Feeling sorry for myself,Baby Shower related,anyone else feeling quite alone??

[PasstheBucket89]

Ok, i am aware there are far bigger problems all the time in the world,especially now but im feeling very low and sad about this and as much as im going to attract the usual to this thread i need to offload and ask for advice aswell, and MN can be very good for that in times where its difficult to talk about it with anyone else. I am on pregnancy no.3 I have had Hypermesis {HG} with all in varying degrees ,i had a great organised by a friend shower etc, with My second i was so poorly that it wasn't possible and i was/am a bit devastated i felt i didn't get to 'celebrate' them. Obviously this time round with everything going on , but also worry that i don't have as many people to help organise, attend balso interest naturally dwindles with subsequents, i want a sprinkle , rather than a shower so little like an afternoon tea or something. i wouldn't choose to plan anything obnoxious and i just have this overwhelming feeling that how rubbish and sad i will always feel that out of 3 I only got to celebrate one, i know i wouldnt be feeling like this if it had not been so very ill with severe HG with my second, . i cant shake it off, I'm sorry i know this is a self indulgent whinge to most.i think i feel very alone as well, just wondering if im the only one who feels like this??

Gosh I think you are expecting alot to have a baby shower for a third baby especially at the moment. Most people get one off their first baby if you are lucky! I'm sorry you feel rubbish though, look after yourself.

Feeling you 'missed out' on one with your second is just silly in my book. Showers, if they must be had, are for first babies. I'm sorry but I think you're hormones are playing havoc with you right now because expecting a shower for a third baby is just nonsense. Be grateful for what you have.

Sorry you're being given a bit of a hard time here OP, if there was something you were looking forward to that's been cancelled by the pandemic, why shouldn't you feel disappointed? Even though baby showers aren't personally for me, I can relate. I felt very disappointed that a week long get together scheduled for April didn't happen, and also disappointed that my September cruise has been cancelled, and those (cruise especially) are really quite indulgent things!

Lockdown is easing now and we have more freedom. I think other people's and your suggestion of tea and cake in the park would be lovely.

I find baby showers totally self involved and unnecessary, not to mention a complete waste of time & money. I've never been to a baby shower I enjoyed, and having spoken in depth to many friends about it, they also feel the same. Everyone has to buy you a present before the baby has even got here, and I don't know anyone who would turn up to meet a new baby without bringing a gift. That's two gifts before you've even met the child.

Honestly, I think you should be grateful that you're not subjecting you're loved ones to yet another baby shower (you mention you already had one for your first). On behalf of your friends and family who would've been invited, thank you.

When I had my first my Aunt and Cousin took me and my mum out for afternoon tea. Now my cousin is pregnant so we have ordered an afternoon tea to be delivered to our house and have invited them over for a soxially distanced gathering. We have baloons and cake and a little hamper. We just want to treat my cousin who hasn't been able to shop etc in the same way during the pandemic. Maybe you could do something similar? Lots of places are delivering afternoon tea now, you could get some decorations and napkins and just treat yourself and close family.

It sounds like having this shower is very important to you so you need to figure out how you are going to have one. So you don’t ‘miss out’ again as it seems to have had quite a negative impact on you that you didn’t have one for your second child.

Decide whether you are going to have it at your home or at a venue and book the venue if necessary. You know what you want to happen and I wouldn’t rely on other people to think about your shower at the moment as they may not think it’s something that is going to happen be it for pandemic reasons of the fact it’s your third.

It shouldn’t matter less to you that you have to to the organisation and finance the event yourself, especially as it’s a small affair.

If you don’t take matters into your own hands you are at quite a risk of feeling devastated again.

I’d also make it very clear when you are inviting people that you don’t want any presents at all.

So much bitterness in these replies lol, OP WANTS a baby shower and that’s fine, no one cares if some of you despise American traditions or celebration in general 😂

And there is nothing wrong with showers being self-indulgent; so are birthdays, Christmas if you’re not religious, ANY unnecessary thing you do in your life to make yourself happy. You lot need to get over yourselves and stop hating on OP. It’s her life and her baby

Thank you very much for the ideas ive been given btw. I think afternoon tea is a winner, is there any one who has done something similar? im not responding to the more unkind posts, although they have mellowed down a bit, i stated several times i would not expect the same level as my first, bar hiring a plane with a banner on, not much else i can do .

How are you missing out when baby showers for second and subsequent babies aren't something that other women have??
Most women don't have one baby shower and you had one. Feeling like you're missing out on other people arranging even more sounds entitled and spoilt. Sorry you're feeling so ill but stop this.

@IJustWantSomeBees

And there is nothing wrong with showers being self-indulgent; so are birthdays, Christmas if you’re not religious, ANY unnecessary thing you do in your life to make yourself happy. You lot need to get over yourselves and stop hating on OP. It’s her life and her baby

She wants someone else to arrange it for her! That's not her life is it, it's other people's

@IJustWantSomeBees

So much bitterness in these replies lol, OP WANTS a baby shower and that’s fine, no one cares if some of you despise American traditions or celebration in general 😂

She wants someone else to organise it for her

She wants someone else to arrange it for her! That's not her life is it, it's other people's

Baby showers are traditionally arranged by someone else anyway, often the mum to be doesn't do it herself.

Under the circumstances, it would seem better to just organise something lovely yourself, OP, to have it exactly as you would like and to avoid disappointment. I love the idea of afternoon tea in the garden. How about making a weekend of it, and organising a shopping trip for you and OH or mum/friend to go and treat yourself to something new for baby? I'm pregnant with my 4th and never had a baby shower, but this thread is making me want to organise a similar weekend to what I've just described! I'm also due in December.... No better time for a celebration once baby arrives too!

Thank you @Somethingsnappy, good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations xx