may have been identical twins) measured around 6 weeks. I started spotting a few days later and miscarried nearly a week after that scan. So for me it was a very long process, I had wanted intervention after the 11 week scan but they didn't offer it and told me I needed to wait another two weeks (I think covid restrictions). In the end miscarrying naturally, it wasn't pleasant but it was manageable with paracetamol and a hot water bottle. I couldn't take codine as I was still breastfeeding. Stock up on maternity pads, and when it all starts to happen it's better if someone else can be home with you if possible. The main event lasted about 24 hours for me, I thought it was done by the Sunday night, but then Monday afternoon bleeding and cramping again (actually less painful) but I believe it was then that everything passed. It's tough, I won't lie, but you can 100% do this. Im now 14 weeks pregnant x Sending love xxxx

@dyra yours sounds sort of similar to mine, I also have pcos but my cycles have become regular through taking metformin. I went to a private early scan thinking I was 6+6 but they told me the measurements were more like 5+ but everything looked normal and there was a heartbeat. I knew my dates weren’t that wrong so I had a funny feeling something was wrong even then.

Did you get pregnant again after your mc if you don’t mind me asking?

I really hope I don’t have to go through this again, but I hope I can get pregnant again ☹️ And this time keep it.

The small size of mine despite a heartbeat initially made me wonder if it’s something to do with my body, not the foetus itself. I’m thinking maybe clotting issues restricting blood getting to the foetus. But I obviously have no idea really, it’s just a hunch. I need to find a specialist that will help me. I’ve got a little money saved up (which was supposed to be in case I got made redundant because of covid) but I think I could use a little of it to have private tests.

@Workingmama1 it’s so cruel isn’t it? I can see why they have to keep rescanning to be sure, but a little part of me did wonder if they’re making me wait 10 days because they’re hoping I’ll pass it naturally and they won’t have to do anything (therefore cheaper) but who knows... I understand that they don’t want to make any mistakes. I would like to miscarry naturally, I just wish it would happen already. I can’t move on while it’s still in there ☹️

Congratulations on your current pregnancy ☺️ Best of luck xx

Thanks @cafeaulait27
12 week scan tomorrow and I'm dreading it 😬
When I was in your shoes I just felt so overwhelmed and like it would never happen for me. Just be kind to yourself and get through 1 day at a time.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I’ve had three lots of surgery for missed miscarriages, my last one was at 16 weeks. It’s really not at all bad. In and then you’re put to sleep and it’s all over. The staff are very kind. A lovely nurse held my hand so tightly when she could see me crying and it meant a lot. Afterwards it was light bleeding for a week or so. I conceived very soon after two of the surgeries (one of those was my daughter 🌈) My third was only a couple of weeks ago.

I was too traumatised by my losses to go through the process of medical management or delivery. Also my losses have all been that bit later - 10, 11 and 16 weeks which was a big consideration - this time it would have meant being admitted rather being sent home to take a tablet and no visitors allowed - I didn’t want to do it alone or be unsure about when I could get home to DD.

It’s such a shit choice to be making. I’m sorry you find yourself here.

I had a miscarriage at the start of lock down. I was 8 weeks but I had a 5 week empty sack. I was very lightly spotting for about a week and then one afternoon I started getting really horrendous cramps, they got so bad the cramps made me physically sick and I suffered with a bad stomach too, I was sweating and flat out on the bathroom floor crying and shouting because the pain was intense. I went to hospital after about an hour of the pain starting - the pain was much less then, it was just bad period cramp I wouldn't have been able to sit in a car an hour before. When I got to hospital I felt so drained, they put me on a drip and I went too the loo - I still wasn't bleeding heavy but after I'd been to the loo I felt something drop out of me, it was a piece of tissue I think about half the size of my hand. I was in for a few hours later while they examined me, they said my cervix was closed so I assumed that was my miscarriage done. I was so very tired for a few days after however the bleeding for me was lighter than a period and I only had a little worse than period cramp for a couple of days and the bleeding lasted around a week. I was able to just take paracetamol. I've written my story on here because I wanted you to know everyone's experience is different and yours will be too. I don't want to scare you (I really hope I haven't) but I honestly think id take that horrendous pain for an hour or so again rather than having 2 weeks of pretty bad pain (so sorry for anyone who has experienced this I know I'm lucky to have miscarried naturally). It deffo would have been easier if I knew it would have only have been an hours struggle though!! I hope you pass what needs passing too, be kind to yourself through this time and do what you need to do to get you through. I am now pregnant again 3 cycles after the miscarriage and I'm 11 weeks and so far everything looks pretty good. Best of luck to you op. We are all here for you.