Feeling sorry for myself,Baby Shower related,anyone else feeling quite alone??

[PasstheBucket89]

Ok, i am aware there are far bigger problems all the time in the world,especially now but im feeling very low and sad about this and as much as im going to attract the usual to this thread i need to offload and ask for advice aswell, and MN can be very good for that in times where its difficult to talk about it with anyone else. I am on pregnancy no.3 I have had Hypermesis {HG} with all in varying degrees ,i had a great organised by a friend shower etc, with My second i was so poorly that it wasn't possible and i was/am a bit devastated i felt i didn't get to 'celebrate' them. Obviously this time round with everything going on , but also worry that i don't have as many people to help organise, attend balso interest naturally dwindles with subsequents, i want a sprinkle , rather than a shower so little like an afternoon tea or something. i wouldn't choose to plan anything obnoxious and i just have this overwhelming feeling that how rubbish and sad i will always feel that out of 3 I only got to celebrate one, i know i wouldnt be feeling like this if it had not been so very ill with severe HG with my second, . i cant shake it off, I'm sorry i know this is a self indulgent whinge to most.i think i feel very alone as well, just wondering if im the only one who feels like this??

Surely the nice thing you have to look forward to is your actual baby?

Why is it a problem that its an American thing? Seriously what is with all the hate for anything American

I don't know why people dislike baby showers so much. I've seen a few posts like this today, people seem to HATE them! I get they're American and whatever but so are gender reveal parties and I've never seen them get the level similar responses of pure disgust and dismissal on MN or Facebook or anywhere else. They're no different.

I went to my friend's baby shower last year and I loved it, and so did she. It was lovely to see her and get 4 or 5 friends together and chat and give her a few little presents. We just had a little afternoon tea in a cafe. Our friends travelled a long way to be there and it was just nice. I just think it's a lovely excuse to get the women in your life that you love together and chat and be excited, share how you're feeling, etc. It's for the mum really, not the baby, though the presents can be for both. And to say it's not right to celebrate a baby that's not here...well...do you buy them clothes? A cot? A pram? Share your scan photos with family? No one ever thinks those things are wrong (and nor should they!). But that's also planning on a baby arriving in advance and being excited about it.

I'm planning/hoping to try to do something very casual- like a little garden gathering maybe at my mum's or my sister's, have like 4 or 5 friends over, and hopefully things will be OK by November (I'm due in December) so we can sit inside and have space to be distanced if we need to...if not, and we get the second wave, then I'll just arrange something over Zoom I guess! Not much else we can do really.

@PasstheBucket89 I hope you get the chance to have something! When are you due? When were you thinking of having something? If you can't do it in real life, you can still do something online or when/if things improve- like people can order you a couple of nice bits and you can open them on camera. I know it's not exactly the same but it's still some special time to be together and talk about the baby and share the excitement!

I also didn't know it was just a first baby thing! Seems odd. Like each baby is important and worth celebrating. I guess I don't really know the 'rules' about a baby shower- maybe that's why I don't hate them with the burning passion people seem to!! To me, it's just an excuse for a little gathering with your friends and family to talk about an expected baby. Like, what could be better really? Must be missing something.

I'm a ftm, spent most of my pregnancy in lockdown, on own in hospital and feeling quite locked-down still with newborn. I understand where you're coming from - with Covid, I feel a type of grief for all of the baby bits that I didn't get to do - share excitement with others during pregnancy, go for a pre-baby break with husband, finishing up work lunches, shop for my newborn, have support beyond immediate family etc. It's very hard to explain but it feels like my baby was some sort of secret pregnancy and I resented others the opportunities to go shopping for bits and bobs for him / mix with others / have a freer day to day life in pandemic.
Everyone's experience is different- be kind to yourself. If you'd like a nice social event before baby, maybe just invite people to join you

To me, it's just an excuse for a little gathering with your friends and family to talk about an expected baby. Like, what could be better really? Must be missing something.

Not having one would be better

I had one with my first baby, but I wouldn't ask everyone to come again, provide gifts etc. I can see why you want to celebrate but honestly I think people get bored of it after the first.

Why not just have a naming ceremony after the baby is born, then you can organise it all and do exactly what you want.

Sorry you've had HG

You want to organise your own baby shower? That's essentially saying to people 'come and give me presents and then talk about me/my baby'. It's kind of rude. If a friend organises one then fair enough, but it's v weird to organise your own. It also tends not to be a thing past the first baby, I've never been to one for a 2nd or subsequent baby.

I know you're having a shit time, which is why you're focusing on such a tiny thing, so to you and congratulations on having a third baby, you're very lucky (HG aside - I had it with DS, I feel your pain!).

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

To me, it's just an excuse for a little gathering with your friends and family to talk about an expected baby. Like, what could be better really? Must be missing something.

Not having one would be better

What a very rude thing to say and completly uncalled for. Fine if you personally don't like them, then don't have one. No need for such a reply.

I get it. I think some people are being a bit unkind here....
I’m having second baby and I wanted to treat myself to a little bit of pampering before baby arrived. I’d planned to get away with some friends for a spa and obviously that won’t be happening. Yes it’s not the biggest deal in the world but I’m disappointment non the less as it was something I’d looked forward to doing.
Can you do something else for yourself to celebrate the pregnancy? I had a little get together afternoon tea with some friends which was lovely and I also organised a family photoshoot to capture a few nice picture of my bump. Both made me feel I’d celebrated the pregnancy without hazing to break any of the restrictions.

