Be honest with me - how bad is the sleep deprivation?

[Prettylittlelady]

This is the part of having a newborn that is terrifying me the most. I’ve read so many stories about people not sleeping for years and babies only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time and you hallucinating etc
I love my sleep and I know thy my life is about to change but is the extreme lack of sleep the same for absolutely everyone? So newborns every sleep in stretches for longer than 1-2 hours?
I could cry thinking about how worried I am about it.

It's not the same for everyone. You will certainly have broken nights, particularly at the beginning, but waking every 45 minutes is at the extreme end of the scale.

Do you have a partner to share the load? Will you be able to sleep in the day when the baby is sleeping?

It was bad for me and if I got the time back now I would have slept when he slept.I can't remember why I didn't but as he woke every 1.5 hours at night i should have definitely napped in the day.

Before you start worrying yourself do you have support around you to help with the baby? Because that will make a massive difference

My daughter slept for 4 hours at a time as a small baby. She was very easy and the nights were not that hard as I could get a good amount of sleep even when it was broken sleep. I could also catch up on my sleep during the day when she slept. I have nothing but lovely memories of DD as a baby

With my DS I had DD who didn't nap anymore and he fed every 2 hours. I couldn't Catch up on any sleep because DD was always awake. I developed PND and still feel guilty about the first year of his life now. It was extremely hard

Youll be able to catch up on your sleep when the baby sleeps during the day. It doesnt matter if chores need doing and the house isnt pristine , all that matters is that mum and baby are happy

It is so variable, some people have babies that sleep for hours and some don’t so it’s impossible to predict.

As one PP said earlier test when they do - don’t worry about the house / chores. Even if you can’t sleep just lie down and put a eye mask on and listen to something relaxing and have a break.

Mine is a good sleeper but after 16mths I still have a nap 5days out of 7 when she does. Even if I just have my eyes closed and listen to the radio.

It doesn't last forever, DD slept the night through when she was 5 months old.

I also found it hard to breastfeed as you need to do it at night to get the milk going. DD slept for 4/5 hours at a time so we had to wake her to feed in the first two weeks.

It was tiring but I tried to catch up in the daytime.

Ha. Newborn is the least of your worries. My DD has just turned 8 months and still up every 2 hours through the night. The beginning was hard because you're not used to it but 8 months down the line I'm fine now that I've completely lost the plot

You might be one of the lucky ones and have a textbook baby! Mine is anything but pain in the arse

Every baby is different.
First baby napped for hours at time, and slept 10pm-6am from 9 weeks.
Second baby fought sleep from the moment she was born and didn’t slept for more than 2 hours unbroken for over 3 years.
These seem to be extremes

It's so dependant on your baby!

My baby woke every three hours for about two months and then slept 5-6 hour stretches from there.

You do get used to it, even though at the time you might feel like you never will.

It is so important that if you have a partner that they help too. I found having earplugs and having set shifts between my partner and I helped, it meant I could truly switch off.

If you have parents who will watch the baby for a bit whilst you nap, take advantage of it!

I know it's hard but there's really no point in worrying about this now as you don't know what your baby will be like. My DD slept in one 4hr block every night since she was born followed by other 2-3 he chunks throughout the night. So for a newborn she was a great sleeper recently. I napped in the daytime as much as possible although after the first couple of weeks she stopped having long daytime naps so that was difficult but it was certainly manageable. DH and I would take it in turns to have a lay in on the weekend once she stopped waking for milk in the night, which she did from being about 8/9 weeks old. Before that I would often sleep in or have naps etc at the weekend whilst he was with her as it would be getting up feeding her in the night from the breast. But he did any night time nappy changes and would help settle her if I was struggling. I really struggled with BF as it was sooo painful for me and I also had a long and painful recovery from birth injuries so I probably needed more support in the night than most people.

My 1st was horrific, and didn't sleep for longer than a couple of hours until her 1st birthday. It was only when she started walking that she exhausted herself out. It was truly horrendous and made me question my sanity at times.

My other two were so so different. Both chilled babies, good sleepers and both reliably going from 11pm to 6am by 4 months.

My only advice is to have a really good sleep routine in place as soon as you can, and make night feeds a lot less interesting - low lighting, no talking or fussing, just calm cuddles and feeding with no background noise. And have everything at hand by the bed.

Depends completely on the DC. Also, people will lie and say that their DC are sleeping even if they’re not (I suspect they’re more honest here than in real life). It’s also swings and roundabouts...I had (have) two horrendous sleepers (45 minutes max for six months from DS1, DS2 still wakes most nights at 4)...but they’re great eaters and healthy.

It really really depends on the baby. Mine was pretty good as a newborn, 4 hr stretches from the start which j could cope with as I also napped in the day, and they gradually moved to 5/6hrs, but it all went wrong at about 4/5 months and he was waking every 45 mins all night for the next 4 months which broke me! No point overthinking it. Good luck!

