Telling people you’re in labour

[Birdy1991]

Hi ladies, what are your thoughts about telling people you’re in labour? I’m dead against it, really don’t want numerous calls and texts seeing how things are going and people getting stressed and hassling. However my family on both sides are expecting to hear when I’m in labour and piling on the pressure. My thoughts are to appease them by saying I probably will tell them, but to not actually let them know until the baby is born. I’m slightly past caring that this is dishonest because when I’ve said before I want to keep it to ourselves until the baby was born I was told “no you can’t do that” and my mum particularly took a guilt tripping approach, which makes me more adamant about my decision.

What did you do/are you going to do? AIBU to want to keep these moments to just me and DP?

I can relate to your post in its entirety! My phone is driving me mad going off all the time now with people asking for an update (5 days 'overdue') so I could not bare the thought of people messaging me during labour - though my phone will be on 'do not disturb' anyway. I want it just to be me and my partner, and then we'll share the news when we've had our moment together and feel ready to involve the family. However my mum does not see it that way and says she wants to know! I think for me it will depend on what time labour happens - if it's the middle of the night then it's an easy one in not having to let anyone know, but if daytime then I have written a message out on my phone ready to send to my parents - it explicitly asks them not to chase either me or my partner for updates, and we will contact them when we have any news - I think in being so blunt my parents will be respectful of that.

I would much rather just announce the birth when I’m here. Our families are ten mins from us so wouldn’t need notice to come and see it. I wouldn’t want the pressure of people knowing!

We didn’t tell anyone, just phoned our parents once baby had arrived. MIL in particular would have been a nightmare if she’d known I was in labour/at the hospital as she’s a terrible worrier!
It’s not something we even discussed with our parents before hand (although my mum had dropped hints about expecting to be at the birth, which I just ignored as there is no way I would have wanted her there!)

I really didn’t want to discuss it myself - both my mum and dad (seperated so I count them as different sides) took it upon themselves to ask. I was quite taken aback. Pleased to see I’m not going mad by others responses.

Should I just humour them by going along with it and then not actually tell them until I’m ready? Or, tell them it’s happening but not to hassle me (I think this will be too difficult for them to resist texting and calling)? Or, be blunt and reiterate again I don’t want to let people know (as I said this didn’t go down well before).

I’m booked in for an induction on Tuesday. We’ve not told anyone apart from my in-laws because we need them to look after the dog. They will be fairly chill and just wait to hear from us I think (they’re more excited about getting the dog to themselves than anything baby related anyway). I can’t be bothered explaining my reasons for accepting an early induction to anyone else and don’t want to have to keep updating people.

I’ve got an aunt who likes to know every last detail of my business anyway. She’s no children of her own and since my mum died I think she’s imagined herself stepping into that role. I love her to bits but it’s draining at times. She’s told me twice ‘make sure your DH tells me IMMEDIATELY anything happens’. I just made non committal noises - why do you need to know immediately? What possible difference will it make? She doesn’t even live in this country so not like she could rush to the hospital, even in non-Covid times.

Didn't bother, personally. I don't see why it matters.

@AliasGrape how far along will you be when induced? I’m hoping if I go to 41 weeks I can get induced on that day, but maybe not tell people the date. Currently 38+1

@FourPlasticRings that’s what I mean. What are they going to do with the information? They can’t come and visit anyway with covid and visitors not being allowed (I actually feel this is a blessing for me)!

I don’t see the point in telling them but asking not to hassle you. They obviously won’t be able to help themselves.

I have been thinking about this too! I'm only 32 weeks so have a little bit to go but definitely good to see everybodys thoughts.

OP I would say don't tell them and just let them know when baby is born, humour them or keep it vague if they keep telling you to tell them when you're in labour. I don't think they will care that you didn't tell them about labour when LO has arrived.

No I wouldn’t tell them (and I didn’t tell anyone with my 2 previous labours, just rang to say the baby was here).

In fact, I don’t even tell anyone the due date, just a rough ‘end of/start of’ and I don’t tell anyone how many weeks I am exactly, just so I don’t get bombarded with shite.

Our immediate families and some friends knew - no one hassled me, everyone was respectful - guess it depends on their personalities and if they're generally inconsiderate.

I’d just change the subject if they bring it up again or smile and nod! No point telling them not to hassle you as they sound like they won’t be able to help themselves

I was induced with both of mine and family/close friends were aware of when that happened. However once the labour kicked in babies were out in minutes so wasn't really time to share until they were in my arms

We ended up having to tell loads of people because DD arrived the same day we were getting a load of furniture delivered and the plumber was coming to sort something in the bathroom. Parents had to come round at 7am to let everyone in. The plumber knows half the town so our phones didn't stop. Not ideal. OH's boss told loads of people too. I was out of it but OH was just having to ignore calls, emails and texts! Luckily she was born the same day.

This time hoping we can get away with just our parents knowing as DD will need looking after.

When I was in labour I don't think I literally could have told anyone - I was pretty busy, you know, being in labour!! My husband could have I suppose, can't remember if he did or not. Mine aren't the hassling type though so if he did I wouldn't have known. Was in the zone!

Do what's right for you. They will have to get over it - your priority is focussing in getting through the birth rather than announcing it to everyone! Plus they will possibly then either just worry or tell everyone which will steal your thunder of announcing the birth!

We smiled and nodded when people said "ooo we want to know as soon as there's the firsts sign of twinges" and then didn't tell anyone until I ended up being prepped for an emergency section. Wish we hadn't told then either as being met on the ward coming out from surgery was in hindsight irritating.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Think I’m just going to leave it now and not say anything else to them. @Luckystar1 that is a good idea, why did I not think of that! It’s my first baby and I think if there’s a next one I will tell them a due date which is two weeks later 😉

@FirstTimeBumps oh god! Nightmare... I do think that is quite cheeky of them. I get that people are excited but what happened to respecting the parents?! I can’t imagine just turning up at the hospital for a family members labour.

I wouldn't let them know. As if you're going to be thinking about letting lots of people know that you're in labour!

I'm pregnant with number 2 and I won't be letting anyone know unless I really want them to know. I didn't with number 1. I also turned off the 'last seen' on what's app/FB to avoid people speculating - it's so annoying after a while. I went 8 days past my due date and it becomes really tiresome when you receive group messages - 'ah, cookiesaurus hasn't been on WhatsApp for 3 hours ...!'

It's your birth, do what you would like to do! X

I'm having a c section on Tuesday and only my side know about it as dps family are nosy and overbearing. They mean well but we want this time to ourselves before inviting anyone else in. Our son needs to meet his brother first and after a very traumatic birth with our first we feel like our wants come before anyone else's in this case

I flat out refuse to tell my mum when I’m going into labour. She’ll get a text when I’m home with the baby.

I went in to be induced late last month and only told my DH parents as they were looking after our 2 dogs and taking us to the hospital, we didn't tell anyone else as I didn't want the messages and phone calls. My mum was initially annoyed but after she got the pictures all was forgotten. I honestly think it's only important before hand. I think people knowing just adds pressure to you and worry to them if things take a long time.

I don't mind my parents or PILs knowing that I'm in labour. However I don't want extended family knowing as I'm already being bombarded with messages. These are coming from people who haven't bothered to check how I'm doing through the whole pregnancy and are now showing their faces through nosiness doesn't help that my MIL has been filling my DP's side of the family in with every little detail!

I think it’s better not to tell; I didn’t and when my sister and best friend did I spent the next day anxiously wAiting for news