Be honest with me - how bad is the sleep deprivation?

[Prettylittlelady]

This is the part of having a newborn that is terrifying me the most. I’ve read so many stories about people not sleeping for years and babies only sleeping for 45 minutes at a time and you hallucinating etc
I love my sleep and I know thy my life is about to change but is the extreme lack of sleep the same for absolutely everyone? So newborns every sleep in stretches for longer than 1-2 hours?
I could cry thinking about how worried I am about it.

First one, not an issue at all as I just napped when she did.
Second one, his whole first 4 months is just a blur as Dc number 1 got up at 6am and of course I couldn't catch up on sleep.

It's not awful. For us there was a few weeks of 2hr wakes, but pretty quickly DD slept from 9-2ish. Often the wake is just for a 20min feed and it's back to sleep. I found newborn wakes easier than poor sleep with an older baby because you know they need to feed and you don't have to worry about promoting self-soothing etc.

What got me through-

A) Breastfeeding (if you can) made it infinitely easier. I just put her on my boob at the first grizzle and she fed, soothed, and fell asleep before she had really had a chance to wake up. Breastfeeding hormones definitely made it easier for me to fall immediately back to sleep, too.

B) Get someone to give you at least a 4hr block daily. My DH covered from 4am.

C) Either express milk or mix feed so your helper can feed them

D) A dreamfeed bought a few more hours

BF is a life saver. DH moved to sofa, newborn moved in, just had to declamp my "lovely" maternity bra and done, he fell asleep when done, I fell asleep way sooner. Had a fear of rolling over him, but give he woke about 10 times a night, I soon learned to sleep in a very disciplined position.

when DS was about 1,5 we stopped BF but he still woke up at least 5 times because he was used to it or was thirsty so one of those retractable straw drinking bottles did the trick - he could drink by himself without then spilling it everywhere.

Don't worry too much beforehand :)

It’s bad.
My experience is a little different though - I ended up with postnatal insomnia. DS had day and night mixed up when he was born so would sleep all day then come alive at night time so for most people “sleep when baby sleeps” would have been perfect but I physically couldn’t sleep. It really did drive me mental and I ended up with PND.
Things started to improve when I admitted I needed help about 2 weeks after he was born. My in-laws did 3 full night shifts and I was finally able to switch my brain off and sleep.
After that it was still difficult coping with the broken sleep but a lot better so my main advice would be to ask for help when you need it!
DS is 6 months now and has been sleeping through consistently for a few weeks now so it’s does pass I promise!
I really wish someone had warned me how bad it could get

It really depends on the child. My babies were both breastfed, both a similar gestation and birth weight. One slept through at around 9 weeks whereas the other was nearly 2 years old before she slept through the night.

However I know anecdotally that giving baby formula makes them sleep better at night. So if you have a terrible sleeper who wants milk all night then I would consider that!

Please try not to be afraid of something that may not happen. I was terrified too, and people kept saying 'you think you are tired now? Wait til the baby comes'. Helpful (not).

When it came to it, my baby woke every 3 hours for a bottle (I didnt bf), sometimes I was up between 1 and 4am, but DH would take over at 4am so I could get some sleep. I always managed about 4 or 5 hours a night. I was never sleep deprived. I was tired, but never to the point of deprivation. I worried over nothing.

Babies will do their own thing. Some people get joy out of telling pregnant woman how awful their lives are going to be. When it comes to it, you do what you can to make it work. Its not always a disaster.

Yes it's bad - big difference from life previously. You need to try to sleep when the baby does, at any time of day. Good luck and it will be ok in the end

I have never had a sleepless night (2 DDs). They do wake during the night still(3 & 1) but I let them come into me (I know some are anti this) and they go straight back to sleep.

You'd be amazed how well you can function with no sleep. When DS was born, I genuinely didn't sleep at all for 4 days straight (half of that was labour). I was running off adrenaline.

DS was a fairly easy baby but for the first 6 months I didn't get more than 3 hours at a time. Then he started weaning and it got much better. Now he sleeps 7- 5.30 with maybe one wake up.

My top tip is to accept help. Either give them to someone during the day so you can nap, or get DP to do the last feed (If you are happy to give a bottle) and go to bed early. For the first month or so, I would go to bed at 8 or 9 and leave DS with DP downstairs, who would bring him up when he went to bed. Normal adult routines go out the window for a few weeks, but it doesn't last. Just do whatever it takes to get through!

It's the worst part, but for me it felt worse looking back on it than during, it wasn't nice but you just do it.

Although after reading on here I expected a baby that couldn't be put down and although he wasn't a great sleeper, he could be put down and I'd have a rest. But it's totally dependent on your DC.

Things I wish I'd known, these are personal to me but I dont know if others found this too:

Get help whenever you can, say yes to people who offer.

Sometimes you might find it hard to sleep once your baby is asleep. Postnatal insomnia is a thing. Some nights I laid awake for hours unable to sleep. Especially at first when you don't know if they'll be up in 20 minutes of 2 hours. I'd listen to relaxing YouTube videos and tell myself laying down and resting was enough.

Its awful but it doesn't feel that bad physically, in that you do get used to it. I expected to feel bone breakingly tired but it didn't feel that bad physically. In fact I felt worse if I went back to bed and napped then if I just stayed up. So sleeping when the baby sleeps didn't work for me.