I honestly found it ok- you adapt quickly. Weirdly, I find it harder now when DS (3) has a broken night- he’s slept through since he was about 7 months, and I’m like a zombie when he wakes me up now- I think my body just isn’t used to it any more. Plus, when he was a newborn (first baby) I was able to spend lots of time cuddling him and watching TV on the sofa, occasionally napping when he napped, etc. It’s not all bad, honestly.

My DD slept through at 12 weeks ....so no months of sleep deprivation is not inevitable. Yes I was tired in the beginning but just try and rest when baby does.

I found the uncomfortable sleep in late pregnancy much worse. I also find night shifts a million times worse. That was all despite having an absolutely awful sleeper for well over a year (never more than 3 hours solid sleep in that time). I think you survive on a lot of adrenaline, cake and happiness with your baby. It kind of balances out the crap bits.

DS was an ok sleeper as a newborn, he slept about 3 hours. It was later on when a few food allergies kicked in and I didn't realise the problem that we were up every 45 mins. Certain food stuffs banned and back to 3-4 hour stretches.

I had the same anxiety when pregnant and now have an eight week old. He didn’t sleep much for the first six weeks - maybe two hours at a time? But honestly i didn’t find it that bad. I read somewhere that hormones make you have deeper sleep quicker which I certainly did. Also you don’t really need to function properly - it’s definitely not like having a night of insomnia and then going into work, for example. I second pp about napping when baby naps though - it’s a cliche but definitely true.

I'm not going to lie to you, I found it the hardest aspect of having babies.
But it's worth it. For me, going for a walk in the afternoon then leaving baby asleep in the pram helped me rest.

It kills you but you survive it.

Some
Babies sleep sooner than others, I had two that don't. And J was very very ill so struggled.

However, like I said, I survived it.

My three best tips are:

1.Do anything you can to remember it won't last. It feels like it, but it won't. I promise.

1. Don't expect anything of yourself. By all means meet people out and have a life, but don't expect anything of yourself. So for me that meant cutting out my calendar for a while. And my housework. But I realise for some that might create PND So t might not work for you. Worked for me though.

1. Get as many people as you can booked in to take baby for a walk round the block while you sleep. Yes, in all weathers! That one hour will be such a God-send and will get you through the day.

I wish I could do it all again OP, and this time actually enjoy it. I hated it and they do get easier. But it was hard! My husband says, expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised .

So I hope you get a sleeper and can enjoy it! You might be lucky. But if not you'll survive and it won't last.

It's the worst part, and the reason I didn't have anymore. Felt constantly dizzy, nauseated, cried at the drop of a hat. Developed PND. It massively affected my mood, and in turn my marriage. I expected to struggle with lack of sleep but it was 109 times worse than I thought, it was soul destroying. You did ask for honesty!

Agree with other posters it all depends on the child mu DS is 7months and has been sleeping through the night from 7 weeks old but he took ages to reach other milestones such as rolling over or crawling.

My advice is have a bedtime routine we brought our routine in from 6 weeks old, bath bottle book bed. We made sure the room has dark curtains and a white noise machine, lavender scented bubble bath or lotion are used to help calm him before sleep as well.

I agree it's the worst part. It will impact everything you do and your relationship with your partner. There will be days where you just want to weep with fatigue and think what the hell have I done.

But you WILL get through it and it WILL soon pass. Just remember millions of women have got through it so take strength from that. Just my view but motherhood is a profound change in anyone's life and you will discover strength you never knew you had.

As pp said, it really depends on your support. DS is nearly 4 weeks. He does one 3hr stint from 10/11pm and then it’s an hour at a time until 6/7am. However DH then takes him after that feed and will give him a bottle of needed. I get a couple of hours uninterrupted. That makes a HUGE difference and gets me through the night.

Sleep when the baby sleeps is the best advice. It’s worth having a sleeping option that can be moved. DS often falls asleep in the afternoon in ways I can’t leave him unattended. DH is wfh though so we can put him next to his desk and he keeps an eye on him whilst I sleep.

My first baby slept for 4-8 hour stretches really early on. 3ish weeks.
My sleep deprivation was fine, but everyone is different. You do adapt, we had the odd terrible night. But it really isn’t that bad. If it’s your 1st baby you have loads of chances to sleep x

Honestly? I realised why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture BUT I had a very long birth that meant I had only had 2 hours sleep in 2 nights by the time baby arrived then a night on the post natal ward where I was woken constantly by all the other babies... the following three nights my baby cluster fed continually and was so unsettled so I was a complete wreck. Things thankfully improved and I learned to sleep when DH took baby for a walk and to go to sleep for two hours after dinner when baby was settled in husbands arms. You do get through it (currently expecting another.) Please don't worry now though - my experience was an extreme and you might have a short labour and good sleeper! It's all worth it in the end!