Thank you very much for your post, Hanora im due in December too, so maybe Oct/November. No id feel a bit wierd having to organise my own thats one of the points i made in the opening post, what is a naming ceremony??

those are great ideas @TobysMum16, sorry if I've missed @ ing anyone its not intentional

sorry OP I'm not piling on but you are being a bit silly. Baby showers should really only be for number 1, if at all, and it certainly would raise a lot of eye brows with anyone i know to expect anything for number 3. Just realise how lucky you are to have 3 healthy babies.

Sorry you have been ill op and your hormones are probably in overdrive.
I lost my father to Covid so your baby shower really seems like a total irrelevance.
But if your friends are willing have a small outdoor socially distant afternoon tea/baby shower in yours or someone elses garden if you must.
TBF I am so thankful this Americanism wasn’t even ‘a thing’ over here in the UK when I had my two 15 and 16 years ago.
Personally I celebrated the birth of my two with DH by quietly looking at them longingly, lovingly, gratefully and cuddling them when they arrived.
Sorry OP I really don’t see the point of a meaningless American showy baby shower with you as centre of attention (probably plastered all over social media) when your baby isn’t even here yet and also your
baby won’t actually know.

Having a shower for your first baby is embarrassing enough. Having one for your THIRD. Just no.

I get it OP, you didnt get the picture you saw in your head because of HG on you previous pregnancies. People making you feel bad about it are unkind.

You do what feels right for you. If a sprinkle with a few close friends helps lift the sadness then go for it. It's probably tied up in lots of things.

It's a rubbish time to be pregnant. It's nice to plan in a few things before baby arrives.

@Splattherat im sorry to hear about your dad, but that was a nasty mean spirited post, you don't need to stick the boot into a pregnant woman you could have just scrolled by. why is a baby shower embarrassing? @GoshHashana i seriously doubt anyone is this joyless irl.. i have said several times, i know logically it seems trivial but all people get hung up on trivial things sometimes.

So, what's stopping you organising one?

I thought baby showers were just for the first baby? I wouldn't get worked up over it, just enjoy your pregnancy. Being pregnant during this time is stressful enough as it is. Also don't organise your own.

Is it really something that needs any kind of organising? If you really just want a gathering of a couple of friends then give them a date and then a couple of weeks before you’ll have a clearer idea of what the CV situation will be at the time. Then book a table at a restaurant or have a picnic if it looks like the weather will be fine. If you frame it as just having a final catch up together before the chaos of a new baby comes then friends will probably turn up with a small gift if that’s what you’re after.

For a third baby I’d go for a meal or an afternoon tea with friends. I certainly wouldn’t go to any official baby shower though and I don’t know anyone that has had one after their first.

@Splattherat I'm awfully sorry to hear about your dad, that must be devastating for you. However, your post to the OP was very rude and mean spirited. No need to kick someone when they are down nor play misery top trumps. Maybe stop insulting America whilst you are at it.

The world is a pretty miserable place at the moment, so if having a small baby shower would make you and your loved ones happy, then go for it. The idea of a Zoom afternoon tea sounds nice, and you could have a belated pampering session after the birth and once restrictions have eased more.

You’re due in December and are worried in July about having a baby shower for your third baby? I honestly don’t think it would have occurred to anyone to organise anything for your 3rd baby, in the middle of a global pandemic, especially not yet?!

Nobody is able to plan anything ahead at the moment! Goodness know what will be happening in December. You do sounds quite self-indulgent, sorry.
Best of luck with your pregnancy.

Have to say I dont really get this. But O am anti baby showers so I guess not your target audience for this post.

But I am on my 2nd HG pregnancy, this one more severe than the first. I just want to get to my due date and over and done with. I much more felt like celebrating my baby 1)when he was safely here and 2)once I no longer had HG and would actually enjoy it!

Can you arrange something for post the birth instead?

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion lol strange response but ok

@PasstheBucket89 ah I see sorry I misread, tbh I wouldn't necessarily worry about that...but as I said I don't really get the rules about the whole thing! People seem to take it really seriously though, I had no idea! I think for me and my friends, I don't see why they would be bothered if I just messaged them and said let's get together and do something special, I'd love to see you all together before I have the baby! I think in the end my sister will be very happy to do arrange something more 'official' and very excited to, so that's fine by me- but if you don't think you've got anyone who can, just set up a group chat with your closest friends and family and arrange something with them in whatever way you want to- explain you'd just love to see them and do something special, and you know it's your third but after a shit year it'd be nice to do something unrelated! Maybe even just confide in your closest friend and say look, I'm feeling a bit down, do you think this would be OK to do? Maybe she'll offer to sort something out, I know I would do that for my friend.

Also, I'm so sorry people are being so mean and petty. So far, I've found MN is pretty nice and supportive (clearly I'm new here), especially in the Pregnancy thread, so I'm actually really shocked. I don't get why people think it's OK to come on a thread where a pregnant woman is asking for a bit of support and to feel a bit less alone and basically take pot shots at her and mock her. I'd delete the thread really, please don't take it too much to heart though if you're not already in it, come into our Nov/December due date group where people are nicer (promise!). Sorry I'm rubbish at noticing people's usernames, you may be there and I may have talked to you already! x

Oh and a naming ceremony I believe is just like a non-religious christening, like a party for the baby after it's born. Not quite clear on why that's apparently fine and totally normal, along with gender reveal parties, but a baby shower is like some sort of horrendous, AMERICAN horror show