Be honest with me - how bad is the sleep deprivation?

[Prettylittlelady]

This is the part of having a newborn that is terrifying me the most. I’ve read so many stories about people not sleeping for years and babies only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time and you hallucinating etc
I love my sleep and I know thy my life is about to change but is the extreme lack of sleep the same for absolutely everyone? So newborns every sleep in stretches for longer than 1-2 hours?
I could cry thinking about how worried I am about it.

A few interrupted nights but quickly got into a routine. Bed at 7.30pm, woke them up for sleepy feed at 11, awake again about 3am, then up for the day any time after 6am. Then after a few months dropped the 3am feed, then eventually the 11pm.
I never let my kids cry out but I was pretty firm on the routine (my daughter had reflux and was tricky to put down the first couple months, but still stuck with the routine and it eventually worked). Consequently I had evenings with my husband and slept pretty well. Trick is to learn to go back to sleep after you wake up/are woken up for middle of the night feeds.

It was bad for me until she was about 2 but I was on my own with no support. You do eventually get used to very little sleep. I manage quite easily on 5 hours now.

It's shit, but it does get better.

There are also things you can do if they wake ridiculously often after a certain age. Sleep training. Night weaning.

Sleep deprivation is the reason I only have one

My first had poor sleep due to bf (their bodies process breast milk quicker, its just biology innit), later reflux. I think I accepted it when he was tiny, just as pp said, limit your own expectations.

What I definitely struggled with, with regard to sleep deprivation, was that my now ex never once got up in the night. Not once. With either of my dc. Blamed my insistance on bf-ing, didn't change a nappy, asked if he could do anything to help, never 'allowed' me to have a lie-in. He worked full time and decreed that his time outside the office was his off-duty time, he could eat, drink and do whatever he wanted. That absolute resentment eventually transferred to the babies and made me hate those dark hours, the stupidly early starts to the day.

With my new dp I'd have another baby in a heartbeat as I know his attitude would be so so different.

Babies have 2 parents. Even if one of them is doing all the milk production, the other absolutely needs to step up at least as much to allow mum to recover, snatch up some sleep and realise that stepping out of the door at 8am to 6pm is a walk in the park compared to looking after a newborn 24/7

My son was a really bad sleeper then he turned one and just like that he started sleeping through the night. He is now 17 months and is still sleeping through and also napping longer which is a bonus. My 5 month old nephew has always been a good sleeper and slept through from 3 months. It's just so different for every child.

I've ended up cosleeping because it is basically the only way my LO will stay asleep. As long as I stay with him he will wake 2 or 3 times over a 12 hour night and has done since being about 3 weeks (with the odd awful night here and there). So I get a block of 5 or 6 hours overnight. The first couple of weeks were awful, but since 2 or 3 weeks in I've not been sleep deprived. Down side is that I have to basically go to bed with him and feel pretty trapped by our sleeping arrangements. One thing to remember is that baby sleep isn't linear. It doesn't slowly get better, it gets better and worse depending on lots of factors. It's not just the newborn phase. My LO is 5 months and his sleep is stressing me out more now than when he was tiny.

I found it tough but I was breastfeeding and my son wouldn’t take a bottle after three months so I had to do ALL the night feeds. It’s not forever though and you get through it.

For me it was really horrible. Colic and reflux added into thr equation too!! My daughter had to be held upright after every feed for half an hour for the first 4 months.. So every time she woke up I was up for at least an hour with her... And she would wake up every 2 hours.
Fast forward to now... She is 13 months and has been asleep in her cot since 7 and I most likely won't have to go to her all night.
It's so hard at the beginning (well it was for me, but it does get easier!!

I was 38 when I had DD and loved my sleep, I made sure that when she slept so did I in the early days but still at week 8 ish I completely flaked one day when Mum and DH were home, I liturually face planted the matress and slept 8 hrs stright and completely soaked the whole matress with milk etc. But she was prem and feeding every 4 hrs and I was also expresing so it was endless, she was too little for a reflex so wouldn't feed herself from me. At that point I stopped expressing and went to fomula and didn't look back, it wasn't long before she was up to 6 or 7 hrs for quite a long time - didn't mean she didn't regress around 3 again but it improved after that.