It affected my driving, I found it harder to judge the speed of others and make quick decisions.

It ends! It will end!

It's not all negative, I've seen beautiful summer storms roll in and rain pour down, heard owls in the night, so many beautiful dawns, the church near me chims every half an hour so I never felt alone, also spent some lovely quiet time snuggling my newborn in the early days when the days zap by.

If you said to me any child of mine would sleep through after six weeks, I'd have plenty more babies.

I don't think it helps that most mums come back from the hospital exhausted with very little sleep after labour. I was on a ward with 5 other ladies being wheeled in and out and screaming babies, I was knackered and on edge and wanted to be at home.

I found it tough at the start but months 3-6 were hellish - awake every two hours. I used to fantasise about getting 3 hours in a row. It didn't help that all my NCT friends had babies who just seemed to sleep. I was a zombie in the day. I found this site really good for tips just to keep going. Made sure I went for a walk every day with baby, endless coffee, ate lots of high energy treats.

When we put dc in their own room at 7 months things dramatically changed and sleep returned. The lack of sleep is a distant memory for me now.

I slept better for the first 3 months of my babies' lives than I did for the last 3 months of my pregnancies.

It's not the worst thing ever. It's not just about the newborn phase though, there are regressions, illnesses and early waking toddlers. Everything is a phase. You will need to have more early nights yourself to catch up.

I had pregnancy insomnia so having a newborn was better. We did lots of work on working out night from day right from the start but think we dropped lucky to begin with. At least with your first you can try to catch up at some point - I used to go back to bed every morning and get an hour or two extra .You just have to let some things go - the house wasn't as clean as it could be, meals were a bit basic, I stopped wearing foundation and eyeshadow!

DD was a terrible sleeper from 6 months to over 1 yo though so any initial smugness soon disappeared when I was up every 45 minutes for 6 months and sleeping on the nursery floor.

Honestly, it was awful, but good news - i survived

For me it was very, very bad for 2 years with each DC. In the first year with DC1 I became unwell physically and mentally, partly as a result. DH didn’t do his fair share at night. We changed this and although it was still hard was more manageable between two.

Unless your partner has a job working with dangerous machines, at height, brain surgery or whatever your health, safety and wellbeing to care for your DC while on mat leave (and after) are at least as important as his to work/parent!

Self care vital.

Yeah man it's tough. Does depend on the kid though.

A pp mentioned feeling dizzy, sick etc that's pretty much how I felt. Even now if the kids (3 and 6) wake up in the middle that feeling comes back to me. Like I'm glued to the bed and it's just takes every inch of my effort to get up.

It’s luck of the drawer! Some babies sleep and some do not.

I had a 45 minuter. 😭

It's so variable, every baby is different, how a parent deals with it is different.

My dc was a big baby and slept well from day 3 (when we got out of hospital). Sleeping 10 hours straight from 14 weeks. Has always been a good sleeper and I always kept a good sleep routine. We went on a lot of holidays when they were little but I always tried to do the same thing- dinner, play, bath, bottle, a walk in carry cot/ pram to get them asleep. Then we had an evening to ourselves, then transfer at end of night. I think I was pretty lucky tbf.

I don't remember being sleep deprived but my dh and I shared late feeds and lie ins etc on weekends so I probably caught up then.

Ok.
There’s no dressing it up.
It is by far, the most horrendous darkest time.

But you could have a sleeper, I didn’t and never thought it would end, I was desperate most days.

It ended.
Won’t go into how long I suffered for, it won’t help you.

Just to add, I had no one willing to help me out at all. If you have people to help you, snatch it with both hands. Take anything, anything that any one will offer.

I felt physically nauseous, dizzy, headaches galore, fuzzy thinking. I remember gripping the work top in the kitchen to keep me upright.
I recall looking at the floor of a public toilet thinking that I could go in there, lie down, lock the door and just have 30 minutes sleep Undisturbed, such was my desperation.

I don’t actually know how I survived, I don’t know how I got through it.
You do though. You will.

I think it depends on the baby.

My little one is 10 days old.
She wakes at 12am for a feed and nappy change and then again at 4am for the same. Then she stays asleep until around 7.30/8am.

I know I am extremely lucky and she's a very chilled contented baby.

I'm tired, but actually I've been getting more rest now she's here than what I did when I was pregnant. I used to wake every hour for a wee.

Here's hoping she stays this way and your little one is a sleeper. 💖

No problem for me.

Used to feed at about 11 when I went to bed, then they’d wake up about 3:20 for a feed, then it would be about 6:30 when they woke up.

Funnily enough, 20-odd years later I still wake up at 3:20 from time to time.

Pretty awful. I felt like I was drunk/hungover frequently but without the fun part! It helps if you can nap during the day if you have the opportunity and if you can get back to sleep quickly after feeds. Personally, I struggled with both. Newborns are grunty little sleepers and I really struggled to go back to sleep. Often by the time I did, he wake up again! Or I couldn’t sleep because my subconscious was thinking “you must go to sleep now, you’ll need to be up for the next feed in two hours!”. If only I’d managed to sleep properly between night wakes, it probably wouldn’t have been so bad. I’m praying for a “good” sleeper this time around.

Also, be aware of the 4 month sleep regression and don’t get too cocky if your newborn seems to sleep loads. It may not last!