Horrendous tbh. But, like giving birth, it's soon forgotten

For me it was the worst part of having a baby by a very long way. DS was a properly crap sleeper and in the end we used a sleep consultant because we'd got to the point that we just couldn't see a way forward. But you know what? I'm pregnant again now and although I wouldn't say I'm relishing the idea of going back to the sleepless nights, it didn't make me hesitate for a moment about having another baby - because the sleepless nights wer e really, genuinely shit but they really, genuinely are worth it, 1000 times over.

It's not the same for everyone. It can be fucking horrendous. Dts has reflux, there wasn't much sleep for anyone for a year. But you get through it and forget it.

I think I had a middling experience with DS. I love my sleep too and was frankly broken in spirit the first three months - DS fairly quickly got down to two or three feeds a night, but I had a fairly rough physical recovery from the birth, then developed insomnia, which didn't help!

What did help for the first few weeks was cosleeping - not the original plan at all, but DS was not happy about being in his crib and I was concerned about falling asleep holding him. Also meant I could feed lying down and drop off while he was still attached. Didn't want that to be a long term thing though, so once we'd persuaded him the Next toMe was actually quite nice (a swaddle helped), I moved to expressing so DH could give a bottle at about 8pm while I went to bed in the spare room. DH would then get DS to sleep 9/10ish, and come and wake me for the first night feed (usually just before midnight). That block of sleep at the start really helped save my sanity - definitely try to share the load as much as you can.

I could never get to sleep in the day - DS didn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time, I've never been someone who can nap easily in the day, and I needed that time to eat / shower / ensure we had some clean clothes to wear! It felt never ending at the time, but DS gradually slept longer blocks and dropped night feeds on his own and started sleeping through from 8-5ish occasionally from 6 months and most of the time from 9 months. Now at 18 months he sleeps through almost all the time and is a pretty good napped too. So, he wasn't a dream sleeper at all to start with, but unlike a lot of people, we have seen almost continuous improvement - it can happen! Hope you get a sleeper, OP.

I agree totally depends on the baby.
Some sleep for 3 hour blocks from the off, whereas some don't.

Like pp I found it so, so hard. First time round it was hell, and my baby slept through from 9-10 weeks and I FF from 4 weeks. Having the choice taken away from you is just horrible and I found it very difficult to nap in the day.

I agree that anecdotally, FF babies will sleep better, as in the early weeks they're only really waking for food (gets more complicated as they get older with teething etc). So if you're struggling hugely, switch to FF. at least then you and your partner can share the load too.

Honestly, it was awful and sometimes I felt drunk with how tired I was, but you will do it. When that baby wakes up you know you have a job to do and it's so worth it. I'm pregnant with my second and I'm sure there's ladies on here with 3rd, 4th etc so worth doing all over again ☺️ like someone else said sleep in the day or whenever you can get half hour it will really help. I did it all alone the first time, this time I have a great partner so might be easier. The time goes very quickly to when they get bigger and sleep you'll be surprised, every baby is different and you'll find a sleep routine that works for you both best

I have a 7 week old. The first week was hell because breastfeeding wasn't going well and baby wasn't getting enough to eat (although I didn't realise that at the time) so was feeding and crying all night. The only way I got through it was by napping during the day.

Once we moved to bottle feeding things greatly improved. I go to bed at around midnight then baby wakes some time between 3-4am for a feed so I get up to do that...takes about 30 mins to feed, burp and change. Baby falls asleep pretty much straight after that. Then DH does the next feed some time between 6-8am. Baby then naps some more. I get up around 9-10am. Sometimes get a nap during the day too. I'm getting more sleep than I did when I was childless and working.
I'm waiting for that to change though, probably when teething. I too love my sleep. Don't worry about it until the baby is here, you'll figure it out when the time comes, and you might be lucky and get a good sleeper.